Thanks to anyone who can help me with a few new lines for my song-It's Cold Outside-
When the audience goes "how cold is it" I go on a rant. Please help with some new lines-
I'll buy the drinks for the best ones-
Here's what I have so far-
Answer-It's so cold -you don't have to hold your breath to turn blue..
-you get excited whenever you can see bare ground.
-you have to wear spikes on your shoes and you're not a golfer.
-blocks of snow are used as building materials
-the back porch on your house doubles as a freezer
-snowmen are counted in the census.
-you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
-you get more excited about a trip to Canadian tire than spending quality time with your wife.
-your municipality has a bigger budget for it's Zamboni fleet than it's fire dept.
-when you see a dog pee on a tree and he sticks to it
-when even the squirrels nuts are frozen
It's so cold my can of beer is stuck to my tongue ....
It's so cold my double double is an ice cap..
It's so cold I brought my beer in from the garage (Rharv said that I think)
It's so the tree's sap is snappin' (If you ever lived north of Superior (I did for 12 years) this happens and about scares the crap out of you for the first few months)
It's so cold I had to leave the car running overnight...(another Northern Ontario thing, we kept the trucks running from November to March...never shut them off........)
It's so cold the ice on the two holer seat is stuck to my ........(happened to me...)
It's so cold we are heating the heating oil... (I had an electric blanket around the kero tank (100 gals) on the side of the house in Cochrane...)
It's so cold my hand-warmer froze shut. (An old handwarmer from the 60's had a charcoal stick inside a metal box like a cigarette box, that had a velour covering, you lit the stick and it burned for 2 hours, if you put in 2 for 4 to 5 hours...very handy when it's -60F)
It's so cold I shot a yellow icicle at a tree...(true story it was -67F that day just south of James Bay)
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Thanks for the memories Ed.
I have a heating blanket thing on my side of the bed, I freeze all the time now, and it's not even really cold here.....though we did get 4 feet of snow this week, 6 feet just a few miles north....
I feel like I'm Sam McGee re-incarnated, cremate me, maybe that will warm me up.....
I sure as heck banged the sides out life on the way down the tube.......wish I was at our cabin again, but it's no place for old men....
So cold we had to thaw our words over the fire to hold a conversation
It's so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets!
It's so cold the polar bears came knocking on my door asking for shelter
It's so cold my denture chatters in it's cup on the night table
It's so cold you realize there are two kinds of snowballs
The ones I've always heard are:
- Colder than a "ho's" heart.
- Colder than a nun's kiss.
(no offense meant here)
It's so cold I had to bring the brass monkey inside
John I hear ya. I've been in some cold places. One time a guy ran across the street and his lungs froze.
Thanks for those guys they are great. Bob that was great. Rubberball-awesome.
i'm thinkin', i'm thinkin'
Citaat:
i'm thinkin', i'm thinkin'
Don't hurt yourself, Don!
It's so cold my dog is sniffing his own butt while hoping the methane will ignite!
It's so cold.....
" How cold is it? "
Just look at the flippin' thermometer will ya?
"Colder'n' a well diggers *ss in Idaho!" was a favourite expression of a mate of mine from Oklahoma. Nb. he shared this with me during our time in Bible School...
John
It's so cold there's a brass monkey outside looking for a welder
Johm,
Quote:
"Colder'n' a well diggers *ss
We had that one too. And "colder than a witches t*t", and of course the brass monkey.
To add in a little confusion, we combined the three phrases into "Colder than a witch diggers brass monkey".
Some old USAF crew metaphors comin' atcha:
*Colder than my ex-wife's heart.
*So cold I found a little transluent bronze ball inside my shorts, but when I went to show it to others, it warmed up and there was a "SPROONT" sound followed by a disagreeable odor - and the little bronze ball disappeared.
*Colder than the commander's heart.
*So cold that the penguins came knockin'...
*Cold enough to turn the beer to whiskey. (This one is actually true, Thule, Greenland, you could set the beer outside the door and in a few minutes pour off just the alcohol as the water conent had frozen solid. Cheap buzz.)
Those are the only ones that might make it in mixed company...
--Mac
It's so cold we can't remember the last time we heard from Al Gore.
Later,
It's so cold the polar bear sat on a snow hill & got polaroids
Freezer jolly good fellow
it's so cold that..
1) hitch-hikers are holding up pictures of their thumbs
2) chickens are lining up at KFC for the deep fryer
3) the optician is giving free ice scrapers with every new pair of glasses
4) grandpa's teeth are chattering.. in the glass!
5) the dogs are putting jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!
6) the politicians are putting their hands in their OWN pockets!
One used in the South of the US
"It's colder than a witches' titty"
... in a brass brassiere
Our high temp here for the last five days has been 15 degrees (today). Finally - some T-shirt weather! I'm ready for a bit of a thaw, myself.
Where's this globile worming when we need it??
Pat those were funny.
Bob check your pms.