Hi, all:

Hope everyone had a good holiday and came well into the New Year! It was my turn to host Christmas this year, so I've been out of pocket a bit . . . seems like folks have been busy and I've got more catching up to do on the forum.

Anyway, this is a BIAB version of a song I wrote a year or so ago. Not sure I'm totally done with it, but I'm also not sure what more I would do with it. Your feedback and suggestions are welcome and appreciated, as always. Hope it's worth the listen as it stands

Here's the song:

SO BREATHE

Here are the lyrics:

I should have known it long before
from the quiet ways you seemed
to hold your breath.
I feel so bad it felt so wrong
to share this secret
you’ve so closely kept.

Did you fear I would never love you as you are?
Did you think I wouldn’t be the friend I was before?
Well, relax—you know it now.
So breathe.

All the jests and droll asides—
how you hid yourself
behind your smiles.
It makes me sad to realize
I never really knew you
all this while.

Did I say something unforgiving or unfair
to betray the trust I made you doubt was really there?
Well it was, and it will always be.
So breathe.

I’m sorry I was blind,
that I could never see . . .
in the who I thought you were
the who you’re meant to be.
And I just want to let you know
I’m so glad you’re finally free.

Did you fear I wouldn’t love you as you are?
Did you think I wouldn’t stand beside you all the more?
Well, relax—just close your eyes.
Sit back—your future’s open wide . . .
So breathe.

And here's the band:

Guitar: RT 1595
Guitar: RT 405
Synth Pop Believe 1543
Cello Background PopEven 2509
Strings: Celtic Air 2457
Piano: RT 1767
Bass: RT 2478

Deej,
What's the almost sub sonic rumbling on the left during the intro and further on?
before your voice cam in it was quite distracting in head phones.
After your voice came in it was still there but largely redundant and it was masking some of the cello's bottom end too.
If it were in the centre of the stereo image it wouldn't feel so odd.
It's a lovely song and the room sounds good in it too.
The Celtic strings fit well - I was tooling around with them a couple of weeks back and found that a BIG, wide EQ bump at around 9Khz brings out the buried melodic lines in them.
The cello had a couple of phrases late in the piece that could've been nudged forward in time to really sit nicely with your vocal melody.
The lyrics are really good and I was impressed that, for the most part, the words relied on melody,metre and phrasing to carry them rather than rhyme.
Lovely stuff.

Hi, Ray:

Thanks for the prompt listen and feedback. You were a little too quick for me . . . as I listened after I posted the rumbling became more apparent to me on my headphones. It was the bass a bit too loud and bit too left. I've hopefully corrected a bit in the updated version. Appreciate the listen and as always the terrific comments. I'll see what I may be able to do with the cello--agree there some great little bits in that Real Track.

Regards,

Dave

Deej,

An good write. An excellent vocal. Nice instrumentation.

A "personal preferences" regarding a few things...
The acoustic fingerpick guitar is fairly loud (in my opinion) calling attention to itself throughout the song. "Softening" it some would let the vocal really shine - that might be a couple of dB of volume, but also a bit more reverb and perhaps a dip in its EQ somewhere to give it a "rounder" sound (just ideas).
There were a couple of spots that the cello stabs(?) didn't quite sit comfortably (in relation to the vocal?).

This is really good stuff. I am enjoying your work, Your BIAB skills are shining more and more... Look forward to what you bring us in 2020...

fj

A lot of songs with Breathe as their title exist but this holds its own with any of them. I liked the simplicity of the guitar, allowing your incredible voice to shine. The song certainly makes one want to know the secret, but of course, it doesn't matter. It's the freedom that's important. Another great one!

Excellent vocal as usual! I like the stripped down approach too, works well.

Good song, enjoyed!

Very well produced - love this piece.

Thanks for posting the lyrics.


Thanks for sharing!

Wow - what a tune! I love the vivid lyricism on this, it pairs perfectly with the instrumentation. I really enjoyed how stripped back it is, also. Definitely a fine example of less is more.

Thanks for sharing

A poignant song with lovely lyrics...
And I enjoyed listening to your voice as you delivered those lyrics.

Lovely song. Super vocal and lyric. Guitar was very cool

Really pretty song!! The sparse arrangement suits it very well, and the strings are lovely!! The one acoustic is a little boomy. Your vocal, as always, is excellent!!! Some great lyrics here too!! VERY nice!! Take care. Greg

Floyd, TuneMonger, Blueattitude, Jim, Derek, Jim, Scott, and Greg:

Thanks to you all for stopping in and giving this one a spin. Still a work in progress perhaps, but I'm encouraged that it's somewhat on the right track. I've tweaked it a bit based on the feedback and can do more if need be. More specific responses to your comments follow:

Floyd: Great comments. I’ve turned down the fingerpick guitar a few decibels, added some reverb, and tried to soften a bit—though I tried not to overdo it on the first attempt. I can always dial it down more, but hopefully this is better.

As for the cello, I gave it another listen vs just the vocal track. It’s not perfect, but generally I’m OK with it. I tweaked the volume in spots though where it rubbed too much against the vocal—maybe that helps.

TuneMonger: Yes, the secret . . . I wrote the song with one in mind, but somewhat intentionally kept it silent here. As you note, it doesn’t much matter what it is. There are a lot of things we are afraid to share about ourselves for fear of what others will think, particularly those we care most about. I didn’t want to limit that sentiment by defining it. And I also thought singing it from the perspective of the person told the secret rather than from the person telling the secret might be interesting.

Blue, Jim and Deryk: Thanks much—glad you enjoyed!

Jim and Scott: Appreciate the kind words—thanks for tuning in.

Greg: Thanks for the listen. I’m guessing by “the one acoustic is a little boomy” you meant the fingerpick guitar as well. If so, hopefully I’ve mitigated that a bit, though can dial it back more if need be. If not, then perhaps you mean the cello? The bass? Not sure, but either can be tweaked if you think it needs to be. Appreciate always the listen and attentive feedback.

Regards to you all,

Deej

Oh my word - wow.

a) heartbreaking;
b) one of your best.

You have a talent at creating music and melody that would not be out of place with ANY of the greats. And the lyrics, well ... as I wrote above, heartbreaking ... another one of your raw, sincere gifts to the world.

Many on here often (rightly) comment on technicalities, etc. This is too loud, this is too low, this could benefit with some EQ, etc. etc. etc. . I say "rightly" because we all want to improve, right? and therefore such comments are necessary to make our offerings even better. BUT: that said, I'm no good at those things, so I can't and won't comment thus. All I'll say is that, from a musical and lyrical perspective, you've hit the jackpot (so to speak) once again. It's an honour to listen to what you create.

Hi deejay,

very nice. Great vocals and I think that 'modest' backing track was the perfect choice for this song. Loved the strings a lot.

Cheers,

Stefan

Hello DJ,

That is a very nice, sensitive song you made. And, like anyone else wrote, your vocals are very very good. The time it took to finish the word Breath in the first chorus was breathtaking. I could only come halfway and get out of breath. And those high tones... Very nice.
and I still here some of Jim Croce in it, at least the sphere.

But, I agree with Floyd that the guitar attrackted to much attention in the beginning of the song. I read you adjusted it a bit, but it's the voice that needs all the attention in this song. Maybe 2 decibels less for the guitar? However, it still stays a very nice song, even if you don't want to follow my suggestion ;-)

Hans

Deej,
Very nice tune and vocal delivery. I like the instrument choices & arrangement.
The only complaint, guitar (I assume nylon) is too "low frequency" for my taste. I would up EQ on, so it sounds a bit brighter. Enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing!
Misha.

This reminded me of the British singers from the 60's. Nicely done.

In a few places, I thought the cello clashed with the other instruments on certain notes.

Good overall job on this. Enjoyable.

Deej,
I enjoyed the way you built vocal intensity through the song- holding back a little of your range and edge to make the ending all the more powerful.
The sparse arrangement works well and the chorus melody matches the lyric beautifully.
Very good as is!

Robert

Like Robert we enjoyed the way you used your vocal as the build.

Also holding out the word "breathe" was very effective.

The sparse arrangement works nicely given that as mentioned your
vocal does most of the building.

And the lyric? Well, as we've come to expect from you...excellent!

J&B

PS If you can grab Waves CLA Unplugged for $29 or on sale sometimes
for half that I think you'd be amazed at what just the presets can do for
acoustic guitars and pianos. A big ole FWIW!

Coming in at the end of all those excellent comments I can only agree that this is an excellent song, with a superb vocal and lyric.

Great work.

Peter

Song has a good feeling.
I like the character of the vibe on this.

You've got some technical difficulties to overcome but don't abandon this, it's a winner.

Well done! A bit more dry than I would like (or dare ).

Nice write, well sung.

Hi Dave,

"Did I say something unforgiving or unfair
to betray the trust I made you doubt was really there?"

When I read that line I thought: 'What a great line, but it's gonna take a good melody line and vocal to make it sing well"

And that's exactly what you did. Throughout the whole song. Simply beautiful in lyric, melody and delivery.

"So Breathe". What a great title to build a song around. And what a great song.

I would like to hear a little more variation in the guitar part, but that's a personal thing. I loved it.

Martin

James, Stefan, Birchwood, Misha, Guitarhacker, Robert, J&B, Peter, CaptainMoto, David, and Martin:

Thanks all for the listen and the comments. I think it’s near unanimous the guitar needs some work. The RealTrack I used was the closest to what worked—but those who have heard the original G/V version don’t care for it, and it doesn’t seem to resonate with those that haven’t. It also required me to play the song at a slightly slower tempo. I’m thinking I need to revisit and perhaps play the guitar piece myself (as I ended up deciding to do on a new song). Let’s see when I have a chance to get back to it.

Very helpful feedback all. Thanks again for the support.

J&B—Thanks for the software recommendation—I’ll look for it!

My best to you all,

Deej

I don't know I missed this one earlier; I'm glad I found it.

Expert compelling vocal delivery that conveys the emotion.

Lyrically, something most of us can identify with.

Beautiful song!

Deej,

Somehow I missed this one. This has been arranged in such fine fashion! I love that chorus and especially that minor chord is so effective! A great ballad! Thanks, Torrey

Ezekiel and Torrey,

Glad you liked the tune despite the production challenges. Something I’m going to give another go at some point, but good to know it works well enough as is to enjoy to some degree. Thanks much for the listen and support.

Regards to you each,

Deej

Hi Deej,

I love the ambience that this arrangement creates. It's beautiful. Your vocals are outstanding and the very open and airy backing frames your voice so very well.

There is a great deal of clarity to the sound that I am hearing. Whatever you've done, you've done it so well.

I'm a fan!

All the best,
Noel

Noel,

Very kind comments as always. It’s one of my favorite songs that I’ve written, but the more I listen to this production, the less I like what I’ve done with it. I’m going to have to give it a redo at some point. But I’m glad you liked it as is.

All my best to you,

Deej

hi deeji this was a excellent vocal everything was perfect you nail it thanks for sharing eric