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Posted By: Birchwood Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/20/20 01:45 PM
Hi everyone,

=== June 25: I changed the song into the 'Gospel' version and in a higher key. Eventually I liked it more, I hope you do too===

I planned two songs for the forum. A Dutch and an English one. The English song will follow in a while, but has some small problems.
So here is the Dutch song: https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130/ik-zag-vogels

It is about the doubts one can have dealing with major topics like; what is the meaning of life, how am I dealing with that, etcetera. So just the ordinary things...
It is based (again) on a poem from my mother. But to be honest, I had to rewrite a lot. Still it was her way of thinking about these issues and -in a way- mine too.

Beside that I want to sing more songs in my native language. I never did that, untill the last months. The reason was we were raised with English songs. And Dutch songs sounded sooo dull (in my opinion then).

But remarks of some of the formummembers encouraged me doing this more. They said I did good. But that is -of course- not enough; I want to improve that to 'I did swell'. ;-)
And I know Dave's wife (Blue atitude) understands a bit of Dutch.

I hope you like it, although you probably don't understand a word,
Hans

The style and instruments
==========================
Style: FADING.STY (Fading Swing-16 Folk Rock Ballad)

RealTracks: ~539:Bas, Pop Sw 120
RealTracks: 2921:Piano, Acoustic, Sw16 Mike Sw16 60
RealTracks: 3541:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm ClassicRockSlowFingerStrum Sw16 060
RealTracks: ~675:Organ, B3 Sw 65
RealTracks: 3438:Guitar, Electric, Soloist BritPsycPopBallad Ev 065
RealDrums :PopSyncSw16^02-a:ClosedHat, Snare, b:Ride, Snare

And me on the keyboard (flute) from Native instruments in Logic Pro (DAW).

The lyrics (first in Dutch)
Ik zag vogels
(c) W. Battem (1982) / H.W. Berkhout 01-06-2020

Ik heb aan de oevers van een brede rivier gestaan
Om de krachtige stroming gade te slaan
Ik wilde de spanning laten verdwijnen
waardoor mijn rust weer kon verschijnen

Refrein
Ik heb vogels zien vliegen naar de zon
Zuivere klanken en dissonanten gehoord
Maar ik ben anders, meer een rots vol breuken
door alle golven die op mij beuken

Ik heb aan de voet van een hoge berg gestaan
Om die machtige verschijning gade te slaan
Ik wilde de leegte in mij weer gaan vullen
en dit niet, zoals velen, verhullen

Refrein
Ik heb vogels zien vliegen naar de zon
Zuivere klanken en dissonanten gehoord
Maar ik ben anders, meer een rots vol breuken
door alle golven die op mij beuken

=Solo=
Als ik ooit tot een kleine steen ben afgesleten
En door de zee op een strand wordt gesmeten
Dan lig ik daar voor altijd, maar blijf bestaan
Terwijl mijn breuken al lang zijn vergaan

Refrein
Ik heb vogels zien vliegen naar de zon
Zuivere klanken en dissonanten gehoord
Maar ik ben anders, speel te slecht toneel
En al die 'golven' worden mij teveel

Ik heb vogels zien vliegen naar de zon
Maar ik... ik ben anders
Heel anders...

======================================

I saw birds

Verse
I have stood on the banks of a wide river,
to observe the powerful current
I wanted to release the tension,
allowing my peace to reappear

Chorus
I have seen birds flying to the sun,
heard pure sounds and dissonances
I am different, more like a rock full of fractures
from all the waves pounding on me

Verse
I stood at the foot of a high mountain
to watch its mighty apparition
I wanted to fill the void in me again
and not, like so many, hiding it

Chorus
I have seen birds fly to the sun,
heard pure sounds and dissonances
But I am different, more like a rock full of fractures
from all the waves pounding on me

Verse
Whenever I'll be worn off to a tiny stone,
and thrown on a beach by the sea
Then I lie there forever, but will exist
While my fractures are all long gone

Chorus
I have seen birds fly to the sun,
heard pure sounds and dissonances
But I'm different, can't pretend so well
And all those 'waves' becoming too much for me

Yes, I have seen birds fly to the sun
But I? 
I am different
So different...
[font:Comic Sans MS][/font]
Posted By: Al-David Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/20/20 02:31 PM
Hello Hans ...

I speak a fair amount of German but no Dutch. But I enjoyed this a lot. In addition to melody and arrangement, I particularly liked the guitar ... strong and powerful without being overbearing. Cool song!

Best to you. Be safe ...

Alan
Posted By: BlueAttitude Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 06:59 AM
Hi Hans,

I listened to your English song first and then this one. I like this one better actually, maybe because it's more bluesy smile

Very good vocal! And nice job on the guitar, placing the licks properly so it sounds like they were meant for this song.

Nice use of the flute right at the end! Wasn't expecting that but it sounds great.

Good song! I'll have Kathy give it a listen later on.
Posted By: floyd jane Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 11:21 AM
Hans,

This is really good. The BAND sounds great. That guitar is excellent.

Your vocals sit in the mix really well. It sounds "comfortable" (that's a good thing!). Your best, I think. A nice "warmth" to it.

I very much enjoy the listen. Well done.

fj
Posted By: Scott C Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 11:21 AM
Wow what an awesome intro. Made sit up straight in my share. I loved the way the lyrics flowed. I did not understand them but I liked the way you delivered them. Lovely backtrack. Well done Hans
Posted By: Rustyspoon# Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 12:36 PM
Hans,
Dutch version wins hands down. Very solid composition and progression. Vocals & mix are very good! Flute sits well in the song and a good choice for ending, but toward the end (ending) I would pull panning more to center. Thank you for sharing!

Misha.
Posted By: Tangmo Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 01:14 PM
"...to me, the words are nice the way they sound...it doesn't much matter what they mean..." James Taylor.

Here's a confession, Hans. Almost every new song I encounter might as well be sung in Dutch to my English-speaking ears. It's a hard pill to swallow for someone who has tried (and is still struggling) to write a good lyric...but I don't think anybody really cares (at first listen) and some never do. It'd be hypocritical for me to expect otherwise. I "hear" perhaps a repeated vocal/melody/words "hook"...and that's all. I'm "listening" to the way the words sound, seeing as how they carry not just meaning, but melody, rhythm, and tone. Capture me with those, and I'll listen to your lines and thoughts and maybe then get your meaning.

There's an up and a down side to the custom and practice of posting lyrics here at this showcase. Mostly, it's a good thing and I wouldn't change it. But it's an awful lot to absorb and there are times when "pre-absorption" is injurious to a simple good listen.

Okay...enough philosophizing. I dig this. Power and tenderness in every lick and measure.
Posted By: jannesan Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/21/20 02:02 PM
I think I have associated Dutch songs to folk music, so this blues comes like a surprise, because the lyrics would suggest something folky. The lyrics are very beautiful, nice fragile stone and sea imagery. The blues approach fits the theme very well, the edgy guitar, flying flute and your emotional voice create an enjoyable combination. And lovely chording, not just some old blues progression.

Janne
Posted By: Birchwood Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/22/20 05:57 PM
Originally Posted By: Al-David
Hello Hans ...

I speak a fair amount of German but no Dutch. But I enjoyed this a lot. In addition to melody and arrangement, I particularly liked the guitar ... strong and powerful without being overbearing. Cool song!

Best to you. Be safe ...

Alan


Hi Alan, didn't know you speak German! Then you could understand something of the words. but I agree immidiatly if you tell me the meaning of these words are still too difficult to understand properly. For me the translation into proper English was not easy at all. But thanks a lot for your compliments. You had the first reaction and that brought a big smile to me!

Originally Posted By: BlueAttitude
Hi Hans,

I listened to your English song first and then this one. I like this one better actually, maybe because it's more bluesy smile

Very good vocal! And nice job on the guitar, placing the licks properly so it sounds like they were meant for this song.

Nice use of the flute right at the end! Wasn't expecting that but it sounds great.

Good song! I'll have Kathy give it a listen later on.


Hello Dave, I am very curious what Kathy understands, or make of the dutch lyrics.
This song had 2 versions: One with a gospel background and this one. I liked the gospel version, but it was in higher key. It asked too much from my vocals (especially after singing the song a lot of times). But in a lower key, the gospelsound was bad and stayed so, in spite of all my effort to get the prefered sound. So I choose this version, without the gospel.

I also prefer this song above the English song and for almost the same reason you mentioned. But I liked the melody of that English one (from a song I made in 1975). I rewrote the lyrics after a discussion about intolerance or bigotry (is that correct?) and all the fuzz around this around the world. So the song has quite a history.
And thanks for the observations and qualifications on the song. I appreciated them very much!

Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Hans,

This is really good. The BAND sounds great. That guitar is excellent.
Your vocals sit in the mix really well. It sounds "comfortable" (that's a good thing!). Your best, I think. A nice "warmth" to it.
I very much enjoy the listen. Well done.
fj


Hello Floyd, I smile with pride when reading your words. Really! It stimulates to sing more in Dutch, so hold tight!

Thanks all of you and stay safe,
Hans
Posted By: Janice & Bud Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/24/20 11:55 AM
We also listened to and commented on the English version first.

We agree with Dave that although both versions are excellent we
prefer the more blues rock sound to this one...but then we are
long time blues rock fans smile

Regardless they are both excellent productions!

J&B
Posted By: Birchwood Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/24/20 05:55 PM
Originally Posted By: Scott C
Wow what an awesome intro. Made sit up straight in my share. I loved the way the lyrics flowed. I did not understand them but I liked the way you delivered them. Lovely backtrack. Well done Hans


Scott: You said very nice things! I wished I could have seen that reaction you wrote of! i told my son. He is 'beginning to become' a bit more impressed about his fathers skills. One more son (and a wife) to go. But we're coming closer to that goal with your kind of posts!
But about understanding the lyrics I must share a little secret; I had problems with the meaning of some sentences too. I noticed that in her poems my mother sometimes wrote very 'wide'. I asked myself "what did she want to say"? In some occasions I rewrote them in modern Dutch (do you understand what I mean?).

Originally Posted By: Rustyspoon#
Hans,
Dutch version wins hands down. Very solid composition and progression. Vocals & mix are very good! Flute sits well in the song and a good choice for ending, but toward the end (ending) I would pull panning more to center. Thank you for sharing!
Misha.


Wow Misha, those are nearly as nice words as Scott wrote! I really appreciate your observations of my improvement. Your words about eq-matters allways glow up when I'm busy mixing my songs now. And you were right, it pays off. One day I can mix as bright as Floyd does!
So thanks for your comment. I'm not really convinced if panning of the flute towards the end is necessary. But I am stubborn as you know!

Originally Posted By: Tangmo
"...to me, the words are nice the way they sound...it doesn't much matter what they mean..." James Taylor.

Here's a confession, Hans. Almost every new song I encounter might as well be sung in Dutch to my English-speaking ears. It's a hard pill to swallow for someone who has tried (and is still struggling) to write a good lyric...but I don't think anybody really cares (at first listen) and some never do. It'd be hypocritical for me to expect otherwise. I "hear" perhaps a repeated vocal/melody/words "hook"...and that's all. I'm "listening" to the way the words sound, seeing as how they carry not just meaning, but melody, rhythm, and tone. Capture me with those, and I'll listen to your lines and thoughts and maybe then get your meaning.

There's an up and a down side to the custom and practice of posting lyrics here at this showcase. Mostly, it's a good thing and I wouldn't change it. But it's an awful lot to absorb and there are times when "pre-absorption" is injurious to a simple good listen.

Okay...enough philosophizing. I dig this. Power and tenderness in every lick and measure.


Tangmo, what a nice quote from j. Taylor. And what nice words from you. Very philosophical, but so true! Although I know people barely listen to lyrics in songs (except the diehards), still it doesn't mean you can suffice with nonsense. You couldn't too! And a whole lot of us on this forum neither. I hardly saw any weak lyrics here. So I agree AND disagree with the 'hard pill (In Dutch politics we succeed in eating the cake and spare it ;-)), but i do understand what you say. The same with how you deal with the words in a song. I too see them also as some kind of instrument. But as I said earlier: you are putting it very philosophical.

So thanks for your comments, judgement and positive conclusions,
Hans
Posted By: Birchwood Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/26/20 12:07 PM
Originally Posted By: jannesan
I think I have associated Dutch songs to folk music, so this blues comes like a surprise, because the lyrics would suggest something folky. The lyrics are very beautiful, nice fragile stone and sea imagery. The blues approach fits the theme very well, the edgy guitar, flying flute and your emotional voice create an enjoyable combination. And lovely chording, not just some old blues progression.

Janne


Hi Janne, that very nice said of you! and you are right, Dutch songs mostly have another way of singing and melody choice, although they are improving... ;-)
And I thought 'why not some kind of Bluesy, Gospel song?'. In the version you heard I skipped the Gospel Choir for several reasons, most of all, I didn't get them right in another key. But I regretted my choice and replaced the version you heard with the gospel version. That is even further away from normal Dutch songs...
And thanks again for what you said about the instruments I used.

Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud
We also listened to and commented on the English version first.

We agree with Dave that although both versions are excellent we
prefer the more blues rock sound to this one...but then we are
long time blues rock fans smile

Regardless they are both excellent productions!

J&B


Hi J&B, I can imagine you like the bluesy one more. I do too, but ýesterday I replaced it for the 'Gospel version. Now let's see if you stay to your choice! ;-)
You are all quite busy listening to all my songs and never a bad word about one of them, unless the choice you made between these two songs means you dislike the other one very much. But I don't really think that (I'm teasing a bit).
The only strange thing I see happening is that while the Dutch song is more preferred because of its melody, it gets less attention than the other song. But that is another discussion.
Thanks for your judgement and nice words.

Because Covid doesn't want to pass, I want you to stay safe,
Hans
Posted By: Tano Music Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/27/20 09:47 AM
I really wish I knew Dutch--I'll bet there this is some lyric/rhyming magic in the words that cannot be grasped by my English-speaking mind..the cleverness and little gems that are part of the recipe that makes a song fly--I'm sure that's there, thanks to you and your collaborator-mother.

Enjoyed this song and I'll have to find the English=-language version to get the gist of your meaning.

The production was very nice, and the only comment I would have is that a little bit of vocal doubling over some key phrases might add something, but it is well-done as it is.

Thanks for posting this!
Posted By: BabuMusic Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/27/20 01:22 PM
Hi Hans. Thanks for the English translation. I particularly like to hear the Dutch language. You could call me all kinds of things and say terrible things about my mother, and I'd still smile in delight. Great choice on instruments. That solo is stupendous, and the B3 is so sweet. Your voice and writing are the things that really send this over the top though. Keep up the good word --no matter what language.
Posted By: TuneMonger Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/27/20 10:07 PM
One of your best IMHO, liked all the musical choices you made and it had very good gestalt, to use a German word. Keep up the good work!
Posted By: Deej56 Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/28/20 02:35 AM
Hans,

For me, you are sitting in a total groove these days . . . everything I’ve listened to from you lately is right there in that perfect place. This is no exception. Love that you are taking your Mom’s poems and putting them to music—inspirational. Thanks for providing the English translation . . . I'm afraid my Dutch isn't what it used to be. smile

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej
Posted By: Torrey Bliss Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/28/20 04:04 PM
Hans, I love that Gospel/Blues sound you have going on here! You did an excellent job of putting this all together! Thanks, Torrey
Posted By: Birchwood Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/30/20 01:10 PM
Originally Posted By: Tano Music
I really wish I knew Dutch--I'll bet there this is some lyric/rhyming magic in the words that cannot be grasped by my English-speaking mind..the cleverness and little gems that are part of the recipe that makes a song fly--I'm sure that's there, thanks to you and your collaborator-mother.

Enjoyed this song and I'll have to find the English=-language version to get the gist of your meaning.

The production was very nice, and the only comment I would have is that a little bit of vocal doubling over some key phrases might add something, but it is well-done as it is.

Thanks for posting this!


Hi Tano, thanks for your nice post. You are right, it was quite impossible to translate these Dutch lyrics. A lot of words mean something else as the literal concept. We use 'tje' behind nouns. In English you put the words 'small or little' in front of that noun. But in Dutch you get a different understanding of those words; the distinction in the emotional value of a word is imprtant. But how to translate that?

About your suggestion of vocal doubling.... I always use 2 vocal tracks and tweek them slightly different. That is not the same as doublin the vocals. I do doublin or some kind of harmony on a lot of sons. In this one, I thought I stay 'naturel'. But I promise I give it a second thought. Thanks!

Originally Posted By: BabuMusic
Hi Hans. Thanks for the English translation. I particularly like to hear the Dutch language. You could call me all kinds of things and say terrible things about my mother, and I'd still smile in delight. Great choice on instruments. That solo is stupendous, and the B3 is so sweet. Your voice and writing are the things that really send this over the top though. Keep up the good word --no matter what language.


Hi Marty, you made me laugh! "you could call me all kinds of things...etc", just marvelous! Dutch isn't easy. especially not for singing or translating poetic works. You could read also what I wrote Tano. And I'm glad your stomach was strong enough for this language issue!
Thanks for your nice compliments on the instrument choices. There was a lot I could use from BiaB, a very good piece of software, don't you agree?


Originally Posted By: TuneMonger
One of your best IMHO, liked all the musical choices you made and it had very good gestalt, to use a German word. Keep up the good work!


Du bist zu nett zu mir, TuneMonger. I'm glad we have some common ground! Stefan Nachtsheim would have loved this. Thanks for the IMHO compliment! But I hope some of my new songs reach that qualification too!

Thanks everyone and stay safe!
Hans
Posted By: David Snyder Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 06/30/20 03:05 PM

Awesome sound here Hans! I really enjoyed this!
Posted By: Birchwood Re: Ik zag vogels (Dutch): I saw birds - 07/02/20 07:19 AM
Originally Posted By: Deej56
Hans,

For me, you are sitting in a total groove these days . . . everything I’ve listened to from you lately is right there in that perfect place. This is no exception. Love that you are taking your Mom’s poems and putting them to music—inspirational. Thanks for providing the English translation . . . I'm afraid my Dutch isn't what it used to be. smile

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej


Deej, that's a very nice compliment you gave me. Thanks for that! As I wrote to others, the translation isn't covering enough of what is meant in the song. But that's the problem in almost every language. But -of course- I am a little disappointed that you have neglected your Dutch language. What can we do about that?

Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
Hans, I love that Gospel/Blues sound you have going on here! You did an excellent job of putting this all together! Thanks, Torrey


Torrey, thanks for your words. the first ones reacting on my song couldn't hear the gospel ladies, because they weren't in. I changed the versions later, because I also liked this version more. You underlined this here!

Originally Posted By: David Snyder

Awesome sound here Hans! I really enjoyed this!


David, what nice of you! I'm glad you listened to the second version, what else would you have written ...?

Thanks all of you and stay safe,
Hans
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