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Hello Folks, This song is incomplete - I'm waiting on solos for the intro and change but am struggling with too many options for the intro. I had considered placing this in the sad song section but I need feedback on other aspects so it's here - sorry. The song is "in the style of" or inspired by Magazine. As a result there're a lot of effects on the guitars etc. to give it an 80s feel. BIAB built the drums, though I did some cuting n pasting for the intro, and a background Blues B3 Organ, (it was a stereo file but I rendered it to mono and threw a high pass filter across it) with the rest being a Squire Mustang HH guitar through various effects: Mel 9 for strings/orchestra, ACTone for chime up the middle in the chorus, Yamaha FX500 for the phased/flanged/wooshing shoe gaze sounds drenched in delay/reverb excess and a Vantage bass - verses DI through a BDI21 while choruses are through a straight bass preset in FX500. Sadly, I'm singing on this one as I was unable to find a volunteer who felt inclined to approximate Howard Devoto. Any comments are most welcome and specifics regarding the appropriateness of the intro are particularly sort after. Construction Paper Heart incomplete Lyrically this is typically, (for me & HD I think), misanthropic: A construction paper globe, Turning beneath a strobe. From each construction paper heart, I cut out a little part, And I glue it to my own. Which sits unused beside my phone, As yet to take a single call, See, I have no hope at all. See, I have no hope at all. In my construction paper world, I make plans that aren't unfurled. But each brightly coloured page, Sublimates my mounting rage. And I glue it to my own. Which sits unused beside my phone, Today I pinned them to the wall, See, I have no hope at all. See, I have no hope at all. And I glue it to my own. Which sits unused beside my phone, Your number written in my scrawl, See, I have no hope at all. See, I have no hope at all. Now I cut and fold and glue, So I don't take it out on you
Last edited by rayc; 06/05/18 11:39 PM.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Didn't mind this at all. The mix has plenty of depth and had a definite eighties feel. Nice work on the lyrics and the vocals sounded fine to me. Rob
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Ray,
I like this - sounds to me like a bit of Bowie and Pink Floyd. Nice deep mix.
No issue with the intro - I thought it fit the mood very well.
Bob
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Didn't mind this at all. The mix has plenty of depth and had a definite eighties feel. Nice work on the lyrics and the vocals sounded fine to me. Rob Thanks Rob, it was deep, dark, dense and muddy at 1st but i did thin things out. The lyrics I scribbled down a couple of years ago and found when searching for something brief to match the structure.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Ray,
I like this - sounds to me like a bit of Bowie and Pink Floyd. Nice deep mix.
No issue with the intro - I thought it fit the mood very well.
Bob Thanks Bob, The whooshing bits probably bring those names forward. A vote for the current intro as is - cool, ta.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Hi Rayc
I agree with Bob that it has a kind of Bowie vibe going on...nothing wrong with that voice IMHO.
Enjoyed it.
LyricLab A.I assisted chords and lyric app. Export lyrics and import directly into Band-in-a-Box 2024. https://lyriclab.net Play-along with songs you know and love, download SGU files https://playiit.com/
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Hi Rayc
I agree with Bob that it has a kind of Bowie vibe going on...nothing wrong with that voice IMHO.
Enjoyed it. Thanks Joanne, I've had the Bowie commment with regard to another song I wrote but it had a singer with a very Bowie baritone Bowiesque track
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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I really liked this song. Super vocal. Backtrack was very close . Liked the chord progressions
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Hey Ray, This has a Bowie feel to me, music-wise. I realize this is in draft stage but I can't tell if it is being mixed in a DAW. The levels of the bass and drums are not what one would expect, the drums don't thump and pound and it is hard to hear the bass in the mix. The vocals definitely need to come up. Again this may just be a BIAB rendered track you are showing us for a rough draft and if so it works for that. I like the music. When it comes to mixing though, those drums have to pound and need drums EQ. I would double or triple the drum tracks. The bass needs to be a lot fatter with the bottom end shaved off some so it really cuts through those drums. Once you have the vocals sitting on top of the bass and drums layer other stuff in. I have started an experiment by pasting a Mixing and Songwriting Checklist that represents the best of the best feedback tools I have seen. I try and go through this check list with all of my songs and felt it might be helpful. Good work in progress. Songwriting and Mixing Cheklist
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I really like what you have here so far. It reminds me a lot of the stuff you'd hear from the 80s. Nice job so far.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers,
Ember
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I really liked this song. Super vocal. Backtrack was very close . Liked the chord progressions Thanks Scott, It was a quick and easy writing process. the lyrics already existed and the chorus chords came to me as I was playing a different song. The verse & structure followed quickly. The struggle with this has been the arrangement - it was very crowded originally, dense, dark and swimming. The chorus still seems a little full but things are much thinner than they were.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Hey Ray, This has a Bowie feel to me, music-wise. The vocals definitely need to come up. I would double or triple the drum tracks. The bass needs to be a lot fatter with the bottom end shaved off some so it really cuts through I try and go through this check list with all of my songs and felt it might be helpful. Good work in progress. Songwriting and Mixing Cheklist Thanks David, Another Bowie reference is nice. It does suggest that Magazine weren't very well known or I'm a LONG way from hitting my target... The vocals, being my three note extended range, are deliberately held back. I know my limitations and chief among those is an inability to actually sing. I will, however, have a listen & try to find the cringe threshold. Doubling/tripling a drum track would merely make it twice or thrice as loud unless there are different treatments on each. Being that this is a BIAB stereo track that could be a possibility with one heavily compressed and EQd then used like a Motown Exciter track. Chief problem for me is the dominance of the high hat which I've had to address with EQ. I have plenty of headroom in the mix so will solo the drums then rhythm buss to consider an increase to the levels &/or a little EQing. The bass has a low pass, a slight bump for definition and some mud removed as well as some "treatment" in the chorus but I'll have another squiz. Sorry - High Pass filter not low pass. I had a look at the checklist - interesting, thanks.
Last edited by rayc; 06/06/18 12:26 PM. Reason: Silly mistake
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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I really like what you have here so far. It reminds me a lot of the stuff you'd hear from the 80s. Nice job so far.
Thanks for sharing. Thanks for you kind comment Ember.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Ray,
I like the dark lyrics and feel of this ( not sure it reminds me of Magazine, but definitely more Joy Division than Bowie) and the intro works. Interested to hear what you add later as its layered already.
I think David is on the money about the drums and vocals needing to come up in the mix...remember your cringe threshold for your own voice is likely more sensitive than others!
Robert
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Ray,
I've just had a listen. I love the atmosphere that you create as this song progresses. You've done a great job getting these sounds to build such ambience! I wish I could be more helpful. Unfortunately I know very little about music of this genre. As a result, any comments I make on creation, construction or mixing would have pretty much zero value. Not being able to listen critically, though, did not diminish the fact that I was impressed by what you've done so far.
All the best,
Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2024
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Ray,
I like the dark lyrics and feel of this ( not sure it reminds me of Magazine, but definitely more Joy Division than Bowie) and the intro works. Interested to hear what you add later as its layered already.
I think David is on the money about the drums and vocals needing to come up in the mix...remember your cringe threshold for your own voice is likely more sensitive than others!
Robert Robert, Thanks: JD is a firm favourites for me. I have everything officially released and a few boots as well. The intro wasn't really added afterward - the bass, a simple drum pattern & heavily treated guitars were there all along - I cut & pasted the short phrase drum into that section and heavily edited the bass to match. The original mix had drums, bass & effect laden guitars, then I swapped it to just the effect laden guitars & simple drum pattern, next was just the guitars with no drums or bass and this iteration is as you heard it. I haven't had a chance to tweak today but will do tomorrow.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Ray,
I've just had a listen. I love the atmosphere that you create as this song progresses. You've done a great job getting these sounds to build such ambience! I wish I could be more helpful. Unfortunately I know very little about music of this genre. As a result, any comments I make on creation, construction or mixing would have pretty much zero value. Not being able to listen critically, though, did not diminish the fact that I was impressed by what you've done so far.
All the best,
Noel Hello Noel, I don't need genre specific comments at all mate - you've offered positive and helpful comments which transcend genre. The atmosphere & ambience is mostly due to the "soft focus" effect in the Yamaha FX500. Thanks for your generous words.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Yep... got to agree... sounds like Bowie's style in there.
Cool stuff. And it's different from most of the songs here....which is a good thing
It needs a really cool, upper register guitar solo there around the 3 minute mark.
Last edited by Guitarhacker; 06/07/18 04:05 AM.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Hello, Ray
Very unique sound and atmosphere!
I agree with Bob.
No issue with the intro - I also thought it fit the mood very well.
Just as my favorite, it is better that the melodies played B3 come out to the front.
The combination of 4 beat batting snare and bass continuing with eight beat is pleasant.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.
Best regards.
Shigeki Adachi
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Yep... got to agree... sounds like Bowie's style in there.
Cool stuff. And it's different from most of the songs here....which is a good thing
It needs a really cool, upper register guitar solo there around the 3 minute mark. GuitarHacker, Thanks very much for your kind words. HOPEFULLY there'll be a solo mixed into the track in three or four days time. the guitarist has already written & done a draft of his part but hasn't had time to record it in the right environment.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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