Due to some fairly intense setbacks in just about every area of my life, I have not had any interest in playing or writing for about a month. I have not been up in the studio, I can't find a word to rhyme with "moon", I have no interest in music AT ALL right now.
Things have been going badly for me for the last month or so. There are health issues, financial issues, emotional issues (yes, girl problems, but not the kind you might think), issues with my yard and house, and upcoming neighborhood changes that have me a mental wreck.
The financial part is nothing that winning the lottery wouldn't fix, but I wanted to ask if you folks ever get into this kind of doldrums, and what snaps you out of it?
Beats the hell outta me Eddie. I haven't been able to motivate myself to play for the last 4 years.
I've written a handful of songs, but as soon as they're finished I put the guitar away and and don't touch it.
I'd have to say "ditto" to all of the problems you've mentioned plus a few more.
To say that music is on the backburner would be an understatement.
It's easier to nip it in the bud if you get it early. Don't let it drag out like I have.
Eddie I always prioritize life. I make a mental list, and make plans to fix the ones immediately fixable, and the others i let go of for the moment. Kind of like a gun fight shoot the one that draws first, and work your way through the others, as need is.
Make sure that you spend some time each day in the pursuit of what makes you happy, for me that is in order, My faith, my family, and my music. Also don't isolate yourself. Make sure you get among people. go to a local coffee shop and just sit and watch. Find ways to strike up a conversation.
Find something to believe in. My faith is my rock in life. I love a scripture that reads "Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need..". Having a core belief, and living by it, sharing it with others, is a powerful thing.
Lastly don't look at the problems as one big mountain, but rather a series of small hills, climb one at a time, and keep looking forward, and find one true friend you can talk with.
This too will pass!
For me, I've noticed that feeling guilty about it makes it worse.
When the time is right...the time is right.
Scheduling a practice for 5 minutes, and 5 minutes ONLY can help.
Stop after 5 minutes. After a while, you won't be able to stand it!
You can't push a rope.
Mick
Eddie,
I've always found that when I have an IDEA to develop, I don't have to find ways to prioritize the time... it's more like I have to find ways to override the obsession and do anything else.
Unfortunately, I often find myself slap out of ideas. Life is often too much of the same ol' rut, with nothing new in it to spark a flame.
I am definitely NOT creatively inspired by:
1) TV
2) Movies
3) envying other people's accomplishments
4) being around critical or negative people
5) forcing myself into a mold where Ijust don't fit
6) making everything into a task instead of a playful endeavor
(So I steer clear of those things)
on the other hand, the following things do tend to inspire me:
1) being around other creative people
2) any kind of playful thinking or activity. Play leads to creativity. Many of the world's great inventions have been the result of a person's playful pursuit of an idea that fascinated him. (search the archive for Mac's comparative definitions of "professional" and "amateur")
3) being personally involved, as opposed to watching from the sidelines
4) having a goal, and visualizing how good the future success will be
5) being around people who are co-conspirators or who encourage me. (eg. the forum)
6) remembering that everybody has problems and my life is not substantially different from everybody else's... neither substantially better nor substantially worse.
7) trying new things to break the old rut-habits and introduce new perspectives which automatically introduces new ideas, which automatically gets the creative juices flowing.
8) remembering my past successes as proof that my current slump is not the best indicator of my capability.
Based on your past communication, I'd say you have a solid track record of creative success. Set a new musical goal, something you haven't already done. Pursue it playfully without time constraints. abandon the idea of perfection and focus on what's interesting and enjoyable about what you're doing.
Well, I do not force myself to write, perform and record music. I might go a month or two without doing anything, then I just mess around on my KORG keyboard, or pick up my Ovation, or something... things just magically happen - - - SOMETIMES!
When they do not, I do not want to put out any music because I am not on a schedule for that. That's the benefit of being a freelancer, I suppose. Emphasis on FREE. I'm not getting a lot of sales, but what I write, perform - it pleases me. Can't buy it in the store. That's good enough for me.
So, in a funk about it? Take a walk. Talk to some people you haven't talked to in a while. Or, just be a couch potato ... that works for me sometimes (problem is, the wife is not allowing too much of that LOL)
Eddie,
You have, to put it mildly, enough significant situational stuff going on that almost anyone would be affected. What you describe is medically referred to as anhedonia--loss of enjoyment in formerly pleasurable activities. It is a primary symptom of depression.
I'm not a professional and I'm not suggesting that you are depressed. Nevertheless, as one who has been there (I'm on chronic antidepressants and will be for the rest of my life), I mention it for the sake of completeness.
There are many symptoms and you have to have several to considered clinically depressed. If you feel this may be the case Google "depression checklist" and see whether you qualify. If it appears to be so you may want to consider counseling and medication, if only for the short term. Even if you don't have insurance, many times excellent care is available in the public sector.
You have received a lot of good suggestions and I suggest you try some or all of them. They don't cost anything and they may work. But I hate to see anyone suffer needlessly. I want to be sure you have all the information available to make informed choices.
Richard
Eddie,
I have been like that for so long I forget and really feel for you, mate.
I have similar but different problems but they too blight my life and some say that the 1st step to recovery is talking about it, SO you have taken the 1st step here.
How to get out of it?? Richard's post is good sound advice and please google Depression. I found the
BBC Site good but then I am in the UK. (Forget the "Conditions that can cause depression" bit cos that is a load of b*ll*x, and I say that from my Medical point of view as I was a Dentist)
Laughter is the best Medicine so read Don's joke thread, some are funny (sorry Don!!!)
I make a point of firing up BIAB everyday and try to start playing with it from a different angle. I have even read the manual and often go "oh yeh so THAT'S how you do it".I also do the same to the other programs I have on my computer and have learnt some good stuff, most of which I have sadly not used yet. I look at my guitars and try to play at least one everyday but sometimes that fails, so I polish them instead and then rearrange my "studio". Usually I then need a few hours to get the b*st*rd working again so that takes my mind of things for a while. I haven't recorded for maybe 6 months.
I have a radio tuned to a rock station in case I wake at night so I dont have silence and time to think as I try to get back to sleep.
Some sites I find interesting
Major Geeks specially the Off topic links, gives me a laugh sometimes!
How to Geek and for music
Sound on Sound Forums Kills a few hours
Alyn
Hi Eddie,
I can't give you a definite cure for your troubles, but, I wrote this poem when I was going through the same.
Winters day
The dark and dreary winters day
Doesn't fall in the month of may
It doesn't fall in sunny July
But in my heart it still does lie
Time seems to stop on this winters day
It’s hard to keep the dark at bay
Perhaps the blue and cloudless sky
Waits for me bye and bye
The time has come this I pray
He’ll hear my voice and the Lord will say
Dark and dreary winters day
Be off with you and go away
A new day dawns it’s full of light
It shields the darkness from my sight
The sun it shines a golden ray
The past it was a winters day
All the best
George
Eddie.
The feelings you've got are real, because they're caused by real problems and sometimes it can be hard to see that these will ever change, but against the odds, you can always hope.
My suggestion is that you go back into your studio and write a song with the title "Better Days Will Come". Treat it as a challenge and force yourself to do it.
It won't solve your problems, but it once helped me. It just might work for you.
Sincerely, ROG.
i have found this concept to be helpful at difficult tines in mg life
Circle of Concern - Circle of Influence
http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/circle.htm as well as this book
The Feeling Good Handbook
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 reflecting on the past and how you overcame the challenge you faced may also be helpful
these tough times and your reactions to then may provide material for songs
as you Can tell from the responses thus far you are not alone
i wish you well
Thanks for sharing, Eddie. You are not alone...
Yea you're not alone. I'm facing the decision of having to put my last little friend to sleep. I had hoped she would pass away peacefully first.
Eddie, been there done that!
All of the advice that has been given is good advice. I will add a couple of things that I do when in a funk like yours:
1-Listen to music. Pick the style(s) you like and just enjoy.
2-make up songs about your problems! I found this very comforting. You should hear some of the songs I wrote about my totally incompetent supervisor!
Always remember you are never alone!
Such GREAT advice, and even more, a reason to rekindle my belief in mankind that you would all offer such great advice, much of it based on your real life experiences. I have read everything carefully at least twice, and you are all the best ever for supporting me! Even you, Mike, even though you are from Pittsburgh where that team in black and gold lives.
All of this will pass. It may take some time, but it will pass. In the meantime, I accept the challenge and will start working on lyrics for "Better Days Will Come" today.
I don't know if I am frustrated or angry, and the anger would be directed inwardly. I make some bad decisions and then what it comes time to pay I don't handle it well. The emotional part of this stemmed from my having to say goodbye to a woman who I met about a year ago, and we became very good friends, but it reached a point where "friend" wasn't going to be good enough. Given the dynamics of the situation, "more than friends" just isn't in the cards. We live rather far away, she works 2 jobs and plays in 2 bands, and her kids are both involved in SO much that she is mom's taxi as well. The kicker though is that I was literally already out of high school when she was born, and that age gap is insurmountably huge. It did give me a song called "From A Distance", explaining how being forced to stay at a distance and keep it inside really stinks. An example of a song that is written but I have no interest in recording it. Maybe it's too painful of a song. I know that "The One That Got Away" was like that. I must have run that tune 100 times before I got desensitized to the lyrics enough to sing it through without breaking down.
On the health side, I will be 61 in 2 months and the effects of the diabetes are becoming much more pronounced, to the point where I will likely start losing toes and other appendages within the next year or so. The neuropathy is really bad at times and that is the last stop before the amputations start. And every friend I had who was diabetic was gone by age 67, some earlier. That doesn't bode well.
Financial difficulty started a year ago when I lost my job. I was off for 3 months, and when I did find a job it was for a very low pay rate and while I was able to keep my mortgage, car payments and utilities current (I was never late or never missed even ONE payment) 4 unsecured credit accounts totally fell apart. I arranged a buyout with one, am paying off a settlement on another, and I am in contact with the last 2 in efforts to make a settlement with them. Nonetheless, my credit score took a HUGE hit and that is depressing after working so hard to improve it to where I could buy my house in 2009. I would really like to sell this one and move to a better neighborhood but my credit prevents that.
The neighborhood part ties into that. My neighbor has not made a house payment in 29 months, and they have finally been foreclosed and will be evicted by the end of June. The house will then go up for sale in repossession, and who knows WHAT my next neighbor is going to be. My dog, in her whole 5 years here, has known she is allowed to go next door and play with the neighbor dog, including going in the house. Have you ever tried to UNtrain a dog and break her of something she has done for 5 years? I have already gone through the expense of putting in an outdoor kennel, and next have to put up stockade fence, but that's not the point. I am incurring all of this because someone else thought cranking out 2 welfare babies and buying 2 new cars was more important than their mortgage, and now our neighborhood is at risk of being ruined by an undesirable person buying that house.
And in a nutshell, that is what's at the root of my funk.
Thank you all for your input!!
Eddie,
Other than the great advice above all I can say is to find yourself an audience. Force yourself to get out in front of them and play your ass off, because you know from experience the love and feedback you get when performing just may be the best drug of all time.
My best to you,
Come on, Eddie. Worse things happen at sea you know. You come from nothing you're going to nothing, what you lost? NOTHING!
Give the audience a grin! You are still not alone. Makes me feel better though - you would not want to know what I am going through
Hi Eddie,
Yep, been there a few times, and the more I try to force myself to be creative the less results I get.
I've found for me the best thing to do is just let go and ride the wind.
Eventually things have a way of coming around and I find myself in a better place where I can create again.
I think that you posting your message here is a good start to turning things around because you will see that you're not alone, and most of us have been where you are at different points in our lives.
Hang in there man things will get better.
Tim
Quote:
You are still not alone. Makes me feel better though - you would not want to know what I am going through
there is a tendency to believe that our problems are worse than those of other people... and there *IS* some comfort in seeing that on a MISERY-O-METER scale of 1 to 10, we're more of a 3 than a 10.
Everybody hurts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc&ob=av2n
you get juice by crushing the orange...
you get light by consuming the candle...
You get a garden by burying the seeds...
do I see a trend here?
The Bible in the book of Romans chapter 5 says (paraphrased)
"Tribulation leads to patience...
patience leads to experience...
and experience leads to hope."
The rest of the chapter says why.
I feel with you Eddie. Probably what's bugging you the most is your health problems. Look on the bright side, you could be hit by a truck tomorrow so all the worrying would have been in vain. Seriously though, there are a number of types of diabetes, most of which can be positively influenced by diet. I don't know which one you are stuck with, but I know quite few people who have similar problems, and those who follow their diet and avoid alchohol seem to be coping quite well. I guess you have tried just about everthing, but if not, try googling for a diet plan(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/diabetes-diet/DA00027), it doesn't cost anything. Forgive me if I am stating the obvious Eddie, but I don't like to see a good man down. Another help could be the writings of Louise Hay, I've found help there many times.
You have at your disposal however, probably the best medicine anybody can have. Music. Get in your studio and let it rip. Don't try anything new, just roar off some of the old songs you love, give it all you'v'e got until you are exhausted. Repeat that until you wake up with a smile on your face.
Eddie, please don't think I'm being flippant because Ive been in your moccasins many times. In my present physical state I am seen as a powerful encouragement within my congregation. That brings me great joy to know that others are encouraged by knowing my circumstances, something that I have come to accept without questioning.
There is an old adage that states: "The finest steel must first pass through the fire!" There is so much truth in those words. Surely you will eventually look back in this trying period in your life and realize that you are a better, stronger person for this experience. There truly is good to be gleaned from even the worst of our tribulations.
If we judge a man by the quality and quantity of his friends then you, Sir, are rich beyond measure!
If ever, night or day, you need someone to help carry your burdens then I invite you to PM or email me. That's not just blowing smoke, my friend. I may give you the bible's view but that certainly would be painless.
Eddie you have a suitcase full of material that Hank Williams would have killed for when his song cup went dry. all kidding aside, most have had a taste or a big gulp from that same cup of life. Get in the car and drive nearby to some place you haven't been for a while or some new place, see something new, take some quiet time to pray,God wants to hear what you have to say.Look at what you see and reflect on your life then get after it, there's still time to share your music with others.
Easy to give advice from this side of the screen, it's harder when you go to "defrag" the hard drive and the cat steps on "delete all" instead.
Gotta train that cat better, Wyndham
Quote:
I accept the challenge and will start working on lyrics for "Better Days Will Come" today.
Eddie, I'm really glad you've taken it up. You never know, it might turn out to be some of your best work yet! If you get it done and it's good and it's not too intensely personal, perhaps you could post it as an inspiration to all of us.
BTW, I'm working on one called "Better Up-dates Will Come". We live in hope. LOL
ROG.
Eddie, you've got a fine bunch of supporters here. I've followed you through your trials and tribulations with your MOTU equipment as well as listening to your tunes. You don't strike me as the kind of person who will give up or can give up. I believe you're up in the Cleveland area, I'm from there too. Head up to the lake, take a look at the old freighters and tugs...there's a song waiting for you there.
Hi Eddie
I think all of us with a creative spirit have felt what you feel at one time or another.
The causes may be different but the feeling is the same.
The fact that we are offering what advice we can is proof that the feeling can be beaten and the sun will shine again.
I'm sure the answer for you is here somewhere.
It's been proven that just the physical act of smiling regardless of how we feel will generate endorphins which after about a minute will make us feel better.
I've done it and it actually works!
Something to try.
If you can't find a solution that works for you in this forum it always helps to focus on someone who had it worse than you...Rodney Dangerfield
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/rodney_dangerfield.htmlAlways works for me.
Best wishes,
Carkins
Quote:
...Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
That old one really got me laughting. Thanks - it does make you feel better when you smile and laugh. 
Eddie I have no financial problems. No lottery is needed.
I can see the end of the tunnel, not just the light there.
Every day I hope that it will be a musical day.
Some days not even that works, I cannot get the tempo, there is no music in me. That is the worst. Then I realise I cannot even get up the ambition to embellish a simple chord, nor to run some simple arpeggios. It seems the only solution is to waste another day sleeping on the couch, unable to hear the TV.
This week there is another meeting at the clinic, and a shot at changing up the meds.
Make a journal of how things are. Write it for a week and take it to the doctor.
Hang tough.
Yesterday I spent over an hour with a Fever. The one with Am F and E7. Not 98.6.
Some cool licks on the keyboard-organ. (Korg ps60)
Not today. I tore down and set up for something to do.
OOOooo... diminuendo
John you have to be phycic! I was thinking of you today and how I haven't seen anything of your posting in quite awhile.My mind was of course jumping to the conclusion that you may have taken a turn in the wrong direction. I was even going to post asking but didn't. And here you are.
You guys are just THE best ever!!
I have always been the type who will refuse to believe what believe to not be true, despite evidence supporting the opposing point of view. Been that way my entire life, from the moment the doctor slapped my butt and I turned around and slapped him back...
I have a very dear friend in Oklahoma. She and I were on the phone the other day, and she had me on speaker. Her husband was home and involved in the conversation and from his spot on the couch in front of the gaming console I heard him offer "Have you ever talked to a counselor about PTSD? It sounds like that might be a part of it." That got me started on research about the condition. Most web pages list 14 chronic symptoms. I seem to fit 11 or 12 of them. My tendency to always be "on guard", my inability to let people get close to me (as 3 ex wives will attest to), being emotionally numb, inability to enjoy things that used to provide pleasure... I could keep going but there is no need. I just need to admit that PTSD is an option I should look at, and at my doctor visit next week I will bring it up and see about some sessions at the VA. There was no "thing", no one specific event, in Vietnam that I could point to and say "THAT was it!", nothing that I have recurring nightmares about, anything like that. Just the cumulative of having been there, being diabetic as a result of the Agent Orange exposure.... much goes into the profile.
Mountainside, you are correct. I am not a quitter. I once boxed a 4 round preliminary against an opponent who was the last cut from the Olympic team in 1972. I ended up with a broken jaw, a broken nose, and 3 broken ribs, but I lasted the whole 4 rounds. (I never said I was SMART!) I will come out of this tailspin.
Eddie,
A good friend of mine "by chance" happened to send this link to me.
Thought you and the rest of the gang would enjoy it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=-RaFApVP0zU&vq=largeDont think the EPA would ever allow this in California.
At the end quite a few more came up.
Just more fun.
Eddie, PTSD has subtypes I and II. Type I stems from a singular major traumatic event such as war, natural disaster, or other catastrophe. Type II stems from ongoing repetitive trauma such as various types of abuse, bullying, harassment, etc. It can, of course, include physical trauma and repeated exposure to those things which can cause Type I. Some people have a higher threshold.
Like you, I checked out a book on PTSD out of curiosity. Shortly thereafter I was saying, "Hey, they're describing me." It explained a great deal in my past and present. I have been in counseling for over 40 years dealing with the aftermath. (Interestingly, in one counseling session we identified the exact moment when my major clinical depression started. It was an event in the fifth grade which precipitated much later emotional abuse connected with school.)
Yet another counselor spoke to me of "illuminating the interior landscape." The phrase itself was helpful in grasping what we are doing in recovery. Just being able to put a name to the condition is a start. Now the real work begins, at least if you choose to confront it--which I recommend.
Therapy is good, but for PTSD there are groups, usually free or for a nominal charge. The best groups are moderated by a professional caregiver, but the point is that every participant has, like you, been there. No theory here. You will get solid practical support from others who know exactly what you have gone and are going through.
Know that depression can still be a component which should be addressed on its own. It's the same principle as treating pain for a physical injury. Healing is faster and more complete without it. You don't even have to see a shrink for it any more. Regular MDs can diagnose and prescribe for depression these days. Again, take one of the online inventories and see if it fits, then take appropriate action.
If you would like to continue this discussion outside of the public forum, feel free to contact me at sonic hyphen sorcerer at hotmail dot com. (Typed so as to confound those pesky bots.)
Richard
Nice video Seeker
Eddie, lots of good advice here. For me even if I don't feel like doing anything specific like turning on all my stuff, removing the beach towel I use as a dust cover and actually playing I find myself going online and watching any one of about 50 youtube vids I have bookmarked. They're almost all commercial performances of my favorite people but some are instructional too. An example is a 35 minute B & W vid of Jimmy Smith. The picture and sound quality are really good. The title says it's from 1964 but not which show. The camera angles are really good too I can see everything he's doing.
Just kicking back in my papasan chair I have set up in front of my 32" monitor is very relaxing and I get ideas for stuff to try when I do feel like it. Watch some of your favorite horn players, I guarantee you'll get a lift out of it even if you don't feel like doing anything yourself at that time.
Youtube btw is an example of how us old folks are the last to board the high tech train. It has been around how long now? I didn't get into it until early last year and absolutely love it. I'm also a big sci-fi movie fan and spent about 45 minutes yesterday watching all the trailers for Battleship, The Avengers and others. Great mindless time waster and sometimes we all need that. The past, present or future Earth has been on the verge of being destroyed and all of us killed or enslaved so many times over the last 10 years I've lost count. Great fun in a completely warped, juvenile twisted way of course.
Bob
Great idea, Bob!
You reminded me of the Library Of Congress (LOC) archives which can entertain Eddie for a few years just listening to the old 78s (even wax cylinders) back through musical history.
http://www.loc.gov/jukebox/Enjoy.
Warning: The sound quality may be lacking, clicks and pops, worn disks, etc. But a music education nonetheless.
I try to get out, sometimes have to force myself to get out and go hear some live music. I do this at local places, coffee houses, flea markets, anywhere that has a live performance happening.
It's hard to do sometimes, but if I don't get back in the vibe I just sink deeper and deeper into the sofa. Seeing others performing and enjoying it makes me jealous enough to get back to work.
Rob
another way to get the juice back is...
pay the electric bill
Ok, Eddie - how's this for comparison:
- I have not managed to generate ANY income since 28/11/11 (five months).
- I have been evicted from my flat and have to find a new one before 14/08/12.
- I have NO capital resources left - all my investments turned sour in the end and now I have nothing. All thanks to the world economic crisis (heck, there are whole countries, even in Europe, that are effectively bankrupt - I am just one man). I know I am not alone in this. Thank God I have no dependents.
- I can't find work of ANY description (I have 19 qualifications and a whole load of experience in a number of different fields, including education and training).
- I have had 2 major surgical operations in the last 6 years - I am STILL recovering from the former of these, which was a gut operation to remove about two feet of my large intestine to remove a benign tumor (I have damned annoying side effects that persist including flatulence and erectile disfunction and tissue desensitization), and am looking at a repeat of the latter, an operation on my spine to relieve tension caused by scoliosis, since birth, that has led to ossification of the neural apertures resulting in atrophy of muscles in the limb extremities (hands and feet) plus recurrent muscle cramps and desensitization of the skin. I am in constant pain - but at least constant pain is constant and I can block it out on the whole
- I have COPD and am on 10 meds a day for all my health problems. That fact alone is totally depressing.
- The employment office tells me they consider me to be unfit for work on health grounds and that I should go into early retirement - but I do not qualify for this because I do not have enough national insurance contributions, having always been entrepreneurial and struggling to set up my own businesses and find freelance opportunities
- I live in a climate that is not good for my health - I cannot take too much heat because of a collapsed thyroid.
- The love of my life left in 2008 and since 2009 I have been involved, against my better judgement, with a deranged she-devil whose ultimate aim is to bully me into submission and subjugation with a constant tirade of insults and derogatory remarks.
- My dog, my faithful adorable hound and constant companion, died of either a burst tumor or poisoning on March 6th 2011, aged 11. Since then I am constantly alone.
- My father is a millionnaire and has absolutely NO interest in helping me whatsoever. No, I have done NOTHING wrong and I am NOT a black sheep. HE is a miser.
- My social life is effectively non-existent as I can no longer afford to go out.
- I am slowly being driven insane by all that is happening to and around me.
- I can't sleep anymore
To put all this into perspective: I am by nature a high achiever; I have a family pedigree stretching back many many generations of high achievers and history makers (bankers, politicians, generals, merchants, financiers, cattle barons, etc); I was educated, as a scholar, at the same schools as Sir Winston Churchill; I have 3 university degrees; I have competed in sports for my country (equestrian and rowing); I speak 5 languages; and I will never back down from a challenge or say no
I was in rehab for the last 10.5 weeks (officially to give up alcohol, although I am not actually an alcoholic, but that was a very small price to pay for a much-needed 'cure') and loved every minute of it - fed three regular meals a day, constant medical supervision, constant company, constant availability for and of creativity and the arts. I started up a regular karaoke night that was a roaring success with all (and made me EXTREMELY popular in the process), I was involved in a music recording project, sang and played guitar in every free moment and I finally got back to my musical creativity with BIAB&RB 2012. BUT I could only bury my head in the sand for so long. I had to eventually return to reality.
I have been back in my flat since Saturday afternoon and I have managed to keep myself very busy until today with catching up on things but now I face the bleak realities of life.
To reiterate:
- I am broke and getting increasingly into debt
- I will be homeless on 14/08/12 unless I can find a solution (which I can't afford at the moment)
- A new rental contract requires 3 months deposit and 3 months 'intro' money before I start paying rent
- I am physically incapable of moving my furniture by myself and where to? I will need professional movers to deal with it - I can't afford them
- I am totally incapable of physical work and there are no opportunities for using my brain out there
- My isolation and loneliness is close to intolerable for me - I love being with people and I am in my element when in company
- There is precious little hope and even less promise for the future
As an aside, and for my benefit as much as his, my best friend is currently a permanent guest on my sofa as he has nowhere else to stay and can't find regular work plus he is effectively bankrupt. At least I m doing my best to help someone else in his hour of need.
I don't want to bang on about it any more and I certainly won't go into further detail here but I hope it helps you to realise that things COULD be worse for you
Although I was born into and raised in the 1%,
I AM now the 99% and maybe even more so than most
So... I hope it helps to make you feel at least a
little better. I know it won't but what can we do, eh? Friends try to lighten my load by telling me that things could be worse (starving homeless etc) so I know it doesn't help - they are not you. They are not me either. AND they were born into it so that is all they know...
Cheer up!
Smell the flowers - its Spring!
John, thanks.
I've been somewhere. Not sure. Medications. Disabilities. Never ending pain.
Doing what I can. Lots of just playing my synth, no need to hurt digits on the actual piano.
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around,
And knocked me to the ground,
So I look up women's... wait that's not the lyrics to that song.