My submission for JosieC's Rhino Project

THE RHINO CRY

Real Tracks:
366:Bass,
911:Piano, Electric,
873:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm 1680 Guitar, 12 String Acoustic, Fingerpick
871:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm
2169 Guitar, Resonator, Soloist
NashvilleEven16^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride


EDIT: Thanks to all who have taken time to listen and comment. I have uploaded an updated version of "The Rhinos Cry" with changes to reflect some of the suggestions made here on the forum to improve the song. The guitar intro is now balanced to the center. I was able to get a singer to replace my vocals. I made the lyric changes suggested by Tommyad.

I appreciate Herb's offer to work with my off-pitch vocals in Melodyne but the best repair is to replace in this instance in my opinion. I appreciate Bob Butler for doing the vocals. I increased the volume of the resonator guitar soloist. I think all of these changes have improved the song quite a bit. I did notice an artifact in the mp3 guitar intro that was uploaded to Soudcloud but I did not hear in the Wav version. Not sure what caused it.

The Rhino's Cry_Revised

Lyrics:

As the sun rises above the plains
Another field is scarred with bloody stains
A gunshot sounds and an innocent dies
The rhinos cry The rhinos cry


Every day gunshots fill the air
Time to stop them and show we care
And make it safe for where the rhino lie
Hear their cry The rhinos cry


Let's not face the morning after
Wondering why we lost them all
Will it be me or maybe its you
To stand for those unable to

As the sun rises above the plains
No more fields scarred with bloody stains
Let's make it safe for where our rhino lie
Hear their cry
The rhinos cry
The rhinos cry
Rhinos cry
The rhinos cry

Hi Charlie,

Your song rings with empathy, sincerity and honesty. AABA form is a personal favourite of mine and it's perfectly suited to carrying your message.

Since Josie first spoke about Rhinose and the plight of the rhino, I've done a little research on the internet. Some of the photos I've seen are horrific. I don't think I'll ever forget them. I never realised it was so bad. What the poachers do is barbaric and I really hope that Josie's efforts, and all who are associated with them, become a very loud voice in the arena of helping protect these wonderful animals.

To my ears, your song was a beautifully sympathetic tribute in support of these magnificent creatures.

I'm going back to have another listen.

All the best,
Noel

Really pretty Charlie. Great job. Good luck with it.

Charlie,

Sad song.
If only the rhino's could understand that there are people who care

JosieC is fighting a worthwhile fight with the help of some great, but sad, songs. Like yours.

Alyn

Hi Charlie

What a lovely but sad song. Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate all the effort that went into writing and producing this. Am sending you a pm.

Good song.... the singing is a bit pitchy for something that's going on a commercial release. Can you run some melodyne on it? This is one of those cases where I believe melodyne editor can save the day so to speak.

If you don't have M.E. I will be happy to give it a try if you wish.


It's good to see all the creative ideas coming together for this project.

Charlie,

This is your best. Super.

A good, solid write. A terrific arrangement - nice choice of instruments. The dobro solo needs to be louder - it's getting overshadowed by the band.

It's nice of Herb to offer his help. A few words could use tweaking. I thought the vocal could use a bit more reverb (a "soft" one).

Excellent song.

floyd

+1, Charlie, This is a great contribution. I love the song! I agree with floyd, bring up the dobro solo and add a little verb on the vocal. My suggestion on lyric tweak would be "Everyday gunshots fill the air - Time to stop them and show we care" . Poachers is implied and I think it rolls off the tongue a little easier. I also would double the acoustic to the right on the intro for balance and then you can pan it left after the vocal starts. This is among your best writes. Very well done. Tom

Hi Charlie,

a nice but sad tribute.
I'd accept Herb's offer.
Enjoyable listen.

Guenter

Hello Charlie,

we agree with everything said by others, a very good job. This must have taken quite some effort.
Fits in nicely to the rhino project.
We also agree with Herb that the vocals could be a little bit more in tune. This can be accomplished with either melodyne or a free VST plug-in called: GSnap.vst we also use it at times and it works pretty nicely.

Rob & Anne-Marie

Another beautifully done rhino song!! Really love the feel of the music. Arrangement is terrific, and the vocal has a lot of feeling. You guys have made me afraid to try writing a rhino song with your excellent contributions! Take care. Greg

Awesome tune . Heartfelt lyrics. Well done

A beautiful, but sad tune. I thought the resonator soloist track was a nice touch.



Thanks for the music,
Dan

Beautiful and gentle Charlie and i love the melody.
The hook is great. The Rhino cry. Cruisy overall sound and delivery. Cheers.

Hi Noel. I'm glad you enjoyed the song. Like you, prior to working on Joanne's project, I was not aware such a gruesome thing was occurring. Learning that Rhino's only have a calf every two to three years made it clear they cannot keep up with the numbers lost to poachers each year.

I became aware of the different song formats years ago realizing how Vince Gill's songs were structured differently than most of the other country artists at the time. Your studied analysis's of forum songs is always insightful and fun to read. I always look forward to them.

Thanks for listening.

Charlie

Josie (Sundance):Thanks for listening and commenting.
Gibson: Yes, it's sad and senseless. Thanks for stopping by.

JosieC: Joanne, I'm privileged to have the opportunity to participate. As you are aware, I've uploaded a new version with a competent singer so the song may have some benefit to you.

Charlie

Herb: Thanks for your comments and offer to help with the vocals. I decided the best repair would be to replace the vocals and so I rounded up a friend and hopefully made the song more presentable. You have a great ear and your comments are always spot on.

Charlie

Floyd: Thanks for your gracious comments. I really appreciate them. I've updated the song, turning up the resonator guitar and replaced my vocals with another singer. I posted the link under the original link up in my first post.

Charlie

Tommy: Thanks for your comments. I'm glad you liked the song. I have turned up the dobro and also changed the intro as you suggested. The SC mp3 upload ended up with a minor artifact somehow but does not appear in the WAV file. Not sure where that went wrong but it still sounds better than the hard panned version.

I also changed the lyric line as you suggested and it flows much better. Thanks for your suggestions and continued support of my songs here on the forum.

Charlie

Guenter: Thanks for listening. Yes, Herb was right on with his assessment. I didn't think my voice was salvageable, so I got a friend to sing it for me.

R&AM: I appreciate you guys stopping by. As noted above, I chose to replace the vocals with another singer. You had referred me to Gsnap on an earlier post and I downloaded it and played with it some but at some point forgot I can't sing and set it aside. May need to take another look.

Charlie

Greg: Thanks for listening. I always enjoy your gracious comments.

Scott: I appreciate you listening and taking time to comment.

Dan: Thanks for the kind words.

RichMac: Thank you for stopping by. I enjoyed your offer to the project too. I think it's a great cause.

This certainly fits in nicely with the project. Sitting down
and writing, on demand, a song about a specific topic
is not something I am equipped to do. You did it and
did it well. I streamed the song in my vehicle and
on our monitors and it sounds like a fine mix --
nice soundstage.

Kudos!!

J&B

Thanks for the kind comments. I actually have had good luck with songs where someone has requested a specific topic. Half the thinking is done before I start.

As for you writing to a specific topic, I think you do a more than admirable job; as you displayed in your recent re-mix and video updating "Bottomland".

I appreciate the support you've given to me for my submissions here on the forum.

Charlie

Good lyrics, and very evocative arrangement and singing.

David, thanks for stopping by for a listen.

Charlie

I'm hearing the revised version and it sounds good. The instruments are well balanced and the levels feel right. The vocalist is right on.

This melody paired with the story line and the lyrics is very powerful. It's not a minor key - I don't think - but it sort of has that feel to me and it works very well. Smooth progressions with space to let the message sink in. Nice job.

Thanks for dropping by Scott.

The song key is G and the verse chord progression is I, III, IV (2) V,IV, I, III, Iv and the bridge progression of VI, V; VI,V; Vi,IV, V, V7

I appreciate your comments.

Charlie

Impressive sounding effort.

Thanks for listening.


Charlie