Hello forum friends! One of the things I like almost as much as music is humor. I rarely mix the two....this song being a rare exception. One day I woke up and this line came into my head (title). I thought that was really weird but I decided I was just going to write and see what happened. This did. Hope you get a chuckle out of it. I'd love to hear your feedback. Take care. Greg


https://soundcloud.com/gjohnson-2/ifiwasadog
IF I WAS A DOG

If I was a dog, I’d be free as the breeze

Wanderin’ ‘round markin’ mailboxes and trees

Just one of the mutts, playing tag, sniffin’ butts

Not tryin’ to be crude, but I’d have dog attitude


If she was a dog, she’d have a fine pedigree

Spend long afternoons with the ladies at tea

Have papers that linked her to the most regal hounds

The upper of the uppermost crust to be found



We’d have no more in common than Juliet and Romeo

The scourge of the pound and the best in the show



If I had a master, he’d sleep in his van

Smoke cigarettes, drink beer straight from the can

Wear dirty T-shirts and have vulgar tattoos

Yellow teeth, uncombed hair, and wear trashy old shoes



Her master would be the quintessential success

Well-bred, educated, and impeccably dressed

And she herself, I fine dog, would be smothered in riches

And be seen at the park with the finest of [*****]

(remember, were talkin’ about dogs here)



In this protracted metaphor, you may find no surprises

But, then again, certainly one question arises

Of all the proverbial fish in the sea

What the hell is she doin’ with me?

Greg

A lyrically clever and entertaining write. Some great metaphors and interesting and humorous throughout.
Lovely vocal (which was not a surprise) and a complimentary backing track to complete the song.
Excellent work and a fine song.

Peter

Very good Greg! Fine vocal as always, and lots of great lines. My favorite:

"Not tryin’ to be crude, but I’d have dog attitude"

A fun listen!

Greg,
Funny and well sung as well.
The humour & delivery is very Nilsson.
My only gripe is the link between verses & choruses - seems perfunctory - you could set up the next section with a couple of chords and a lick of the melody.
Nevertheless - nice job.

Just loved this Greg. Very much and feel good song. Another super vocal. Well done

Nice simple waltz with great vocals, interesting chord progression and lush mix. Nice to get a dog's view for a change on this forum Reminds me of Paul McCartney.

Janne

Hi Greg,

Simply wonderful and absolutely inspired.

I'm in awe of how you've taken an unlikely and frivolous title and
turned it into a gentle love song.

Fabulous.

ROG.

A quintessential country love song! Loved it.

Greg,

This is one of the best written songs that has ever been posted here.
Or anywhere.

Writing at the highest level.
Every. Single. Word.

I wanted to quote the best lines. But that would be THE ENTIRE SONG...

The simple piano/bass/strings arrangement is perfect. Your vocal is cool - it would work perfectly for a animated dog cartoon video.
(Maybe Pat Marr would do one!!)

Randy Newman should put this on his next record. (Really)

So far out of the park it ain't funny.

ZOWIE. ZOWIE. ZOWIE.

fj

Greg,

Witty, cute and wordly wise lyrics - cool that you followed through on that idea.
I was picturing scenes from 10001 dalmations as it played- could really see this getting interest for an animated film.
Your vocal brings the meaning home & the simple arrangement works well.
Great song.

Robert

Excellent...attempts at humor/wittiness often don't work, but this is a 'BEST IN SHOW' kind of song. Loved your vocal, fit perfectly, and the lyric construction matches the melody exactly--I take that as a sign of expert writing.

Really enjoyed it!!

Greg, your vocals are always among the best presented here on this forum! but you have outdone yourself here! There is certainly some vivid imagery in your lyrics and I had a constant smile going the whole way with a laugh or two. You are creative sir! Someday you may consider writing another lyric (a more serious one) and use your melody here. It is absolutely beautiful!!! Great work Greg! Thanks, Torrey

Agree with some of the above comments, This would/ should be the intro middle and finish for a nice doggy film.

Enjoyed this.

Wonderful song. Truly entertaining. A perfect lyric and masterful vocal. Nothing to complain about. This is just fantastic songwriting and a brilliant performance. Loved it

Dave

Yes I agree wonderful. A truly wonderful song. Touching, heartfelt and poignant.

Great vocals.

Really enjoyed this one Greg.

It sounds trite but what can possibly be added to all of the above comments!

Absolutely hilarious and yet poignant...how'd you pull that off?

WOW!!! Is this ever one to share.

J&B

Brilliant,

brilliant lyrics

brilliant choice of style and mood

laugh out loud funny

and I really like your melodic vocal phrasing

(it's a righteous tail and not at all fishy)

Nilsson was mentioned

I think that's a wonderful compliment

and I agree, It's so easy to imagine him doing this song

great sense of humor, very clever write

excellent vocal

a fine song, enjoyed the hell out of it!

Kenny

Dude, you done did it.

Greg,

LOL, would be a nice Disney movie tune!

Rob and Anne-Marie (we love dogs BTW)

Greg,
Haha
I once wrote a song called "If I was a cat" but this is infinitely better
Thank goodness the dog didn't go the Veterinarian!
REALLY enjoyed that

All the best

Alyn

Greg,

You make it look easy--really! Great idea wonderfully executed, written produced and sung. Impressive work.

My humble regards, again--

Deej

Thanks so much Peter. Really like your new one! Take care. Greg

Thanks Dave. Appreciate that a lot! Your latest is absolutely stellar....my fave of yours to date I think!! Take care. Greg

Thanks Ray. I appreciate the listen and the feedback! Take care. Greg

Greg,

This is outrageously good... A real masterpiece. The lyric, track selection, production and your vocal is stellar.

I absolutely love this.

Bob

Hello, Greg

Very beautiful waltz!
Really nice melody!
Wonderful song!
I like this very much.
Your vocal is very pleasant as usual.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards,

Shigeki Adachi

Thanks so much Scott for your wonderful ongoing support! Loved that new one you guys did....so 60's!! Take care. Greg

Thanks Janne! Any comparison to McCartney is extremely flattering to me! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much for your very kind words ROG. Much appreciated! Always love your rockers! Take care. Greg

Thanks David. I appreciate the listen and the kind words! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much Floyd. This is indeed very high praise. You have no idea how much this means coming from you! Take care. Greg

Greg,

As everyone has said, this is really clever writing. You've done a really great job making the metaphor and extending it right through to the end.... and that pay-off really seals the deal.

Excellent performing (as always), and very engaging from start to finish.

I totally enjoyed this,
Noel

THanks Robert! You have been killing it lately..prolific and so good! Take care. Greg

Thanks for those very kind remarks. Much appreciated! You have been posting a variety of really cool stuff! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much Torrey! Love your new one....fabulous!! Take care. Greg

Greg, first of all nice slow down on the end. What a great write! So funny and heartwarming. Anyone who has ever loved their dog will love this one. It does bring to mind Newman, however your vocal is head and shoulders above anything he could have done. The arrangement is perfection and you should take a big bow-wow for this one. Excellence from every view, Tom

Nice expressive vocal. Pleasing melody. Good production---not overdone. Just right like baby bear porridge.

WHAT a great song ROFL.... Really enjoyed the listen, thanks Greg

Thanks for stopping by for a listen and the nice comments. Appreciate it! Take care. Greg

Thanks Dave! You've been posting some killer stuff!! Take care. Greg

Thanks David for those nice words! Nice collab with the ghost of the great Gregg Allman!! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much guys!! Love your new one!! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much Lawrence for the very kind comments. Always love hearing your stuff....never disappointed!! Take care. Greg

Thanks so much Kenny! SOOOOOOO glad you're back!! Take care. Greg

Sounds great. Enjoyed the listen. Beautiful melody.