Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
You need to be logged in to post on the forum
Topic Options
Index
#205173 - 06/02/13 05:45 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 5347
Loc: Florida
Dani - thanks so much for listening and commenting.

Bob - What DO I say to you? Ditto on all forthcoming sageness...!

Kevin - thanks for the listen. I thought about something like that when you guys were doing the February thing. There was a time when I wrote every day. For years. I like just doing it when it presents itself. Don't think I'm ready to try that pace again (yet). But I do look forward to hearing what you come up with (some of the last ones were awesome!)
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

Top
#205175 - 06/02/13 05:49 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 5347
Loc: Florida
Guitarhacker (Herb),

I appreciate the advice. Although, I did think that this song was a pretty solid write. I'd be interested in what you think needs to be re-written and how you would go about it....

Here is the lyric:

walking home from school down by the railroad tracks
i found a treasure in a burlap sack
a half-starved, half-drowned, mixed-breed mutt
she licked my face when i picked her up
i named her "hobo".... she stole my heart
i took her home, cleaned her up, and went to mom and dad
for the hardest part

can i keep her
i'll do whatever i'm asked
i won't make the same mistakes
i may have in the past
she'll have tender care
when she needs me...i'll be there
no one could ever love her any deeper
is that enough
can i keep her

me and hobo... we're both now grown
found a place in town to call our own
hobo wandered off when we first moved in
she was rescued by the girl down the hall in 210
a perfect angel... we fell in love
it's so hard to believe.... every night ask
the heavens above....

can i keep her
i'll do whatever i'm asked
i won't make the same mistakes
i may have in the past
she'll have tender care
when she needs me....i'll be there
no one could ever love her any deeper
is that enough
can i keep her
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

Top
#205212 - 06/03/13 08:23 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
Guitarhacker Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 5262
Floyd.... I don't have any suggestions right off the top of my head for a rewrite of the lyric on this. To rewrite a song can be a major project, since it may alter the song in other ways....at least it does on many of my rewrites.

One thing that I struggle with in my writing is the rhymes. as in, making them good, unique, and not predictable or boring. To me, the perfect rhyme is one that fits like a natural BUT, you didn't see it coming until you're right on it.

We all know that there needs to be rhymes in certain places.... although more and more I'm seeing exceptions to this "hard and fast rule" rise to the top of the country charts. So when I'm looking for rhymes I am seeking more often, to use unpredictable rhymes.

It's when the rhymes are too predictable that the song ventures into the corny or sappy side of things. I did not mean to infer that your writing was not good, heck that's a great country song idea and you wrote about it well.

When I do a rewrite of things in my songs I tend to use the rhyme points as the basis for the changes. This often means rewriting at least 2 complete lines especially if I change the rhyme completely. Often I find that to be the only way to "break the pattern".

There are times when I can find a new and unique rhyme for the first or second half of a given rhyme pair, that fits perfectly and completes the idea as well without sounding like it was the proverbial square peg hammered into the round hole.

Some writers use rhyming dictionaries to find words, and while I have several, I use a program called MasterWriter which I purchased many years ago. It allows me to type the word I think I want to use and rhyme, and it shows in some cases over 40 pages of words that rhyme, as well as many pages of phrases that rhyme. (the path of least resistance) Many of the phrases are cliche's and of course, you want to avoid those like the plague as well, but often something there will spark an idea that takes me to a new direction for the line I'm looking.

I often "print" a rough version of a song to MP3 and listen to it repeatedly. By doing this, the corny, boring, trite, poorly written parts will stick out to me and I let my subconscious work on that problem for a few days. When I set down to write or rewrite, sometimes the new, better part comes easy and sometimes I have to dig it out with my bare fingernails.... each time is different in some aspect. If I'm writing with someone else, I will send a note telling them I don't like such and such line(s) and lets write something new in that place. Another person's POV, when focused on one trouble spot will get a totally new thought process happening.

So... without actually digging in to do a rewrite, this is as close as I can come at this point, by telling you what I look for and to some extent, how I write and then do rewrites.

It's a zen thing.... in the moment....one of those things as you know that you often just have to be there to experience.... just one of the joys of being a songwriter.
_________________________
You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com

Add nothing that adds nothing to the music

Top
#205214 - 06/03/13 08:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
90 dB Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4490
Loc: Florida
Priceless. Absolutely priceless. grin
_________________________
Dyslectics Untie!


https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/

https://soundcloud.com/90-db



Top
#205216 - 06/03/13 08:49 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
boehm Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2861
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Floyd,

don't rewrite or change anything.
It's great as it is.

Guenter
_________________________
http://www.21d.de/
Latest Song: What You Desire

Top
#205219 - 06/03/13 10:00 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
ROG Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2372
Loc: York, England
I'm with Guenter on this one. It works too well to start messing with it.

ROG.

Top
#205243 - 06/03/13 02:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
Achordocaster Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 513
Loc: Grand Junction, Colorado USA
Floyd,
Another excellent job! It's all pretty much been said, so I guess I'll just 2nd it. grin

This made me remember a song I wrote (probably 20 yrs ago) about a weiner dog we had named Harley, it's called 'The Best Damn Little Big Dog In The World'. It definitely has the corn factor going for it. wink

One line I remember was: " He's not like Marmaduke or Lassie even Underdogs no test, 'cause this weiner stands above them could care less how many love them... He's the best damn little big dog in the world" laugh

I might have to dig that one out and do the BIAB treatment to it.

Again, Great Job!

Greg

Top
#205342 - 06/04/13 03:00 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 5347
Loc: Florida
Guenter, ROG,

Not to worry. Nothing came of it. Really.


Greg,

Thanks for the listen and the comments! Let's get those dog songs out there, man!!!
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

Top
#205411 - 06/05/13 08:04 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
90 dB Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4490
Loc: Florida
Oh, I almost forgot. That dog is barking out of tune at the end. You might want to hire another dog. I hear that Labs have perfect pitch.



Regards,


Bob
_________________________
Dyslectics Untie!


https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/

https://soundcloud.com/90-db



Top
#205437 - 06/05/13 10:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 4949
Loc: GA USA
All been said. I can only add that a) we love dogs and b) we love clever songs and both of those conditions made this a great listen for us. I wish I hadn't read the lyrics first so that the switcheroo to the lady would have caught me by surprise. Great production and vocal to go along with the fun!
_________________________
Never grow up...it's a trap.
J&B SoundCloud Page
J&B YouTube Sampler
J&B Website

Top
#205441 - 06/05/13 11:35 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
90 dB Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4490
Loc: Florida
I love dogs too, but for Pete's sake, get a dog that can sing in tune! I'm guessing that's not a union dog on that track, right?
_________________________
Dyslectics Untie!


https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/

https://soundcloud.com/90-db



Top
#205442 - 06/05/13 11:38 AM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 4949
Loc: GA USA
We have a border collie that can sing unison...she hasn't shown any ability with harmony.
_________________________
Never grow up...it's a trap.
J&B SoundCloud Page
J&B YouTube Sampler
J&B Website

Top
#205446 - 06/05/13 12:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 5347
Loc: Florida
Bob,

I contacted the dog and relayed your concerns. I received this in reply from the dog's lawyer (and I quote):

GRRRRRR,

ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF. ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF.

ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF. ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF ARFFF.

OOOWWWWW,

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


Edited by floyd jane (06/05/13 12:56 PM)
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

Top
#205451 - 06/05/13 01:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
90 dB Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4490
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Bob,

I contacted the dog and relayed your concerns. I received this in reply from the dog's lawyer (and I quote):

GRRRRRR,

ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF. ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF.

ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. ARRRFF ARRRFFFF GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF GRRRRR ARFFF. ARRRFFFF ARRRFFF ARRRF ARRRFFFF ARF. GRRRRR ARRRFFFF. AARFF ARARFFFG GRRR ARFFF ARRFFF ARRRFA ARRF ARAARRRRFFF ARFFF.

OOOWWWWW,

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR







OK, Bucky. You can tell your canine friend to expect a visit from some Union representatives very soon.




Edited by 90 dB (06/05/13 01:30 PM)
_________________________
Dyslectics Untie!


https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/

https://soundcloud.com/90-db



Top
#205460 - 06/05/13 02:45 PM [User Showcase] Re: Can I Keep Her [Re: floyd jane]
Pat Marr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7437
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
haha...
y'all ain't right
wink

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


PG Music News
YouTube Find - Software for Learning Saxophone - Band-in-a-Box Review

Check out a recent YouTube find - a review of Band-in-a-Box by McGill Music Sax School!

Watch this video: http://www.pgmusic.com/?vid=2AgfV7emdLQ

The Band-in-a-Box® PlusPAK Upgrade for Windows

Did you know....

If you are currently using a Windows Band-in-a-Box® 2017 UltraPlusPAK or EverythingPAK and are wanting to upgrade to the new version with the 202 new RealTracks that were just released, the PlusPAK upgrade is a great option! This is available on DVD, flash drive, or electronic delivery - simply install the content to your existing 2017 BB folder and you've created your own 2018 "UltraPlusPAK" or "EverythingPAK"!

This package is on sale for just $99 during our special (reg. $129): http://www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.packages.pluspak.htm.

Band-in-a-Box® Version 2018 for Windows is a HIT!

Since the release of Band-in-a-Box® 2018 for Windows, we've received some great feedback!

"Oh wow. [The Audio Chord Wizard] has got to be the coolest enhancement to 2018 Band-in-a-Box. This is so-o-o powerful. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!"
"2018 is a great release in so many ways!"
"Nice work, as usual!!"
"Luvin' it so far!"
"And yet again you manage to come up with styles and instruments that we absolutely 'must have'!"
"Great to have the Oohs and Ahhs RealTracks!"
"The RealTracks are worth their weight in gold to me. They really are an amazing invention for music creators."
"Every one of these tracks is phenomenal!"
"You guys just keep blowing us away."
"This is an amazing product. I tip my hat and thank you immensely."
"Awesome job once again!"
"What an unexpected treat!"
"What a fantastic idea PG music! I love to know who specifically thought of this idea. What an unexpected treat!!"
"Video set number three with Oliver Gannon is phenomenal just by itself! I've been asking for additional instruction from him for sometime And here it is! Plus it looks like there's something for everyone. You really out did yourself on this one PG Music - way to go!"
"Just tonight popped together a quick video using one of the new video styles. Must say the whole process worked without a hitch so this really does look like a great new feature. And what a great teaching aid this could be!"
"Come on, whats not to like about this"
"The new Audio Chord Wizard is my favorite new feature!"
"THIS IS EXCITING!"
"This should be great for creating backing tracks for covers."
"I know what I'm getting for Christmas!"
"What a release!!!"
"The XTRA Styles are fantastic any future idle music-related minutes I may have had are now totally gone gonna find that perfect background rhythm on just about every one of my favorites!!!"
"Recent retirement and the 2018 version of BIAB is a perfect combination!!"
"it's educational utility and potential is awesome!!!"
"I must say, the new harmony options in particular have me champing at the bit!"
"Love the new Video RealTracks!"
"The mixer included into the StylePicker is a great addition."
"This will give my students a great overview of what's going on in an arrangement with the different instruments.!!!"
"A musician must have."
"Lovin' the new RealTracks!!!"
"Amazing!"

Upgrade your Band-in-a-Box® to version 2018 during our special for great savings & Bonus PAKs! www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.packages.htm

Vocal "Oohs" and "Aahs" RealTracks Tutorial Video

Here's a video showing you the different ways you can use the Vocal "Oohs" and "Aahs" RealTracks, new with Band-in-a-Box® 2018 for Windows!

Video link - Band-in-a-Box® 2018 for Windows, now with Vocal "Oohs" and "Aahs" RealTracks!

Plus, here are two audio demos, the full versions of two of the songs that appear in this video:

http://demos.pgmusic.com/audio/allstyledemos2/_LAZYDAY_full_demo.m4a
http://demos.pgmusic.com/audio/allstyledemos2/DownByTheSalleyGardens_with_VocalOohsAahs.m4a

Purchase RealTrack Set 278: Shiny Vocals Oohs and Aahs for just $29 here. It's also included in the Band-in-a-Box® 2018 for Windows PlusPAK, UltraPAK, and Audiophile Edition.

Band-in-a-Box® Version 2018 Build 506 Update Available!

Band-in-a-Box® 2018 for Windows users can download the latest Build 506 at http://www.pgmusic.com/support_windowsupdates.htm#506

Summary of Changes since 2018 Build 205:
Added: "Export Song as Audio File..." menu item has been added to the Audio menu.
Added: BB2018 tutorials folder.
Added: New styles (STY files) for many of the new RealTracks in Sets 278-300 and MIDI SuperTracks sets 25-27.
Added: StylePicker User Categories updated for Xtra Styles PAK 4.
Updated: Styles database
Updated: Various improvements (including Db offset adjustments) to many of the new STY files and .SGU demos included with RealTracks Sets 278-300.
Fixed: "K3" did not work in the chord sheet for copying 3 bars (8 bars would be copied instead).
Fixed: Band-in-a-Box always opens with a maximized window briefly before resizing to the user's saved size.
Fixed: Band-in-a-Box will not open using the proper window size if the Mixer window was open while exiting.
Fixed: Deleting a region of chords would cause "Undo Delete Bars" to appear in the Edit menu, but do nothing unless chosen twice.
Fixed: Error "Input and output sample rates must match" might show when the devices do have matching sample rates.
Fixed: Flash messages were not being added to the flash message log.
Fixed: If Band-in-a-Box was in DAW Plugin mode while exiting, the window size was not restored the next time opening the program.
Fixed: Rendering .m4a or video files might fail and request that the user install QuickTime if using Windows 7. QuickTime should only be necessary for Windows Vista or XP.
Fixed: Some of the Oohs and Aahs (Vocal) RealTracks were not working correctly, and they have been greatly improved.
Fixed: Sometimes when deleting a note in the notation window, you will be asked "OK to delete chord".
Fixed: The "Show Flash Tips" setting did not have any effect when disabled.
Fixed: WashboardBluegrass drums.
Fixed: When exiting DAW Plugin mode, the window would not return to its previous size (it would become maximized).

Have Your Band-in-a-Box® Delivered In Time for Christmas!

The gift of music... some say this is the greatest gift of all! Imagine receiving the tools to help you create your own music for Christmas... like Band-in-a-Box!

If you are in the United States or Canada, order Band-in-a-Box before 12:30 pm Pacific time December 21st for Express delivery in time for Christmas.

If you are outside of North America, order before 12:30 pm Pacific time December 19th for Express delivery in time for Christmas.

With major savings and Bonus PAKs until December 31st, it's a great time to purchase Band-in-a-Box upgrades as a gift for someone you know... or for yourself!
http://www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.packages.htm

Band-in-a-Box® 2018 - Xtra Styles PAK Quick Start Tutorial Video

Our latest video includes a Quick Start tutorial on the installation, locations, and use of the Band-in-a-Box® Xtra Styles PAKs in Version 2018 for Windows. Video: Xtra Styles PAK Quick Start Tutorial

We have put all of our Xtra Styles PAKs on SALE! Until December 31st, purchase any Xtra Styles PAK (1 - 4) for just $29 each! (reg. $49) www.pgmusic.com/xtrastyles.php?os=win

Forum Stats
26734 Members
50 Forums
49011 Topics
400539 Posts

Max Online: 2434 @ 11/14/17 12:37 AM
Newest Members
TimmyA, Adam Fressbender, Smashplex, PasUser, zeuxis

26737 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
Matt Finley 410
VideoTrack 343
jford 233
Noel96 188
PeterGannon 184
Al-David 170
furry 167
Rob4580 125
Russell DeMussel 122
David Snyder 116
Today's Birthdays
Country Fever, Mariothegreat