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Awesome endeavor Josie. I've listened and tomorrow
while traveling we'll stream them back to back.

I'm lucky to squeeze out one song a month!

Bud

Song number 7: Half way through. Will she make it to the end?
What is the time in Amsterdam.

WHATS THE TIME IN AMSTERDAM

Copyright Arthur Rossi and Joanne Cooper 2016

These wonderful lyrics were provided by Arthur Rossi on FAWM who has written over 50 sets of lyrics and invited collaborators to put music to them. It is so wonderful to work with an already well thought out set of lyrics. I loved the concept as soon as I saw it and put together this country swing version.


Now I live in Chicago
I'll get along just fine
I wonder what my boyfriend's doin'
left in Amsterdam

I stand up in the morning
prepare some eggs and ham
is he awake or is he sleepin'
there in Amsterdam?

Morning time, evening time is it 3 am
I dont know what time it is
right now in Amsterdam

Morning time, evening time is it 8 pm
heaven knows what time it is
right now in Amsterdam

Is he lonely and does he still
remember who I am
Does he know how much I love him
Out in Amsterdam

Is he sad and does he miss me
will I find another man
I Cant find another one
My love's in Amsterdam

Chorus

bridge
When there are the moments the hands of those clocks meet
In that time I guess, maybe
he still thinks of me

heaven knows what time it is
right now in Amsterdam

Realtracks: (I didn't do too much to BIABs style with this one)
RealTracks in style: ~539:Bass, Electric, Pop Sw 120
RealTracks in style: 2124:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryShuffleJohn Sw 120
RealTracks in style: ~372:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank Sw 120
RealDrums in style: NashvilleBrushesClassicShuffle: a: Sidestick, Brushes b: Brushes,
WHATS THE TIME IN AMSTERDAM WHATS THE TIME IN AMSTERDAM

Hi Josie,

Here are my previously mentioned comments on the lyrics of Like A Lady.


Before I comment, I'd like to say that the below is just my perspective. I'm only one person I apologise in advance if what I write comes across as anything other than an opinion. I sincerely like this song. As I listened, though, thoughts occurred to me. Then, as I thought about it more, other thoughts occurred to me.

I completely understand that the whole point of FAWM is to get drafts down as quickly as possible and then move on. The transformation of drafts into full blown songs and productions comes after February.


To start with... here's my analysis

The Song's WHY
As I heard it, the lyric concerns a parent singing about his or her daughter and offering 'boys' some advice. This lyric is cleverly constructed because it could be sung by either a mum or a dad.

In the first half of verse 1, the parent speaks and talks about 'a boy' in third person. This section has a good, general feel about it. The second half now uses first person plural and talks inclusively about 'our daughters'. The use of 'some' as a pronoun is still presenting 'men' in third person... i.e. talking about them not to them. The use of 'our' gave me the impression that the singer seemed to be expressing the thoughts of all parents of daughters.

• For me, by this stage in the song, I'd formed the image in my mind that the singer is talking to a group of parents of daughters about how things could be better if the daughters were more aware of mens' qualities.

Now comes the chorus... With the use of 'you', the perspective initially sounded like the singer is referring generally with the plural 'you' to the group of parents. Then it changes. I was a little confused because it sounded like 'you' was also meant for the 'men' who, up until this point, had only been present in third person... now it seemed like the singer had turned around to a group of men on the other side of the stage from the parents and was addressing them directly. When the song finished, and I looked at the words, I saw that 'you' could be being used in the general sense of 'one'. When I substituted 'one' into the chorus...


… it worked so 'you' could definitely be used in this general sense. I didn't hear it that way though. Also, with the last line of the chorus, it occurred to me that 'with' dignity might work better because 'in' dignity is easily confused with the word 'indignity' and it's very different meaning.

The second verse and bridge also seemed to talk to parents sometimes and men sometimes. It also sounded like the singer might be the representative of a group of parents here too. For theses reasons, streamlining the perspective, so that any hint of confusion is removed, is worth playing around with.


At this point, it occurred to me that choruses often work better when they're stripped of pronouns because then they can be easily coloured by whatever pronoun(s) and tense leads into them from the verse. The only pronoun I needed to keep was 'her' since the chorus is about the daughter. To strip a chorus of pronouns, the simplest way is often to change verbs into their '-ing' form. The infinitive form of the verb is also useful for this (e.g. I've used 'to get' in the below). These verb forms work well with any tense that's used in the verse (past, present, future). Doing this led me to...


With no personal pronouns other than 'her' in the chorus, I now needed to develop a trigger phrase (or word) that could give the chorus meaning relative to a specific perspective in the preceding verse. Playing around with this, led me to... 'It's all about...” or maybe just “It's...” or even “If you want to make her happy, it's...”

Ok... this is when I thought I'd create a situation in my mind and shape the lyrics to that situation. For this particular 'who is the singer talking to' and 'why', I thought I'd try the scenario that a young man has come around to ask a mum if he can take her daughter out. They are standing at the front door talking. This then leads to the mother reaching down and grabbing her guitar and singing to the young man with some advice about how he should treat her daughter. It's fortunate that she keeps a guitar beside the door for emergencies such as this Thus...



The question now arises as to how to develop verse 2 so that the emotional intensity increases while keeping my above scenario in mind. Maybe moving into questions could work...



The bridge's perspective again moves to the group of parents and addresses them in relation to sons and daughters. Since a bridge often works well when the philosophical content is boosted and also since its meaning usually colours the final chorus, I played around with some 'bigger picture' ideas like... 'what's the meaning of life?', etc... a metaphor could work well here... This led to the metaphor "the road of life" which eventually yielded...



Here's a link to a pdf of the whole lyric...


Hope what I've written is useful. Please feel completely free to throw it away!

All the best,
Noel

Edit: modified a couple of lyrics

• my latest song: With You In My Arms

Noel. Thank you SO SO much for taking the time to post this. I think everyone can and will benefit from the detailed thinking that you have laid out for us. Love the bit about having her guitar handy at the door! That is classic!. Very funny.

I can see how the perspective of the song would be a bit confusing!

I think the chorus is what makes it confusing with the use of the pronoun "You". The song is not really trying to talk to the "boys" (nor is it trying to talk to the girls for that matter). It is actually talking to the "parents". It is saying we (as parents) need to teach our daughters that there are different kinds of men and to teach her to distinguish between the ones who "lust" after her and the ones that "love" her, ones that are careful (not careless..etc).

Then once we've taught our daughters that, then we need to teach our sons to be that "different type of man" (one that treats her like a princess etc). I think the song will work if I reword the chorus to exclude the "you" to somehow say "there are men who will treat a woman like a princess....etc

Trying to get a couple of songs out over the weekend! Real job is getting in the way!
Song number 8

Co-write with fellow FAWMer Arthur Rossi again

THE TRAIN TO PHNOM PENH

What a wonderful set of lyrics this was. All the exotic place names were just fantastic. I has to spend a bit of time on Youtube to figure out how to pronounce them (but still probably got it wrong!)

I’m stuck out here in Sisophon,
the station's ghostly in the dawn,
rusting tracks, abandoned logs,
three old shacks, two street dogs,

a mild breeze blows in June…
I'll leave before the great monsoon…
waiting for the train to Phnom Penh…

Geckos scurry by a stone,
the platform’s empty overgrown…
a pelican, a watercock,
now and then kids draw with chalk,
They say “Hey mam, you wait in vain,
we have never seen a train,
no, there is no more train to Phnom Penh…”

(Chorus)
Now and then...
people come and people go...
“you know,
they closed this line long ago”
I keep waiting for the train to come
waiting for the train to Phnom Penh…


I’m stuck out here in Sisophon,
clocks don’t work, hours drag on...
cranes fly by, disappear...
why am I sitting here?
wild orchids sway and bloom...
I'll leave before the great monsoon…
waiting for the train to Phnom Penh…

(Chorus)
Now and then...
people come and people go...
“you know,
they closed this line long ago”
I keep waiting for the train to come
waiting for the train to Phnom Penh…


(Bridge)
They say "Mam we gotta to be frank
Can’t even get to Battambang...
there is no train to Phnom Penh...”

(Chorus)
Now and then...
people come and people go...
“you know,
they closed this line long ago”
I keep waiting for the train to come
waiting for the train to Phnom Penh…

Realtracks: I am running out of energy to do too much with the standard styles that BIAB gives me. I didn't do anything with this one!!
RealTracks in style: ~537:Bass, Acoustic, Pop Sw 165
RealTracks in style: 616:Mandolin, Rhythm Bouncy Sw 165
RealTracks in style: ~812:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm Western Swing Sw 165
RealTracks in style: ~373:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank Sw 165
RealDrums in style: Nashville2BeatSw8^01-a:Sidestick , b:Snare, Ride

Josie,

I won't presume to critique you, you are light-years beyond my songwriter skills.

Perhaps I listen first to the music and then to the story-line. To my ear, your chord progression is too similar between songs. On #1, a musical phrase jumped at me that reminded me too much like another of your earlier songs.

Having an immediately identifiable "signature" is something that will fall into place later. Meanwhile, it's a distraction.

I hope I'm articulating properly without offending. My observation wouldn't amount to a hair on a freckle on a frog's wart.

You go girl!

Donny

Ahhh... thank you for the insight. I'm glad my ideas were potentially useful.

Happy writing.... you're doing a great job so far!

Regards,
Noel

• my latest song: With You In My Arms

Thank you So much Don. I appreciate the feedback. After the first few songs they all start sounding the same! I start singing a song and I go "wait a minute, I've already written this. I wrote it yesterday!". As an aside, apparently Paul McCartney thought he had already written "Yesterday". I think it comes from writing them all so close together! I am going to try writing some more acoustic stuff next, just with my guitar, so hopefully that will have some different influences!



Thank you Noel. I have taken careful notes for when I get round to the rewrites.

Good work so far. Fun watching. Will jump in here and say I've noted the same as Don about the musical familiarity.

I know you've got a good handle on it.

Hi Joanne,

Like No 7 and 8.
Enjoyable listen.

Guenter

Song number 8
Co-write with fellow FAWMer Arthur Rossi again
THE TRAIN TO PHNOM PENH

A very interesting lyric. Good melody and music.
It's an enjoyable listen.

The vocal seems a little hot (just a little bit of distortion that shouldn't be there...)

fj

"Perhaps I listen first to the music and then to the story-line. To my ear, your chord progression is too similar between songs. On #1, a musical phrase jumped at me that reminded me too much like another of your earlier songs."

Ha, ha -- it is FAWM and that happens all the time. Beside I write songs with similar melodies and chord progressions from past years. It takes a lot of effort to stretch and add new chords (or voicings) and melodies.

I've heard that the majority of us really only write about 5 "unique" songs -- we just keep writing those same 5 over and over again (with slight variations here and there).

It was a confession, of sorts. I have a favorite chord progression that is recurrent in most of my tunes. What worked once should work again!

I think Joanne understands that I wasn't knocking her, just a personal observation. Her reply shows that she's aware of the repetitive nature of genius.

A wine connoisseur can immediately tell the vintner, year, perhaps even who stomped the grapes and on what day of the week. She is an excellent vintner and storyteller.

Furthermore, the works of the greatest composers are generally recognized upon hearing just a few notes. Bumpapapaa!

I've forgotten the source but someone once said: "A masterpiece is merely a work in progress."

Donny

I must say once again that I really appreciate everyone who has take the time to listen to any of the songs and make comments. During the course of this month I have adjusted my sails as the comments have been coming in and I think that has made this the MOST fantastic experience of my life. I can honestly recommend it to anyone.

Here is song number 9 (on the downward slope now!)

ALL USED UP

These lyrics were offered up by fellow FAWMer John Hudome who said he "didn't wan to get too far into FAWM without posting anything" so he posted up these lyrics. They are infinitely relatable. I don't think there is one of us that can say that they haven't felt "All used up" a relationship at some time or other.

Lyrics:
I no longer like it
I don’t care what you say
Isn’t now a good fit
Just feel in the way
Have your time without me
Ribbons in my hair
Trimmings on the fir tree
Better I’m not there

Used to be exciting
Couldn’t wait to see
What would be there waiting
For you and for me
Efforts now been thwarted
Trapped as in a snare
buzzing head sounds for free
Guess you just don’t care

Chorus:
And I’m all used up
No where to go
All used up
After the show
All used up
So now you know
I’m all used up
The end is coming slow

Realtracks: I found the most awesome realtrack! The folk sorrow guitar track! wow. Okay so the tempo doesn't match the final song but I think it did a good job of adjusting!

RealTracks in style: ~2474:Bass, Acoustic, Held Ev 085
RealTracks in style: 2548:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm FolkSorrow Ev16 090
RealDrums in style: BrushesBoomChickEv16: a: Brushes Smoothb: Brushes Boom
*******************

As Floyd would day "Have at it"

Joanne,

I listened to all of them, and of all of them all “Be Brave” and “Watching Time” seem closest to an album song in terms of a great production and an identifiable or branded “sound.” Not that you should use ukulele on every song, but these two songs were very simple and warm, and your vocals are excellent and warm as well. This particular simplicity of instruments and tonalities fits your voice and lyrical story telling style very well: it sort of cradles your voice in the warmth of the production, if that makes any sense. If I were producing this, I would strive for this level of warmth, and groove, and in the pocket production on all of the songs. Kind of like a James Taylor album---all of the songs might be different, but they usually all have a similar sound and tonality in the warmth and production. I would use these songs as your touchstones for producing the rest, they turned out really well. On some of the others, I like the songs, but found the instrumentation to be a little jarring or high pitched, in contrast with these productions which really cradled your voice. To me, your very warm, earthy voice tones should be cradled in musical warmth on all of these songs and any instrumentation that does not provide a warm pocket for the voice should be avoided. This album—to me—seems like it is a showcase for your voice, and not the instruments, which need to take second place. Hope this makes sense. If it does, I will be happy to take a listen to all tunes again if they are redone on a song by song basis just to give my production feedback as to whether I feel they are providing that warm pocket for your voice, or are distracting from your voice, should that feedback be useful.
Great job with the writing so far. Really excellent material.

David. Wow! Thank you so much for your detailed feedback. Thank you for taking the time to listen to all the songs. I am intrigued with what appeals and what doesn't. I take all your points very seriously and will definitely think about your kind offer when I do the album

Song #10 Her Serenity

HER SERENITY

I have absolutely no idea where this one came from! It started out from my own point of view, getting older, on the homeward journey, grey hair, getting wiser etc...etc using a metaphor of a boat or ship. Then I changed the point of view to "Her" instead of "I" and everything changed. Now, when I listen to it, it could have been written for a friend of mine who passed away from cancer in May last year. And it makes me weep. Not the intention I had when I started but thought I would just Fawm it and move on.

Her deck is rough and slightly worn
sails no longer bright
ropes a little salty stiff
stays no longer tight

She'll start the homeward journey now
set her sails again
Sail before the heaving seas
wind behind her main

feel splendor in
Serenity
Find beauty in
simiplicty
See the wonder of
Symmerty
I know she'll find her
Serenity

She's been learning all the way
That life is not a race
slow and even fair or fowl
To set a steady pace

She's learned to sail the boat alone
tried to ride the storm
found that endings start with one
She'll steer her ship back home

Realtracks
RealTracks in song: ~518:Bass, Electric, Pop HalfNotes Ev 085
RealTracks in song: ~896:Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, Rhythm FolkRock Ev 100
RealTracks in song: ~2200:Guitar, Nylon, Background CountryBrent Ev 085
RealTracks in song: 1856:Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085
RT2457:Strings, Rhythm CelticAir Ev 085
And a dimension pro violin

Josie,

I'm "sold" before listening.

You have an uncanny ability to radiate love, warmth, respect, and empathy in your glowing personality. You are bulldog-tenacious in your loyalty to your myriad friends.

If we could bottle that, the world would be a much brighter place.

Donny

Song #10 Her Serenity

A very nice write! Your prosody in this is excellent.

Typically, you would want to have your hook or title repeat - at the beginning and end of the chorus is always a good repeat... in this one (this is just an opinion of course), I think it would be more effective if you could find another word (first line) similar to the others and leave Serenity until that last line.

You are doing great!

fj

Joanne,

Best of luck with FAWM - quite the undertaking. I admire your efforts.

I'm a big fan of your latest song, Her Serenity. Love the lyrics and the way that you deliver this one...

Bob