Page 13 of 175 < 1 2 ... 11 12 13 14 15 ... 174 175 >
You need to be logged in to post on the forum
Topic Options
Index
#137784 - 12/30/11 03:33 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Don Gaynor]
Don Gaynor Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/10/03
Posts: 6348
Loc: Oklahoma, USA
"It goes without saying...!"

Top
#137785 - 12/31/11 11:32 AM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Don Gaynor]
Don Gaynor Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/10/03
Posts: 6348
Loc: Oklahoma, USA
Out of the Mouths

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?

Top
#137786 - 12/31/11 01:55 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Don Gaynor]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
Ok - this little lot will wrap up 2011 nicely.

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it

Top
#137787 - 12/31/11 01:58 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a

Top
#137788 - 12/31/11 01:59 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail

Top
#137789 - 12/31/11 02:03 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says,

Top
#137790 - 12/31/11 02:06 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The real reason that we can

Top
#137791 - 12/31/11 02:09 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
Two women, just newly arrived at the pearly gates, are comparing stories on how they died and reached Heaven.

1st woman:

Top
#137792 - 12/31/11 02:12 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
An older couple decides to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they

Top
#137793 - 12/31/11 02:14 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in or around Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the collection basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery where they are sorted by casino and then taken to their casinos of origin and cashed out. This is done by the chip monks.

Top
#137794 - 12/31/11 02:17 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.


Top
#137795 - 12/31/11 02:20 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional

"But

Top
#137796 - 12/31/11 02:28 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction.


Top
#137797 - 12/31/11 02:30 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
A very wealthy man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gave each woman a present of $5,000 and waited to see what they each would do with the money.

The first did a total make over. She went to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair and makeup done, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this just to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was very impressed.

The second went shopping to buy the man gifts. She bought him a new set of golf clubs, some new peripherals for his computer, a new hdtv and expensive clothes.
She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

The man was very impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future together because she loves him so much.

The man was very impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he

Top
#137798 - 12/31/11 02:34 PM Re: SANITY TEST - FUNNY [Re: Kevin Woolley]
Kevin Woolley Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 771
Loc: Pietersburg, South Africa
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out

Top
Page 13 of 175 < 1 2 ... 11 12 13 14 15 ... 174 175 >


Shout Box (Live chat with other users)

PG Music News
PG Music at Musikmesse - Day 3

PG Music had another great day at Musikmesse!

There is still one more day to drop by the M3C Systemtechnik GmbH booth (Hall 5.1, Stand A 50) to meet with PG Music's own Tobin & Charlie. They will be demoing the ‪Band-in-a-Box 2015 version throughout the day along with Wolfgang Wierzyk.

Band-in-a-Box Demos at Musikmesse - Day 2

Band-in-a-Box demonstrations are being held throughout the day at the M3C Systemtechnik GmbH booth located in Hall 5.1, Stand A 50 ‪Musikmesse 2015‬ starting at 10:00am.

RealBand Version 2015 Build 8 Update

RealBand Version 2015 Build 8 Update is now available for download.

RealTracks Update Patch for Band-in-a-Box Windows Versions 2014 & 2015

RealTracks Update Patch for Band-in-a-Box Windows Versions 2014 & 2015 Update is now available for download.

Band-in-a-Box Version 2015 for Windows Build 416 Update

Band-in-a-Box Version 2015 for Windows Build 416 Update is now available for download.

PG Music at Musikmesse in Frankfurt am Main April 15th - 18th

Our German distributor, M3C Systemtechnik GmbH invites you to visit their booth (Hall 5.1, Stand A 50) at Messe where you can see available products, watch presentations and hourly workshops and meet with product specialists.

Representing PG Music, all the way from Victoria, BC Canada are Tobin and Charlie. They will be doing presentations throughout the day. They would love to meet you, so please stop by to say hi to them and the M3C team!

The Russian Version of Band-in-a-Box 2015 for Windows is here.

The Russian version of Band-in-a-Box and RealBand 2015 for Windows are here!
More info...

Forum Stats
22958 Members
37 Forums
33294 Topics
266368 Posts

Max Online: 1591 @ 03/15/15 04:12 PM
Newest Members
fech, eddies21, KGU, Bluegrass-Banjo, Kyos

22957 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
seeker 160
VideoTrack 135
Noel96 103
floyd jane 95
R & AM 88
jford 87
Matt Finley 87
solidrock 86
Rob4580 86
90 dB 85
Today's Birthdays
STLSAXIST