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#397705 02/25/17 11:06 AM
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Hi, folks.

If you have the time to listen, I hope you will enjoy this song's lightness and comedy. Any comments and suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!

Redemption and Forgiveness


_RESFOLK.STY Folk Ballad w/ Resonator
(I think I got rid of all the RT instruments. I just liked the style.)

168 bpm ev8 4/4 Em
I played the guitars
535 Bass (double-time)
Shakers ev8 (I used two tracks, offsetting them to get a syncopation)
I cobbled the sidestick together using the sidestick from Nashville Even8. I didn't want high-hats, etc.)
2509 Cell Background PopEven Ev 120
2503 Piano, Acoustic HeldChords 085
I found the boys choir loop at Looperman.com and changed the key in Reaper.



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Andy,
Now I enjoy gallows humour... but hey,after you`re holding the kid in the street I`m wondering when it will kick in!
Seriously though, its a very difficult subject for a song; I liked the lead in details in the story and your almost spoken vocal suits the mood .The simple arrangement sounds fine.
Two-hankies for this one!

Robert

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Hi Andy,

It's a great backing you've assembled here. And your performance is excellent. In relation to the lyrics, though, I found them a tough listen. While your opening lines were really strong, the topic material challenged me and I couldn't get past verse 3.

In case it's useful to you, a couple of thoughts that came to mind were ones that I'd read in songwriting books. They were...

(a) Did you try these lyrics using third person perspective? A number of books I've read say that third person perspective (using he/she and I - no 'you') adds distance to lyrics and that this is one of the best choices for heavy topic material. For example:

  • Redemption and forgiveness, were words he’d sometimes heard
    He often found them lacking, insincere or unrequired
    One evening while driving, he heard their awful song
    and now he lives beyond those words, no hope for either one

(b) Since your song's lyrics are so direct, I suspect that you did this to confront the listener. That's always an option. Out of curiosity, have you thought about making them less direct and using an extended metaphor so that an element of interpretation is left to the mind of the listener? Metaphors are the one of the lyricist's most effective tools in almost every scenario.

Regards,
Noel


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Thanks for the comments. Greatly appreciate you taking time to listen and drop a note

I'll look at the verses again Noel, I doubt im making that kind of a change. That's a huge undertaking and can derail it all. It plays well, I get a lot of questions and occasionally some will quietly say they also had a horrible experience like this. And people will line up to coyly ask if it is was me.

There is so much personal emotion and personal demons, no outsider would know about unless we'd been directly involved.

I wanted it in 1st person. I don't want to deflect it to another person. For me, that's the impact. Some won't like this song, while others are drawn to it.

About metaphors, I'm a big fan of them, I think I did not use any because I wanted it to be clear. There are a few word twists, "..the papers moved...to dwell 'in' someone else's pain...,", rather thank the common saying, "dwell on"...but overall nothing is left up to need to decipher.

Thank you again for your suggestions and observations, Noel. Good fodder for the next one.


Last edited by Andy A - USA; 02/27/17 11:58 AM. Reason: I did an awful job in the original post. I tried to clear thing up a bit.

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Originally Posted By: Andy A - USA
Thanks for the comments. Greatly appreciate you taking time to listen and drop a note

I'll look at the verses again Noel, I doubt im making that kind of a change. That's a huge undertaking and can derail it all. It plays welll, i get a lot of questions and occasionally some will quietly say they also ran a child over. And people will line up to coyly ask it is was me.

these is so much personal emotion and personal demons, no outsider would know about.

I want it in1st person. It is a personal song.


Hi Andy,

The above are only thoughts, nothing more.

Before posting, I tossed the thought "saying nothing versus saying something" around in my mind a great deal. Then I came back to your comment that you encouraged thoughts and suggestions. Because of this, in the end, I decided that it's better to say something and let you choose whether it's useful or not, or valid or not. At the end of the day, any song that a songwriter writes only ever has to meet the expectations of the songwriter. When that's accomplished, the song can be considered successful. (That's my philosophy at least.)

All the best,
Noel


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That was fine, Noel. I did ask and all questions are good and I appreciate your thoughts. You are a talented writer and I respect you. My answer could have been worded differently, and reviewing it now, not on my phone in bed between sleep and Netflix, I feel a little guilty. I should have just said "Thank you for your thoughts" and kept my reasons to myself.

Last edited by Andy A - USA; 02/26/17 03:33 AM.

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And, thank you, Robert. Mission accomplished!


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Your voice is incredibly authentic sounding - Really, really strong

I think it makes the song; I was there with you ever line!

The only comment I have is the overall length of the song. If I were cowriting with you, I would find some way to drop the first 2 verses. Its important to state your "tag" early on, so that would be my focus for a combination of V1 and V2, but the rest makes the song longer than it needs to be

Anyway - I think you have something really excellent in your delivery, and an excellent set of lyrics - nice one


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Originally Posted By: Andy A - USA
Hi, folks.

If you have the time to listen, I hope you will enjoy this song's lightness and comedy.



Ummmmmm....man, I love your stuff normally, but I have to say this one threw me, since you referenced humor and stuff in your posting comments.

I have to say it seemed a little "off" to me and I can't say why.

I am not sure the *humor* you are speaking of is working here, really. Maybe I am totally wrong, but this one totally confused me Andy. Maybe it is because you introduced it as a comedy and maybe I am stupid.

Love ya though man.

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HA! Yes, the humor comment was just to this forum. There is none in the song and in real life I wouldn't make the comment, and perhaps I shouldn't have here. I have been approached quietly and in confidence by 2 separate people who had also been through it.

Fab, absolutely right. Long. It's something I think about with this one and other story songs... I've tried removing the 1st verse and it "works" but left me meh... I like the set up it gives, curiosity, then coming back to it at the end where it is understood. Hopefully. But I get what you are saying.


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I removed the 1st verse just to see if that served the song better. It shortened the song by 40 seconds, so good deal there. Just over 4 mins.

Without that verse, it kinda just jumps in, but that might be just to my ear because I am used to hearing the original verse in there.

Also, I changed the title because of that. I'd not named it "The Little Boy" previously, though the obvious title, because I didn't want to give hints about the song's story.

Opinions and suggestions and thoughts are welcomed. Be as honest as you like. No offense taken. Thanks, folks.

www.soundcloud.com/andyandersonmusic/the-little-boy


Andy

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