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#416905 - 06/07/17 09:51 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Kajun Jeaux Offline
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Registered: 11/16/03
Posts: 357
Loc: Baker, La
Thanks for the kind words, Alan....


Kajun Jeaux

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#417263 - 06/11/17 02:30 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Froi Offline
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Registered: 03/31/17
Posts: 94
Loc: Philippines
Mine is not necessarily my favorite but my friends like it because it sounds weird but make sense. It goes...

"I'm gonna make Him my Lord cause I wanna go on living when I die" smile
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https://soundcloud.com/froilan-g-villegas

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#417313 - 06/11/17 11:21 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Danny C. Offline
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Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6423
Loc: South Louisiana
Interesting thread.

Here's mine:

I'll pay my guitar, with tears out of sight
but I'll be playing in the key of, Lonely Tonight

Later,
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#417348 - 06/11/17 04:58 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
edshaw Offline
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Registered: 10/09/16
Posts: 250
Loc: Colorado
From "The Lord's Greatest Hour," posted, starting with the line:

"We're standing,
in need of,
God's redeeming pow'r,"

Add syncopation and add interest by revising the tense a little bit, to:

"Never have we stood
(so much in need of)
God's redeeming power, "

Both modifications were after thoughts so that the words could fit the melody iine.
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#417357 - 06/11/17 05:45 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Guitarhacker]
edshaw Offline
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Registered: 10/09/16
Posts: 250
Loc: Colorado
Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
Well.... I'll chime in on this with my favorite lyric.
This is my favorite lyric for a few reasons. Not my favorite song by any means but the way the lyrics seemed to flow...I think I wrote this in a few sessions but each session was smooth. I would write a verse with no effort and in no time at all.
Leave Our Country Alone
It's a political song but regardless of your views, read the lyrics from a writer's POV and listen to the song as well. I had a few people comment on the interesting rhymes and the way the words just seemed to fit together effortlessly.
Anyway, I like the way it turned out. My favorite part is after the solo to the end.


This is an interesting thing, Guitar Hacker. It reminds me of the place conversations tend to wind up, over a few beers -- I mean, the expectations, the Chicago croneyism, your basic throw caution to the wind. The old saying, "Be careful who you walk on, on the way up...you may rue the day you meet them, on the way down."
That, I think is a current theme, unfolding as we see formerly untouchable officials on the carpet now, for things they have done. Not unlkike the recently posted, "My Sad Story," this one is a story of consequences.
It would make a good sound track for a You Tube video.




Edited by edshaw (06/11/17 05:47 PM)
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#417360 - 06/11/17 05:59 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Froi]
edshaw Offline
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Registered: 10/09/16
Posts: 250
Loc: Colorado
I enjoyed that very much, Froilan.
Wish I knew how you achieved that driving, congregational, backing feel that goes so well on the contemporary worship scene. There's only one way to find out, then, isn't there? So, I'll get to it.
Seriously, though, that is the backing comp, a variation of it, that has been in my mind often, lately.
A one, and a-two, and a three and four and five and six....


Edited by edshaw (06/11/17 06:00 PM)
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#417415 - 06/11/17 11:23 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: edshaw]
Froi Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 03/31/17
Posts: 94
Loc: Philippines
Originally Posted By: edshaw
I enjoyed that very much, Froilan.
Wish I knew how you achieved that driving, congregational, backing feel that goes so well on the contemporary worship scene. There's only one way to find out, then, isn't there? So, I'll get to it.
Seriously, though, that is the backing comp, a variation of it, that has been in my mind often, lately.
A one, and a-two, and a three and four and five and six....


Thanks edshaw. I guess it must be the musical influences I had during my younger years.
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#417578 - 06/12/17 05:58 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Greg Johnson Offline
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 3608
Loc: Davis, CA
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This is probably my favorite of my own for unusual rhymes. I think my favorite is:

For heaven sake son
Put the brakes on

Rhyming is an interesting thing. Sometimes simple, common rhymes work well, particularly if the "story" feels authentic. Sometimes there's a bit of "rhymitis" that just is kind of a turn off. Fun subject Al! Take care all. Greg

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#425088 - 08/07/17 09:53 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Kajun Jeaux]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 2487
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Kajun Jeaux
Thanks for the kind words, Alan....


Kajun Jeaux


You are welcome. Thanks for participating!
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#425089 - 08/07/17 09:54 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Froi]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 2487
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Froi
Mine is not necessarily my favorite but my friends like it because it sounds weird but make sense. It goes...

"I'm gonna make Him my Lord cause I wanna go on living when I die" smile


Hi!

That's a good oner! Thanks for contributing!

Alan
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#425090 - 08/07/17 09:55 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Danny C.]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 2487
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Danny C.
Interesting thread.

Here's mine:

I'll pay my guitar, with tears out of sight
but I'll be playing in the key of, Lonely Tonight

Later,


Hi Danny,

Oh yeah! That's a winner ... loved it! Thanks for dropping in with that.

Alan
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#425091 - 08/07/17 09:58 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: edshaw]
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 2487
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: edshaw
From "The Lord's Greatest Hour," posted, starting with the line:

"We're standing,
in need of,
God's redeeming pow'r,"

Add syncopation and add interest by revising the tense a little bit, to:

"Never have we stood
(so much in need of)
God's redeeming power, "

Both modifications were after thoughts so that the words could fit the melody iine.


Howdy Ed,

Nice, indeed! And I always play with the lyric just a touch to get a smooth line that works well with the music. Thanks for adding to the mix!

Alan



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No one is perfect; do the best you can and be happy. (My grandfather, Carl Crouch)

Our Website: http://doubletrouble-music.wix.com/our-songs

Instrumental Loops Website: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops


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#425092 - 08/07/17 10:07 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Greg Johnson]
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 2487
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
https://soundcloud.com/gjohnson-2/master-gregjohnson-right-lane

This is probably my favorite of my own for unusual rhymes. I think my favorite is:

For heaven sake son
Put the brakes on

Rhyming is an interesting thing. Sometimes simple, common rhymes work well, particularly if the "story" feels authentic. Sometimes there's a bit of "rhymitis" that just is kind of a turn off. Fun subject Al! Take care all. Greg


Hi Greg,

Sure do appreciate you bringing some more wisdom and good writing to the forum. And that's a really great couplet!

I'm okay with some of the "near rhymes" as long as they don't dominate the song. As mentioned to someone else earlier, I particularly love internal rhymes. And i agree that the various approaches to rhymes is interesting. When I examine the lyrics to popular songs, I first listen to the beat as I think that's what sells songs and leaves the listener with a memory., Next, I listen for the rhymes - are they appropriate, do they make sense and, most importantly, do they appear to be forced simply for the sake of a rhyme, regardless.

Thanks for the visit. Best to you,

Alan
_________________________
No one is perfect; do the best you can and be happy. (My grandfather, Carl Crouch)

Our Website: http://doubletrouble-music.wix.com/our-songs

Instrumental Loops Website: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops


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#425102 - 08/08/17 01:32 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 11937
Loc: Australia
Hi Alan,

Sorry. I shouldn't have posted my thoughts here. The lyrics I analysed were not original. I've deleted them.

Regards,
Noel
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#425124 - 08/08/17 07:53 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
David Snyder Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 2914
Loc: North Carolina
My favorite lyrics are the ones I wrote after reading those John Prine lyrics three seconds ago:


Merry Christmas John Prine
by David Snyder

V1

I lost my teeth and my eyeballs and legs
now I'm lying on my back just smokin' these dregs
I guess messin' in your pants ain't all that bad
and I hope this song doesn't make you sad
yeah daddy got crushed by the midnight train
mama she drowned in a floodin' rain
my arms is pockmarked with fifty years of pain
and my whole stinking life went down the drain

CH:

so Merry Christmas everybody!
and don't you ever call me Wayne
Merry Christmas from Death row baby
in case I never see you again!

from

"Merry Christmas John Prine"
by David Snyder
written 3 seconds ago on the Band in a Box Forum
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PG Music News
Band-in-a-Box® Version 2018 for Windows is a HIT!

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Summary of Changes since 2018 Build 205:
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The idea for this project came about when many members on this forum and elsewhere were asking questions about the song writing process. There are many aspects, and many parts of it necessary to create a song, get it arranged, performed, and then published on the internet. So we asked the great songwriter Floyd Jane, who is a regular member on this forum, if he could help. Floyd agreed and was even able to collaborate with other forum members, Janice and Bud. The result is this video we put together that you can see on YouTube or Facebook, called "The Birth of a Song (w/Floyd Jane)".

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