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#425090 - 08/07/17 09:55 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Danny C.]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Danny C.
Interesting thread.

Here's mine:

I'll pay my guitar, with tears out of sight
but I'll be playing in the key of, Lonely Tonight

Later,


Hi Danny,

Oh yeah! That's a winner ... loved it! Thanks for dropping in with that.

Alan
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#425091 - 08/07/17 09:58 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: edshaw]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: edshaw
From "The Lord's Greatest Hour," posted, starting with the line:

"We're standing,
in need of,
God's redeeming pow'r,"

Add syncopation and add interest by revising the tense a little bit, to:

"Never have we stood
(so much in need of)
God's redeeming power, "

Both modifications were after thoughts so that the words could fit the melody iine.


Howdy Ed,

Nice, indeed! And I always play with the lyric just a touch to get a smooth line that works well with the music. Thanks for adding to the mix!

Alan



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#425092 - 08/07/17 10:07 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Greg Johnson]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
https://soundcloud.com/gjohnson-2/master-gregjohnson-right-lane

This is probably my favorite of my own for unusual rhymes. I think my favorite is:

For heaven sake son
Put the brakes on

Rhyming is an interesting thing. Sometimes simple, common rhymes work well, particularly if the "story" feels authentic. Sometimes there's a bit of "rhymitis" that just is kind of a turn off. Fun subject Al! Take care all. Greg


Hi Greg,

Sure do appreciate you bringing some more wisdom and good writing to the forum. And that's a really great couplet!

I'm okay with some of the "near rhymes" as long as they don't dominate the song. As mentioned to someone else earlier, I particularly love internal rhymes. And i agree that the various approaches to rhymes is interesting. When I examine the lyrics to popular songs, I first listen to the beat as I think that's what sells songs and leaves the listener with a memory., Next, I listen for the rhymes - are they appropriate, do they make sense and, most importantly, do they appear to be forced simply for the sake of a rhyme, regardless.

Thanks for the visit. Best to you,

Alan
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#425102 - 08/08/17 01:32 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 13449
Loc: Australia
Hi Alan,

Sorry. I shouldn't have posted my thoughts here. The lyrics I analysed were not original. I've deleted them.

Regards,
Noel
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#425124 - 08/08/17 07:53 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
David Snyder Online   happy
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Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 4047
Loc: North Carolina
My favorite lyrics are the ones I wrote after reading those John Prine lyrics three seconds ago:


Merry Christmas John Prine
by David Snyder

V1

I lost my teeth and my eyeballs and legs
now I'm lying on my back just smokin' these dregs
I guess messin' in your pants ain't all that bad
and I hope this song doesn't make you sad
yeah daddy got crushed by the midnight train
mama she drowned in a floodin' rain
my arms is pockmarked with fifty years of pain
and my whole stinking life went down the drain

CH:

so Merry Christmas everybody!
and don't you ever call me Wayne
Merry Christmas from Death row baby
in case I never see you again!

from

"Merry Christmas John Prine"
by David Snyder
written 3 seconds ago on the Band in a Box Forum
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#425198 - 08/08/17 02:10 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: David Snyder]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Ha!

Loved it! That's a great lyric, David! You're one of the most creative folks on the boards. I love songs with a hopeful lyric ... Ha!

Thanks for contributing this gem to the thread!

ALan
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#428876 - 09/05/17 05:01 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
guitar1 Offline
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Registered: 12/09/14
Posts: 168
I love this thread. I'm not sure if it is still active, but I thought I would put in my two cents worth.
I wrote a song several years ago called "The truck drivers road map". I haven't recorded it as of yet, but occasionally it steals back into my consciousness. I'll just do a couple of verses.

Two miles out of Memphis on a cold dark morning
I flagged a truck driver down
as I climbed up into the cab of his truck
the rain started pouring down
he said, "Where you going on this cold dark morning?
I'm headed out to shaky town."
and the radio was playing Me and Bobby McGee and the rain was just pouring down

The windshield wipers were keeping perfect rythmn
to a song on the radio
and the sound coming out of the steel guitar
was cutting right through to my soul
the driver turned to me
and he looked straight through me
he said "Son where do you want to go
If you don't mind me saying
I can tell by your look
your headed down your last road

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#431666 - 09/29/17 11:48 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Hey Guitar 1,

Thanks for the thread contribution. love the lyric. man, I can think of 4 or 5 different ways to go with this. Would be curious what direction you took it. Again ... nice lyric!

Alan
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#440573 - 11/25/17 01:23 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Ember - PG Music Online   content
PG Music Staff

Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 974
Loc: Victoria, BC
Wow, this thread is super cool! It's really neat to see what everyone considers their favourite or most interest lyric rhyme. I can't wait for people to add more to this as time goes on!
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#440878 - 11/26/17 08:06 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Ember - PG Music]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Ember - PG Music
Wow, this thread is super cool! It's really neat to see what everyone considers their favourite or most interest lyric rhyme. I can't wait for people to add more to this as time goes on!



Hi Ember!

Thanks for dropping in! And yes, I hope more folks come by and leave a comment or two about their favorite original. lyrical rhyme. Best to you,

Alan
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