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#414590 - 05/22/17 03:48 AM [Songwriting] Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote?
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Just wondering what your favorite and most interesting rhyme is in one of your original writes. I've seen some pretty good ones on the user forum.

My favorite was a song I wrote about 10 years ago. The song was titled "Aunt Edna's Operation" and the rhyme I really enjoyed was "hysterectomy and Schenectady". Here are the lines:

She would need an operation
A hysterectomy
So they sent her to a specialist
Up in Schenectady

Looking forward to reading yours!

Alan

PS: I'D PREFER WE KEEP THIS THREAD IN REFERENCE TO ORIGINAL SONGS THAT "YOU" HAVE WRITTEN. A FEW FOLKS MENTIONED COVER SONGS. THAT'S COOL, TOO. BUT LET'S TRY TO KEEP IT FOCUSED ON YOUR ORIGINALS. THANKS.


Edited by Al-David (05/24/17 01:32 PM)
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#414600 - 05/22/17 05:09 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Charlie Fogle Offline
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Mine is neither a favorite nor interesting rhyme but more of a songwriting technique.

I sing this throw away verse over musical ideas I'm developing. Also, the written words will nearly universally fit into any love song, and have I have used portions or the whole verse in more than one song.

The verse fits in 3/4 or 4/4 time and what I call the cadence of the vocal sounds fits to how I sound words. Using these throw away words allow me to mentally separate music and lyrical ideas when I'm writing.

The verse:

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
It has to be true love
That's all it can be

Charlie
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#414604 - 05/22/17 05:14 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Guitarhacker Offline
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I like the rhymes that work well without being the obvious choice a listener is expecting.
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#414649 - 05/22/17 09:32 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
jford Offline
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Not one I wrote, but I think one of the most creative uses of rhyme in a song is Steve Miller's "Take The Money and Run".

Bobbie Sue / to do / watch the tube / cut loose

El Paso / big hassle / his castle

Texas / facts is / justice / taxes

slipped away / next day / money, hey / got away / running today

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#414719 - 05/22/17 06:10 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
sslechta Offline
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Love that song and it's lyrics. Thanks for sharing John.
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#414744 - 05/22/17 10:08 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
VideoTrack Offline
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Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 8210
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Not one that I wrote, but Hal David's lyrics to "Do You Know The Way To San Jose?" always intrigued me. Genius lyric writing:

L.A. is a great big freeway
Put a hundred down and buy a car
In a week, maybe two, they'll make you a star
Weeks turn into years. How quick they pass
And all the stars that never were
Are parking cars and pumping gas

Fame and fortune is a magnet
It can pull you far away from home
With a dream in your heart you're never alone
Dreams turn into dust and blow away
And there you are without a friend
You pack your car and ride away...
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#414793 - 05/23/17 08:44 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Charlie Fogle]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Charlie Fogle
Mine is neither a favorite nor interesting rhyme but more of a songwriting technique.

I sing this throw away verse over musical ideas I'm developing. Also, the written words will nearly universally fit into any love song, and have I have used portions or the whole verse in more than one song.

The verse fits in 3/4 or 4/4 time and what I call the cadence of the vocal sounds fits to how I sound words. Using these throw away words allow me to mentally separate music and lyrical ideas when I'm writing.

The verse:

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
It has to be true love
That's all it can be

That's pretty interesting, Charlie! Thanks for the input!

Charlie


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#414794 - 05/23/17 08:45 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Guitarhacker]
Al-David Offline
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Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
I like the rhymes that work well without being the obvious choice a listener is expecting.


Herb,

Nothing to argue with there. I love a great surprise, especially when it involves music! Thanks for chiming in.
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#414795 - 05/23/17 08:46 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: jford]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: jford
Not one I wrote, but I think one of the most creative uses of rhyme in a song is Steve Miller's "Take The Money and Run".

Bobbie Sue / to do / watch the tube / cut loose

El Paso / big hassle / his castle

Texas / facts is / justice / taxes

slipped away / next day / money, hey / got away / running today



John,

Thanks for the reminder on that song - had totally forgotten about it. Appreciate the input.
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#414797 - 05/23/17 08:48 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: VideoTrack]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: VideoTrack
Not one that I wrote, but Hal David's lyrics to "Do You Know The Way To San Jose?" always intrigued me. Genius lyric writing:

L.A. is a great big freeway
Put a hundred down and buy a car
In a week, maybe two, they'll make you a star
Weeks turn into years. How quick they pass
And all the stars that never were
Are parking cars and pumping gas

Fame and fortune is a magnet
It can pull you far away from home
With a dream in your heart you're never alone
Dreams turn into dust and blow away
And there you are without a friend
You pack your car and ride away...




Hi Trevor,

Yep, that's a cool lyric. That was a popular song when I was in high school. By the way, Hal David & I aren't related. But, I would exchange bank accounts with him! Thanks for dropping in with your input.
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#414799 - 05/23/17 08:56 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
A couple of folks offered their favorites by other artists. Here's one of mine ......

It's the first verse of Moe Bandy's song, "Too Old To Die Young":

If life is like a candle bright, death must be the wind
You can close your window tight and it still comes flowing in
So I will climb the highest hill and watch the rising sun
And I pray that I don't feel the chill till I'm too old to die young


Edited by Al-David (05/23/17 08:57 AM)
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#414808 - 05/23/17 09:14 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11209
Loc: Hamlin NY
Originally Posted By: Al-David
Originally Posted By: jford
Not one I wrote, but I think one of the most creative uses of rhyme in a song is Steve Miller's "Take The Money and Run".

Bobbie Sue / to do / watch the tube / cut loose

El Paso / big hassle / his castle

Texas / facts is / justice / taxes

slipped away / next day / money, hey / got away / running today



John,

Thanks for the reminder on that song - had totally forgotten about it. Appreciate the input.


You forgot because "time keeps on drifting drifting into the future".
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#414810 - 05/23/17 09:21 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11209
Loc: Hamlin NY
I could pick a number of phrases from Jon's Prine's first album but a couple that caught my attention were from Sam Stone

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios

and from Hello In There

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"
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#414902 - 05/24/17 04:03 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: MarioD]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: MarioD
I could pick a number of phrases from Jon's Prine's first album but a couple that caught my attention were from Sam Stone

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios

and from Hello In There

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"


Mario,

Those are excellent! Being that I'm 70 years old, I kinda like that last one best. I'm not one of those people but I know many folks in my age group who are. Thanks for your contribution to the discussion! Best to you,

Alan
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#414903 - 05/24/17 05:00 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 5737
I thought this was supposed to be about YOUR lyrics, not cover tunes. Yes?
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#414910 - 05/24/17 06:19 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11209
Loc: Hamlin NY
Originally Posted By: Al-David
Originally Posted By: MarioD
I could pick a number of phrases from Jon's Prine's first album but a couple that caught my attention were from Sam Stone

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios

and from Hello In There

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"


Mario,

Those are excellent! Being that I'm 70 years old, I kinda like that last one best. I'm not one of those people but I know many folks in my age group who are. Thanks for your contribution to the discussion! Best to you,

Alan


Alan, I'm 71 and like you I am not one of those people but again alike you I know a few who are like in the song. Hello In There has been one of my favorites since the day it was released.
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#414911 - 05/24/17 06:20 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Guitarhacker]
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11209
Loc: Hamlin NY
Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
I thought this was supposed to be about YOUR lyrics, not cover tunes. Yes?


Yes Herb you are right. I was just following the rest, my bad.
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I NEVER RUN WITH SCISSORS. Actually those last two words were unnecessary.

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#414919 - 05/24/17 08:05 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Al-David]
chulaivet1966 Offline
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Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 617
Loc: West coast
I'd suspect very diverse submissions with this topic.

I wrote a song called "I'm Ready" a few years ago.
Just a song about my take of how one deals with life in general.
Took me a while to get the lyrics to my satisfaction.
I always liked how the following lines came together:

Last two lines verse 1:
Comes a time to decide when to fight or give in.
Be advised, such is life and you sink or you swim.

First two lines verse 2:
Best defense is a mind that's thinkin' ahead.
A wise man said know your enemies better than friends.

Back to it.....
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#414952 - 05/24/17 12:55 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: Guitarhacker]
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
I thought this was supposed to be about YOUR lyrics, not cover tunes. Yes?


Herb,

You are correct - that was the original intent. I'd prefer to keep it that way but a few folks went the other direction. I think I'll go back to the original post and edit it to make that more emphatic. Thanks!

Alan
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#414953 - 05/24/17 12:56 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your Favorite or Most Interesting Lyric Rhyme In A Song You Wrote? [Re: chulaivet1966]
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3102
Loc: Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: chulaivet1966
I'd suspect very diverse submissions with this topic.

I wrote a song called "I'm Ready" a few years ago.
Just a song about my take of how one deals with life in general.
Took me a while to get the lyrics to my satisfaction.
I always liked how the following lines came together:

Last two lines verse 1:
Comes a time to decide when to fight or give in.
Be advised, such is life and you sink or you swim.

First two lines verse 2:
Best defense is a mind that's thinkin' ahead.
A wise man said know your enemies better than friends.

Back to it.....



Howdy!

Really cool lines! I'm particularly fond of the last couplet. That's some real nice writing! Thanks for joining in!

ALan
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