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#45194 - 11/28/09 06:05 PM [Off-Topic] Original Song Needs Production Feedback
Ian Fraser Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/02/00
Posts: 1696
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
I'm sending you an original tune today called "Been There, Done That" (I wrote it before Bon Jovi put his out. LOL). It started life as an open D composition, then it went to BIAB. The open D is no longer there. I think I've taken this mix as far as my hearing will allow. Any feedback is most welcome.

There are no RTs in it - I do like the midi acoustic since it is quite impossible to generate RT leads or strumming or picking in this style. I don't hear well enough to eq my own acoustic, but perhaps will try. Any additions, subtractions, unheard glitches?
http://web.ncf.ca/ifraser/BeenThere.html - embedded player should work with most browsers except 2.x Firefoxes. Give it a second or three.:)

Thanks - Ian
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My "Original Tunes" Site
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#45195 - 11/28/09 07:35 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
WienSam Offline
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Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
Been there, done that, got the T shirt!

I like it Ian. Very nice song. I would try a little harder to find some RTs to go with it. You could also try adding a bridge into it - a little change in the action makes a song so much more interesting. Or modulate the last chorus up a third.

Well done
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#45196 - 11/28/09 08:26 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 12629
Loc: Australia
Hi Ian,

I really enjoyed listening to your song. It's extremely well put together in so many ways. Congratulations! The style, the arrangement, the harmony, and the range of notes in the melody ideally suit your voice. There's nothing I'd change about the arrangement, my comments are purely regarding lyrics.

When I listened, it occurred to me that I'd experiment with leaving the last phrase off each verse and fill it with a 2-bar instrumental hook. (I'm talking about the phrases, "my blood runs cold", "and I put love on hold", and " 'cause the story's so old".) This could potentially accomplish a few things...
  • It creates lines that "show" rather than "tell" quite so strongly. This will help involve the listener a little more because it makes them think.
  • It will artistically unbalance the lyric and, by doing so, add a little extra emotional content from a listener's perspective.
  • It will help further separate the verse and chorus lyrically.
  • It will leave the listener hanging at the end of the verse and make the arrival of the chorus noticeably stronger.
  • Using an instrumental hook will give the listener something to hum their way into the chorus with. This is a device that is often used and helps to involve the listener and get them caught up in the song.
One other lyric observation: the phrase "Should we run, you bet" would also work as "Should I run" since, in line 2 of that verse, you have stated that you are thinking about running away.

I really like how you have used so many back-heavy melodic phrases (phrases that start after beat 1) and then capped them off with the discreet use of a front heavy phrase.

Above are just suggestions, Ian. Take them for what they are worth as they may or may not work. Overall, though, I really liked this song; it's 10/10 from me. I'm on the fifth listen now and singing along with it

Regards,
Noel


Edited by Noel96 (11/28/09 10:44 PM)
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#45197 - 11/28/09 09:02 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Noel96]
WienSam Offline
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Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
Noel has some good points there. I agree
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Sam
Karaoke King

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#45198 - 11/28/09 09:30 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: WienSam]
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 10603
Loc: Hamlin NY
As I said in our emails I like it just as it is.

I would not change a thing.
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64 bit Win 10 Pro - the latest BiaB and RB - Roland Octa-Capture audio interface - a ton of software and some hardware.

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#45199 - 11/28/09 09:46 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: MarioD]
Danny C. Offline
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Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6459
Loc: South Louisiana
Quote:

As I said in our emails I like it just as it is.

I would not change a thing.




I was going to say what Mario said but then I read Noel's comments, especially the one about the little instrumental interludes. but overall this is a very good song my friend.

Later,
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#45200 - 11/28/09 10:17 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Danny C.]
Ian Fraser Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/02/00
Posts: 1696
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Sam you're up late tonight . . . or you got up real early. I put a 4 bar instrumental bridge in between v2 & 3 - piano - not quite strong enough I guess. Not sure if moving up a 3rd would be handled by my voice - it's a good idea and I've used in a couple of tunes lately. Thanks for the suggestions. By the way - what genre would you put this song in??

Noel How does Sunday look?? Quite an analysis - must have taken some time. Originally I had wanted to put a verbal hook in that 2-bar space that was common to all verses but couldn't settle on one. The alternate title is "Is loving here worth that?" however I'd be foolish to dispense with a phrase everyone knows - particularly when it's singable. I wanted to put an a ccappella chorus after v 3 supported by handclaps followed by a full band chorus to close, but I wanted to be under the 4 minute limit.

I'm really interested in trying to find that 2-bar inst. hook - guitar or harmonica. The 2-bar in the chorus I'll keep. You listened five times! But you're happily married aren't you????

Mario - got a 2-bar hook up your sleeve - dare I say "thumbs up".

Danny - think this would work with a singalong group?

Thanks for the kind comments and thoughtful comments.

Cheers
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Ian
My "Original Tunes" Site
My gene pool needs more chlorine.

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#45201 - 11/28/09 10:50 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
WienSam Offline
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Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
My body clock? All over the place at the moment

Where would I place your song in a genre? Country Pop. It reminds me of several songs from the '70s. It IS a beautiful song, Ian
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Sam
Karaoke King

--------------------

Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what

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#45202 - 11/28/09 10:55 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 12629
Loc: Australia
Hi Ian,

Sunday is looking wet today. But we need the rain so that's ok.

In relation to the notion of an instrumental hook, if you think it's worth pursuing, you'd probably only need a half-dozen notes or so. I suggest that you save the file with a new name and try muting the vocals in the phrases I'm talking about and just have a listen and see how it sounds and how it feels. From my experience, it will feel wrong at first because you are so used to the other way. The ears and mind don't always seem to like change. I've noticed that it usually takes me around 3 days to get used to anything new in one of my songs. When I start to feel comfortable with my second version, I then A/B the two versions and see which works best for me.

In relation to the arrangement, I totally agree with MarioD; don't change a thing. You've got yourself a great song.

Regards,
Noel
_________________________
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#45203 - 11/28/09 11:03 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Noel96]
WienSam Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
Noel's right. I'm listening to this for the nth time. It IS a great song but it belongs in the past as it is. You need to bring this up-to-date. Noel's ideas are worth considering

Make them WANT it!
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Follow That Dream

Sam
Karaoke King

--------------------

Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what

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#45204 - 11/28/09 11:08 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Noel96]
Ian Fraser Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/02/00
Posts: 1696
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Thanks again Sam for calling the attention to the bridge that obviously is not doing it's job attracting attention. Country Pop works for me. As I said before it started life as an open D on six-string with a full strum and lots of harmonics - almost Folk Rock - love the organ!

Ian
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Ian
My "Original Tunes" Site
My gene pool needs more chlorine.

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#45205 - 11/28/09 11:13 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Noel96]
Ian Fraser Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/02/00
Posts: 1696
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Noel - I've already started searching the Country RTS to see if there is something there. I think I will have to live with it. I watched McCartney's New York concert (one hour of it) - I was surprised how often he uses "nonsense words" like "la-la-la" or whatever in his newer stuff. Makes it easy for the audience to sing along.

I think I will have to live with it for awhile - but it's worth a shot.

Thanks - Ian
_________________________
Ian
My "Original Tunes" Site
My gene pool needs more chlorine.

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#45206 - 11/28/09 11:24 PM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
WienSam Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
Hey, Ian. I'm still listening to it (something I don't do very often) - it reminds me of Roger Whittaker. There is an Irish lament influence and more... I said and I repeat, it is a BEAUTIFUL song. Perhaps slow it right down and sing it as a sad ballad?

Whatever, I think it should be slowed down. NOI

I really hope my feedback helps as this is a WONDERFUL song

It is definitely TOO fast. Slow it down! Particularly if you want people to notice it and feel the pain in the song. As it is, it is great but you don't feel the song


Edited by WienSam (11/28/09 11:30 PM)
_________________________
Follow That Dream

Sam
Karaoke King

--------------------

Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what

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#45207 - 11/29/09 12:13 AM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: Ian Fraser]
PeteG Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 664
Loc: Portland, Oregon-USA
You've got a very good song here, Ian. When a song gets to this point it's hard to know what to do. Sometimes you just have to let them be what they are and move on to the next song. But maybe you feel there's something more or something missing? A finished song is either marketed, if you think it's commercial or put into a singer-songwriter's repertoire or it's cataloged and of course you can share it as you're doing here online. If you want to make it a pop or country song for radio play you probably need to have a professional demo made. Well been there , done that. As the comedian said, " I've got a way with women, it's expensive but it's a way. "
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http://www.reverbnation.com/patiopete

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#45208 - 11/29/09 12:19 AM [Off-Topic] Re: Original Song Needs Production Feedback [Re: PeteG]
WienSam Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 4900
Loc: A corner of Vienna, Austria, t...
Quote:

As the comedian said, " I've got a way with women, it's expensive but it's a way. "




Then he's more of a fool than you, Ian or I. I don't know of a way with women and I am an outrageous flirt Sure, I can land them and bed them but they don't stick around for long... Been too many years now and I don't expect ANY woman to be with me for Life. Still, it doesn't stop me trying to find 'The One'...

OMG! 'The One'. Thought I had found her last year. Moni. But... No. She disappeared...
_________________________
Follow That Dream

Sam
Karaoke King

--------------------

Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what

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