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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 76
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Hi Dani48,
I was torn about writing this post, because I want to be clear from the start that this is an excellent song. It's lots of fun and it really does capture that Beach Boys vibe. But I just thought you should know that -- and this comes from a native English speaker -- you might think about some minor modifications to the lyrics. First, "The boards are ready and so should we" doesn't really work. Maybe nobody else found that jarring, but I did. You could say "the boards are ready and so should we be," with "be" at the end there, but since "be" is not part of a rhyme, maybe something like "The boards are ready and we are, too," might work better. And secondly, "afar" is a word used only in poetry; no English speaker would really say "you and me afar." Maybe you could work in "there we are" or something.
But I want to be clear, I just said that in the spirit of helpfulness to someone that I thought might be operating in a second language. With or without these notes, your song is a lot of fun. I wish I could come up with songs like that, and I enjoyed it a lot.
Have fun,
Buttrey
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Hi Danny,
As soon as this started, I was tempted to look for some bell-bottom jeans, some beads and let my hair grow!
This is really nice - great vocals and the production is terrific. Like the key modulation, too. Really cool!
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*16GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Very energetic surfing song, the arrangement has almost a rock sound, oohs work well. Enjoyable song for these amazing warm days here in Finland  Janne
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Hi, Floyd !:))
Thank you so much for your
most kind words !
I had some expressions
that no english speaking
person would have used
but maybe it did not hurt
too much ! Inj any case
I will put the suggestions
behind my ear and learn
from them !
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Beatmaster !
...and thank you for your
most kind words !
sorry about my bad english
no pun intended !
Cheers
Dani
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Dani this is your best surfing song to date. I had a flashback to the Jan & Dean days!
Excellent!
Me, it's not about how many times you fail, it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop, that's not how field sobriety tests work.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Loved this Dani. Loved the way it jumped right in. Vocals and harmonies were very cool...
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Fun tune! 
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Hi, Peter !
Thank you so much for your
most kind comments !
I could not really get the
oohs aahs exactly to bend
completely to my will but
they do sing quite nice anyway ?
(giggle) !!!
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Dave !:))
I really don´t remember
playing on the last one
but you are right in the
sense that should put
in more solos really !:))
In any case, Dave ! I´m
much obliged by your most
kind words !
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Robert !
Muchas gracias !
Many thanks for your
most kind words that
leaved me feelin´a bit
humble !
Cheers
Dani
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Hello, Dani
Your Falsett is alive.
Very cool and comfortable!
Your surf song is always a big fun.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.
Best regards.
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Hi, Rob !
Very many thanks
to you for your most
kind comments !
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Bud & Janice !:))
Thank you both for your
most kind words ! Really
warmed me inside coming from
real surfers and all !:))
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Buttery !
Thank you for your concern
about my bad english ! I do
appreciate that you corrected me
though I guess you would not
let me some artistic freedom
regarding the lyrics !
I could have written : " The boards
are ready and so are we" but I
wanted to point out the urgent
situation by " so should we"
knowing very well it was not correct !
I just did not want to rewrite the
passage - I´m sorry for having
stepped on your toes !
Using afar instead of rewriting the
passage was another deliberate
misuse from my side, sorry for that
too !
I am glad that you nonetheless
liked the tune and want to thank
you for your most kind words regarding
it !
Cheers
Dani
Last edited by dani48; 06/09/18 09:25 AM.
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Posts: 1,682
Expert
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Posts: 1,682 |
Oan ye go Dani
Yi shuld no tae talk bettr englush thn that.
ya wee bad yin.
Hots mon its a braw bric moonlit nite.
From Beatmaster a stull say yur song was a belter.
belter in British
(ˈbɛltə )
1.
an event, person, quality, etc, that is admirable, outstanding, or thrilling
a real belter of a match
2.
a.
a rousing or spirited popular song that is sung loudly and enthusiastically
b.
a person who sings popular songs in a loud and spirited manner
Last edited by beatmaster; 06/08/18 12:35 PM.
win 10 64 bit 16gb,i7 chip, ssd 500gb, m-audio air, ,Roland BK-7M, 1000,shure sm7b,sonar,acid,mixcraft, variety of plugins.Sample tank 3,Kontakt. TC Helicon Voicelive 3 2 . https://beatmaster1.bandcamp.com/releases
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Hi, Al & Di !
Did you find those
bell-bottomed jeans ???
and how about the hair ?
(chuckle)
I´d love to see you Al in
that outfit and condition
that you described !!!
Okay, jokes aside, I thank
you so very much for your
most kind comments !
Cheers
Dani
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Hi, Janne !
Thank you for your
most kind cpmments !
Cheers
Dani
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Another Dani classic. You are certainly a versatile singer and really capture the surfer vibe.
BIAB Ultra Pak+ 2024:RB 2024, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.
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Hi, brother Mario !
Thank you for your most
kind assessment ! Always
so nice to get your
inspiring comments !
Take Care !
Cheers
Dani
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