A Summer's Day

I am not satisfied yet with this track, so I am going to set this aside and come back to it in a few weeks.. The summer month's wreak havoc on my voice because of allergies. I messed with the effects to make the singing sound passable. Some things I am thinking about changing are as follows:
- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well.
- Add BGVs. I had some, but I didn't like them, so I'll give it another shot.

You may noticed that I borrowed from Willy S. on the second line of the second verse, but I gave the line a different shade of meaning in the context of the song.

The Wrecking Crew:
2877 Bass, Acoustic, AmericanaSlow
3101 Piano, ElectricVintage, Rhythm
362 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming
1543 Synth Pad, PopBelieve
2457 Strings, Rhythm CelticAir
3152 Fiddle, 5-string, Background AmericanaFolk
NI Vintage Guitar
NI Sunburst Guitar
DOD Drum Loops


You are a summer’s day
You melt my winter thoughts away
There’s another tree to climb
Let’s go for a swim one last time

I can't disregard you
I can't remove you from my mind
When a man has loved a woman
He can’t leave those years behind
The sky keeps spinning rainclouds
Stars still kiss the sea
My heart doesn't recognize time
When you are here with me

You are a summer’s day
Summer’s lease is much too short a stay
The breeze blows through the drifting sand
A simple pleasure: The touch of your hand

I can't disregard you
I can't remove you from my mind
When a man has loved a woman
He can’t leave those years behind
The sky keeps spinning rainclouds
Stars still kiss the sea
My heart doesn't recognize time
When you are here with me

I feel the sunrise in your smile
Keep shining your light.
Keep shining your light.

You are a summer’s day
You melt my winter thoughts away

This isn't as bad as you said it was!

Good vocal and great lyrics.

I really liked the chord progression and instrumentation. Around the 2:30 mark you do have some distortion so you may want to check that out.

"- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well."

I think doing all three might help the song but it isn't that bad as it sits right now.

Scott,

I like this song a lot. Very original and has a great melody.

I think your vocal is excellent. You have such a unique sound and it is on full display here.

Great to hear something new from you - I really enjoyed this.

Bob

Nice song, with some nice lyrics.

Thanks for posting, even if it's a bit rough. You've got plenty ideas of what to do, and certainly don't need to add to them.

Hi Scott.
You could try singing a G note on "light" and using a D note in lower db harmony vocal there.
Maybe also a high harmony in the chorus. Other than that it sounds fine.

Vic

After mentioning how much I love the vocal, I must say these unusual changes you've created are very cool. Love the vocal; changes are cool. Embrace you allergy voice, Scott. Write to it in fact. It's far better than many of us when we are at our best. Netflix has a great documentary on The Wrecking Crew. Like this gem, it's fun stuff.

Good choice of tracks. Simple, effective.
And very well mixed.
The vocals are GOOD.
I like the write. Interesting. Many effective images/phrases...
There are a few spots where the lyric is "a bit bumpy (prosody-wise). Easy fixes (opinions - so ignore them freely)...
Chorus, line 2 - replace "I can't" with "Or"
2nd verse - dropping "The" from "breeze" and "A" from "simple pleasure" would make those sing smoother without any change in meaning or emphasis.
Regardless, it is a very interesting write...


fj

Thanks, Mario. I think that distortion is from me trying to fix the vocal. It'll disappear when I rerecord.

Thanks, Bob. I appreciate it.

Thanks for the listen, David.

Thanks, Vic. I think that should do the trick. I tried it out on my piano and it sounds better.

Thanks, Marty. I've watched that documentary a few times. It's hard to imagine how many of our favorite songs they are playing on.

Thanks, Floyd. Excellent suggestions that I will use.

Scott...if this is in progress then you will be refining an already very good song...I always appreciate your vocals...they have a Neil Diamond-esque quality IMHO...BGV's might enhance the chorus and a few lines...always love your stuff!!

Scott

Sounding good to me - nice melody well written song.

Look forward to hearing the finished product.

Peter

Thanks for the kind assessment, Dan.

Thanks, Peter. I will try to revisit this in August before I go back to work.

I can't detect any allergies at work and think your vocals are great.
And the chord progression is quite pleasing.
Nice work.

Hi Scott ...

This isn't even one-tenth as bad as you want us to think it is. I don't find much of anything to complain about. My only complaint is I didn't write it!

Vocals sound pretty decent to me. And the band does some mighty fine backup for you. I enjoyed it very much as you've posted it.

Take care.

Alan

Scott,
it's cool...it's breezy musically.
Personally the man/woman stuff could be neutralized. No big reason - it's just that man/woman sounds a little clunky to me.
If your voice is struggling then you hide it very well.
Some great suggestions above and when Floyd chimes in with prosody you know he has something to say that's on the money.

Lovely romantic summer song melts the ice cream on these warm summer days I enjoyed the interesting chord progression.
Nice mellow arrangement with some good guitar selection, I like how the bass and the piano work together.
Good vocals already. The start of the chorus sounds bit rushed to me, I'm not sure whether it's the vocal part "I can't" or something in the instrument transition.

Janne

Thank you kindly, Bass Thumper.

Thanks so much, Alan.

Thanks, Ray. I'll see what I can do with that section of the lyric.

Thanks, Janne. I felt that might be the case. I'll trying adding a measure or two between the verse and chorus.

"I can't disregard you
I can't remove you from my mind
When a man has loved a woman
He can’t leave those years behind
The sky keeps spinning rainclouds
The stars still kiss the sea
My heart doesn't recognize time
When you are here with me"

Our favorite lines of an enchanting write including a stellar melody.

Janice loved the way you sang those last two lines of the quote.

We thought your voice sounded fine.
Perhaps some additional resonance but that is something we always like.

Nice mix with excellent "pop" on the drums.

Enjoyed it!

J&B

Scott,
This is probably a remake as it sounds absolutely great. Vocals are top notch. Pretty cool structure & excellent set of lyrics. Mix is clear and listens very well. Liked it, and thank you for sharing.

Misha.

Hi Scott,

Alike as Misha I think do I hear a remake of the original song?
You mention to alter:
- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well.
- Add BGVs. I had some, but I didn't like them, so I'll give it another shot.

But when I hear this song you already did that or elde: WHY???
It's a very good song, with very nice vocals in a good key.
And the mix was good too.

If I could make one suggestion I would end your last words as if you are 'closing' the song.
It fits more with the way you sing before that end.
But of course that's a matter of taste.

For me a real Ezekiel song and I love that,

Hans

Janice & Bud, Misha, and Hans:

I just got back from a relaxing cruise to the Bahamas, so I just read your posts. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen and comment.

Misha and Hans: This is the original, not a remake yet. I'm waiting a bit until my allergies subside a bit.

Hi, Scott !


What a superb tune !
Loved it as well as your
super vocals too !✌️


Cheers
Dani

Thank you kindly, Dani!

I wasn't sure what to expect from your OP....

All in all, not a bad song. And performed well considering the things you had going against you.

I had a difficult time understanding the part about climbing a tree and then it talks about a man and woman in love.... I can't seem to put those 2 things together. Maybe it's just me.

It's certainly got some rather "unique" and surprising chord changes

Hi Scott
Great song
Your singing sounds very good
Great melody sequences and a very nice background track
Well done
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Hi Scott,

Read through your song notes as I listened to the song. I thinks it's pretty good the way it is, I like your vocal, but adding some BGV's to the chorus would kick it up a notch.

Also read some of the comments. Can't go wrong with heeding any advice you might get from Floyd!

Good song, looking forward to hearing the remake.

Hi Ezekiel's Storm,

Very soft melody full of sensitivity. Very vaporous and pleasant atmosphere. The set pleases. Well done

Kindly regard
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash