The Girl with the Look in her Eyes

https://soundcloud.com/andyandersonmusic/the-girl-with-the-look-in-her-eyes

This is my favorite song to play. It's in drop-D and I visit 11 frets. For a month it was in standard tuning, 4/4, 5 chords, 1st position...then this tune and the notes came to me later somewhere between sleeping and waking up.

Suggestions are welcomed. Seriously. I'm asking. (*The artwork is used by permission.)

Thanks.

Guitars – Me
Bass – 1123 Acoustic CountryWaltz 140
Piano 1701 Acoustic, Rhythm CountryWaltz Sw 110
Piano 2494 Acoustic, HeldChords 120
RD NashvilleWaltsSW^1-Snare,Ride
Fiddle 1125 Background CountryWaltz SW 110

THE GIRL WITH THE LOOK IN HER EYES

It was a small barroom down
where the rust and the rails lived in town
It was easy to see on the barstool by me
a face I recognized, it was
The girl with the look in her eyes

Bartender 2 shots of bourbon
and a pitcher to wash them both down
We dealt out our names, and 4 glasses came
And the beer chased the whiskey and I chased
The girl with the look in her eyes

We fed some dimes to the jukebox
and George Jones and Patsy Cline
swallowed the room

She touched the white band on my finger
where the ring in my pocket should be
Then held out for view, she wore the band too
We danced till closing time, me and
The girl with the look in her eyes

A quiet motel on a dark street
The hum of an old neon sign
The pop of a lock on a door key
Echoed as we lay inside

And in the glow of a passed cigarette
I ruined the mood and asked about the man
"He’s just a guy who forgot what I’d take and would not"
She left him… a hole about the size of
The girl with the look in her eyes

And what was done was done, what was said was said
In the borrowed room, in the rented bed
We buckled and buttoned in silence
Lovers and strangers and a one night affair

She fished in my pocket and pulled out the gold band
Laughing she slipped the ring back on my hand
"Maybe I’ll see you around
where the rust and the rails live in town"
And I said goodbye to
The girl with the look in her eyes.

Written and performed by Andy Anderson
@ Copyrighted 2016 Reggie Records
All rights reserved

Very cool lyric. Great story telling. Excellent vocal

Andy,

I can see this working well in a small live setting as there`s a nice intimate feel to the way you unfold the story.
I really enjoyed the details in your lyrics and your vocals are very good.
Your guitar accompaniment sounds fine and imo the waltz style suits the song.

Robert

Great song, man. Love the arrangement, super mix!!

Thank you, guys. Really appreciate it. I've been tweaking that song for a year....and that includes today.... I wish the song were shorter; I could cut the little break in the middle, but it's kinda needed (a little unspoken tom-foolery at the motel).

You all know that feeling where there's so much you could say or play, or add chords/notes, but you have to make cuts somewhere. Part of the ongoing tweaks is BB reveals so much...plants little seeds here and there. Maybe you try a different instrument for the hell of it, and even if you don't like it, it might pop a little idea into you. What about this or that?

I like playing the song so much. The guitar is hidden a bit here, but in real-life/live it's all very flowing, and hits the whole spectrum. Lots of bass notes walking around, and triads. The only thing I added to guitar was doubling it (harmony) for the little outro. Live it sounds great for the song, but in a full band mix, the light guitar outro was really thin.

Anyway, blah-blah-blah, thanks, guys. I'm open to any thoughts.

This is a top notch composition, arrangement and production. It has a Gordon Lightfoot vibe about it to me. I saw him in Chicago many years ago, just Gordon along with a guy on another acoustic guitar. This song was right in the wheelhouse of what they were doing.

Regarding suggestions, not many come to mind, this is great the way you have it now.

You may want to experiment a bit with getting that flowing guitar real life/live sound you feel about the song.

The only other thought that occurred to me listening is the trivial idea that I would change the title and lyric line from "The girl with the look in her eye" to "The girl with 'that' look in her eye because it places a more direct and personal emphasis on the look that she's giving. Trivial and not really a suggestion as much as a passing thought....

Another personal choice I would do would be to place just a touch more reverb effect on your vocal. That's a personal choice only as well.

Enjoyed this one a lot.

Charlie

Thanks, Charlie. Very good suggestions.

I've toyed with the idea of peeling back the backup instruments a bit more to reveal the guitar, and I probably should experiment a little with that again, since I mentioned it here, it must be something subliminally that I do want. It's all back there, there's no punching in, just a little enveloping.

And you general thought about a lyric change I totally get. Previously, I'd fooled around with that/the, eye/eyes a bit, different ending direction, but decided to keep it simple.

I'd made a similar change in another song and eventually I regressed to the original word ("forgive you" to "forgive that", back to the former), just didn't feel right, clunked. There are no rules in writing, of course, but a guideline I've seen (and seen again recently here in the Songwriting forum, addressed the role of particular word-types in a sentence, action verbs, subjects/nouns, adjectives/adverbs, and the importance of not clouding those too much.

Regardless, your thoughts are really appreciated and I really thank you for the suggestion on the guitar. (And any reference to Mr. Lightfoot is a HIGH compliment. He is amazing.)

And thank you both, Scott and David. Thank you for listening and for taking a moment to comment.

David, you are the king of classic finger-picking and aug, sus, dim and phantom chords up and down the neck and I hoped that you would listen.

Andy,

This is so very good.

The write is exceptional. Some great lines in this. The story is really well developed.

The production is tasty and tasteful. Your guitar work is a delight. I would hesitate to change it much from where you have it - it all works VERY well. Your feelings about the guitar having more of a role is, likely, because you are so accustom to hearing it as you play it - as a guitar/vocal only. As we hear it - a full production - the guitar "holds its own" quite well.

I thought Charlie's suggestion of "that" was a good one (but, that is of course, your choice). I heard a "bit of a bump" on the word "ruined" (syllables rushed) - you could change that to "break" (or "broke") to reduce syllables (again, a little thing - though, getting to the point where "little things" are all that is left - as you have - is impressive...and makes those little things that much more important).

I would not be concerned about the length of the song. There is no "filler" in your story. This is like a Harry Chapin story song. They require the time they require.

Again... this is excellent!

floyd

Great lyric, reminds me of Leonard Cohen.

cool, the longer I listened the more I got into the song.

Andy, I think you made great choices for the instrumentation in this song. I really like the chord pattern in the verses and especially the minor chord at the end of the verse gave it a beautiful flow to the song. Thanks, Torrey.

Thanks, guys. Very kind, supportive, and helpful comments and suggestions from everyone. It's good to get another set of ears on things. I start 2nd guessing and 3rd, 4th. Deconstruct it and then lose the $%&* parts.

Floyd, thank you very much; getting that new set of ears really helps identify those word-bumps others hear, like "that" and "the." For me, "that" is a bump, takes away from the emphasis on "Look", (...the GIRL with THAT look in her EYES... rather than....the GIRL with the LOOK in her EYES...) but it's all subjective and again, I REALLY, REALLY appreciate the feedback from you and from Charlie on it!

Now to "ruined." Ruined is about 2 1/2 syllables with the "ed", so at least 1 too many if a true flow is desired. "Broke" or "break" or anything with 1 syllable is better in that spot. You da' man!

...I'm revisiting "that".... you guys might be on to something there....

And, thank you, Torrey. Very nice to hear something that I really like, too. It's the little things...

Hello, Andy

Your vocal and accompanied guitar is excellent.
I like the way you sing like talking.
The chord progressions sometimes to subdominant minor and dominant 7(#5) are very effective.
The modulation to parallel minor key is also very nice.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Thank you, Shigeki. I think . I have no idea what you are talking about; so far beyond my skill set.

Kidding aside, thank you for your kind words and for giving me some specifics. It will be a healthy and musically growing research I'll do and I'll learn a lot from it.

Andy,

This is really enjoyable to listen to. You're a great story teller! The words are very visual and these lyrics showcase your talent really well. Like Shigeki Adachi, I also found the chord progression nicely put together.

I'm heading back for another listen now.

All the best,
Noel

Thank you, Noel. Really appreciated. I have more popular songs (in my little, local world), but none as technical, that I enjoy playing just the melody without vocs. In my fantasy world, my Paul Simon's 'American Tune.' Guitar players are the ones that usually comment because visually it looks interesting, though it's pretty simple.

Andy A!

Thank you for posting this song - I really enjoyed listening to it!

This is today's Hot Forum Topic

Thanks, Callie! Made my DAY!

Very cool Andy. I can just imagine you siting on a bar stool singing this at the folk club. Love the addition of the little fiddle here and there. Nice one.

So cool! I find this song to be kinda charming, like a great old movie.
This made me think of the recent offerings of Mark Knopfler.
Fine, fine writing, very strong.
Enjoyed the hell out of it.

Kenny

Thank you, Joanne and Kenny. I appreciate your taking time to listen to it. It's special to me. And, yes, it is fun to sit on a stool in a quiet-ish room, where I might see some people stop what they were doing, to follow the story.

Andy

Don't think I can add anything useful that hasn't been said - just sat back and listened.
Really nice (I always listen to the guitar parts - nicely played!).

Peter

Hi, Andy !


I liked this neat tune
of yours in all aspects
both melody, performance
and mix !

Cheers
Dani

Thank you, Peter and Dani. It's a lot of fun to play, though my dog is sick of hearing it.

We're late to the party but floyd really well articulated all the goodness of this production.

A well deserved Hot Topic and we enjoyed the journey!

J&B