Hi guys,

https://soundcloud.com/planobilly/cyber-space-rough-draft-2

Cyber Space

You Look So Cool
You Look So Hot
Are your Just
A Cyber Bot?


You Make Me laugh
You Make Me Cry
You Make Me Sad
And I'm Wondering Why

I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space
---------------------------------

Your On My Phone
Your In My Head
Facebook Telling Everyone
I'm Dead

You Make Me laugh
You Make Me Cry
You Make Me Sad
And I'm Wondering Why

I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space
----------------------------------

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hear Me Cry Out
On The Twitter Feed

You Make Me laugh
You Make Me Cry
You Make Me Sad
And I Wonder Why

I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space
----------------------------------

I can't live
without my phone
don't you dare
leave me alone

You Make Me laugh
You Make Me Cry
You Make Me Sad
And I Wonder Why

I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space
------------------------------------

I took out the line that could be considered controversial.

Metal Bass line from BB
Some rhythm guitar from BB
Drums are just reference at this point

Vocal is seriously over driven

I wanted a simple guitar solo but perhaps this one is too simple???

Should I create a guitar solo bridge line and then create a ending with a ad lib vocal line?

Thanks,

Billy

Plano.....
Since you said it's a 'rough draft' here's my take after 2x listening.

1) No....solo is not too simple. I wouldn't overthink that.
2) Drives along very well (as in ZZTop/Foreigner) and good delivery/performance of your vocal....it works.
3) I like the 'cyberspace' premise/concept.
4) Losing that unnecessary verse....that was a good cull.
5) Hmmmm....the into is 14 measures and about 30 seconds long. I know the song is only 02:40 but if I were asked and my opinion had any merit I think it would sound better with a 4 measures intro. Those 30 seconds can be made up by repeating a verse/playing the chorus one more time/vocal repeats during end vamp.

This is a well done rocker, a dance tune to get people on the floor doing good for bar.
There's nothing wrong with it as is....enjoyable listen.

These are just my opinions, I do not expect you agree or implement my thoughts.
It's a good cut and YOU are the only one that needs to be pleased with the end result.

Back to it....

Hi Billy,

I think it is a nice, rocking track, which I enjoyed very much listening to. I think the guitar solo is fine and definitely not too "simple".

You did very well with this song!
Thank you for sharing!

Will

Thanks guys,

For what ever reason this has been a difficult song for me to do. I can do country tunes with BB without any problem.

The intro is too long. I for sure agree with that. I may write another verse as the song is pretty short.

This has worked in a bar live. We used the original lyrics without any feed back from anyone. But...the song was played in the middle of several back to back tunes. That kinda runs everything together and people don't have time to consider what the lyrics are. When Vic played the guitar solo it was much more complex and many more notes.It sounded fine...just not what I had in mind.

There are some places in the BB bass line that I will change with Melodyne but that is not a big issue.

After the guys in the band hear this, it will be fun to see what they do on the next go round.

Thank all of you for the feed back.

Cheers,

Billy

Billy,
Pretty good for a draft!
Nice vocals and overall feeling/mix. Beefy guitar solos!
If it was me, would not worry about "controversial" line for this rocker

Thank you for posting!

Misha.

Thanks Misha,

I appreciate you taking the time to listen.


Cheers,


Billy

The guitar solo sounds good...
The over-all direction of the song is flowing well...
Your feedback from the bar crowd is your best bet...
Not necessarily what they say but how the react to the song...
Anyway it sounds good to me & I'm not drinking... yet

The solo sounds good enough though you ought to tweak the delay/reverb FX so that it sits with the other instruments better.
It does start like a ZZTop song & chuggs along well.
The bass is almost invisible - it's there doing the job but not interesting or propulsive.
The vocals are fine too - same tweaks as solo needed.
My only real issue is with
"I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space"
As it reads tagged on and doesn't really go anywhere
Even I spoken line/aside between it & the next line would be good like
I'm Living Here With You
In Cyber Space
Man, I'm such a disgrace"
or SOMETHING.
Cool stuff for a draft anyway.

This is really impressive for a rough draft! Loving the classic hard rock vibe on this. Very reminiscent of ZZ Top, as rayc said. The tune almost demands your attention, and your vocals fit it perfectly.

Looking forward to see where you go with it, if you continue to build. Thanks for sharing

Very cool song. I think the guitar was excellent compliments the song really well. Excellent vocal and cool driving back track.

This is a really fantastic first try with Band-in-a-Box! Very impressive. I really love what you did with your song ( and the kitty playing the drums is a nice touch too! ).

Thanks guys for all the feed back. There have been six or seven versions of this in the process of trying to develop the song. In some ways I like the latest version and in some ways I like the more striped down version.

I had a friend of mine do a drum part live but I did not like it much. I will have to create one myself.

Everything has become too over driven. I don't have a studio where I can play guitar through a amp of the type I need to get the sound I am looking for.

Using VST's just will not work the way I want.

I added a couple of verses and created a ending of sorts with the vocal. I still need to cut four measures out of the intro but that does not really change anything much. Longer intros give some space to get everything working right when playing live.

Thanks to everyone again for all the feed back. It is really good to read what others think and consider what they are saying.

Some where near a final...lol

https://soundcloud.com/planobillydfw/cyber-space-final3

Thanks,

Billy

Sounds like a good rocker with a hint of ZZ although not bluesy.

Regarding the long intro...hey, it's rock and rock is guitar centered! Or it should be

The guitar performance is fine...to my old ears it could sit a little more forward in the mix and this is often achieved with a little more reverb.
The bass could cut through more...do you use CLA Bass?

FWIW, etc.

It's a fun tune!

J&B

Billy,

A good rocker. Nice "drive".

It is very "guitar heavy". The guitars all sound good, but they cover up most other elements of the song/mix.

At lower volumes it is really telling.
The drums are completely buried - and they ought to be a HUGE part of the sound of this style of music.
The bass is difficult to hear - and ought to be "punchy and distinctive" and "driving".
The vocals are processed in a way that they "get lost" - especially as the song opens. They could use some "clarity". Cranked up, you can tell they are really nice rock vocals, but at low (to mid) volumes, they do not cut through the mix the way they need to.

Terrific driving guitars and solos...

fj

Hi J&B,

The truth is I am not very skilled at using all this DAW software. I sometimes like some of my song ideas. I like the way they sound live but I don't really have the skill to use the DAW software to best advantage. And for sure BB is still very difficult for me to use unless I create the idea in BB to begin with.

The bass came out of BB with some modification with Melodyne. I should have converted it to midi and used Trilian or just played the bass live DI. There are certain things BB does super well. Piano for example. Other things I struggle with.

I find certain styles much less of an issue to deal with in BB. Country is the easiest for me in BB. Rock is probably the hardest.

It would be interesting if someone would take all my raw stems and mix the song.

At any rate, thanks for the feed back.

Cheers,

Billy

Thanks Floyd,

One of you guys are need to mix this song for me!! I hear what you are saying and agree, I just don't know how to get there.

Thanks,

Billy

Hey, Billy...

If you are "serious" about that, it might be a fun idea to set up a "mix contest" here on the forum...

I think it should go under the Recording, Mixing, Performance and Production forum.
You could upload your stems to either Dropbox or Soundcloud (you could group them together as an "album" and delete them later once it all done) and set them to "public downloadable" so that anyone who wanted to try could download them and mix them.
They could be WAVs or mp3s - (for a rock song like this I don't think it would matter which)
Hopefully folks would take a few notes along the way of how they process them, what levels comparatively, plugins, etc.

Then, perhaps, in the same thread, supply a link to their final mix so we could discuss what we heard from one to the next.

We might ALL learn something from that.
(In the friendly, supportive atmosphere that this forum is)...

fj

Hi Floyd,

That would be great. I could put all the stems in Dropbox and post a link. It will take me a bit to get back to the raw stems.

Also I have no issue with anyone doing what ever they like to the song.I am not at all sensitive to criticism, if fact I welcome it.

Thanks,

Billy

I think it's a cool idea. Could be a LOT of fun!

I would suggest that you include the BIAB SGU file, too.
That way, folks could try out different BIAB RealDrums (in particular).
(and perhaps add flavorings that they might think are needed?)

Cool Floyd,

The there is a link to the stems on Recording, Mixing, Performance and Production forum.

Hello Planobilly, great work on this! I found this very easy to listen and very soothing to hear. Love the title of the song and the guitar sure howls! Excellent vocals too. Thanks for sharing!

Billy, I just noticed this post! Wanted to let you know that you've got a great voice for hard driving rock tunes like this! I know you're still working on it but you got a really good start with this one. Listened on my phone, but from what I hear, it sounds like a pretty good mix! Thanks, Torrey

Hi Torrey,

Thanks for the kind words. This is actually a friend of mine singing this. Dan lives in London, England and I live in Miami.

One of the bands I am friends with here in Miami also have great singers. They will do a version of this at some point.

I sing, but it is less than great...lol Certainly not screaming hard rock.

I am just the idea guy. I play guitar perhaps well enough to barely get the idea across. I write lyrics, sometimes OK, but most of the time, not very good.

I have some limited understanding of music theory. I don't have a lot of experience with using Band In A Box software. I started out recording on two inch tape if that tells you anything....lol

The days of going to a studio in LA to record something are long past. I am retired, getting old, and all this is mostly for my own amusement and amazement and hopefully entertain others.

Also perhaps it relates to "Time For A Change"

Cheers,

Billy

Hi Billy,

what can I say, but

- I love a good rocker
- this one is a darn good rocker
- love the vocal
- love the drive
- love the solo

Great job.

Cheers,

Stefan

Thanks Stefan,

It has been a fun little project. I see you are in Germany. I was in Munich last year for a few days. Lovely city!

I wanted to go to Berlin this year. The wife needs some dental work so I guess we will stay in the south of Spain for a month. The cost of dental and medical services in the United States are completely out of control. Perhaps I should write a medical protest song...lol

At any rate, thank you so much for taking the time to listen.

Cheers,

Billy

Nice sound, great rockin'
Excellent performance and production