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A Forge, A Waitress, and a Jukebox Song A simple love story of sorts. Sorry, no tales of dementia or dystopian horror shows this time around. Maybe next time.  Anyone know what "The bar was crowded..." section should be called? We're calling it a "pre-chorus," but it shows up between verses, too, so...curious minds want to know. THANK YOU in advance for taking the time to listen and comment! R.W. Davis: Lyrics Me: Music, arrangement, mix, master, vocals, harmonies, BGVs, guitar break AI: None. Only great apes. Your call on taxonomy... ****** Song Summary ************* File:A Forge A Waitress and a Jukebox Song.SGU Key=C , Tempo 125, Length (m:s)=3:12 Style is _RIBBON.STY (Ribbon Soft Country Piano) RealTracks in style: 1253:Bass, Electric, PopShiningHeld Ev 120 RealTracks in style: 2046:Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment CountryPopJohn Ev 120 RealTracks in style: 3718:Guitar, Baritone Acoustic, Rhythm Americana8ths Ev 120 RealTracks in style: 2541:Pedal Steel, Background ModernPopCountry Ev 110 RealDrums in style:Americana16GroovinBrushFred^1-a,b:Brushes,Toms Guitar: Fernandes 50s Stratocaster clone, Spider V30 amp, Brit Plexi 45 preset A Forge, A Waitress, and A Jukebox SongHe put his tools into the box Looked at the wall with all the clocks Threw his hardhat behind the seat Then went to get something to eat The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy She put some ice into the glass And then pretends she has some class The worry lines upon her face She wants to get out of this place The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy And the song on the jukebox was something about a guy Who couldn’t get a girl But the words got lost in the echoing conversations And the weight of the world You could hear the glasses on the table And the forks on the plate But like the Tower of Babel You couldn’t hear it straight And someone shouted “last call” But it was just too late The callouses on both his hands Slid through his hair and all the strands Then stopping at a painful spot He closed his eyes and cursed a lot The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy She brought him something on a plate He said “sorry, but I just ate” She blushed and cried, then turned to go He said “please stay, my name is Joe” The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy And the song on the jukebox was something about a guy Who couldn’t get a girl But the words got lost in the echoing conversations And the weight of the world You could hear the glasses on the table And the forks on the plate But like the Tower of Babel You couldn’t hear it straight And someone shouted “last call” But it was just too late It was just too late...
Last edited by DC Ron; 10/26/25 02:10 PM.
DC Ron
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Cool and catchy song with an unusual structure. I like it ![[Linked Image - Only viewable when logged in]](https://www.pgmusic.com/forums/images/icons/default/thumbs_up.gif) I'm no expert on theoretical matters, but I'd call this section an "interlude."
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Ron,
Nice work. I always like a good story song.
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Ron,
This is an absolutely great song. Love the lyrics, your delivery and the excellent mix.
A new favorite for me!
AWESOME!
Bob
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Pretty cool writing, arrangement & performances.
The cadence of "And they were all getting rowdy" bothered me a little bit...but not much as there were plenty of other things to focus on.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Hmm, kinda reminded me of the verse section of Squeeze's Take Me, I'm Yours. Def interesting lyrics. Always good vocals, especially those harmonies. Good stuff once again!
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Hi Ron,
First those repeated lines you asked about are a refrain. Refrains are repetitive 2 or 3 lines at the end of certain similar passages. their job is to create continuity to the message and generate a memorable slice of the song. Where a bridge is a single appearance of a few lines that brings all the different elements of the song together from a slightly different POV, A refrain further explains the storyline with repetitive appearances in the same respective places throughout the song. It reminds the listener of the basic theme of the lyrics, evoking a sense of familiarity. That's the non-technical, relatively short version. All that said, I have no formal musical training whatsoever - neither read nor write notation. So,taje that into consideration. But, that's how I've always treated these "inserts".
OK, that out of the way:
This is a very interesting song. Not a typical arrangement - but it's great - so, a nice change from the expected. The remarkable story you've created makes you wonder how many times situations like this come and go. Your mixes are always spot on- everything when and where it should be and at the proper volume. You know your stuff, my friend!
Nothing to complain about - except I didn't write it. Dang!
Take care, Ron.
Alan
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Really entertaining story-song, and so nicely produced. Thoroughly enjoyed my listen!
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Cool one, Ron. Wasn't sure where the title would take us, but you did an amazing job. I'm not big on genre or song part designation. Just write. The bar was crowded part, although I agree most would call it pre-chorus; it's just a great part.
Serious, I really like the way you build your songs, and this one is solid construction for sure. Fun story, and Joe is the hero and waitress is the heroine.
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I really like the pedal steel arrangements. Good song, but the guy will have to come back next week if I understand correctly.
Laurent
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Cool and catchy song with an unusual structure. I like it I'm no expert on theoretical matters, but I'd call this section an "interlude." Thanks, B.D.! "Unusual" might be my favorite adjective, appreciate it! "Interlude" sounds too fancy for such a simple song though. Ha!
DC Ron
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Great song, Ron. Superb production, plus the instrumentation and arrangement was exactly right for the song. Great backing vocals, too.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#58: Bring consciousness to it.
#63: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#92: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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Hi Ron
“A Forge, A Waitress, and A Jukebox Song,” feels like I've stumbling onto a story that I didn’t know I needed to hear.
The song paints a slice-of-life scene inside a working-class bar, focusing on two weary characters—a blue-collar worker and a woman seeking escape. Their interaction is grounded in realism and emotional subtlety. The recurring refrain about the crowded, loud bar underscores the sense of isolation within noise and chaos, while the “song on the jukebox” cleverly mirrors the characters’ unspoken loneliness. I suspect that many of us can relate to this synopsis.
Production-wise, everything just fits like a nicely crafted piece of music carried by good vocals, both main and backing vox.✔️🆗
As promised, there are no robot servants or tales of dementia here—just good, honest, blue-collar angst.
I like this song, It's a delightfully human slice of life, proving that you only need great apes—not AI—to write simple stories about guys who definitely need to work on their table manners.🙄
Another excellent thought provoking song from Team Davis. 👍
Izzy.
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Very different! And very cool. Good vocal, and I especially like the BGV's. Nice to hear you playing too, short but sweet  Excellent mix as per usual. Good one, Ron, I enjoy your music.
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Ron,
Nice work. I always like a good story song. THANKS, Mike! Ron,
This is an absolutely great song. Love the lyrics, your delivery and the excellent mix.
A new favorite for me!
AWESOME!
Bob THANK YOU, Bob! The lyrics on this one remind me of one of your very cool vignettes transposed to maybe a factory town. Sure this is happening everywhere though.
DC Ron
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Wow, very cool man! Has an R.E.M. vibe, especially in the lyrics. Great job. Love the instrumentation and the build and the mix.
Awesome.
Note on my posts: I listen to these wonderful and varied forum songs for pure enjoyment as part of my daily “radio,” in large chunks, while I am out and about. Then I post all my thoughts later, not on the spot. As I do not think the forum is a place for competitiveness, I will shy away from any critiques from now on. I come here for peace and enjoyment only and have no ego invested. Thank you.
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Unusual but entirely catchy. If I knew more about music I could probably give you more helpful feedback, pointing out the things/parts that really worked as many of our more musician-ee friends do. I can say that I really admire how you work magic around difficult words/phrases. Seems you give the story priority over ease of fitting in the chord structure, but somehow it always, always works and just sounds cool. I hope that makes sense.
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Great song, Ron! My listening highlight is the section at 2:00 ‘She brought him something on a plate’ - those BVs!
I’ve seen you write before about your brother’s material - this listen made me wonder … how do you choose your next song? Does your brother specify? Do you spin the roulette wheel, or do you re-read and choose one that jumps out? I’m in admiration for anyone that can take the lyrics first path and craft the music to suit.
Great song!
Andrew
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Firstly, we love open mixes like this.
Very, very good vocals and the ah’s came in at such a perfect time in the fine lyric
We were transported inside that bar with the sights, sounds and even smells! 😆
The band and your standout guitar work are great.
That background steel was very nice.
Enjoyed it!
J&B
PS:Anyone know what "The bar was crowded..." section should be called?
We're calling it a "pre-chorus," but it shows up between verses, too, so...curious minds want to know.
We’ve used that a lot and always referred to it as a refrain.
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos are here on our website.
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Pretty cool writing, arrangement & performances.
The cadence of "And they were all getting rowdy" bothered me a little bit...but not much as there were plenty of other things to focus on. THANKS, Ray! Well, you've once again singled out the line I'm proudest of as a point of bother. Ha! Guess that's just my burden to carry, and carry it I will. Know my phrasing is often eccentric. I like to imagine it's what sets me apart...for better or sometimes worse. But I'm not complaining (really!) and am glad you found other aspects of the song to your liking. Very much appreciate the listen. Your reviews always sound from the heart, and I'm grateful you took the time.
Last edited by DC Ron; 10/28/25 03:13 PM.
DC Ron
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Ha! Rhyming "table" with "Babel" gets a gold star right there. My daughter looked up and asked "Dad, are you going to tell him they don't rhyme?" the second time around. She knows me too well. But because you know better, and did it anyway... heck, two gold stars!  I'll even ignore the WTF-is-the-drum-doing ending! Great write by your brother, and excellent everything else by you. 👍
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Hmm, kinda reminded me of the verse section of Squeeze's Take Me, I'm Yours. Def interesting lyrics. Always good vocals, especially those harmonies. Good stuff once again! THANKS, Rob! Y'know, I LOVE Squeeze and Glenn Tilbrook's melodies are DIVINE. And "Take Me, I'm Yours" is a BANGER of a song that I know very well. But I'm not hearing much in common between the two songs. Not that sounding like "Take Me, I'm Yours" would be a bad thing to me. I'd LOVE to write a song like that. But I don't think I have in this case. Glad you enjoyed the tune!
DC Ron
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Hi Ron,
First those repeated lines you asked about are a refrain. Refrains are repetitive 2 or 3 lines at the end of certain similar passages. their job is to create continuity to the message and generate a memorable slice of the song. Where a bridge is a single appearance of a few lines that brings all the different elements of the song together from a slightly different POV, A refrain further explains the storyline with repetitive appearances in the same respective places throughout the song. It reminds the listener of the basic theme of the lyrics, evoking a sense of familiarity. That's the non-technical, relatively short version. All that said, I have no formal musical training whatsoever - neither read nor write notation. So,taje that into consideration. But, that's how I've always treated these "inserts".
OK, that out of the way:
This is a very interesting song. Not a typical arrangement - but it's great - so, a nice change from the expected. The remarkable story you've created makes you wonder how many times situations like this come and go. Your mixes are always spot on- everything when and where it should be and at the proper volume. You know your stuff, my friend!
Nothing to complain about - except I didn't write it. Dang!
Take care, Ron.
Alan THANKS, Alan! I like "refrain", that makes a lot of sense to me. The serendipity of how relationships form (and perhaps more often miss forming) is a topic I ponder quite a bit. Probably why I love these lyrics. THANKS for sharing your thoughts and for not complaining.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
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I can visualize the entire scene with your excellent storytelling. Good chorus. And as I have come to expect from you, excellent BGVs.
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Ron, this is a great song. Super backing tracks. Your vocal was very strong. Loved those lyrics. Really great drums.
Great mix.
Loved it.
I'm no longer allowed to go caroling at the psych hospital.
I guess Do You Hear What I Hear was a bad song choice!
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Ha! Rhyming "table" with "Babel" gets a gold star right there. My daughter looked up and asked "Dad, are you going to tell him they don't rhyme?" the second time around. She knows me too well. But because you know better, and did it anyway... heck, two gold stars! I'll even ignore the WTF-is-the-drum-doing ending! Great write by your brother, and excellent everything else by you. 👍 David, appreciate the gold stars, but elected to change the pronunciation and repost. THANKS to you and your daughter for your careful attention to detail, and for bringing it to my attention.
DC Ron
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Really entertaining story-song, and so nicely produced. Thoroughly enjoyed my listen! Thanks, Tom! Always enjoy a good story-song myself. Cool one, Ron. Wasn't sure where the title would take us, but you did an amazing job. I'm not big on genre or song part designation. Just write. The bar was crowded part, although I agree most would call it pre-chorus; it's just a great part.
Serious, I really like the way you build your songs, and this one is solid construction for sure. Fun story, and Joe is the hero and waitress is the heroine. Thank you for the vote of confidence, Marty! Fun little character sketch, and I love how the lyrics bring these two to life, and we suppose together, in so few words.
DC Ron
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Hi Ron,
What a truly lovely song! You sing it beautifully, have a really good voice (haven't I said that before?), and you tells a strong story. It's a song that leaves you with a smile on your face, and a little sad too.
Powerful, fun lines about the Tower of Babel and that busy café. Great idea!
Enjoyed this song too, Ron. Like all your songs, I mean.
Best regards,
Hans
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I really like the pedal steel arrangements. Good song, but the guy will have to come back next week if I understand correctly.
Laurent Laurent, ha! Well, I guess he MIGHT. But it is a bit ambiguous, isn't it? Love ambiguity. THANKS for listening!
DC Ron
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Great song, Ron. Superb production, plus the instrumentation and arrangement was exactly right for the song. Great backing vocals, too. Thanks, Chay. Appreciate the listen!
DC Ron
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Hi Ron
“A Forge, A Waitress, and A Jukebox Song,” feels like I've stumbling onto a story that I didn’t know I needed to hear.
The song paints a slice-of-life scene inside a working-class bar, focusing on two weary characters—a blue-collar worker and a woman seeking escape. Their interaction is grounded in realism and emotional subtlety. The recurring refrain about the crowded, loud bar underscores the sense of isolation within noise and chaos, while the “song on the jukebox” cleverly mirrors the characters’ unspoken loneliness. I suspect that many of us can relate to this synopsis.
Production-wise, everything just fits like a nicely crafted piece of music carried by good vocals, both main and backing vox.✔️🆗
As promised, there are no robot servants or tales of dementia here—just good, honest, blue-collar angst.
I like this song, It's a delightfully human slice of life, proving that you only need great apes—not AI—to write simple stories about guys who definitely need to work on their table manners.🙄
Another excellent thought provoking song from Team Davis. 👍
Izzy. THANKS, Izzy. Blue collar angst is the best. Appreciate the listen and entertaining review.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Very different! And very cool. Good vocal, and I especially like the BGV's. Nice to hear you playing too, short but sweet Excellent mix as per usual. Good one, Ron, I enjoy your music. Thanks, Dave. I'm not a shredder but occasionally feel a guitar part that needs to be heard. In this song, the intro, break and outro uniquely include the C-D-F-G progression, and the break spoke to me in the context of the song. THANKS for noticing! Glad you enjoyed the song and our music.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Wow, very cool man! Has an R.E.M. vibe, especially in the lyrics. Great job. Love the instrumentation and the build and the mix.
Awesome.
Note on my posts: I listen to these wonderful and varied forum songs for pure enjoyment as part of my daily “radio,” in large chunks, while I am out and about. Then I post all my thoughts later, not on the spot. As I do not think the forum is a place for competitiveness, I will shy away from any critiques from now on. I come here for peace and enjoyment only and have no ego invested. Thank you. THANKS, David. Yeah, early REM definitely resonates with me and I presume echoes through a lot of our music. Fun to build these softer songs when anything other than a gentle touch will send it careening off the rails. Appreciate the listen and response!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Unusual but entirely catchy. If I knew more about music I could probably give you more helpful feedback, pointing out the things/parts that really worked as many of our more musician-ee friends do. I can say that I really admire how you work magic around difficult words/phrases. Seems you give the story priority over ease of fitting in the chord structure, but somehow it always, always works and just sounds cool. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for the listen, Beth. If I knew more about music I'd probably wax poetic about the harmonic role of certain SUS chords or something technical like that. But instead I'll just say I'm really grateful for your comments as they perfectly reflect how I think about my role in bringing these lyrics to life. So, just...thank you.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Very good song and nice vocals. Nice story too. As far as I'm concerned the "the bar was crowded" part is part of the verse. That is... I hear it as a verse, written like this: He put his tools into the box Looked at the wall with all the clocks Threw his hardhat behind the seat Then went to get something to eat The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy But... this is just the opinion of a simple Dutch girl Anne-Marie
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Great song, Ron! My listening highlight is the section at 2:00 ‘She brought him something on a plate’ - those BVs!
I’ve seen you write before about your brother’s material - this listen made me wonder … how do you choose your next song? Does your brother specify? Do you spin the roulette wheel, or do you re-read and choose one that jumps out? I’m in admiration for anyone that can take the lyrics first path and craft the music to suit.
Great song!
Andrew Thanks, Andrew! Yeah, that unison BGV followed by the same line with a 2nd unison voice on top is a cool effect. Know we've had a longer conversation on this offline, but for others...I choose which song to post from our catalog based on variety and what I think (hope?) listeners will enjoy. If my brother ever asks for a song to be posted I'll certainly do it. Once he told me in advance that a certain lyric could never be posted, so I crafted a song I could post out of devilish fun. That was "Epiphany".
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Ron (& R.W.)
Really like your bed of drums&bass. And the steel "strings" to sweeten...
Nice "break".
I like how the vocals are processed. They sit perfectly to tell this story.
Cool bgvs. Nice Tight harmony!
Y'all are true originals.
There is something about this that reminds me of Paul Simon (if you mixed a little Elvis Costello into Paul) - a similar originality...
A good musical experience. Thanks for that...
fj
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Hi Ron. I thoroughly enjoyed this. You and your brother certainly are a songwriting powerhouse!. As others have mentioned, the title really engages a person's imagination. It made me wonder what the song was going to be about. I often read the lyrics to songs before I listen. With this one, however, I didn't want to spoil the effect of the title and its meaning. I'm glad I chose that approach. I did not anticipate this story line at all. Your music, performance and production along with your brother's lyrics kept me fully engaged throughout Loved it! --Noel P.S. Regarding those repeated lines... As J&B and Alan have noted, this is called a refrain. And as Anne-Marie has said, it's usually attached to a verse somewhere. It's a term that comes from poetry and it's easy to find information about it on the internet. In songwriting, it is a lyric technique that has been used by many famous composers in many famous songs. Somewhere Over The Rainbow has a refrain at the beginning of each A-section. In this case, the refrain doubles as the title and hook. A couple of famous songs that come to mind as I'm typing this that use a refrain at the end of each section are Dream Lover and Close To You. I've actually used variations of the "Close To You" approach to lyric writing in my own songs a number of times. The basic principle of Close To You is that each A-section follows a similar pattern to the one shown below. "Close To You" by Burt Bacharach and Hal David
Lyric format in each A-section
verse information line 1
verse information line 2
refrain line 1
refrain line 2
refrain line 3 Personally, I've found it to be a very productive way to write lyrics while minimising the angst caused by writing lyrics. By keeping the refrain constant in each of the three A-sections, only 6 lines of verse lyrics are needed to complete all three A-sections. By adding an extra 4 lines for the B (bridge, middle 8) section, a complete song can be written with 10 different lines of lyrics! I like this (not counting the refrain) It's a technique that I often use when I write lyrics without any instrument present. My song Summer Moon used this approach. You'll be able to see the words on Soundcloud. I used a 2-line refrain. This technique let me write the lyrics for this song while I was in hospital getting over complications caused by prostate cancer back in 2018.
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2025
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Firstly, we love open mixes like this.
Very, very good vocals and the ah’s came in at such a perfect time in the fine lyric
We were transported inside that bar with the sights, sounds and even smells! 😆
The band and your standout guitar work are great.
That background steel was very nice.
Enjoyed it!
J&B
PS:Anyone know what "The bar was crowded..." section should be called?
We're calling it a "pre-chorus," but it shows up between verses, too, so...curious minds want to know.
We’ve used that a lot and always referred to it as a refrain. J&B, THANK YOU for the listen and the nice review. Those BiaB steels almost always sound SO nice to me, I have to make an effort to not use them on everything. "Refrain" has a nice ring to it, I like it!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Hey Ron,
This is the first of your songs I've heard, so I don't know if it's an indication of a recurring style or unique to this song. I like it! It has a Tom Petty feel to my ear. It certainly isn't a cookie cutter tune... very uniquely crafted and interesting! Your mix is very clear and cleverly assembled. Your use of realtracks is very well done and I like your vocals... all in all I'd call this a home run. It's one those that makes me want to keep listening over and over.
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Ha! ...I'll even ignore the WTF-is-the-drum-doing ending! ... 👍 David, caught me on the drums at the end. I manipulated the ending in the DAW and thought I cut-and-pasted the basic drum pattern, but instead cut-and-pasted a fill, so it does sound a bit out of touch. Which it is. And so am I, I guess.  Another good catch!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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I can visualize the entire scene with your excellent storytelling. Good chorus. And as I have come to expect from you, excellent BGVs. THANKS, Scott! Yeah, love how the lyrics (not mine) imply details and backstories that the listener can fill in to tell a story much fuller than the words alone. I still shake my head sometimes at the power of the stuff I get to work with. Glad you liked the tune!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Ron, this is a great song. Super backing tracks. Your vocal was very strong. Loved those lyrics. Really great drums.
Great mix.
Loved it. Thank you, Mario, glad you liked it! Hi Ron,
What a truly lovely song! You sing it beautifully, have a really good voice (haven't I said that before?), and you tells a strong story. It's a song that leaves you with a smile on your face, and a little sad too.
Powerful, fun lines about the Tower of Babel and that busy café. Great idea!
Enjoyed this song too, Ron. Like all your songs, I mean.
Best regards,
Hans Hans, so glad you liked it. Sad tunes that bring a smile are the best (to me). THANKS for the listen and the nice review!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Very good song and nice vocals. Nice story too. As far as I'm concerned the "the bar was crowded" part is part of the verse. That is... I hear it as a verse, written like this: He put his tools into the box Looked at the wall with all the clocks Threw his hardhat behind the seat Then went to get something to eat The bar was crowded And the music was loud And they were all getting rowdy But... this is just the opinion of a simple Dutch girl Anne-Marie THANKS, Anne-Marie. Story songs are the best. Like your "part of the verse" structure. Not sold that you're just "a simple Dutch girl" though. Ha! Ron (& R.W.)
Really like your bed of drums&bass. And the steel "strings" to sweeten...
Nice "break".
I like how the vocals are processed. They sit perfectly to tell this story.
Cool bgvs. Nice Tight harmony!
Y'all are true originals.
There is something about this that reminds me of Paul Simon (if you mixed a little Elvis Costello into Paul) - a similar originality...
A good musical experience. Thanks for that...
fj THANKS, Floyd! As a teen, Paul Simon was one of my songwriting heroes, and a few years later, so was Elvis. We're very happy to be anywhere in the same zip code as those two musically, even if far fetched. Glad you enjoyed the song!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Hi Ron. I thoroughly enjoyed this. You and your brother certainly are a songwriting powerhouse!. As others have mentioned, the title really engages a person's imagination. It made me wonder what the song was going to be about. I often read the lyrics to songs before I listen. With this one, however, I didn't want to spoil the effect of the title and its meaning. I'm glad I chose that approach. I did not anticipate this story line at all. Your music, performance and production along with your brother's lyrics kept me fully engaged throughout Loved it! --Noel P.S. Regarding those repeated lines... As J&B and Alan have noted, this is called a refrain. And as Anne-Marie has said, it's usually attached to a verse somewhere. It's a term that comes from poetry and it's easy to find information about it on the internet. In songwriting, it is a lyric technique that has been used by many famous composers in many famous songs. Somewhere Over The Rainbow has a refrain at the beginning of each A-section. In this case, the refrain doubles as the title and hook. A couple of famous songs that come to mind as I'm typing this that use a refrain at the end of each section are Dream Lover and Close To You. I've actually used variations of the "Close To You" approach to lyric writing in my own songs a number of times. The basic principle of Close To You is that each A-section follows a similar pattern to the one shown below. "Close To You" by Burt Bacharach and Hal David
Lyric format in each A-section
verse information line 1
verse information line 2
refrain line 1
refrain line 2
refrain line 3 Personally, I've found it to be a very productive way to write lyrics while minimising the angst caused by writing lyrics. By keeping the refrain constant in each of the three A-sections, only 6 lines of verse lyrics are needed to complete all three A-sections. By adding an extra 4 lines for the B (bridge, middle 8) section, a complete song can be written with 10 different lines of lyrics! I like this (not counting the refrain) It's a technique that I often use when I write lyrics without any instrument present. My song Summer Moon used this approach. You'll be able to see the words on Soundcloud. I used a 2-line refrain. This technique let me write the lyrics for this song while I was in hospital getting over complications caused by prostate cancer back in 2018. Wow, Noel, THANK YOU for the very detailed response and examples on my innocent little question. All this makes perfect sense to me. My brother's "lyrics" were provided to me as "poems" for many, many years before I realized they were lyrics, or could be. I've since learned he knows more about formal poetry than I ever will, and I wouldn't be surprised if his use of "bridge" was just to bring it down to my level. But you've brought me back up, so...THANKS again! Am also really pleased you did not read the lyrics in advance. Personal bias, but I always enjoyed discovering lyrics while listening, and never liked reading them in advance myself. Nice to have as a check though!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Hey Ron,
This is the first of your songs I've heard, so I don't know if it's an indication of a recurring style or unique to this song. I like it! It has a Tom Petty feel to my ear. It certainly isn't a cookie cutter tune... very uniquely crafted and interesting! Your mix is very clear and cleverly assembled. Your use of realtracks is very well done and I like your vocals... all in all I'd call this a home run. It's one those that makes me want to keep listening over and over. THANKS, Pat! Some listeners have commented that we have a signature sound, but I honestly couldn't describe it. I LOVE the Tom Petty comparison though! Thanks for sharing your impressions. It's always informative to get some new ears involved.
Last edited by DC Ron; 11/09/25 03:34 PM.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Ron,
This is a wonderful song with a great story.
The song's structure is a bit complex, but I don't mind it at all.
Your vocals are also fantastic and fit this song perfectly.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.
Best regards.
Shigeki Adachi
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Ron,
This is a wonderful song with a great story.
The song's structure is a bit complex, but I don't mind it at all.
Your vocals are also fantastic and fit this song perfectly.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.
Best regards.
Shigeki Adachi Thanks, Shigeki. Always a thrill when a tune crosses continents and languages but still makes a connection.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Mac!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! XPro Styles PAK 9 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and higher for Mac!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 9 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 29 RealTracks/RealDrums!
We've been hard at it to bring you the latest and greatest in this 9th installment of our popular XPro Styles PAK series! Included are 75 styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres (25 styles each) that fans have come to expect, as well as 25 styles in this volume's wildcard genre: funk & R&B!
If you're itching to get a sneak peek at what's included in XPro Styles PAK 9, here is a small helping of what you can look forward to: Funky R&B Horns, Upbeat Celtic Rock, Jazz Fusion Salsa, Gentle Indie Folk, Cool '60s Soul, Funky '70s R&B, Smooth Jazz Hip Hop, Acoustic Rockabilly Swing, Funky Reggae Dub, Dreamy Retro Latin Jazz, Retro Soul-Rock Fusion, and much more!
Special Pricing! Until July 31, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Video: XPro Styles PAK 9 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Windows!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Windows & Mac Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
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