Hi Everyone,
Here is a song I wrote called "Suspicious".

http://www.box.net/shared/bhn48jz3cv

The words are:

Suspicious

Verse 1
I came to you from far away
I don't regret a single day
Free love
Stars above
It's still the way I feel today

You make me laugh and never cry
You are all that money can't buy
Red sky
May fly
We let no moment pass us by

Chorus
Why is there so much sadness
A world so full of madness
Why does the fighting continue
Can love come to the rescue

We are simply delicious
We're not real but fictitious
Day Dream
Peaches n cream
Oh it sounds too suspicious

Verse 2
I came to you from far away
I love you more than words can say
Ring true
Rock you
It's been like a holiday

You are my angel from above
You give me strength with all your love
Play along
Swan song
We fit together like hand in glove

Chorus

Verse 3
I make you laugh, you never cry
I sing to you a tender lullabye
Angel face
Gentle grace
For us on high a beautiful sky

You give me such a loving smile
You say our love has been so worthwhile
Look ahead
Enough said
We have such a sense of style

Chorus

I would appreciate any comments you have

Jim

WOW, this is one great song.

Your voice reminds me of Martin Mull. I really like the arrangement here. Super lounge music. Two thumbs up.

This is a keeper.

hello,

the lyrics of the song is good, i really like it. the type of your song is just like the songs singing by michael buble.. You have a nice voice too! keep it up!

thanks,
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Hi Mario,
Thank you for listening and pleased you liked it - your comments are much appreciated

Jim

Hi cutecub,
Thanks for you very nice comments - much appreciated
Best Regards
Jim

Hi Jim,

Thanks for posting this one. The backing track is excellent and I really enjoyed listening to your piano playing: you're a very talented man! You definitely have a knack for writing catchy tunes.

To my ears, this song sounded like a variation on the AABA form rather than Verse/Chorus form. (I'm a huge fan of AABA.) I have to confess that the chorus threw me. When I heard it, I thought, "Why is there sadness? I've just been hearing how terrific everything is, has been and (potentially) will be." Also, while the lyric writer in me gave a standing ovation to the rhymes "fictitious/delicious/suspicious", the critic in me couldn't understand how this verse fitted in to the overall. Maybe that's me, though. Have you tried whittling the lyrics down to a single theme or thought? AABA is exceptionally good at capturing a single moment in time or single idea.

Overall, though, I enjoyed my journey through your song.

Regards,
Noel

Hi Noel,
Thanks for listening and your interesting comments Noel.

For me the theme of the song is a glimpse at perfection from within a world of ugliness and conflict. The verses showing perfection while the chorus depicting reality. There is the hope that aiming for perfection in a more positive way could bring its rewards. It compares optimism with cynicism. The change of mood in the chorus brings surprise to the listener in the hope of encouraging debate. Well that was the aim when I wrote the song - lol.

I like twists and turns in songs but I have written straight forward love songs in the past. I will post one later - I need to remix it a bit.

Thanks again Noel and I am pleased that you enjoyed listening.

Best regards
Jim

Hi Jim,

Thanks for the explanation. I'm from the school of lyric writing where the chorus or refrain is the home base that all verses and bridge(s) run to. For me, verses usually "show" and choruses "tell" (or summarize).

All the best,
Noel

I really enjoyed the overall vibe of the piece, and particularly the interplay between the electric piano and the acoustic piano.
Perhaps the instrumental interlude at 1:20 is a touch long.
I've given up trying to figure out your lyrics Jim, but I just go with them now. They sound fine!

Well done,

Marc

Hi Marc,
Thanks for listening and I am pleased you liked the song.

Yes, I think 1:20 instrumental is a little long - self indulgence with the piano playing I think. I could reduce it to AB of the AABA form.

Thanks again
Jim