I need help again - PG Music Forums

Well, maybe there's a local humane society where you can go get a puppy fix. There are services that bring animal companions to you for limited times, so you get to play with them and don't have to take care of them 24/7. There's a storefront in a mall up in Brighton (about 20 miles from Ann Arbor) that is specifically for you to go in and play with puppies and kittens. And they're usually staffed by very friendly and sympathetic people, with whom you can talk and smile.

We're pulling for you, John.

John,

I understand your point about wanting to ensure it has proper care for good. Consider this, if you still have good mobility, consider raising a leader dog pup of some type. You don't necessarily have to take them through the program entirely. Many of the organizations need people just like yourself to give the pup the love and attention they need, until a certain age, when they will be given over to the professional trainer.

If you are within an hour or two of a major metro area, there is probably at least one organization that you can contact about this. Send me a PM and I can try to help you look - but you are a sharp guy and no doubt can figure out where to look on your own.

-Scott

I agree with the above with one small caveat. Not a pup. Your local shelter is likely FILLED with 7-8 year old dogs that need someone to keep company through their last 5-6 years. I have had nothing BUT rescue dogs and I believe 100% that know that they are getting a second chance and they try harder and harder to please their new master. I got Scruff at 6 months and to watch her grow and learn and take training was the most rewarding thing I have experienced. (And I have KIDS!)

When Twiggy, my Wheaten Terrier, died in 2006, I was dead set against getting another dog. I had all the reasons written down. A dog ties you down. A dog is a big expense. A dog takes a lot of my time. My dear friend Joni was over one day and she grabbed me by the shoulders, all 96 pounds of her, and shook me and said "GO GET A *&!^@%#$^ DOG ALREADY!! There are dogs in that shelter that need YOU. And you will be better off for it. Where do you go anyway that a dog is going to tie you down?"

So we went to the shelter, I found this perfect little Jack Russell mix, and 5 1/2 years later, she is curled up next to me on the couch snoring.

And that shelter is now beneficiary of my life insurance and benefactor of whatever money can be made at my estate sale when I am gone. They have given me now 4 of the best friends I ever had and I will pay them back when it's time to go.

Now only you will know when your heart is ready, and don't do it too soon. Also remember that the new dog is not the old dog in a new dog suit. I almost made that mistake. This one has pretty much become that one anyway. I mean, I trained her the same way with the same commands, so it had to be.

Your time will come, and you will know it.

My heart goes out to you on this day, but you can be at peace in your heart knowing you did what was right for the dog. Too many people keep ailing dogs alive for themselves, and that is selfish and the ultimate act of cruelty. I commend you for being able to let go and keeping the dog's welfare first.

Hang in there.

I echo everything that has been said John. Sometimes we deliberately avoid cliche's because they're well, cliche's. Nothing new there, move on etc. Many times they're cliche's because they're true and this is one of those.

One of many organizations here in LA is called the Amanda Foundation. It's run out of several vet's offices. They rescue dogs from the shelters and keep them until they're adopted. Doesn't matter how long that takes. We got a beautiful 6 month old blonde shelty terrier mix 18 years ago and named her Mandy. Like you I had to put Mandy down two years ago at about 16 1/2. My lady couldn't do it, I had to. She didn't want another dog until we were having brunch last year at a nice hotel at the beach with outside seating. Next to us was a table of about 6 people and 3 or 4 dogs. We started chatting and it turns out one lady was a vet who owned a clinic right in our neighborhood and she said one of the staff had a very nice female jack russell she had to get rid of because she already had 5 dogs. Well guess what we now have Peanuts, all 10 pounds of her. She's not Mandy(and every time I see her picture I miss her), they're completely different but a real sweetheart in her own right. You know this John, they have a way of getting to you, just give them the chance.

And, post here a lot. Please email me if you want to chat. Most of us here are old enough that we've all suffered personal tragedies but to lose your soul mate is the worst right next to losing a child. We got through it and you will too. It's good that you're comfortable enough with us to post your plea here. You know you will be treated with respect and compassion. Keep posting.

Bob

John.

You've got lots of good advice here and the only thing I can add is to get back to playing as soon as possible. It would be a shame to see those splendid PA rigs of yours just gather dust.

Why not try to add in a few new songs, which will get you working and give you something else to focus on? Music's obviously been a big part of your life and perhaps now it could be the thing to help you pull through.

At the end of the day, it should be reassuring that you've got so many good friends here who you can reach out to when things get tough.

All the best, ROG.

John,

As you know, I'm not too far away in NC. If you get any gigs anywhere near Winston Salem and you don't want to drive home late at night after the gig, you are welcome to stay here anytime. For that matter, you are welcome to LIVE here if you don't mind my daughter bossing us both around.

Dog-wise, my situation is the opposite of yours. My wife had a sheltie that I won't be able to care for properly, because I work 12 hour days, and it isn't fair to keep him penned up all day. I've been looking at sheltie adoption services. If you're even remotely interested, he's yours.

He's very smart. Get him a hammer with a velcro handle that sticks to his paw, and I bet he'd build his own kennel. He's about 3 years old.

I can send you a list of local places that pay for live music if you're interested (may need some updating... places like that tend to come and go)

John, I am thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Dan

John,

I agree with Rog that music (as well as your pets) has been and still is a HUGE part of your life. There have been many times in my life that music has "carried" me away to another place when things have been rough. Its the one thing that will always be there for you and never desert you. Your talent is meant to be shared with all of us. You were one of the first forum members to respond to my questions when I was getting started with BB/Realband. I wish you the best and urge you to dig in and turn your current situation into music that will touch everyone.

Do you find it to be true that anybody who would ever say "It's only a dog" has never had a dog?

What a stupid, insensitive thing to say, yet I hear it all the time. I can't imagine life without my dog. I get joy from her every day.

And John, you will experience that joy again soon!

I just got a lab (yellow) 8 week old female. Very therapeutic. We went for a drive yesterday and it was warm, I had the windows down, she was sitting calmly on my knee. I realized I sat through two left turn cycles because I was just petting her and didn't care about anything else.

If anyone was behind me I would have got the horn, but oh well.

I'm with the other guys in this. I'm rearranging the house so she can't get at kleenex, and I'm making little beds, buying pull toys, and spoiling her the best I can.

I vote for a puppy too. Takes up lots of time. I got lucky, somehow she's trained, though I did use what tricks I knew. Got up at 4 a.m. to go outside though, and my wife was unhappy because I had her on the bed beside me, but as soon as she calms down, she gets down on the towel bed beside me and goes to sleep.

The first day we had to have a shower together, I think leaving mom and 5 other puppies was scary. But labs and water. I'll try and figure out how to post a picture, I once knew.

When I play the piano she sits with her head on my foot, going up a down with the pedal, and fell so hard asleep after my dozen times through "They can't take that away from me...", that she's still there and hour after I quit, sound asleep by the pedal, after I extracted my foot.

When she gets up I'm sure she's going to continue to try and take my shoe off to play with it. That was funny.

Yup, a puppy was what I needed, got her Sunday. I'm smiling and taking pictures. My grandson told her she's to call me papa john, that was also a very funny moment. He asked her if she liked some cartoon on TV too. A 3 year old and a puppy will cure anything.

Fionn and Honey.

John, if you need someone to come by, I'll figure out a way. Things get better when you let them. I'm trying to start a Rock Orchestra called the Nannies and the Papas. Some karaoke with my playing along, All the Leaves are Brown, Stout hearted men. Sing along karaoke every second song or so. Stuff to leave the place singing.

Thinking about having lyrics, charts, kar files, a projector, and charging 2 bucks, mandatory drink purchase, (could be coke). Split the buck between the bar and me, with some consideration based on sales. And the concept would be mine, I could leave if it got too popular.

I found out that a local seniors care group was talking about places to take them. Willing to pay 7 bucks a person. They even come with care givers. That's a thought, just make the music 'older'.

Lots of stuff around, just find a niche.

Maybe from what you've been through volunteering at a hospice or somewhere to share your experiences would be an idea.

I can make it in a day I'm sure...

Just give me a pm.

What kind of bbq do you go for, the local joint has a crazy S. Carolina sauce. It's some weird made from a whack of vinegar.

We could go out and pick up some chicks. You always hope they sexed them right. Otherwise you get hassled when that rooster starts up at dawn. Building a hen house is fun.

I suggested a helpless "puppy" specifically because it will tend to shift the focus of attention away from your own needs and onto a helpless animal that depends on you for life itself.

This wonderful group keeps me in tears of gratitude when I am reminded, again, of the family bond that we all share.

I also wish to offer a listening ear if you should ever need to vent your frustrations and concerns. I think you have my email address and, of course, you can always PM me here.

"I've never met a dog that I didn't like!" Perhaps it's an Oyrish thing. As a lad growing up, I was never without a dog.

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As a lad growing up, I was never without a dog.

We have owned homes for about 41 years now. There have been only about 6 months when we didn’t have at least one dog! As kids both the wife and I always had dogs. I guess we are dog people!

Hi John,

I concur with the idea of a new pet to heal the wounds.

My wife is partially crippled and when our last dog had a fatal illness she was most unset but felt that she could not provide a permanent home for another pet at her age. Instead she opened up our home for dogs when their owners are away on holiday. If she is unwell then I do the looking after them or find someone else to help out.

This has provided my wife with an interest, earns her a little pocket money and enables us to meet new friends. This is working very well.

All the best - LynB

We lost our jack russell right before last Christmas. I still dream about him, but we just got a cavalier king charles spaniel. She's still a pup and loves everybody. She likes lots of affection. I only got that breed because they love all kids and we have to be careful with our grandkids. Otherwise, I would have got one from the shelter.

Helping others can be therapeutic also John. We play at some alzheimers care facilities and retirement homes. It's really uplifting to see what music does for the folks there. Doing those gigs has been helpful to me on some days when I was feeling down. You could try one just to see. May the Lord be with you.

Stan

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Helping others can be therapeutic also John. We play at some alzheimers care facilities and retirement homes. It's really uplifting to see what music does for the folks there. Doing those gigs has been helpful to me on some days when I was feeling down. You could try one just to see.

I wish I had suggested that, John. My living in a nursing home puts me on the other side of the equation.

We get some fabulous professional entertainment here but it's the young guy who brings his flattop acoustic guitar and contributes an hour or so of his time and talent to evoke a smile from we residents that REALLY impresses me. As a deterrent to theft we are not allowed to carry cash so he doesn't even get tips but he leaves here each time fully aglow and satisfied.

Bring your music AND your dog. Studies show that petting a dog dramatically reduces BP and anxiety. Animals can sense that older people are not a threat.

You are all very kind and supportive. Once the dust settles and I know I'M settled then I do believe a shelter pet is in my future.

John,

I’ve got to agree with those who say you should get another dog. I know you said you weren’t sure you were up to caring for it, but my bet would be that you’d find that ability as soon as you saw that animal needing your love and attention.

It sounds like you and Pat could help each other. His dog needs a good home and you need a loving companion. No one loves you more than your dog, but you already know that.

How could you resist a face like this?

Thinking, pulling and praying for you John.

Like our friends have stated above, get yourself a new puppy ASAP!

I have a big old black lab, my son named her Marley after his favorite musician of all time. Well we inherited Marley two years ago when my son had to move up north. A few weeks ago he said. "OK Dad, we have a home with a yard now and would be happy to take Marley with us" . . . I told him to not even think he could take Marley away from me now!

Get one "quickly" as the union will be great for both of you.

Later,

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John,

I’ve got to agree with those who say you should get another dog. I know you said you weren’t sure you were up to caring for it, but my bet would be that you’d find that ability as soon as you saw that animal needing your love and attention.

It sounds like you and Pat could help each other. His dog needs a good home and you need a loving companion. No one loves you more than your dog, but you already know that.

How could you resist a face like this?

yep, that's the face.
Shelties are like spaced-out little people with fur coats. If they ever develop opposable thumbs, watch out!

G'day John,
I haven't piped up before 'cos so many others were already there, but a thought has occurred to me that I think is worth sharing:

I cannot imagine what you are facing or going through, but I do have a good mate who has been alone pretty much all his life. It is terrifying seeing how his personality disintegrates every so often from the sheer loneliness of his life. The reality is that though he craves company he also inhibits it by his behaviour, learned defense responses to hurts I guess.

PLEASE, please don't allow yourself to travel that path. I'm not particularly a "doggie" person, although we do allow ourselves to be owned by a cat, so I can't really comment on the value of getting another dog, but I can advise you to make sure you never allow yourself to disconnect from people around you. I think you already know that as evidenced by your reaching out here, but an online relationship is no substitute for having someone physically close.

You have a real advantage over my mate, he couldn't play a note if his life depended on it, whereas you have a skill that is welcomed by most people - you make music. I can't think of anything better than getting involved in a local group (or ten) of musos and entertaining people.

One group I play with is called "Big Band Therapy", and believe me, therapy it is - both for us and our audiences

Be blessed mate, be shaped but not brought down by your past and present, and look forward to the next adventure.

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G'day John,
I haven't piped up before 'cos so many others were already there, but a thought has occurred to me that I think is worth sharing:

I cannot imagine what you are facing or going through, but I do have a good mate who has been alone pretty much all his life. It is terrifying seeing how his personality disintegrates every so often from the sheer loneliness of his life. The reality is that though he craves company he also inhibits it by his behaviour, learned defense responses to hurts I guess.

PLEASE, please don't allow yourself to travel that path. I'm not particularly a "doggie" person, although we do allow ourselves to be owned by a cat, so I can't really comment on the value of getting another dog, but I can advise you to make sure you never allow yourself to disconnect from people around you. I think you already know that as evidenced by your reaching out here, but an online relationship is no substitute for having someone physically close.

You have a real advantage over my mate, he couldn't play a note if his life depended on it, whereas you have a skill that is welcomed by most people - you make music. I can't think of anything better than getting involved in a local group (or ten) of musos and entertaining people.

One group I play with is called "Big Band Therapy", and believe me, therapy it is - both for us and our audiences

Be blessed mate, be shaped but not brought down by your past and present, and look forward to the next adventure.

You are right on Lawrie. I see myself sort of able to slip that way. Sort of getting caught up in the blues.I have a couple things I will be doing that I haven't been able to do before:
1.Going to a church(Unity) that I really enjoyed but had to stop because I couldn't leave Lucy home & too hotin the car.
2. There's a local Flea Mkt were musicians get together on Sat & Sun & play.I've played a couple of times and although the music is not quite up to what I'm used to,the people are all really wonderfull. I just separate the two.
3. If I find myself settling in here, remember this is not were I'm from & is sort of alien to me, I will be getting a dog again.I've already been sort of fantasizing about it.Maybe pat's dog and I will be connected.Fate will dictate.

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Maybe pat's dog and I will be connected.Fate will dictate.

John,

I'm not working this week. Feel free to stop by and see the dog and visit. I'll send my address and phone # by PM in case you want to do that. No pressure, though. If you visit it doesn't mean you need to take the dog. You're always welcome here under any circumstances and at any time. Likewise, I understand if you have other things to do. Its an open invitation, not an RSVP kind of thing.

John, i feel for you, my friend. it has been a rather difficult road for you. It is so great that so many folks here care about your well being. What a great community. Props to all of you, and your kind thoughts for a friend in need. It is so cool that you have recognized that you have friend here that not only listen, but share their hearts with you.

I gotta say music really is the language of love, and not just in the romantic way, but in real true brotherly love.

Play a set of music tonight! and we are all singing along!

Well said Robh. It is a thing to behold observing so many here reach out with not only heartfelt emotional support and advice for John but also with schemes to meet up with him. Says a lot about ya'll.

Terry

John, I just want you to know that I have been thinking of and praying for you.

1Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Don S.

Hi John,

I went through the same heart wrenching decision a few years back and it still hurts to remember. I read the posts yesterday and I'm so sorry but it has taken me until today to be able to say how sorry I am, without breaking down myself.

I haven't as yet been able to get a new dog but when the time comes, I think I would like to give an older dog or rescue dog a new lease on life.

My music has gotten me through so much and I'm sure yours will too. It takes time but the grief does lessen.

It's good to know there is so much support for you. I hope it bring some comfort.

Big Band Therapy. I like that one, Lawry. Music is perfect therapy because it's as complex as you want to make it. You can never perfect your playing and then say ok, I've done it all, time to move on. It's great to play with other people because they motivate you do work at it so you can play your parts properly and not mess them up.

John, that sounds like a nice little trip for you, to go visit Pat. Do it asap, I kinda doubt it's like your days are all booked up for the next month, ya know? Let us know what happens.

Bob

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Hi John,

I went through the same heart wrenching decision a few years back and it still hurts to remember. I read the posts yesterday and I'm so sorry but it has taken me until today to be able to say how sorry I am, without breaking down myself.

I haven't as yet been able to get a new dog but when the time comes, I think I would like to give an older dog or rescue dog a new lease on life.

My music has gotten me through so much and I'm sure yours will too. It takes time but the grief does lessen.

It's good to know there is so much support for you. I hope it bring some comfort.

Thank you for that understanding of where I'm at and why I'll not get another dog in haste. Losing my wife and my four legged child,I have no others,has left me in a fragile state of mind were no important decisions should be made.

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Big Band Therapy. I like that one, Lawry. Music is perfect therapy because it's as complex as you want to make it. You can never perfect your playing and then say ok, I've done it all, time to move on. It's great to play with other people because they motivate you do work at it so you can play your parts properly and not mess them up.

John, that sounds like a nice little trip for you, to go visit Pat. Do it asap, I kinda doubt it's like your days are all booked up for the next month, ya know? Let us know what happens.

Bob

It would be however it won't happen for awhile for a few reasons:
1.I can't even go to the neighbors for dinner without getting so jangled that I had to leave after an hour.
2.I don't have the proper setup for his pup & I'm not ready so it would break my heart to see him.Like the picture does every time I look at it.
3.His wife is dying of cancer and I'm sure not ready to see that again.

Pat and I most certainly will get together at some point when he moves on to part 2 of his situation.

Hi John,

whatever you choose to do, do it.
Your neighbors will understand when you need to leave for sentimental reasons.
Your friends will understand when your eyes start to get wet.

After my first wife's passing I dedided to live "with the past" not "in the past". It is painful at times to be alone, but there is also a sort of new freedom. Memories come up front and go away again, they haunt you at times when you don't have use for them. The first year is the hardest, because you have to go through every activity alone for the first time.

The best therapy is probably: Do what you want, when you want it to do.

I wish you all the strengh to have when you need it to ride the emotional roller coaster.

Guido

May I speak to the power of Music Therapy? It is rapidly becoming recognized in the medical community for it's powerful healing potential on the human psyche. I am the unofficial music therapist here in my nursing home and I have seen it work countless times.

Well stated, Guido!