Dear Forumites,

Having carefully followed other discussions and threads about the order of songs on the showcase and the death sentence that should be imposed upon people who bump their songs by saying thank you to those who have commented, I decided to do a scientific analysis of Band-in-Box's core mission by running a text analytics algorithm on the home page and buy products page.

It seems that what Band-in-a-Box DOES--and I was surprised to learn this--is to provide people with a software program that allows them to compose, record and finish songs, and THEN--even POST those songs on a forum and explain to other people how they did it using the company's product.

Then, I began to smell smoke coming out of my computer because I was also running my emotion analytics software in real-time on the forum posts as well. Ooops. It doesn't handle psychotic rage that well, and I KNEW that. Darn. Software, man. But just before my computer crashed I noticed something:

It seems that the conversation is increasingly becoming dominated by people who show no sign of having ever used the product, are certainly not using it now, never have anything but complaints, have never posted a song, commented on a song, do not seem to know how Band-in-Box works, have not shown any tangible evidence of musical interest, but do have a substantial and highly paranoid (no make that schizotypal) interest in overthrowing the establishment of imaginary "celebrities" who have committed the unspeakable crimes of buying, studying, promoting and using the Band-in-a-Box product and posting tunes for others to hear. My software program overloaded when it detected this fatal incongruity and I think I am going to need a new mother board.

Hey don't get mad at me! Look people, I have been working on a software filter for thought disorder, paranoid ideation, derealization, and transient psychosis, but for God's sake I am not a miracle worker! Give me a break! It's coming out in build 7.1 ok!! Thanks!

Anyway, since I no longer have my computer to help me, I can't figure out how Band-in-a-Box can possibly make a profit in 2018, but I do have some novel ideas on what the Band-in-Box Forum can be used for, for a modest $19.99 a monthly entry-level subscription fee:

1.) Hate mongering. Why talk about the product when you can compensate for your smallness in so many areas by making snarky comments about other people! Don't worry, no one can see you. Your other little nasty secrets are safe with us. (But hey, did you remember to put some black tape over that camera??? Ok, good. That other website you are on can see you, you know.)

2.) Palpable proof of your IQ by running text analytics on your posts. Those who prove to be the biggest morons (unable to follow a simple logical chain of reasoning) will get to use the forum for free as "honorary citizens."

3.) A yearly forum showcasing a "Who's Who" list for those people who wrote the most idiotic posts of the year. Bonus points will be given if you manage to never actually use the word "song" or "music" in any of your posts. Double bonus points will be given if you find a way to talk about your digestive tract.

4.) People who don't make the Who's Who List of Forum Idiots will then be charged $39.99 a month to make it possible for PG Music to host a yearly "Worst of the Worst" video contest where people can wear a black bag on their heads and talk about all the things they hate about Band-in-Box and why they hate music and people who make it.

I understand this will require a very slight change in the direction the forum is taking now, but let's face it, software is all about making that pivot at the end of a sprint when you can tell the users are begging you to give them a toaster for their new r.v.

Just because you thought it was about making music, hey life goes on. Follow the money people.

And as a famous person once said, "No one ever lost a dime underestimating the taste of Internet trolls."

So, those are just a few of my ideas.

Now that we know that the Band-in-Box forum isn't actually about, say, buying it, or using it, and stuff, or maybe like posting a song you made with it, or like saying thanks to your buddy for making some comments, I guess we need to find another use for it.

Anyone got any ideas on what we can do on the forum now that we can't talk about songs or using Band-in-a-Box?

Thanks!!!!!!! Onward and upward!!!