Title: Abused (a silent cry)

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inoxuBo1MLM

This is probably the saddest song I have ever written and will ever write, it is about one of my best friends who, in her thirties, began to seek professional help because she didn't understand why she was self-harming, cutting herself and biting her arms and doing all these nasty things.

The uncomfortable truth was that she had been abused as a child but had always repressed those memories.
We talked a lot about this, and this song is about what I felt then and still feel.
Unfortunately, unlike most of my other songs, it's not fictional.

I thought for a long time about whether or not to publish this song because it might open up old wounds in people who have
experienced the same thing.
But I think it's better to talk about things than to hide them.

The usual unsolicited information:

• for my taste the song is a bit slow, but if I change the BPM just a bit from 96 to 102 the song doesn't work anymore
• the images were created with Stable Diffusion AI
• even though I'm the writer (which means I've probably heard the song a million times) it still makes me sad to listen to the song
• I would have LOVED if she would have sung this song, because she is a singer and has a beautiful voice (similar to Tracy Chapman)
  but she is no longer with us

Special thanks to Marty for proofreading the lyrics and his thoughts on what they might also mean.
And to David Cuny for a different perspective on the meaning of the song and lots of lyrical suggestions.
You guys rule!

Some technical information:
Style: _TEARS.STY

The band:
Drums: MarkTreeFills, SkaSlow70sWesPerc, PopCountry16ths
Bass: 518, 572, 2474 (all re-amped)
Piano: 1406
Guitars: 3435, 3731, 3738
Strings and Synths: 1543 + yours truly

Vocals: Natalie with BG vocals from Solaria and Cong.

You can find the lyrics in the next post.

Title: Abused (a silent cry)

Verse 1:
There's a spider crawling down your mind
weaving a web around your memories
to hide the things your innocent soul can not deal with
and lock them away from a life that will never, never be the same again

Chorus 1:
I can see the broken soul
behind those empty eyes.
On your arms the burning scars
they will never go away.
No medicine can heal these wounds
in a soul that slowly dies inside without a cry

Verse 2:
The memories still frighten you like a shadow in the night
haunting you with visions of the past you cannot fight.
The pain it cuts so deep, it's like a thousand knives
and every time you try to run away, it follows you.
There's no escape from yourself

Chorus 2:
I can see the broken soul
behind those empty eyes.
On your arms the burning scars
they will never go away.
No medicine can heal these wounds
in a soul that slowly dies inside without a cry

Outro:
I can see the broken soul
behind those broken eyes

BD, I agree, this is the saddest song I've heard from you and perhaps in this showcase.

Musically and lyrically very well done and although this story tears one's heart out, I do agree, it must be told and confronted.

What came to my mind when listening to this is the sick pedophile priests that the catholic church is dealing with/covering up. Although this has been going on for centuries it's still a timely message.

All I can hope for is that your friend is now in the most blissful place imagineable and that there is a special cellar in Hell for those priests and others that cause, condone, overlook, deny and coverup this kind of unspeakable damage.

May God bless all those that are yet suffering with this worse than animalistic abuse.

Hi, B.D.

I agree about being able to talk about things. The stigma associated with abuse and mental illness compounds the injury and makes it harder to seek help and support.

Excellent write, really nice job with the vocals and arrangement. Love the sound through my headphones.

Hi B.D.,

Wow, what a powerful, powerful song!

Just an outstanding write, and the vocals sound excellent.

My new favorite from you I think, really well done.

Thanks BT for listening and your feedback, it's really appreciated.

Even though the church was not involved in this case, this is something that no one should ever have to deal with

Despite your reservations of tempo, theme and such it's really good song.
The melody is very vaguely familiar but goes in unexpected directions.
The arrangement supports the song well.
The synth voices add an emotional detachment that gives a sense of observation or journalism that works.
Good one.
The theme is an appalling one, but one that is all too common a reality.
Yes, there's potential for "triggering" victims or their family but you've clearly labelled the song as a warning - well done on that too.

You know I really love this one, BD. Reading your post was the first I learned that she is no longer with us. She would be happy with the love this song would bring her. This is such a good write. The lyrics, as you said can be interpreted differently depending on the listener's life experience, but when the reality of your friend is unveiled they can also be a war cry to abolish abuse of all kinds. It's amazing how good you're getting teaching Natalie to sing. Did I ever mention how good the production is?

top quality all the way. Very nicely done.

Wonderful song with a meaning.
I love it all.

Vic

Hi BD,

A wonderful song despite the theme of the lyrics.
I think you did a great job making this song about this problem that is around us.
I just read an article where some of those people, hounted by their own brain asked for euthanasia ('please help me to die'). Heavy stuff!

Your song was by itself wonderful. Natalie sings very, very good, with a nice vibrato in the vocals.
The lyrics went through marrow and bone (as we in the Netherlands say). Do you say the same?

You did a very good job on this song, although I hope you don't have to make an other one...
Hans

PS: the video was very impressing

Thanks for listening (again) and your feedback, David. I'm glad you like the end result.
And of course, thanks for your help during the writing process

B.D.,

An Astoundingly Good lyric. Powerful. Blew me away.

Excellent tracks. Good mix.

This has a kind of Adele-vibe to it. (She could take this to the top of the charts - for a long run)
Natalie sounds good, but at times she is "a bit too even". It is a lyric that deserves to be sung DRIPPING with emotion - I don't think Natalie pulls that off.

Would have like the chorus melody to go to a slightly different place (it has more of a "verse feel" than a "chorus feel".

Don't put too much thought into these "nits". I think this is an INCREDIBLE song.
The lyrics are truly STUNNING.


Truly sorry for the loss of your friend. A tragedy.

fj

Thank you for your positive and encouraging words, Dave. I appreciate it very much!

BD, I first read the lyrics and I thought how can you write a song that doesn’t rhyme? Well I guess you showed me how. A powerful message song that brings attention to a problem that too often is overlooked. Great work on the production and I continue to be impressed with your ability to make the singer work so well. All around impressive, Tom

Thanks Ray for your detailed feedback.

To my surprise, it seems to be a bit controversial because after I released the song, it was the first time ever that someone unsubscribed my channel and 'disliked' a video.
Seems I did something right

Haunting...both the song and video...there is no greater tragedy than being abused whether it's self imposed or imposed by others...beautiful song (melodically and lyrically)...the production of the music and video are top-notch...this is tragically beautiful if I may speak paradoxically...thanks!

Hi B.D.
Very sad background story
But also really brave to have such an emotional song sung by a synthesizer voice
But the vocals sound pretty good all in all
And lyrics don't always have to rhyme to be really good
Your song proves that impressively
Very good work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Nice production Brain.

Thanks for posting.

B.D., this is a very good song done very well. I appreciate the personal strife you went through being there and hurting with, and for, your friend, putting all those feelings down in music, and the struggle in deciding to publish it. I have had the unfortunate opportunity of interacting with many similar victims in the past, and therefore have enough pictures in my mind already. For that reason I didn't watch the video, just listened to the song. It is very good and I agree with pretty much all Ray has to say above and appreciate the struggle you went through personally in developing and publishing this. Kudos.

Brad

Sad song and you have captured well the sadness in the lyrics, the melody and the arrangement. Maybe I was expecting to hear something broken, distortion on the synth or a heart-wrenching guitar solo, but those words speak enough for the fate that no-one deserves.
Natalie has perfect sorrowful voice for the song, she actually fits most of your songs Great work with the backing vocals also.
Excellent video! And quite creepy, those woman eyes really express the dying soul, and the woman in the end reminded me of Amy Winehouse...

Janne

This is a faithful description of an all-too-common condition - I too knew some-one. It's too good to let go by without a word or two about the metre and phrasing. It feels to me as though you settled too hurriedly on the way it scans, shoe-horning the lyric to fit where it doesn't quite feel comfortable, which then draws the listener away from the very deep message. Maybe re-visit the lyric also with this in mind - just as a suggestion, ignore if you wish - in the first line where you write 'down in your mind'- try " 'round, inside your mind' (which also works better I think with the idea of spinning a web) and adjust/shorten/squeeze the delivery to fit the metre - a couple of things like that. I reckon the BPM is perfect and the track is gorgeously sensitive with a great feel of mystery and pathos - you did very well there = warm regards, Nev

Thank you my friend, I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to the song again.
The number of beers I owe you is getting alarmingly large...

Wow.

Heartbreaking.

Well written, and Natalie's voice suits this song.

Bravo, in every way. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Thanks for listening and your nice feedback, Guitarhacker.

BTW, did you notice that https://www.herbhartley.com/ is down?

BD this is one sad but powerful masterpiece.
I think the tempo fits the song perfectly.
You did a great job with Natalie however I would love to hear a female sing this with feeling. I think a human can add a lot of emotion to this song where as Natalie can't.
Super mix.

Thank you for listening and your nice words, Vic. Highly appreciated!

Thanks Hans for listening and your feedback on the song and video.
I also read an article that said that the suicide rate is significantly higher for people who were abused in childhood. This is indeed heavy stuff.

And, yes, here in Germany we also say "through marrow and bone", seems to have the same linguistic root.

Hello B.D.,

It's a little ominous video, but I think the lyrics are accurately reflected.
Memories of childhood abuse have a strong influence on the rest of life.
I think it's very difficult to turn those motifs into a song, but you've succeeded.
However, I still find it difficult to listen to such a painful song.
Your AI synth vocal technique is amazing as always.
Thank you for posting your precious song.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Professional. Top shelf all around. Terrific vocals and an excellent mix.

Thanks, Floyd, for listening and for your feedback, especially on the lyrics, which are usually my weak point.
I agree with you on both "nits". Those are the comments I learn from

Now I just need to call Adele ... does anyone have her number?

Thank you Tom for listening and your kind feedback, I really appreciate it.

Rhymes are completely overrated!! (to be honest, I didn't even realize it until you brought it up).

Thanks for listening and your feedback, firesong.
I like the phrase "tragically beautiful". Added it to my lyric book

Thank you, Andi, for your kind words. As I wrote above, I wasn't aware that there were no rhymes.
Maybe it was even good that I didn't notice it....

Excellent production, deserving of all the prior accolades.

Really well done, lovely work of the Synth V vocal, and well written.

Excellent.

Peter

Thanks for listening and your feedback, David. I always appreciate it!

You’ve created a powerful video to accompany your excellent lyric. The first verse alone is heartbreaking and then the chorus begins with this:

“I can see the broken soul
behind those empty eyes.”

Like so many folks, we’ve seen that look in the eyes of others and it is always incredibly sad.

The vocals sound great, as does the entire production.

Abuse, whether it is physical, mental, emotional or just neglect has a lifelong effect. Your song addresses the subject powerfully.

J&B

Very impressive song and video.
Beautiful music and vocals.
Yes, these things should be told about.

My granddad (born in 1898) was a choirboy in the catholic church when he was a child.
He always referred to catholic priests etc. as "those dirty papists".
He never told us what he meant by that and I didn't understand.
Until... al these stories about abuse in the catholic church became clear.
But he was long dead when this came out.
So it's been of all times. It's good that people no longer hush up these things.

Anne-Marie

B.D.

Such a sad story. But you did a wonderful job turning it into a song, both lyrically and musically.

Natalie and her backup singers performed brilliantly - you have mastered her vocaloid performance.

Hopefully your friend in a great place and free of the pain and memories.

Alan

Thank you, Brad, for your kind feedback and especially for being able to relate to how hard it is to write and release a song like this.

Thank you so much for listening and for your detailed feedback, Janne. I really appreciate it!
Interesting that you mention Amy Winehouse, because YouTube suggests videos of her when I open the song's page.

Hi Nev, thanks for listening and your detailed critique of the lyrics, I appreciate you taking the time.

"Crawling through" or "crawling around" were indeed considerations I made, but I liked the creepy image of "crawling down" better.
The important thing (to me) is that it's not "crawling down IN your mind", it's just "crawling down your mind".
Completely different surreal image.
But I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Thanks a lot!

Thanks a lot for listening and your kind comment, James. Very appreciated

Hauntingly beautiful song. The video was matched the video well. The transformation picture in the beginning of the spider/webs/woman was startling and set up the content of the song. AI voice sounds good.

( finally back from vacation, sorry for the late replies )


Thanks Mario for your nice comment.
I agree that a good human singer (Floyd suggested Adele ) could add MUCH to this song, but they are hard to find...

Shigeki Adachi, thank you for listening to my song and for your kind words.

I can understand you very well, for my wife it was also difficult to listen to the song, she stopped after the first verse.
I appreciate that you listened to it despite these difficulties!

Thank you Scott for your positive comment.
Much appreciated

Thanks for listening and your nice words, Peter.
Very appreciated!

Thank you Janice and/or Bud for listening and your nice feedback.
Looking at the comments, it's really sad HOW many people know someone with the same tragic fate.

Thank you for your positive feedback, Anne-Marie.
I am sorry to hear about your granddad. We will never know how many had the same fate but never told anyone because they were afraid or ashamed.

Thanks, Alan, for listening and your kind feedback.
I'm sure she's at a better place now!

Thanks for listening and your feedback on the song and video, Scott.
As always, much appreciated!