Launched from a really nice evening walking at the harbor when a beautiful evening set in, and this started to take shape. I used part of a RT demo songs chord structure, and added different instruments, and re worked the verse chorus structure.

It is still a bit rough around the edges, but coming along nicely. Please all honest critiques welcome. Have a listen.

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=10971255&q=hi&newref=1

Crikey, there's a lot in there Rob!
It sounds very personal so I'm a bit wary of doing any critique on the lyrics. But I wasn't quite drawn in to the tale. There was a lot to follow because an awful lot was being said; too much of which was plain narrative (and with few rhymes), i.e. as if in a novel, instead of imagery to make me identify with the emotions on display.

I liked the positive guitar and drums, and how the drums kept to sidestick to break out later on the snare, but when they do that the drummer is on his own, (if you imagine that in a 'live band' context it would look a bit odd). I'd have pushed the organ up in the mix at that point, and back down when the drummer goes back to sidestick, or, only brought the organ in when the snare was in.

I never usually advocate more reverb (!), but I wonder if a song with such a plaintive tale should have some to make things sound ehtereal, certainly on the guitar solos when they come in, which I really enjoyed.

John

I agree with all you said, good input, thanks. I was toying with a remix last night, and thinking that i should have the whole mix "lighten up" a bit in the verses, and maybe the organ come up to support the drums on chorus. I was also thinking that maybe dropping the finger picked guitar, and going with some noodled guitar in the chorus that is not in the verse. I think it needs to build more.

While i like the lyrics, i also agree that they never fully go to hook line status in the chorus. I am semi happy with the song, but i think your suggestions will help.

Wow, when I played this it freaked me out. You have to listen to some of my stuff and you'll hear why. At first I thought it was me singing, our voices are freakishly alike. That being said, I like the melody and though I didn't catch all the lyric with one listen I thought some of the lines were rushed. Like I said, I didn't catch enough of the lyric to give an accurate critique but if you would like to swim with the sharks, try posting on Tunesmith.net "Warning: not for the faint of heart"

Thanks for listening Zan, I am always working on not rushing lyrics. I am making progress, but i still have to work at it. I listened to some of your song, and i see similarities in voice, but you have a bit deeper voice, than me. And a more classic country sound. Nice work for sure.

Hey Rob

What are the chances of getting some lyrics posted here - I'd like to get the full effect of the song.
You voice is quite clear but not for my hearing unfortunately. So far I like what I hear.

Thanks Man - Ian