Hi, a relative newbie from England!

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Hi all.
Iam new to this board and despite being a user of Band in a Box for some 2 years, and perhaps at 28 one of the youngest members of this forum, Iam somewhat new to alot of the stuff it can do. I just put in chords and away I go. Thats the fab thing about BIAB - despite me being a singer/songwriter, Iam not so good at playing instruments so BIAB really helps me to put the melodies in my head down.
I want to thank Peter Gannon for creating such an amazing product that really lets peoples creativity shine!

Right, using BIAB and the amazing realtracks (Praise and worship), I created these 2 songs - 'Hand in hand' and 'Please dont cry', both which I wrote about my amazing fiancee. I'll be sure to psot again on this forum.

Please check them out here.
Any critique is welcome!

http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/bazleeming

Thank you
Baz.

baz, they won't play! am i doing something wrong?

You've done well on your BIAB arrangements and the songs sound quite nice. Good luck on that upcoming marriage! I noticed a few "plosives" or clipping on Please Don't Cry (see 1:10, 2:14 and 2:57). I would also consider adding some extra instrumentation in the between singing parts -- either lead or background stuff (as in the sections from 0:58-1:07 and 1:44-2:03).

Keep up the good work!

Kevin

Hi Baz

Thanks for sharing your tracks!

"Hand In Hand" first impressions:
- The song seems in a key that's too low for your voice, I wonder if a higher key would sound more natural and smoother?
- Some of the melody lines in the chorus don't seem to match with the chords I'm hearing.
- Your vocal isn't 'sitting' in the mix; the backing and your vocal sound entirely separate. Maybe it's because your vocal has no reverb? A trick you might try is to add a tiny bit of reverb to the whole mix, this can sometimes make things sound like they were recorded in the 'same place'.
- The start of the track is abrupt as if the first half second was chopped off?
- Nothing happens between 1:24 and 2:09? It sounds like there should be an instrumental solo in there.

"Please Don't Cry":
- The vocal doesn't sit in the mix - see above.
- There's a big audio glitch at 1:10.
- The dropout of the backing at 2:03 sounds like a glitch; it's as if you edited it instead of using a 'hold chord' or 'shot' in BIAB.
- You have a lot of explosive consonents, some very loud; you need a pop shield.
- The fadeout at 3:05 is far too abrupt and then seems to fade back in, then out?

You obviously put a lot into your music and get a lot out, which is what it's all about.
I hope the above is helpful on your journey!

John

Baz,

You are off to a great start! Other than the very solid hints listed above I'd add that I would like to hear a little more stretch/edge in the vocals and maybe by choosing a higher key that would force you to stretch for some of those notes. What that should do is punctuate the melody a bit more by adding more expression to your phrasing.

You done good! Keep up the good work and of course keep posting your work here.

PS: Don't make that girl cry

. . . I can tell from the song it rips you a new one.

Later,

Thank you all for your fab comments and feedback. Listening back to the tracks, I can see what you all mean and Iam going to take a little time over the next few days to re-record the songs with your comments in mind. I appreciate you all taking the time to listen and critique and Ill be sure to post more songs as I make them : )

Baz.

Quote:

baz, they won't play! am i doing something wrong?

Did you get them to play Don?

First of all, a Forum suggestion
I’m not sure if it is ‘official policy’ on this board, but it may make things easier to feature just one track on each thread.

That way, we all know that comments there refer to the same single piece.

That said Baz, my comments below refer to Please Don’t Cry.

This is an engaging lyric, expressed in the present and 1st person which makes it all seem very live and conversational.

Also you have understood the need for contrast, with the drum + voice section.

However, this is an unequal vocal performance. Some parts are good (had me thinking of Lloyd Cole) but too much of this is uncertain.

For example– against the drum only backdrop (02:07) you’re going up to the 2nd note of the scale in the first lines of the verse “We’re in the rain..”

But in other places you seem to be aiming for the maj 3rd.

Some of the phrasing also requires a bit more thought.

For example, you can avoid the rush in the second phrase of the line: “To beat the odds and stand the test of time”
by kicking in with the “and’ immediately after ‘odds’, allowing the next accent to fall naturally on ‘test’.

The line “then to see” I really can’t get where this is going harmonically. It doesn’t ‘fit’ and yet it’s not setting out some deliberate dissonance. Maybe its just me…

Unless you have an absolute killer chord sequence (say Shocking Blue’s Venus) its not usually enough in an interlude to simply run through the chords.

When the piano and slightly OD guitar + organ come in I am left thinking its not more instruments we need, but something more valuable (hooks, fills..) for them to do.

The vocals are really quite undisciplined for a while after the drum interlude. I get the impression that with a few more vocal takes and some judicious selection of the final version used you could make some significant improvements here Baz.

Finally in the ‘Please don’t cry’ lines at the end either the chords need to be amended or the melody does.

There is the potential for a good song here, the areas for you to concentrate on being:
- addition of hooks and fills
- correction of some lines of the melody
- greater accuracy in the vox

Hope this helps Baz.

Marc

Hi Marc.
Thank you for the critique. I totally agree with you suggesting only one song per post so I will adhere to that next time.

Iam very grateful for you listening and giving advice on how I can improve them. In the past, while I have used BIAB for song ideas etc, these were the first two songs Ive recorded vocals with. I was just excited to get them finished that I hadnt gone back and checked if they sounded "right" so I totally agree with each of the parts youve said I could improve on next time. Looking back each makes sense.

Quote:

For example– against the drum only backdrop (02:07) you’re going up to the 2nd note of the scale in the first lines of the verse “We’re in the rain..”

But in other places you seem to be aiming for the maj 3rd.

Sorry for not fully understanding but Iam not entirely sure what you mean in this particular instance.

Baz.

Baz, what a good start you have; you are a good songwriter.

I do agree with everything that has been said. Skyline did hit the nail on the head. You do need a pop-screen for your mic as they do help with the explosive consonants. A pop-screen is a must buy for all recording vocalists. All of John’s advice was right on the money.

Quote:

Baz, what a good start you have; you are a good songwriter.

I do agree with everything that has been said. Skyline did hit the nail on the head. You do need a pop-screen for your mic as they do help with the explosive consonants. A pop-screen is a must buy for all recording vocalists. All of John’s advice was right on the money.

Hi Baz,

Welcome to our forum.

I agree with the guys above me. They were all very helpful when I started some years ago here. Just practise and keep posting your songs and eventually you will hear you're getting better every song. MarioD was also very right: I can hear the talent you have for songwriting!

CHeers,

Superbron