Song I wrote a few years ago, but never fleshed it out or recorded it. Here is the link: Dinner at Eight

Another little character sketch of a fairly unappealing guy, this time an LA lounge lizard, trying to "find himself."

As usual, comments and criticisms most welcome.

****** Song Summary *************
Title: Dinner at Eight - 01
Key=A , Tempo 75, Length (m:s)=3:37
4 bar intro, 60 bar chorus, from bar 5 to bar 64. Repeat x1 chorus
Style is _EZLISTN.STY (Slow EZ Listen w/ Ac Guit.(85RS))

RealTracks in style: ~~534:Bass, Electric, Pop Sw 065
RealTracks in song: 748:Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment Jazz Ballad Sw 085 (A:simple)
RealTracks in style: 1984:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm EZListening Sw 085
RealTracks in song: ~494:Trumpet, Jazz Ballad Sw 085
RealDrums in style: JazzBrushes#1: a: JazzBrushes#1b: JazzBrushes#1
*******************

Brad,

You've got a lot of cool stuff going on here - mixed in with some "jumble" (or "stumble" - not sure what the right word is). I assume you really do want some comments(?)...

You're vocals are VERY COOL. And very well recorded (how do you do that? - you need to share). The over-all "sound" is also, quite cool... early Tom Waits (does it get any better than THAT?)

The instrumental break after the first verse - lose that (wrong place). You've got a neat instrumental after the "bridge" - where it should be.... that should be followed by the chorus to wrap it up....

I know you are in "speed song write" mode, so none of this will "matter"... but, you've got some cool stuff here... oooh, I already said that, didn't I...

floyd

I love the melody, like Floyd said re: speed writing, with a tiny few changes with the lyric the phrasing would be easier to accomplish, i.e. in a couple of places a few too many words. But even with that said you sold the song.

Again you have some very good writing mixed into this speedy project. In particular the bridge:

Is there a way, to be near to another,
Without losing your head or your heart?
Can I go on, and keep it together,
Or must I keep falling apart?

The bridge lyric sings itself!

Later,

Thanks so much, Floyd... praise from you is much appreciated.

My voice... is what it is. Forty years of smoking (now ended), proximity effect, excessive reverb, and hitting some Ozone 5 presets (don't know what I am doing there, yet... just punching buttons until it sounds good). Fact is, I generally wish my voice was more like yours, or maybe a little higher... It's taken me a long time to realize that the baritones (Sinatra, Como, Elvis, and yes, Waits) of the world really do seem more solid... But have always wanted to be a tenor... I guess because that's what the great doo ***** leads of my youth generally were (Dion, Johnny Maestro, ).

Your advice on the Bridge placement is right on, and I thought long and hard about it... I settled on this structure mainly because it makes a better psychological story for the character... to be thinking to himself about his "finding himself" after he has made his lame, hurtful excuses to his date. But I bet you are right... music trumps psychology.

Thanks a lot, Danny... Yes, I like the bridge lyric, too. It strings together some well-worn cliches in a meaningful way for the protagonist to try and work out what is happening to him, and why he "has to change".