I've been mostly in lurker mode for the last couple of months. Part of it was because I've been busy working on other things, but also because of a self-imposed exile where I'd promised myself I'd stop commenting on other people's tracks until I posted a few more of my own. (Yes, it's the exact opposite of what Josie sensibly suggested).

In my defense, I didn't think it would take nearly this long to finish a song!


Memory Eternal
I close my eyes at the end of the day
Letting colors and cares drift away
I wonder - who dreams this dream of wonder and song
And who will remember when we're gone?

The catch in my throat; the pang of regret
One shining moment; some final sunset
Held close in my heart, so I'll never forget
But who will remember when we're gone?

Although we've time spent in this world
With time and tide, this all will pass away
Unless we're held in memory eternal
And in memory eternal we'll stay


Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085
Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Ev 120
Guitar, High-Strung Acoustic, Rhythm Pop16ths Ev16 065
Fiddle, Background Pop16ths Ev 110
Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment PopBalladJohn Ev 110

Flute, English Horn: Westgate Instrument library
Female Vocals: AVANNA Vocaloid

Mixed in Reaper, using EZMix2 and Nectar on vocals. Pitch correction using Reaper's built-in tools, and pretty much straining it to the limit. It's a good idea to make sure a song is in a good key before putting creating the backing tracks.

The song title comes from a phrase in the Eastern Orthodox memorial service, but it thematically borrows a bit from from Lewis Carrol as well. I've broken my usual rule and allowed a lot of word repetitions, such as:

I wonder - who dreams this dream of wonder and song

I can't offer any defensible excuse for it.

Per usual, I wrote lyrics, and then tried to set them to music.

After struggling for much too long, I finally sat down and put together a simple chord progression in BiaB with lots of lovely major 7th chords. I then imported the backing tracks into the Vocaloid editor and pushed notes and words around until I got something I liked.

Feedback is welcome. In particular, I suspect the mix balance isn't where it needs to be, especially with the vocals. I didn't use reference tracks while mixing - shame on me.

If anyone's curious, here's a link to the rough demo track with the Yohioloid Vocaloid on the vocals. I'm not entirely sure the "polished" version improves on the "rough" version.

Hi, David !:))


I must say that I am more than impressed
by both your songwriting and your use
of those sweet ladies´voices !!!!:))
This tune is beautiful in every aspect
and I liked it very much !:))

Cheers
Dani

David - I'm getting a "we can't find this page" from Soundcloud...

Did you take it down or is this a SC issue? - fj

Looks like I somehow botched the link.

Fixed it now, sorry about that!

Hi David,

Very melodic, and very original!
Definitely my kind of song.
Personally I prefer the vocaloid version (very, very cool programming by the way!).

Regards,
Rob

Hi David,

Very nice! The lyric is one to make you stop and think of your mortality. Poignant but excellent lyric!
Your voice is a good match for the music. We enjoyed our listen very much. The cello is a real nice touch!

My oldest son was killed in a motorcyle accident when he was 22 years old. He always said he was bad-[*****] and would outlive death. So, after his funeral I wrote an instrumental, in honor of his memory, called "Eulogy To Death". I think most songwriters/composer are reluctant to write about mortality and death. Glad to see you approach the subject of mortality. Thanks for a nice listen!

Alan & Di

Hi David,

excellent lyrics and nice arrangement. I prefer your "rough" version, too.

Guenter

Hi, Dani.

Thanks for the positive words! The main Vocaloid on the demo is actually a male Swedish teenager attempting to do an American accent. It's been many years since I've been an American teenager - something I should have considered that the before I tried overdubbing my own vocals on the song!

Thanks!

I should make it clear that the Vocaloid is a commercial product - not related to my own attempts at vocal synthesis.

The Vocaloid program is pretty easy to use - it uses a piano roll style notation, and exports .wav files that are easy to import into a DAW. The free Vocaloid editor that I'm using is limited to 16 bars, but that's not much of a limitation since most songs break up nicely into 16 bar sections.

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any way to integrate Vocaloid into BiaB, which would be really cool.

Nice write and production especially on such a difficult subject.


Charlie

Thanks, Al.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Words can be such a limitation - there's just no way to say all that needs to be said. Pure melody can get you past that. Old And Wise is one of my favorite songs, and I love the lyric. But it's the extended sax solo at the end that really gets me.

Interestingly, the BBS doesn't bleep the "naughty" words when you edit them. Curious.

Thanks again for the feedback!

Hi, Guenter.

I tried to make the final version a bit more sparse, but guess I went overboard. Note to self - keep backups!

I've also been told the vocals are too soft, so I'll see about giving them a bit of boost.

Thanks!

Thanks for the feedback!

David,

I enjoyed listening to your song and production. I ended up listening to both several times. Your process fascinates me. Your vocal works very well for the lyric - which is interesting and nicely "lyrical" - which might seem an odd thing to say about a lyric, but a surprising percentage of people do not write "lyrical" lyrics - words that sing..

The mix sounds good. I thought it was a bit on the "thin side" - your instruments all being softer, higher-eq type instruments. But when I switched to the demo version, it had more depth (sonically) - beefier. But I think both versions work. The one lively, vibrant (demo) and the other, ethereal..

I enjoyed the experience of your song. And it was that... an experience. A good thing.

floyd

Like fj said this is a lyric that sings -- a
pretty melody with a fascinating and
effective instrumental choice and arrangement.

Hauntingly beautiful. It really sticks with one.

Kudos!!

There's a real trick to getting a transparent mix, and it seems I either err on the side of too little or too much. It makes me appreciate it that much more when I hear someone else's mix.


Thanks! That means a lot to me, coming from you.

Thanks!

David,

Nice melody. I'm a big fan of major7 chords. I like your instrumentation and the mix as well. I thought both versions were good... maybe leaning a little to the ruff mix one. Oh and Wow... You do sing!

Nice Job!

Greg

Hi David,

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this. It's beautiful writing and arranging. Both versions are terrific but I personally favour the demo version because of the depth of sound.

By the way, there's no need to apologise for repeating words like you have. These are polyptotons. It's an advanced lyric-writing technique involving the use words that share the same root but have different grammatical functions. In these lyrics, you have used a couple of verb/noun polyptotons. (For what it's worth, these are more often used within the main lyric rather than the title - just like you did.)

You're in good company with songs like "Dream A Little Dream Of Me", "Falling In Love With Love", "I Dreamed A Dream" (from Les Miserables).

Regards,
Noel

Hi David
Nice to have you back! The flute at the beginning caught me right off. Very nice production all round.

Really pretty song, and well delivered! I think you really capture the emotion in the vocal and the melody very well, but I feel like your vocal recording could improve. What kind of mic/preamp are you using? It sounds a bit grainy and maybe slightly distorted. Really nice work!! Take care. Greg

I think "warbling" would be more accurate, but thanks!

Yes, I'm seeing a trend here. After a while it's hard to hear a mix, so it's good to get feedback. I think I'll let this one sit for a while, and then perhaps play with it a bit more.


I was thinking of you when I wrote the caveat. The sad truth is that some of these weren't intentional. I got so focused on small details in the rewrite (such as the alliteration of "some sunset") that it wasn't until after I'd done the song that I noticed the larger details I'd let slip by.

There's no particular offense to doing that if that was the intent, but I do it happens by accident... That's just sloppy work.

Thanks!

Hi, Greg.

I'll have to pay more attention the recording process. I've got an MXL V63M.

I suspect the culprit here isn't the mike, but a lot of digital processing. I was just recovering from allergies and recorded the vocals in the wee hours of the morning. I probably recorded it a bit hot.

Add to that quite a few pitch issues, and that I go overboard when editing...

But I'll pay more attention in the future.

Thanks for listening closely!

When this one started out, I thought you were going to break out with "Dust in the Wind" this is great work, vocal is superb and the soft backing track flows so nice, I especially like the strings in the track; thanks for sharing!

hi david really nice work here I didn't here the other version however this is a great listen thanks eric

Hi, Robert.

Yeah, I noticed that vibe too.

Thanks for listening!

Good to be back. Thanks for the positive feedback.

David,

I really like this song. Well written, and the orchestration/arrangement is very well done. Very thought provoking.

Thanks for sharing it!

Steve

David,
Great song. I really liked the arrangement. Those vocaloid people are pretty cool. I can't seem to make them work. Tech challenged.
The song itself is a wonderful sentiment and very well written. Thanks for sharing.
SD

David, I enjoyed this very much. Well written and well sung. Your process is interesting and in a way completely backwards from mine. I usually have the music first. Beautiful song. Tom

And of course I'm coming to this song so late that every other comment has already said just about everything I was thinking!
So after digging my brain for some more thought, how about this then:
There was something very 'hippie' about that first version, I quite liked that aspect of it
As for the different versions, I'm a bit torn because while I liked the more colourful mix in the demo, that hippie vibe got lost in the artificial voice. So to me the solution is voice of the former with the instrument mix of the latter and we have a winner

Oh, and since this is the first of your songs I come across while seeing many of your forum posts on others, I have to admit - I did not expect that voice to come out of that face!

Hi, Steve.

Glad you liked it!

Hi, SpaceDog. (Interesting moniker! :))

I initially found the piano roll notation difficult to use, but after using it to edit MIDI data, it gets to be second nature. In a lot of ways, it's simpler than traditional notation, because you can just drag to change the duration.

I haven't really heard much from Vocaloids that sounds "natural", but it's an interesting way to play with melodies. It lends itself to experimentation, and trying different intervals that you might have initially considered.

But I always feel guilty about posting Vocaloid tracks, since I feel like I should be doing the singing on them. That's sort of odd, since I don't feel guilty about not playing any of the instruments on the track.

Thanks for listening!

I've got a number of songs I've been struggling with for the past year. The lyrics were done long ago, but the settings refuse to fall into place. So... I wouldn't say it's the best route to take.

I've promised myself when I'm done with this set, I'll try working the other way - writing some songs, and then adding lyrics. But when I've tried to do that in the past - with BIAB tracks and melodies - I never seemed to get anywhere. But I think I'll have another go at it anyway.

Thanks!

I may very well go that route, thanks!


Out of curiosity, what voice did you expect to come out?

I can (and probably should) sing much lower than that. As you could probably tell, that wasn't the most comfortable range for me. I'd initially sung the track an octave lower, but that wasn't really working. So up an octave it went, and thank goodness for pitch correction...

I enjoyed this first time around and came back today for another listen and to take time to listen to the demo, which I skipped first time around. Saw these comments and suggestions.

I really enjoy the song. Good instrument choices for the music and I like your vocals at this upper range. After listening to the demo and seeing the comparison comments, I suggest experiment with doubling your vocals with the demo, giving your vocal the greater presence. My imagination think it would be a good blend.

Charlie

Hi, Charlie.

I like the way you think!

I'd actually tried that, as well as doubling my own voice, and some other sneaky stuff.

That's what I probably should have stuck with. I went the other route because I thought it would fit the mood of the song better (with the more sparse arrangement as well), but I the end result really is too thin.

Thanks!

LOL... I dunno, something not quite so... eh... 'boyish'?
It's like when you hear some announcer voice on the radio or something and wonder what that person looked like (did that a lot as a kid, shows how old I am), only the other way round!