For the last ten years I was the primary caregiver for both my parents. They both lived long and productive lives to the age of 96. This song is the culmination of many conversations I had with them about what they were feeling as they aged. Thanks to all that take the time to listen and sorry if it causes any tears but that comes with the territory. Tom

My fingerpicked Acoustic guitar and leads
RealTracks in song: 1759:Bass, Electric, Pop16ths Ev 085
RealTracks in style: 1596:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Pop16ths Ev16 065
RealTracks in style: 1595:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Pop8thsSteady Ev 065
RealTracks in song: ~2051:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev 085
RealTracks in song: 1725:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryBalladJohn Ev 065
RealDrums: RealDrums in Song: NashvilleEven16^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride
No harmonies- light on the window dressing
Recorded in Pro Logic9
Alloy 2
Nectar2
Ozone5


http://tommyadamsmusic.com/music

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13020375



Who I Once Was


Got lost on my way to the grocery

Anyone they might have done the same

Now Joey wants to take away the car keys

And i can’t figure out who to blame


My days are filled with simple little problems

How to do what I have always done

I sit and stare directly at my oatmeal

Maybe it’s a lack of oxygen


i don’t know where I am

And I hope you understand
i don’t want to stay here anymore

well i’m not who i once was

but i’m not giving up

That is one thing I know for sure


i don’t know where I am

And I hope you understand

i don’t want to live here anymore

well i’m not who i once was

but i’m not giving up

That is one thing I know for sure


All my life I’ve tried to have a good time

Lately those seem all like yesterdays

its hard to look forward when I’m always looking back

even those memories fade away



My days are filled with simple little problems

How to do what I have always done

maybe i should get up and start walking

Down the road into the setting sun


i don’t know who I am

And I hope you understand

i don’t want to stay here anymore

well i’m not who i once was

but i’m not giving up

That is one thing I know for sure


got lost on my way to the grocery

Anyone they might have done the same


©2014 Thomas Adams

Heartbreaking topic, Tommy, and you sure did address it accurately and honestly.
I've been down that road with my parents, both of which are gone now. I see a lot of the early warning signs in myself already... which might not be as alarming if I didn't already know how the book ends.

My hat's off to you and anyone else who is primary caregiver to a parent or anyone else who needs constant care. Y'all are saints in my book.

Your songs are always good, and normally I would take some time to talk about the craft and technique of how you fashioned an idea into musical form... but this time all I can think of is the heart of a man who would do for his parents what you did. That's worth a lot more than being able to write a good song.

You did both.

I don't think we can add to the sensitivity of Pat's description. We too are
experiencing the same with our 90 and 93 year old mothers. Being able
to put these experiences into words and music is something that I can
barely imagine given the sadness involved. I hope this will bring some
comfort to family caregivers who may hear it and realize that they are
not alone.

And of course it is a great production, a beautiful write and the vocal
completely captures the feeling.

J&B

Beautiful and tastefully stated reality. The whole song.
This line rings a bell for me. "Hard to look forward when I'm always lookin back".
Great ending. Cheers.

Tom,

Pat stated it nicely. Bud, too... I could not do better than that. All the usual accolades apply, and yet, don't seem to really matter...

This is very special. And you are a very special person.

floyd

hi tommyad beautiful write everything just right great example of paying it forward very realistic thanks for sharing eric

Beautifully done, Tommy.

Too sad for words.

ROG.

Pat, the caretaking and songwriting are much the same in my eyes. I have learned that the reward is in the experience. Thanks for all the great things you say about the songs. Both mine and others. Best to ya, Tom
Having been aware of y'alls current situation, you know you were on my mind during the writing of this. Thanks for your care and support and know that you have mine. Tom

It's all been said, a lot more eloquently than I could.

Excellent guitar solo.

WOW!!! What a beautiful song. Amazing write and equally great delivery. The vocal and guitar are emotionally incredible. This is what songwriting is all about!! I'll be back for more listens tomorrow. Wonderful! Take care. Greg

Tommy,
What a nice song. In a sensitive way you tell about a hard reality. I smiled as I listened, seeing the story of my elders in your song. That, for a songwriter is my greatest compliment.
This is wonderful.
G
F

A very powerful write and testament to your overall extraordinary musical skills. Compelling images in your lyrics with the right feel and vibe from the backing instrumentation. Although I did not have a deep emotional connection to the story because my parents both died young, 46 and 57, I was able to connect from what I saw other families faced with aging parents. This is a good song.

Charlie

Just amazing.

Excellent in so many ways.... from the insightful lyrical word-smithing... to the instrumentation to the superbly recorded guitar to the clear and emotion filled vocal delivery.

It's sad when we have to see our parents in a situation such as this. I lost my mom just about a year ago now. She was well into her mid 90's. She never lost her sharp wit until just a few days before she passed. We all were so fortunate in that respect. I remember a month before she passed, we were setting there discussing something that happened back when my sister and I were kids. Mom chimed in... "Oh No, no, no.... that's not how it happened.... " then she proceeded to set the record straight, and she was absolutely right.

This song is such a poignant, and well written look at the issues facing all of us as we age.... and complete our life's journey. And it's done with finesse and grace.

One of your best.

Tom,

So heartfelt and relatable... Beautiful.

Bob

Great to hear some lyrics that probe the depth of our human experience. You don't hear songs like this at the Junos anymore. Wonderfully done!

Richard, Thanks for listening and commenting. The key word here is reality. My Dad really did get lost on the way to the grocery. Thanks again. Tom

Out of the many nice things you have said about my songs, this stands at top. Thank you floyd. Tom



Eric, At times I selfishly thought I was under a great burden, but I later came to understand that it was a great blessing. Even if the karma thing isn't real, it's still a really good idea. Thanks, Tom

Tommy-

Beautiful song. Right from the heart.


Regards,

Bob

Hi Tom,

I'm touched. What a beautiful song.

Guenter

Hi, Tommy !:))

Yes, it´s all been said
and I can only join in on
the superlatives ! This is
really a very touching song
so sincere so real ! The
time and situation you are
describing is slowly closing
in on us too I believe, but....
as you say we are not afraid....

Regards
Dani

Eric, At times I selfishly thought I was under a great burden, but I later came to understand that it was a great blessing. Even if the karma thing isn't real, it's still a really good idea. Thanks, Tom[/quote]

Man, that is a great place to land after what you went through. And, yes, it is really a good idea. I've spent the bulk of my adult life trying to always remember that.

Tommy... as I read through your replies to each person's review, I can't help but notice that even your casual snippets of thought are all suitable for framing as sound bytes in a song! You speak in nuggets of wisdom!

we can't be friends anymore. I'm too jealous of your talent(s)



(kidding of course.. but not about the talent)

Tommy, nicely done, and very powerful. I lost my Dad last year at age 96, and watching his slow demise was painful and made me really look at the time we have and the love we share. I remember the day before he passed I was trying to get him to a chair so that my mom and I could freshen up his bed and allow him to sit for a while. Sadly his legs were gone, and he could not walk anymore. half way their he could go no further, and as he was a big guy I could not carry him by myself, and he slowly slumped to the floor. I tried and tried to get him up, but to no avail. He looked up and me and simply said "well i'm in a mell of a hess"

That is what I miss the most his spirit, and outlook on life. At his darkest moment he still saw the humor in it all.

Sadly when our parents leave, much wisdom goes with them, I wish I was half the man he was.

I am writing a song about his last days, and hour, but I wonder if I will ever have the courage to sing it.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

this song was just featured on PGMusic's facebook page!

Having worked with the elderly for the past 17 years I can relate. great song!

Thanks ROG, Tom

David, Thanks for the kind words about the guitar solo. Tom



Greg, Thanks for continuing to support my music. As you well know, the songwriting is the important part. Tom

Fred, Thank you for the wonderful compliment. Tom

Charlie, I wasn't quite sure I was going to post this song. It is quite personal and a bit sad. However I was talked into it by the insightful Bud Merritt who mentioned in his earlier comments that he hoped people in the same situation could relate and feel less alone. It also is relevant to most of us here cause we ain't getting any younger. Thank you for your generous comments. Tom

Herb, I wanted to tell you that you indirectly helped with this. I originally recorded it in Studio One. I have been thinking of switching my DAW. Because I don't know what I am doing it was recorded way too hot - also the ending was a mess. I had Bud preview it and he told me to do whatever I could to make it work. I couldn't salvage the track but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to recapture the vocal and the lead. Then I remembered what you said somewhere along the line " If I played it once I can play it again" - That solved that problem and I started from scratch in Logic. Thank you for your wonderful comments. My Dad was very sharp till the end but my Mom suffered with Alzheimer's. We are both very lucky to have them for so long. Best, Tom

Bob, Thanks much. Tom

Joe, Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Tom

Guenter, I am glad that it touched you. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. Tom
Dani, You are correct. This song is as much about us as anything. Thanks for your nice comments. Tom

Hey Marr, I got your nuggets right here! About that friend thing. It doesn't work like that. You are now stuck with me. Best, Tom

Thank you for the reminder, I really hadn't addressed it for years, must be a time of reflection.

Ecclesiastes 3:2.

Bitter sweet.


DA...

You have captured that scenario well. Job well done all around.

Great opening acoustic guitar both the recording and the riff itself!

Hi Tommy,

Beautiful yet melancholy song with perfectly judged lyrics.
Makes me wonder what lies ahead for my 88 year old Mum.

Nicely played acoustic guitar solo too.

Thanks for sharing.
Rec

Absolutely beautiful..

Hi Tommy.
That is an amazing and heartfelt song. Very touching. I listened a day or so ago but I am busy travelling and haven't had much chance to sign onto my computer. It really was a breath of fresh air to listen to. Thank you! You are an inspiration.

A SUPER BIG +1

Rob, Much the same thing happened to me. My Dad and I both on the floor laughing. Thanks for the comments. You should finish that song. I'll be watching for it. Tom

Thanks Lawrence, it's great how we learn a little about each other on this forum, Tom

DA, Very true. A time for everything. Thanks, Tom

Thanks for listening Rec. I appreciate it. Tom Thanks Scott. Tom

Tommy,

Sensitive and profound tune.

Dean

Great story telling.
Excellent country vocals.

Good work.
Rob

Thank You so much for your more that generous comments! Safe travel Joanne, Tom

Mario, I always like hearing from you. Thanks, Tom

Hi Tommy,

It's something to be grateful of, if your parents reach an age like that. My mother died at the age of 66. I would have loved it if she would have been 96.
On the other hand.... loosing time and memories is so sad and maybe it's good not to have experienced this with her.

Oh yes.... about the song..... beautiful, but in this case the story is more important.

Anne-Marie

Tommy,

Sensitive and profound tune.

Dean[/quote]
Thanks for the wonderful comment. Tom
Rob, true stories are always the best. Thanks, Tom

AM, I am very lucky and very grateful to have had them both for so long. Thanks, Tom

This song brought tears to my eyes. Emotional lyric and vocal. Given the effects of dementia and Alzheimer's, the unresolved ending was especially profound. Thank you for sharing.
- Carolyne

Hi Tom,

This is songwriting at its very best. I haven't experienced such an emotional musical journey for a long, long time. To be able to use so few words to paint such a vivid picture and to deal so sensitively with such a sad subject ...

Beautiful.

All the best,
Noel

Carolyne, Thank you for the nice comments. The ending was the last part to happen. It required me to go back and rerecord the entire song. I'm glad I did. Tom
Noel, thank you. Coming from you, that made my day. Keeping the lyrics simple seemed to work better as we all are somewhat familiar with the topic. A big thanks, Tom

tommy,
i'm new here and just stumbled on your stuff. for some unknown reason i wasn't able to get "who i once was" to play, but i'm looking forward to trying it on different pc.

so i found myself at you website. you write some terrific stuff (but i guess you already know that) great lyrics and melody and interesting subjects.
keep writing!

i'm not as experienced with biab as you folks on this thread,but i'm very much diggin' the tool and that there's a place like this to hear other peoples material and learn from the projects that they have produced.

gary

Gary, Welcome to the forum. I hope that you will be posting soon. Biab is very easy to learn and use and there is a good number of forum members willing to help if you have questions. Thanks for listening to my songs and commenting. Tom

tom,
thx for the reply and the welcome...

i'm really enjoying the creative writing idea's members share and the different way that some people perceive and use biab. and pg music has a very organic feel when i call for support. kent sorted out and issue last week that i never would have figured out. this one wasn't even in the book but he hung in 'till he got it to work.

Kent and i think trevor is another name i recall have been tremendously helpful and there was a lady i spoke to a while back (i didn't get her name) who was an awesome help as well.

as far as posting goes , i'd love to but i'm not sure how and i don't yet know what the rules are. is there a doc in here that explains that stuff? i recall reading something about a limit to display at one time as far as uploading goes.

i have 19 pieces done in biab on my company website. they are hosted from sound cloud. as soon as i find these rules, i'd like to get stared posing. i'm hoping to get get some tips on getting better with biab.

i've had biab for years but i just couldn't get my head wrapped around it and hardly opened it up until i heard those real tracks in an email add. that opened up a flood gate of possibilities for me.
thx,
g

Tommy, everyone, this whole thread is a treasure, starting with the song, and continuing with your comments. The expression beautiful people must be a bit sardonic when signifying some fab glamorous jet set, but could it ring any truer for the kind, decent and brave set? Thank you for sharing!

Gary, There is a list of forum rules at the top of the page. One unsaid rule is to only post one song until it drops off the first page. Tom D, Thanks for the very kind words. Tom

I wasn't on the forum when you posted this one so this is my first listen. I really enjoyed it. A lot us have and are still going through making memories of someone that has reached the end of their life and it can be a challenge or and honor (or both) to be a part of this time in someone's life. Thanks for sharing your memories through this song.
Sonny

Thanks Sonny, I appreciate you taking the time to listen and comment. Tom

Lovely song. I can really relate to your lyrics having a grandmother with dementia. Thank you for sharing.

Samuel, thank you for digging deep and finding this one. I appreciate that you listened and commented. Tom

Pat, you are so right. Back some time ago, I was just browsing his web site and was able to write the lyrics to a song just from reading the song titles from his list of songs. He, in turn, graciously, recorded it.

Charlie