Hi, all:

Here's my third effort that already reflects input from some very kind BIAB veterans. Hope you enjoy the listen. Thanks in advance for any feedback and suggestions--I'm still learning.

Here's what I used for the most part:

Real Tracks 388 Bass Electric, Metal
Real Track 384 Guitar, Rhythm Rock Southern
Real Track 511 Guitar Soloist Dire
Real Drums Nashville Even 8^6
Acoustic Guitar: Yours truly

There's also a piano track in there, but can't quite pull up what I used (BBpiano__single render?)

Everyone Says

You belong right here, right next to me.
You were wrong, my dear, to ever leave.
You know I never meant to hurt you that way,
Now you're gone but you’re coming back someday.

’Cause everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, our love’s been ever written
in the stars and spelled across the skies.

Seems you took off love when we’d just begun.
Can’t we both concede the mistakes of the young?
Let regrets roll off both our shoulders;
we were kids but now we’re older.

And everyone says
your just a little kitten;
everyone says, you need time;
everyone says, that girl I’m on a mission;
your sweet love is all that I desire.

All our friends know us so much better,
and they all say we should stay together.
Don’t you think true love is worth a try?

You know I never meant to hurt you that way,
but you’ll be back, it’s all that they all say.

Yeah, everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, it’s obvious you’re smitten.
Destiny is on our side;
I just don’t see why you try and fight it.
Just can’t believe that this could be goodbye.

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

DJ,

Great song and mix. Very strong vocal.

Nice!

Bob

I love this one man. Real catchy.



Regards,


Bob

Deej,

This sounds terrific. You've come a long way in a short amount of time!

Excellent song. Super catchy! A strong pop write - not always an easy thing to do...

The instrumentation is excellent. Good mix.

KILLER vocal! A pair of high harmonies panned left and right would send this to the stratosphere! I don't know many who can sing that high (that the harmony would require), but you can obviously do falsetto well and that would work...

This is an excellent listen.

fj

This is an excellent song. Well done. Super vocal and lyric. Loved the backtrack.... Got a bit of a Keith Urban vibe.

Really well done, DJ! Really strong display of songwriting on this one. I love the progressions, and the way the guitar dances in between the vocals in the verses. Really strong vocal performance on this one too, and the hook is perfectly catchy.

Nice work on this one, thanks for sharing

I really loved this song! Especially the part:

"’Cause everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, our love’s been ever written
in the stars and spelled across the skies."


Really great job! Very refined. Thanks for sharing.

Ember picked our favorite lines...

Great vocal man...really strong and well supports the lyric.

The guitar solo also works well.

You've got it going...everything seems to be hittin' the note!

Enjoyed it!

J&B

Hi Deej56 thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed the progression and harmonies involved! Great choice of instruments too. Awesome vocals and effects on it too!

Very catchy song and your vocal is a standout as many have said.
I like Floyd`s harmonies idea and it sounds like you have the range to reach them!
Well done.

Robert

DJ, you have a great voice.

This is really good but the fact that it is only your third effort makes it all that much better. You have come a long way in a very short time.

Your instrumentation, chord progression, backing tracks, and mix are also very good.

Nice pop song. Solid write, with pairings like "You belong/You were wrong". Good work hammering in the hook.

Well sung, good arrangement. Plus, it's memorable. Good job!

My only criticism would be the contents lyrics themselves - the singer's got a bit of a stalker vibe:

You belong right here, right next to me.
You were wrong, my dear, to ever leave.
You know I never meant to hurt you that way.
Just can’t believe that this could be goodbye.

Then again, safe people with milquetoast emotions make for boring songs.

Several things stick out to me....

Excellent job on the write.... loved the song.

Excellent, if not one of the best vocals on this forum. Well done.

Pretty much loved this song.

The guitar fills were the fly in the ointment for me. It sounded like the style of the RT didn't quite mesh with the tempo. Try a few different real tracks and don't be afraid to render them several times to get the part you need that fits. One of my songs.... The Best Christmas, has a solo that was rendered 5 times and I used my DAW to comp those tracks into one via volume envelopes. Other than that.... this was stellar.

Wow what a fabulous vocal! Totally enjoyed.

Excellent sound all round ooops im a poet and I don't even noet.

Will be getting pulled up for my grammar, yea I heard Smokie sound going on with this song i.e. Boulevard of broken dreams.

Deej,

This is fantastic!!! Kudos to you and a brilliant creation and equally brilliant presentation.

In phrase... first class music!

All the best,
Noel

Deej,

Yeah this is a great song, and you killed the vocal.

Good mix too. Loved it.

Hello, Deej

Very strong vocal!
Your shouting vocals are truly amazing.
I like your singing style.
Overall it is a song reminiscent of the 60's, but I think that various ideas of chord progression are accepted in places and they are wonderful.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Bob (rsdeon), Bob (90 dB), Floyd, Scott, Deryk, Ember, Janice & Bud, Joe, Robert, Mario, David, Josie, Beatmaster, Noel, David and Shigeki:

Thanks to you all for stopping in and giving this tune a listen. I appreciate your kind feedback and the great support. The final product was really helped by some great advice from Floyd and Bud—so an extra thank you to them both. Glad it was worth the spin!

Floyd and Robert, regarding the harmonies: Lordy, a pair of high harmonies, huh? Umm . . . yeah, might need a little help on that one, LOL. The falsetto on this one works OK, but trust me, it’s not something I do well (but, boy, I envy those that can). Anyway, I’ll give it some thought and maybe even a try (provided there’s no one within a few miles range to hear me!)

Best regards to you all:

Deej

David (dcuny),

Thanks for giving this one a listen and for the feedback. I get what you’re saying regarding the lyrics, though the vibe is intentional. In that sense, the lyrics somewhat belie the sound of the song; that is, I could have made this more conventional—but then it wouldn’t have interested me to write it. It’s not a “sweet” song; the guy’s a little angry, a little full of himself, and the fact he thinks they should get back together just because everyone says so, says a lot about him.

In some ways, this is a similar vibe to my last song “Sweet Lorelie,” which i think also has a "stalker vibe", though the singer there comes off more innocent. I wrote these two pretty close together, thus I think the similar subtext.

BTW, neither is written from personal experience—I am not, nor have I ever been, a stalker.

Appreciate the thoughtful comments.

All the best,

Deej

Guitarhacker:

Appreciate the listen and your taking the time to comment. I struggled with finding the right RT on lead guitar for this one—and have a love/hate relationship with what I ended up with. I did a fair amount of comping within this one RT—particularly on the first and second chorus to get the fill I wanted—but it’s still a new technique for me. Appreciate the advice and will try to be more adventurous in the future—hopefully comping will get easier to do!

Kind regards,

Deej

Hi Deej,

Really cool! Super vocal and nice backing tracks. It works! Nicely done!!!

ALan

Good work and catchy indeed!

Really catchy and clever!! Some really cool lyrics. Vocals are excellent.....reminds me of something between Styx and Rush. Great job with the mix and arrangement. Nicely done!! Take care. Greg

Al-David, RnAm, and Greg:

Thanks so much for stopping in and giving this one a spin. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and really appreciate the support. All the best to each of you,

Deej

Glad to hear it.

I was purely thinking about it from a commercial appeal aspect.

The not-quite self-aware jerk is an interesting write. Steely Dan and Randy Newman are some examples of writers that manage to pull it off, but I think one reason that it works for them is because the song is in the context of an album of with other character sketches. When those songs are by themselves, Poe's Law applies.

To your point, I agree - conventional is boring. A good song should evoke strong emotion - something your song does quite well.