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Posted By: Paul Haynes Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 02:18 PM
I'm almost there with this one but please feel free to criticise it in a constructive way so I can learn. I'm never "done" with my songs!

I woke up with the first line of verse 1 this month. Been working on it ever since.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.


CLICK HERE

Posted By: Tano Music Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 02:21 PM
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 02:35 PM
Originally Posted By: Tano Music
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!


Ah. its was set to private. Fixed now. Thanks.
Posted By: Greg Johnson Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 03:34 PM
Very interesting song!! It is a VERY unusual and extended metaphor. Clever and catchy. Melody and vocals are very good as is the mix. Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg
Posted By: MarioD Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 05:22 PM
Yes this is a very clever and catchy! Also it is very well mixed. Your vocal is very good.

AFAIAC this is finished.

Excellent work.
Posted By: Scott C Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 08:05 PM
Really like the back track on this song. Excellent vocal. Well done
Posted By: EMG Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 08:27 PM
I agree... Excellent. Very nice song.
Posted By: dcuny Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/27/18 08:28 PM
Pleasant, jaunty song. Well sung, nice voice, good mix. From a technical point of view, my only advice would be to keep doing what you're doing.

From a songsmith perspective, I'm not really a fan of songs that come right out and tell people to do something. But this didn't irritate me as much usual, so you're doing something right there, too. wink

Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/28/18 10:15 AM
Thanks guys. Much appreciated.

I wrote this song aimed at myself.

On a technical note, I think this is one of the better songs I've written/recorded/mixed but I know its not perfect. I tried to add some percussion using EZdrummer2 but couldn't find the right timing so I left it out.
Posted By: beatmaster Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/28/18 11:06 AM
Nice song, to me it sounds like the start of a tv show.

Good clean recording/mix.

Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 07/31/18 10:36 AM
Originally Posted By: beatmaster
...Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.


Hi Beatmaster

Sorry for delay. My mix was made up of...

Roadrun.sty (Road Run Funky Acoustic Blues) Realtracks
My Takamine guitar
My vocals
Mixed in Studio One
Posted By: Deryk - PG Music Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/02/18 11:55 AM
Really nice work Paul smile A really interesting metaphor, as others have mentioned. The mix job sounds really professional, and I enjoyed your vocal delivery a lot too.

Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing!
Posted By: BlueAttitude Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/02/18 12:06 PM
Good song! Nice mix too, just the right amount of processing on your (very fine!) vocal.
Posted By: Samuel Davis Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/02/18 12:13 PM
LOL very creative. Great advice in a bit of an unconventional form. Your vocals sound great. Nice choice of tracks. Well done.
Posted By: Jim Fogle Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/02/18 10:05 PM
Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.
Posted By: Al-David Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/03/18 02:49 AM
Very nice, Paul! The acoustic backing tracks are perfect for this. Your voice is really smooth clear. Nice mix. I really enjoyed this. Best to you.

Alan
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 12:47 PM
Originally Posted By: Jim Fogle
Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.


Thanks Jim. I didn't know you could do that. I've now enabled downloads and you are free to use it. Thanks for your encouragement.
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 12:49 PM
Apologies that I've not thanked everyone personally. You've all been encouraging as usual and I appreciate that but please don't be afraid to criticize my work if you feel you would like to, I can learn better that way of things I've not thought about or stuff I need to be aware of to make it better. I'm never settled with my work, always wanting that "studio" rather than a home made sound.
Posted By: dcuny Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 01:39 PM
Originally Posted By: Paul Haynes
I wrote this song aimed at myself.

I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer.

So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship.

I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.
Posted By: David Snyder Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 02:04 PM
CHORUS
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil
Soak her in your love - every day
As it penetrates - to the hardest place
Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil


Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

Oh heck, why not.

smile
Posted By: dcuny Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 03:51 PM
Originally Posted By: David Snyder
Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

I got the same vibe from the lyrics. But in a rare display on tact on my part, I wasn't going to mention anything. After all, it's between married consenting adults.

Just enjoy it before that honey-tinged massage oil becomes BENGAY®. wink

This also reminds me of a number of praise songs I've heard where the "alternate" reading is rather... unfortunate.
Posted By: David Snyder Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/04/18 10:18 PM

Dave,

There are just SO many directions I could take this, but I am hitting a brick wall at every turn.

Wrong forum.

wink

Back to the wife!!!

smile
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/06/18 06:01 AM
Originally Posted By: dcuny
Originally Posted By: Paul Haynes
I wrote this song aimed at myself.

I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer.

So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship.

I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.


You've given me something to think about that I had never thought of before. Thank you for your suggestions and tips.
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/06/18 06:04 AM
Originally Posted By: David Snyder
CHORUS
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil
Soak her in your love - every day
As it penetrates - to the hardest place
Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil


Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

Oh heck, why not.

smile


You've brought a sexual element into a song that never entered my head! Is that how people are "reading" this song? If so I have a BIG problem to fix!!
Posted By: David Snyder Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/06/18 09:33 AM

Paul,

It was very subtle.

Other subtle songs in this vein include Little Red Corvette by Prince, Sexual Healing, by Marvin Gaye,and Sex Machine by James Brown.

So, I wouldn't worry about it man. No one will catch on.

Seriously though, good song!!!

smile
Posted By: cliftond Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/06/18 02:42 PM
Enjoy this one Paul, you did a good job on the vocals, seems to be in the perfect center. CLiff
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/12/18 05:21 PM
Originally Posted By: cliftond
Enjoy this one Paul, you did a good job on the vocals, seems to be in the perfect center. CLiff


Thank you Cliff
Posted By: Torrey Bliss Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/17/18 04:24 PM
Paul, I agree with Mario all the way on this. It is a catchy tune and your vocal is outstanding on it! I would also love to hear what it would sound like with some harmony in the vocals in places but as you said were never done with our tunes. You’ve done excellent work here so far! Thanks, Torrey
Posted By: Paul Haynes Re: Rusty Bolt - 08/20/18 11:17 AM
Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
Paul, I agree with Merrio all the way on this. It is a catchy tune and your vocal is outstanding on it! I would also love to hear what it would sound like with some harmony in the vocals in places but as you said were never done with our tunes. You’ve done excellent work here so far! Thanks, Torrey


Hi Torney

Many thanks for your kind words. I started to rewrite the words from the position of talking about a man and his story as one suggested they were not keen on the “preachy” type of songwriting. I’m still thinking about that one. Also as some have read into my song a sexual connotation I’ve started to rewrite the words to remove all possibility of that being so, but it has changed the song somewhat which is a shame. However I broke my fibula just over a week ago and now can’t get around easily and especially not into my office where its a bit tricky. That all said, when i get back to editing I will continue where I left off. I would like to add a piano to pad some chords and I would like to add harmony as you suggested so it certainly is not a finished song yet. I’ll report back in the future with an update when I can.

God bless, Paul
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