A new spoken word song from me. I used the _QUASAR.STY style from Band-in-a-Box, but without the drums and organ. Brutally honest feedback welcome! :-)

Prayer (by James Delsono, on YouTube)

Lyrics:

1st half: the Lord's Prayer;
2nd half:

Our Father, Lord, the one that waits for us, away,
That art above in heaven, so far from us today,
May hallowed be Thy name, may it but blessed be
When people understand the love you have, and see.

Your heavenly Will be done, and may Your Kingdom come
May all this manifest on Earth as well as Heaven,
May You the bread of grace forever give today
May we to forgive sins have strength to do, I pray,

Even as You forgive the sins of those who've erred
Against You ... from temptation keep us safe, oh Lord,
Deliver us from evil, Thy name but blessed be
"Amen" may say all voices that do in Thee believe.

The vocal seems, slightly, panned right.
You could/should remove the lips/mouth smack sounds.
Whether or not you address the ahh & other sounds at the end of phrases is up to you.
In some ways they make the performance more intimate but also, to some, too intimate.

Lovely backtrack. Very enjoyable listen

"Brutally honest feedback welcome! :-)" That would require me to criticize what I cannot. I only wish that those who believe would actually believe, but there is a time and a purpose for everything.

I appreciate the intimacy of the voice (as an American, this includes the soft accent). There were a couple of chord changes that seemed abrupt to me, and may have been softened by some kind of "pad"...not sure what the organ did in this style. but...

The vocals may have been a bit too-upfront and be benefited by a light reverb and (if then needed) placing them a bit softer in the mix.

That's just THESE ears, however. I listened to the end and was moved to do so. So, at least for me, I think you succeeded.

Thanks everybody! I tried to address some of the, to me, very valid points you made here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9awDAptfis

I tried to remove all lip sounds and most of the sounds at the end of phrases. I did try to apply a little reverb, but felt it detracted from the sincere-sounding tone of voice when I did that, so brought it back to natural sound. To be honest, I'm still not really happy with the end product, but don't know what else to do with it, haha. I'm not a producer or sound engineer ... I'm just someone that writes music and lyrics ... maybe I'd need someone else to do the voiceover for me? who knows. Anyway, thanks for ALL your very kind suggestions ... if there are more, please keep them coming!

musician17, this is another wonderful use for the BIAB program. You did a very good job putting this together! Having a music bed behind the spoken word is a powerful tool! Thanks for your efforts! Torrey

Thank you Torrey! I've re-done it for what I hope is a final time ... here is what I really do hope is the final version, haha. Thanks all for your kind and honest feedback, it really helped!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5ygh_EX4pY

Hey musician17, this was wonderful! The chord progression is very rich and definitely carries the piece. Great piano timbre too. Thanks for sharing!