Hi, all:

Sorry I haven’t had an opportunity to post on this site recently. Just amazed at the great songs you all keep putting out. Anyway, this is a song I co-wrote with a talented writer named John Vaughn, and I’m really glad to have had the opportunity to work with him on this. I hope what we have is worth the listen, and thanks in advance for any feedback you may have.

Here's the song:

Show Me

(V) You should have seen it from the sadness on my face:
the yesterdays and tomorrows you erased,
as if the years didn’t mean that much to you,
and if it’s so I guess there’s nothing I can do

(C) But I’m still needing you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isn’t true.
Hold me like you just can’t live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?

(V) Now all that’s left is this bag of memories;
the shades of what I thought our love was meant to be;
and all the doubts that keep me thinking we’re not through.
So here am I reaching out my arms to you
(I’m reaching out to you)

(C) I’m just wanting you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isn’t true.
Hold me like you just can’t live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?
What in the world can I do?

(B) We’ve been here once before,
and I don’t wanna be here anymore;
There’s no good reason to go back again
I know I shouldn’t try and let it die—
but it wouldn’t change a thing.

(C) ’Cause I’m still needing you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isn’t true.
Hold me like you just can’t live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?
What in the world can I do
to save myself from you.
(Show me you)
(Show me you)
(Show me you)

Here’s “the band”:

Drums: Nashville Even 16^1 Side-Stick, Ride
Bass: Real 1162, Acoustic, CelticReel Ev 16 110
Guitar 1: Real 407 Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Ev 165
Guitar 2: Real 634 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopAmerican Muted Ev 120
Guitar 3: Real 406 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Ev 136
Guitar 4: Real 408 Guitar, Resonator, Background Allis Ev 120
Fiddle: Real 618, Background Allis Ev 120

Words and music by John Vaughn and DJ Lekich
(c)2018 John Vaughn and DJ Lekich

Loved your use of RealTracks and really enjoyed the lyrics as well! Awesome job. Thanks for sharing!

Good melody and the voice is quite unique - in a good way.
It's probably but the drums seem to lean to one side away from the chugging guitar - or it may be that guitar is masking the drums a little on its side.
Cool song. Well done to both of you.

I like this!

Love your vocal, very emotive and unique. I enjoyed the lyrics too.

Good song, enjoyed the listen!

Deej,

I really like the sound/production on this. It has a "different" texture than most things posted here. Nicely done.

Overall, the write is interesting, though I would question the line "What in the world is wrong with you?". In the scheme of the write - a plea to a lover who no longer seems interested - that you apparently want back - that line is confrontational and belligerent - certainly not a help to your cause. I found it very off-putting. The later line of "What in the world can I do?" is much more in line with the idea (with an implied "...to get you back"?. The "...to save myself from you" at the end also makes one wonder if this is a I-want-you-back song or a I'm-glad-to-be-rid-of-you song...

I enjoyed the overall sound of the song very much. Your vocal - as always - is a real stand out...

fj

What a tune! I thoroughly enjoyed your vocal delivery here, and the progressions are top notch. It is nicely catchy, and had a more modern feel than a lot of things on the showcase. Plus, the lyrics are really standout too.

Thanks for sharing

Deej,

Love the song and the vocal. Some really cool textures happening with the music as well...

Great mix and production.

Bob

Cool song

nice write (conflicts pointed out by floyd) maybe do a rewrite of that line

catchy song,

enjoyed the listen,

Kenny

Ember, BlueAttitude, Derek, Bob and Kenny:

Thanks to you all for giving this a listen and taking the time to comment. Glad it was worth the time and that you enjoyed it. It is a little bit of a different sound than most of my solo efforts, but was looking to do something a bit faster paced and the lyrics seemed to accommodate that. New BIAB ground for me, but looking to continue my education. Appreciate the support.

My best to each of you,

Deej

rayc:

Thanks for the kind words and feedback on the production. I’ll have to go back and listen for that. It may be I’ve panned both too much to one side. Drums are my kryptonite . . . I just can never seem to find the right sound to fit the song (either too much snare, or too much high-hat, or just plain too much). It’s the one area I really need to get better at. Again, appreciate the comments.

All the best,

Deej

Floyd,

Thanks for the thoughtful comments. I was curious how folks might react to that line, so not entirely unexpected. For what it’s worth, to me at least, it’s neither a “I want you back” nor a “I’m glad to be rid of you" song. I’d say it’s more a “I know I can’t get you back, there’s no good reason to get back together, but I can’t let it go because I still need something more from you” song. Maybe that simply doesn’t work for a song, or we’ve failed miserably at the attempt—and I’m not sure it solves your concern with the “What in the world . . . “ line.

Which is to say, I get and appreciate your comment, and we will definitely give it some more thought. Again, thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. They are always really helpful.

Kindest regards,

Deej

First and foremost, I love the sound of the song, and that's 99% of it there.

But I'll agree with floydjane about the lyric - the singer demands that they be loved, and then says:

What in the world is wrong with you?
What in the world can I do
to save myself from you.

That sort of flushes away what little good will might be remaining for the singer.

Quietly driving backing lays the tension on and under this emotively delivered and well sung vocal. Really, really nice.

Couldn't help but read the comments on "the line", though I try to ignore other comments until I've formed my own "view". Here's the way I take it. He's talking to someone at the point of breakup who is clearly showing him "no emotion" in delivering the news. Yeah, I'd say there's something wrong with her...or at least wrong with THAT. From the singer's POV.

Besides, it doesn't HAVE to be heard as aggressive. "What in the world is wrong with you?' seems fitting if she is normally emotionally expressive--even concerned. And that's re-enforced by the next line...what can he do?

It's the next line near the end that is jarring...to save myself from you. If it had been at the beginning, he's lost it with me. But it comes near the end, and that's when realization and self-preservation starts to kick in. He's not repeating himself, he's changing the context. It's powerful because it stands out.

Who knows, scholars may be studying this lyric 20 years from now.

Tell your lyricist (I'm assuming that's your partner here) that Tangmo approves. At the very least, it's a line that engenders "thought", (and maybe even a wee bit of controversy on a music forum) and that's not a bad thing at all.

Yeah, I like this a whole lot. Run with it. I think you have a hit.

Hey, it's cool to hear another production from you!

You called in a very effective group of musicians to back your tune. Hat's off to them and you

Like Bob said there are some interesting attention grabbing textures happening with the tracks.

The melody and your vocal are instantly engaging...well done!

You mentioned to Ray "Drums are my kryptonite . . . I just can never seem to find the right sound to fit the song (either too much snare, or too much high-hat, or just plain too much). " If you haven't already a $29 investment in Waves CLA Drums might help. FWIW most folks here that have used it speak very highly of it as we do.

We most enjoyed this production!

J&B

David C.,

Thanks for chiming in and giving this one a listen. Glad the sound worked—again, new territory for me; just trying to challenge myself, do something different and learn more about BIAB. Still feel like (and am) a newbie.

As for the lyrics—I hear and understand. But check out Tangmo’s comments below and my response to him. We may have been too ambitious with the lyrics—and again, maybe it doesn’t work—but the intent was that this is more than a “I want us to get back together” song. That said, it just may not work; so we’ll keep tinkering.

Thanks again for stopping in!

All the best to you,

Deej

Tangmo,

Well, I’ll start with a big thanks—I was starting to worry we totally missed the mark here. But your "scholarly analysis” of our lyrics is spot on. When I first read John’s lyrics to this song, I was struck by some contrasting lines that suggested a conflicted point of view, so we went with that. Still, I worried about how “what’s wrong with you” might be perceived, though it’s intended as you describe. I added the “save myself” line, because we needed a seventh line in the last chorus to link to the close, but it seemed to fit for the reason you mention: self-realization—he’s screwed and by the end of the song he knows it.

All that said, John and I will keep debating changes—that’s what this forum is for. There’s a reason Hollywood studios play their films first to test audiences. If the audience doesn’t get what’s intended, what’s the point?

But I think we pretty much like the lyrics as they stand—and any changes we might make will likely be more tweaks than substantive revisions.

Thanks a ton for you input.

My kind regards,

Deej

Janice & Bud,

Good to hear from you as well. I’ve been away from this board for too long. In part, I’m in a slump, and the one other new BIAB song I have needs more polishing before I have the courage to post it here. Really, seems like every song on this site is just killing it! Have to up my game.

I have done a couple of guitar/vocals—including another one with John—but those aren’t BIAB eligible, so . . . can’t post them here.

Thanks for the reference to Waves CLA Drums—I will definitely check it out. I just can’t understand why I always seem to get the psycho drummer who either wants to go all Keith Moon with the big drum rolls, or slap away at the high-hat like it’s the only part of the drum he’s allowed to hit!

Hope all is well for you both,

Regards,

Deej

DJ,

This is a great song. From start to finish. I love the energy, vocals, and lyrics and the progression.

An EXCELLENT write. Superb.

Just as an idea, I would love to hear a big rock production with this--big drums, and loud gritty guitars kicking in on V2. This is a song that could send a stadium up in flames if you were to turn up the heat a bit on an alternate mix.

Awesome songwriting man.

Nice work Deej56, I really enjoyed the overall tone of this. Excellent mixdown on all of this and a solid key signature choice too. Excellent guitar riffs too. Adding the fiddle to this is a nice touch. Great done!

David S.,

Thanks much for the listen and feedback. You instincts on production are great, and I love your idea. I actually would have preferred a more pronounced driving drum on this production--something that could carry through and over the stops--but as I referenced above, I'm drum challenged, and just couldn't find anything that worked.

I like the idea of going big with this--just a little beyond my skill set right now. But maybe as I get more "fluent" in BIAB, John and I can put out a "rockier" version.

All the best to you, David.

Deej

Thanks, Joe . . . glad you enjoyed the listen.

Kind regards,

Deej

"Deej56"...

The way you released the lyrics for "Show Me" from your wounded heart certainly delivered on the deadly serious romantic agony that was barely contained in them. And those lyrics! There's so many of them that they become almost a near-relentless stream-of-consciousness, which complemented the driving music and implacable rhythm. The person who would be the subject of your passionate plea would surely find it difficult, if not impossible, not to yield to your need. Shucks, it was easy for me to imagine you on your bended knees as you crooned this one out :-)

Strong, focused, urgent and dramatic songwriting and performance was demo'd here, "Deej56" and Mr. Vaughn. Don't let each other go, too soon, at least!

Sincerely,

LOREN (a.k.a. "bluage")

Hi Deej,

Cool song! It was a great listen. I wish I could song this type of song well (or any other type, actually), but it just doesn't work for my voice. But you carried it very nicely. Thanks for a good listen!

Alan

LOREN (a.k.a. bulage),

Thanks for the listen and your feedback—I’m happy this song works for you. Your comments are so beautifully written that I’m thinking of putting them to music—it will be my next big hit (and, in truth, my only big hit)! Truly, I appreciate the thoughtful and supportive responsive. Thanks much!

My best to you,

Deej

Al-David,

Thanks for stopping in—appreciate the comments. Faster paced songs for me are a bit of a challenge—glad I could make this one work to some degree, and that you enjoyed the tune.

Best regards,

Deej

Deej,

Great to see you back in the forum.

What a terrific listen! I love the writing, the arranging and the presentation. To me, everything about this shouts out 'professional'. What appealed to me most was the inventiveness of (a) the backing and (b) the flow of the lyrics. The lyric pace is excellent and amplifies feelings of 'angst', 'agitation' and 'unfinished business'; excellent prosody!

Really cleverly created and put together!

All the best,
Noel

This is a cool song. Love your vocal style. Excellent choice of instruments in the backtrack. Well done

Deej56, nice work on this one! Your chorus is one that stays with you and conveys the emotion I believe you were aiming for in this! Nice melody throughout! Thanks, Torrey

Really well done!! Vocal is so passionate. Really good writing too. I read Floyd's comment and your response. I think you're right that it sort of rests on the singer's frame of mind.....get lost or come back? Having had an old girlfriend who drove me crazy with her flakiness, I relate to the What is wrong with you on a certain level. On the other hand, I see Floyd's point. Generally, where Floyd's input is involved, I have a 2 step thought process: 1) Floyd is probably right, and 2) See step 1. Very much enjoyed this...lots of great stuff here!! Take care. Greg

Noel, Scott, and Torrey,

Appreciate your giving this one a spin and taking the time to comment. There was a certain vibe I was shooting for musically, and it seems to have come through based on your comments. Angst, agitation, and unfinished business are a prefect way to describe it.

Noel, thanks for the welcome back. Hope to find the time to be here a bit more often than I have.

Thanks again to you each.

All the best,

Deej

Greg,

Thanks much for the listen. Glad you enjoyed it for the most part. Not sure what we'll do with the lyric as of yet, if anything at all. If I had more commercial aims, it might be an easier call. But regardless the feedback is certainly giving us a lot to think about.

Really appreciate that you took the time to comment.

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej

Deej,

Strong vocal!
It is full of emotion and energy.
I feel British pop songs in the late 60's in this tune.
It is maybe the influence of Cliff Richard's songs.
But your singing style is similar to Liverpool groups.
Very nice melody and chord progression!
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Shigeki,

Thanks so much for the listen and taking the time to comment. I'm not sure I'm familiar with Cliff Richard's, so I'll have to check that out. Glad you enjoyed the tune!

All the best to you,

Deej