Just something I put together this morning. The BIAB style is _HUSH.STY (Hush Pop Ballad Soloist).

To be honest, I'm really not that happy with this one ... it kinda starts off well and then maybe loses its way as it goes on? which is why I post it here - for feedback :-) , which would be most welcome! Thanks :-)

Her (on AudioMack)

OK....I gave a listen.
I don't know what you perceive the effort should sound like or your desired goal for the finished composition.
I rarely respond to these sorts of requests for various reasons but I'll chime in with all my subjectivity and be honest.

The tempo is very slow and suits being played in a dentist office as a sedative, so to speak.
If that's your intention, genre wise, then it works for that purpose.

If not....I'll take it further...
The progression sounds meandering and aimless and not captivating.
No motif for the listener to relate to....IE: verse/chorus/melodic motif/sense of dynamics.
It's uninteresting to me as is.
Music has to move me to be remotely appealing.

It takes time/focus to get it right...quick and dirty isn't a well thought out, well structured composition.
I'll stop there and hopefully my candor will be perceived as I intend it to be.
Just honest 'feedback'...we're all adults here with thick skin....right?

That's my take....hope that helps.

This is pretty darn good for making it this morning! Thanks for taking the time to share it with us.

Thank you both!!!

Chulaivet1966: I was watching Ricky Gervais' "After Life" this morning and there's a scene in it where he just smokes something and abandons himself to the universe, so to speak. That's the kinda feeling I was trying to get in this one ... a complete sort of abandonment. I agree with you ... it's not there yet, I need to look at it again with a fresh mind when I have some proper time! Your feedback is in line with my thoughts, too ... especially in the middle, I feel it loses its way. Thanks therefore for your thoughts and (and this is for everyone) never worry about giving me negative feedback - so long as it's genuinely honest feedback, this is how we all learn - from the negative as well as from the positive! :-)

Ember: thank you. I'll see what I can do by way of improvement to it when I have more time, but thanks for your kind encouragement!

James,

This starts off pretty well to me. In its current form, I think it could serve as part of a soundtrack--it has a nice feel to it-- though I’m not sure there’s enough here yet for it to stand on its own as a song. But it has potential to, so keep working it. It’s a nice, laid back, sweet sound you have going on here.

All the best,

Deej

musician17,
Nice guitar playing!

Scrolling down, I had to read chulaivet1966 post. He is sharp observer, but I do not agree on "No motif" part with him. I find these type of tunes meditative and enjoyable. I think that drums you have on it are pulling you to less exiting places. It seems you are trying to breathe life into them in some parts of the tune, instead of them supporting you, or just lightly accenting rhythm. Take a listen at JJ Cale, he might play "softly" but his "backing" usually has strong support. I hope I am making sense here

Misha.

Howdy Misha.....

I do not mean to belabor a point or take issue with your opinion.
But....to be clear this is what I mean by motif:

"In music, a motif (pronunciation) (help. · info) (also motive) is a short musical phrase, a salient recurring figure, musical fragment or succession of notes that has some special importance in or is characteristic of a composition: "The motive is the smallest structural unit possessing thematic identity".

I do not hear a clear motif in musician17's composition....yet.
If you do, based on the above definition you have far better ears that I do.
I'm sure he'll flesh it out further to his satisfaction or maybe he doesn't care about a motif at all....that's OK too.
He's got a good foundation idea....just needs a structural massage which is what I'm trying to help with.

Nothing I say here he (or anyone) has to agree or comply with....I just provided my honest assessment based on his thread request.
I'll gladly listen again if he revives this thread with an update on the composition.

A good day to all....

This is very relaxing piece, nice instrumentation, really interesting chord progression, certain chords together with the solo guitar remind me of Roddy Frame.

Janne

It sounds to me like it would make great backing tracks for a song...
I can hear melodic & lyrical opportunities throughout the piece...
Perhaps it would be worthwhile to let this one continue to bake & let new ideas come along...
As is... it actually sounds pleasant to my ears.

Thanks all.

Deej56: Thank you, you are kind. I think I need to sit on this track a little more, so to speak, but yes, I agree that it may have some potential, so I'll come back to it! Thanks :-)

Rustyspoon: yes, I noticed the problem with the drums, I think you are spot on here. I have literally next to no time nowadays, but - when I do get a chance to sit down with this track, I will see what can be done - but yes, absolutely. Some real sharp ears on this forum! :-)

Chulaivet1966: genuine thanks for the feedback, no problem whatsoever with it from me. We all hear different things - which is why it's great to have other people's feedback - they WILL hear things I may not immediately hear myself, that's just how it works; so thanks!!!

jannesan: I am not familiar with the work of Roddy Frame. I will listen - thanks! :-)

Jim: thanks for the kind words; yes, as I've said above also, letting it rest for a while and sift in my mind and then come back to it sounds like a good idea, I absolutely agree!

Thanks EVERYONE - this is a fantastic forum to work on music with everyone in such a constructive manner!!! :-)

Good start. Keep that bit and rethink.
I fear the rhythm section, drums in particular, are making this seem pedestrian.
The drums push with the hi hat 8ths and the bass seems triggered by the sparse snare.
In the meantime the Dire Straits/Knofler style guitar hasn't anything in it's world to play off.
The steel guitar is just filling in spaces.

IMO....in this context.
Too break in down to the lowest common denominator, the goal is too not only make a better as it evolves but to actually have it stand out among other songs of the same genre.
A true creative challenge.

Song writing is a craft that one develops over time which requires discipline, focus and is a very personal endeavor.
It's very risky too jump in a thread like this for obvious reasons.
I rarely do because why would I think anyone would respect my creative comments or employ my suggestions on their work in progress?.
I'm not (and never will be) famous and my song writing may suck in the opinions of most anyway.

I'm very pleased you accept my comments as I intended them.
Your can do this!....stick with this WIP...work through the creative labor pains and make it happen to your satisfaction.
Whether you consider all the helpful comments offered.....or not.

Are you intending on writing lyrics for this?
If so, have you selected a specific subject matter relating to "Her"?
Maybe spell out the chord progression for those of us with inquiring minds.

Back to it....

This is a delightful recording. It's the kind of music I play on one of my hospital radio programmes here in Scotland a full hour of gentle easy listening music & song, and this fits the criteria perfectly.
Enjoyed my listen a lot

Hey,

Cool and pleasing sound.

To have a 4 minute instrumental stand the test of time, pun intended, for most people, it would need to have some tempo changes and different sections with different chords in them I think, plus maybe some live soloing that had a defined melodic line with changes in that too.

But the sound is definitely relaxing and soothing for sure.

Thanks all - food for thought!!! Thanks for all the feedback ... now to wait for the weekend, when I may be free to implement it :-) Cheers.

Very nice relaxing tune. Guitar was excellent.

Mostly, it sounds very sweet to me!! I think there are a few places where the musical direction could be clearer but I love the general vibe here! Take care. Greg

Thanks Scott and Greg! Just wanted to make it clear that the guitar is a RealTrack - I believe it's Brent Mason playing on it? i.e. nothing to do with me in the slightest :-) it truly is excellent playing! The whole thing was done entirely in BIAB, with no other input from me than the chords themselves - which is how I did it so fast, in one morning. To go to the next step, it needs a proper revision from me, to see what I like and what I want to change, if anything, of course. In some places, the guitar is playing a little differently than the chords I actually wrote underneath, so I don't know how to fix that just yet ... but, as I said, I'll try to deal with it all at the weekend at the earliest. Thanks so much for everyone's feedback - I didn't think that so many people would be so genuinely kind as to comment!!! THANKS ALL!!!