Hi everyone,

I noticed it's very crowded on the forum at this moment. Lots of inspiration, lots of songs. That's nice!

I couldn't stay behind and made a song about two girls, Lizzy and Charlotte. In a certain way they are each other's opposite. And like it always goes, this could not end well.

I made this song some days ago. I had the melody in my head, but also a cold. So I wasnt able to sing it then.
Maybe some will say that this is still the case...

The style is Careen, but I changed the most instruments, except the bassguitar and one other guitar. The tempo is 112. the drums are Heavy4x4 with tambourine.
I made two versions, singing solo and in harmony. I prefered the solo-version, the one you hear if you click the link to soundcloud.
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130/lizzy-loves-singing-v16-s

Let me know what I can improve (if you can find any ;-)). That's why we're doing this, don't we?


Thanks already,
Hans

Hello Hans!

I liked your arrangement! Especially what you did at 2:30 Lyrics are fun, maybe write them down. Some folks here (including me) like to read lyrics while listening. Overall, very good feel of this tune, I wholeheartedly enjoyed it.

Since you asked for suggestions... I think the only true weakness is the mix separation of vocals and instrumentals. Your instrumental arrangement is clear and balanced well (to my ears), but vocals seem to be a little detached and over reverbed, which makes it a little difficult to follow story line, (which is great)! When you have your bridge (or spoken word)part presence is much better. If it was my mix, I would bring vocals a couple of db louder and took out some of the reverb.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

"Oh, Lizzy is a beauty
But Charlotte sings so nice"

That is a problem many people around the world knows quite well!

I enjoyed listening to your song - the lyrics are a good mix of being fun - and then sad.

Thank you very much for sharing - looking forward to hear more of your music!

Will

Hi Rustyspoon and Will,

Thanks for you compliments and especially the suggestions.
I thought I brought down the reverb too much so added a litte. Too much, I understand.
And about the volume: some said my voice was too loud. So brougt that down too. Same conclusion as with the reverb.
And I hear some traces of the cold I had. I will correct all of that this weekend (promise).

And the lyrics are on Soundcloud. But for your convenience I place them in here as well:

Lizzy loves singing
(c) HWBerkhout, 09032019

Lizzy loves singing
And Charlotte too
but it's much better
to hear both do

'cause Lizzy can't sing well
And Charlotte does
Together they call it
their fuzz

Oh, Lizzy is a beauty
But Charlotte sings so nice
It's her voice that makes her lovely
While Lizzy needs some advise

Lizzy loves Rocksongs
And Charlotte don't
She's more romantic
But Lizzy won't

She never change that
It felt not right
Although her voice
ain't that bright

Oh, Lizzy is a beauty
But Charlotte sings so nice
It's her voice that makes her lovely
While Lizzy needs more advise

Yes, Lizzy is a beauty
But Charlotte sings so nice
It's her voice that makes her lovely
While Lizzy needs some advise

Lizzy went shopping
the whole day long
but then something
went very wrong

They called Charlotte
it drilled her head
when they told her
Lizzy was dead

Yes Lizzy, little beauty
All went so fast that dark day
Charlotte could not comprehend
Lizzy met her end

Lizzy loved singing
but never can be heard...
Charlotte quits singing, she could only cry
This was the day when two birds die...

Lizzy loved singing, and Charlotte was good
But together they sounded so smooth
Oh, Lizzy loved singing, though Charlotte reigned
But their voices still remain

Lizzy loved singing, and Charlotte too
They keep touching you
I hear their voices every day
But Lizzy and Charlotte, they'd fade away

Hans

Pretty cool - though the vocal effects made them sound fuzzy on the edges.
Interesting narrative.
Lyrically it hangs together except for

It felt not right
which isn't particularly bad but it does clunk a bit.

This story happens a lot in bands when one member dies, especially a charismatic one. The whole band is never the same again or may not even survive. Also, reflects some of the rivalries between band members. I like the way you told the story with these two girls. I thought your vocals were fine as well as the production.

Thanks, Hans, for writing down the lyrics...
You've put together a good storyline about Lizzy and Charlotte...
I can't think of anything you need to do to improve it...
To me its pretty pleasing as is...
I enjoyed listening to your creativity.

This is a very cool song to me.

I love the instrument bed and tracks, and that is a very cool effect on the vocal.

It sounds really original. I liked it a lot. Fun listen.

Dear Belladona, Jim, Ray and David,

Thanks for all your compliments/ opinions.
I re-recorded the song this weekend.
Less reverb, voice bit louder and a little textchange, because RayC found it cluncky (and in spite of what the Americans said).
He was right (a littlebit), so now I sing:
"She never change that
It's her scope
Although her voice
hardly cope"

https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130/lizzy-loves-singing

Nice day,
Hans

Just listened to the updated link. Excellent vocal and backtrack. Guitar sounds great. Well done

I just finished listening to the updated link...
Very nicely done.

Thanks for listening Jim and Scott!

Yesterday I was singing this song in E. The version you heard was in C. My voice was a bit lower because of a cold I had.
But I hesitate to change the C version for the E version, because than you have to hear it again. That would probably be too much, though the song changed a bit because of this choice of mine.
I think I will just change the song and don't mention it here. You agree?

Hans
Ps: Jim, what is the meaning of those signs under you name? I can think of Religious, but mainy for the sake of Peace and Love. Is that correct?

You definitely painted a particular image of these two girls. Thanks for sharing.