The Kingdom Of True Hearts

A moral question: if a known artist plays a (new) melody in your dream and you use it as your own, are you stealing from him? That's what happened with this song, one of my favorite songwriters Roddy Frame started a concert in my dream with a song from which I remembered a short snippet in the morning. I have went through his catalogy but so far I haven't found an exact match, but I could have heard it in a live recording or it could be some rare tracks which I might have heard on the radio... but anyway, let's just say that this song was strongly inspired by his music You can listen to his songs like Sister Shadow, Reason For Living, More Than A Law or Somewhere In My Heart as a reference.

In my dream, the song title was perhaps The Kingdom Of Heaven, at least I made the first version with that title, but I wasn't satisified with the result so now I have re-written most of it. Maybe another round of rewriting is needed, because the process has been quite long and difficult and I think the story is still bit too preachy... I would be more than happy to get feedback for things that don't work and how you would change them to work better.

RealDrums: NashvilleEven8
RealTracks:
Electric bass #2754
Acoustic piano #811
Electric guitars #694, #697
Baritone guitars #2444, #2625
Solo guitars #810, #2636
Organ #686

Vocals: Janne S
Mixed in Cakewalk by BandLab

Lyrics:

Through the narrow gate
walk the road of hardship
full of scorn and hate
you may fall or slip
but shed your wounds and purge your heart
then build your castle from timeless parts.

In the kingdom of true hearts
love is not a duel of rivals
for a favor of thrones
for a reward
but a struggle
where forgiveness and remorse
are the swords
that everyone affords.

You may be keen to judge
to swing your sword of justness
you may look for smudge
reasons to oppress
but might's not set to misapply
first take the timber out of your eye.

[Chorus]

You should not overlook a knight who rides her own way
don't decline her help when you stray
accept the kingdom's call
outside your guarded wall.

Your crown shows trust and care
don't ask your folks to praise it
if you boast that you are fair
some might see a hypocrite
just give your hand to whom it's due
don't sound a trumpet in front of you.

[Chorus]

--------------------
Janne

Janne,
The 2nd chorus is really spot on.
I really like the arrangement of the 1st verse and the choruses.

Janne,

A big Pop sound! Especially on the chorus. The melody sings nicely.

The vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times, could use with a bit of a volume increase? or maybe a touch of high EQ to raise it up? Not sure. It could just be the chunking guitar fighting the frequency - it seems to be centered (noticeable on the verses) along with the vocal. Perhaps if you panned that out some it would give the vocal the little bit of room it needs...

An interesting lyric and a really nice melody. Enjoyed.

fj

Nice tune...
As you mentioned...
It may be "still bit too preachy"...
But IMHO its a message we all need to apply to our lives...
I agree with Floyd that the "vocal gets a bit buried in the chorus at times"...
But for me it doesn't take away from the song...
I actually enjoyed listening.

Really well done - and I enjoyed your explanation of the inspiration behind the song. It's intriguing to me where inspiration can come from! It's a solid write, and nicely catchy with some fantastic progressions.

Thanks for sharing

Really pretty song Janne!! Very melodic....just flows so nicely! I think your choice of tracks and your mix are excellent! I too have had that feeling, not sure if something is mine, or "borrowed". This is really great stuff!! Take care. Greg

Janne,
I like upbeat pop songs that avoid cliche`s ( Mr Frame was a good inspiration, I`m glad you mentioned his songs!).
You have a good chorus melody with and an arrangement that captures the feel of guitar driven pop.Not preachy to me.
I agree the vocals could be brought up in the mix.
You asked for feedback;there are a few phrases that sound a little awkward:

please take my suggestions on this verse with a grain of salt- I don`t take kindly to people messing with my lyrics!

You may be keen to judge
to swing your sword of justness
(justice)
you may look for smudge
(look to smudge/look for a smudge)
reasons to oppress
but might's not set to misapply
(your might`s misapplied)
first take the timber out of your eye.


Robert

Janne

Nothing to add to the good advice above. Enjoyable song & melody especially the chorus.

Peter

Janne,

I agree with the comments about the vocals being buried sometimes.

But a good sound and arrangement, chorus is especially strong.

Thanks Ray for your positive comment

Janne

Thanks Floyd your kind and valuable feedback I have used Ozone Imager for the main guitar to spread it, maybe it could be spread even wider. Or I could generate two tracks of the guitar and pan them. I'll check also possible masking issues.

Janne

Thanks Jim for your kind words The lyric was originally based on the Sermon on the Mount, and some famous lines are preachy as they should be, but they work so well that I left them. I'm glad you are ok with it.

Janne

Great work on this Janne, I really enjoyed the overall tone of this. I found this very easy to listen and I really dug the chord progression. Fantastic work on the vocals. Keep it up!

"but shed your wounds and purge your heart
then build your castle from timeless parts."

Love those lines. There's a lot packed in there to ponder.

Well done and as mentioned the chorus is very strong.

We enjoyed it...and the backstory!

J&B

Janne,
Good arrangement and interesting lyrics!

I agree with most that vocals hiding a bit, but that might be also related to: You sing with soft voice, but your arrangement has some harsh instruments (guitars! + strong rhythm track). If I had it "my way" I would either try to sing it more "aggressively" or change out instruments that are aggressive to softer versions.

Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

I've been really enjoying a lot of the lyrics folks have been posting up lately, and the songs that go with them and listening to the finished pieces have made me like them even more. Really great stuff, thanks for sharing this with us.

I felt like this was the best thing I've heard from you, very accessible and stayed with me in a good way. Looking forward to more like this.

Dear Janne,

well, what should I say..? A great song all the way. Very appealing lyrics with a message, a good melody and I LOVE the backing track. I'd agree what has been said about the vocal volume, but after all that doesn't devaluate this great song at all. Very good work, I enjoyed listening (and reading) a lot.

Take vare,

Stefan

I have to be OK with it...
After all, the Sermon on the Mount contains the commandments the Lord expects each & everyone of us to keep.

Thanks Deryk for your very kind words Dreams are great inspiration for me, I think I have already written more than 10 songs that have started from a dream idea. I wish that some day I get my "Yesterday"-level hit idea

Janne

Thanks Greg, I appreciate another kind feedback from you With the starting melody (just 2-4 bars), I deliberately tried to mimic mr. Frame's melody, chording and arrangement style. Sometimes it's good to know your source of inspiration. And in this case I hope I didn't actually plagiarize anything...

Janne

Thanks Robert, I truly appreciate your kind words and valuable feedback As a non-native English speaker I'm more than happy and grateful to receive correction for my awkward English, it's difficult to notice many simple things, especially when I have looked the same lyrics for many months, sort of word fatigue. Like with the "misapply" case, I think I was trying to say "set to be misapplied"... but that has too many words, so I'm now trying to simplify the sentence: "might is wisdom when applied…", I hope that is not so awkward.

I thought justness is a synonym for justice, at least I couldn't find any real difference for those words via net... but to solve the rhyming dilemma with justice, I'm trying my luck with "sword of virtue" (and rhyming with verb subdue - not a perfect rhyme but enough for me), I think that fits better also because justice is very close to judge, which I have already used. Originally I was thinking righteousness, but it has too many syllables.

Janne

Thanks Peter for enjoying and commenting

Janne

Thanks Dave for your kind feedback, gives me to courage to continue on this musical path

Janne

Thanks Joe, I appreciate your positive feedback

Janne

Janne, you have lots of cool things happening with the chords and melody here, especially in the chorus! My favorite part is the little turn around between the chorus and the verse, you are using a combination of realtracks there that I haven't heard together before and they work very well! Thanks, Torrey

Thanks Janice and Bud for your nice comment I'm glad you liked those lines, now I know that at least they don't need to be re-written

Janne

Thanks Misha for your valuable comment Yes, it is a dilemma that the song has aggressive Instruments (by design) but my voice is soft. I can't yet sing aggressively, hopefully I'll reach that level some day It seems that if I mix my voice louder, I get feedback that it is too loud, so this is bit walking on a rope. Next time I'll try to mix my vocals as loud as possible

Janne

Thanks Ember for your kind comment I agree, great stuff on this forum, just because we are using such an inspirational tool called BIAB!

Janne

Thanks for your positive words I hope that I'm able to write something similar in the future

Janne

Thanks Stefan, I appreciate your very kind words, especially concerning the lyrics

Janne

Thanks Torrey, it is always very nice to read your kind comment I used the baritone guitars in the intro, because it felt lacking something without them, but using them only in the intro didn't feel satisfying, so I used one of them also in those intermediate parts after chorus and in the ending. I'm glad you liked those part, so my choice was not that bad.

Janne