Can a song be too personal? I`m not often a fan of highly confessional songs( everybody hurts!)and have left the subject of this one aside for so long that my power to help of influence the person who suffered has probably passed... and all I can do is write a song.
If you listen and have constructive comments,they are most welcome.

Unseen Unknown Unheard

Style is _HOMESIK.STY (Homesick Soft Pop Serenade)

RealTracks in style: ~2474:Bass, Acoustic, Held Ev 085
RealTracks in song: 2461:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm NewAgeAlbertiPretty Ev 100
RealTracks in style: 3059:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm Muted16thsFintan Ev16 080
RealTracks in song: 2336:Viola, Background, Pop Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 2338:Violin, Background, PopLow Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 1856:Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085
RealDrums [in style:CongasEv16[single] [Multi]



Unseen Unknown Unheard


wanting to be seen
my lord made jewels green
to live in your eyes

carry silence with you
like a backpack
like those birds out the window
at school

one day turning cartwheels
then holding your breath
seeing faces from the bottom
of a pool

we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

you slip through the seam
between worlds
unseen unknown
unheard

needing to be known
the heart outgrows bone
beats beyond your walls

he sent a singing postcard
playing we`ll meet again
in the fort we made
to be safe

there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced

slip back through the seam
between worlds
be seen be known
be heard

longing to be heard
the beginnings of words
no secret can contain
no secret can contain


© Robert Cordrey Aug. 2019

Robert,
Very unusual tune. Poetry is haunting-beautiful. Intricate phrasing.
Hand drums work very well on this. Production is A+ Enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

Constructive criticism? I can't think of anything to criticize here.

As Misha noted, it's an unusual tune, more poetry set to music. You've got a unique voice in terms of how you approach songs, and this is no exception.

Well mixed, musically interested, expressive, emotional singing.

In terms of being too personal, well... I suspect that's meant more an explanation of the song than an question.

But yes - some songs can be way too personal. Thanks for the heads up.

And thanks for posting!

Robert,

Terrific opening. The a cappella vocal resolving into the quartet-style strings - so nice!

The combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super (you've used many of my favorite RTs in this!).

Your vocal is perfect....an as-good-as-it-gets performance. Perfectly mixed.
The whole mix is excellent. Everything about this is top-notch.

A STUNNING write. Absolutely broke my heart. Start to finish quote-worthy.
(a career-defining type write.)

A real WOW.

fj

Robert,

An absolutely stunning piece...

"we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand"

Wow - no words to describe how much I love this one.

Bob

Wow - what unique and attention-grabbing tune! It has an almost psychedelic feel to it - your lyrics and vocals on this are haunting too, and it sets a really spectacular mood.

Thanks for sharing

I appreciate that, Misha.



Thanks for the positive comments, particularly on the vocals.
My intro comments probably reflect a hesitance about posting this one-closet skeletons and all that.



Floyd,
I`m pleased you liked the acappella opening- it was a late choice to believe the harmonies were good enough.
Getting the percussive guitar a little under the pretty piano seemed to do the trick.
Your comments are so supportive- I can`t thank you enough for the careful listening and sensitivity behind your reviews.

Robert

Robert,

Like floyd, I really enjoyed the vocal introduction that led into the instruments. One needs lots of confidence to do that and you did it very well.

I'm not sure that I fully understood the lyrics but the below verses were very haunting and they caused me much reflection.


I honestly don't know what to say nor how to say it. Given the sense of gravitas that I feel from these lyrics, I sincerely hope that time has helped with healing.

The style, your singing and your arrangement were excellent choices to carry this story.

Regards,
Noel

Love your vocal in this one, Robert, so fragile and delicate.

I found the lyrics to be disturbing to be honest, but they certainly held my attention! Very well written indeed.

Good song!

Wow Robert very emotional song. The backtrack was perfect for the song. Such a powerful lyric and awesome vocal. Well done.

Hi Rob,

I have to pick up your song title to describe what I feel )lyrics like these UNSEEN before, a song like this UNHEARD before. It's really unusual in all aspects. Unusual in the sense of marvellous that is.

The way you sing it made got me some goose bumps - it's so soft and ... hm ... vulnerable.

An excellent piece from A to Z.

All the best,

Stefan

"there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced "

That's a "run off the road" two lines if one were driving while listening....incredibly powerful.

And the lyric is outstanding all the way through. Zero filler.

The vocals are amongst your best...Stefan has the word, "vulnerable."

It would be hard to imagine a better arrangement, band or mix to support this write.

It's all been already stated more eloquently than we are capable...

Amazing.

J&B

I very much appreciate that, Bob...makes the choice to share so worth while.



Deryk,
Thanks for all your listens and positive comments.



Noel,
I set a few inner ground rules for writing the lyrics:
-make it clear the song is about the sexual abuse of a child, without using gratuitous detail.
-write both from the child`s point of view and the adult, believing there is healing to be found.
-its unlikely my sister will hear the song, but if she does, have I written a message of love and support?
The responses from the generous listeners here make me I hope I succeeded in some way.
Thanks for your kind comments.

Robert
-

Hi Robert

I dont think you can be too personal. That is what makes songwriting great and deeply fulfilling.

Loved the line "seeing faces from the bottom of a pool"

A fantastic write all round.

Well done.

J

Robert

A very emotional sad write and beautifully performed.
As floyd said a great mix and vocal.

One of your absolute best.

Peter

Robert,
I like it and the imagery/impressions it gave BUT the 1st stanza, to my eyes and ears, doesn't seem to belong. Well, the "my lord" bit anyway.
Impressionistic/picture painting/cinematic all fit the vibe and arrangement.
Cool stuff.

Hauntingly tangible poetry. Your singing is really emotional. I like the piano playing its own dark melancholy. Excellent use of string instruments.

Janne

Dave,
Thanks for your listen and the endorsement of the vocal- its not easy to balance feeling and good technique sometimes.
I think if folks don`t find the subject and lyrics at least uncomfortable in places I wouldn`t have succeeded, though I understand how this song could be outside the bounds for some.



Scott,
Thank you-actually double-thanks because diving in to our next collaboration has helped me move on from this song.



That`s a cool review- thank you!

Robert

"...and all I can do is write a song."

Lovely little band you've put together here. JUST enough to support. I'm quite stunned by the delicacy of the lyric (framed by your fragile vocal and rhythmic phrasing). I not only think this is the best lyric I've heard from you, but it may well be the best lyric of it's type I've heard anywhere.

Any time.

Ever.

That's all.

Hi, Robert !

How original isn´t your most lovely
tune ! Evoking a lot of emotions
really ! Congrats !


Cheers
Dani

Wow! What a beautiful piece! Pretty much everything has been said that I wanted to say. Love the a capella beginning, sets the stage for the loneliness of the song. And the strings really work in this one. The lyrics are just beautiful, just about every line is quotable. So poetic.

Well done!

Steve

Beautiful, aching poetry. Poetry set to music, as Dave stated. Some of Leonard Cohen's stuff came to mind. Laura Nyro, as well. Well done.

J&B,Joanne,Peter,RayC,Janne,Tangmo,Dani,Steve,TuneMonger
Please excuse the one THANK YOU fits all- your comments are so very encouraging.
And now for something completely different.

Robert

Wonderful poetry Robert!! A very cool song......unusual changes, and a beautiful vocal, great strings, and I love that muted guitar strum which is like a backbone throughout! Really a great effort all the way!! Take care. Greg

Beautiful. Intro got my attention with heavy harmony.

Thanks for the comments Greg & Mark K.

A strong emotional write...
I really enjoyed listening!

Hi Robert,

I'm afraid I missed this song, but until now!
I like your style. Always that melancholic mood that make me creep in my own mind.
Very nicely done, but it is also complicated. For singing. Especially in the middle part of the song.
It's nice to hear how you struggle through it. Very good. That feeds the 'medieval' touch in this song (as I would describe it).

Hans

Thank you for listening and commenting Jim & Birchwood ( I like that you picked up on the "medieval" chant parts in the song).

Robert

Exquisite poetry. As others have said, hauntingly beautiful. Perfect choice for instrumentation.

Robert,

It's a pretty mysterious song.
I'm not good at English, so I can't really understand the meaning of lyrics, but I feel something special.
Your vocals just fit this tune. Emotional.
The chord progression is characteristic.
As floyd says, the combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Thank you for digging back to listen,Ezekiel`s Storm & Shigeki.
I`m glad some of the feeling was communicated without need to understand the lyrics!

Robert

What a great song!

Super a cappella intro.

What fantastic instrumentation you have in this song. Excellent vocal! Outstanding mix.

Everything is perfect.

Really pretty song Robert!! Some wonderful poetry, and really interesting music....sometimes somber sometimes emotionally upbeat. Love the arrangement, and the vocal! Great job!! Take care. Greg