Down in the One-Ply Holler

I had to jump on the bandwagon (pardon the pun) and write my own Covid-19 song. This one is full of jocularity and was fun to create and record, and is here to make your housebound isolation more bearable. The melody is predictable. For those of you unfamiliar with Appalachia, a "holler" (hollow) is a small valley. So my title has two meanings. One is that the "holler" refers to the persona's domicile, and the other is that using too much one-ply TP might make you holler. (Back in the day as many of you may remember, we referred to this type of TP as John Wayne toilet paper: rough, tough, and doesn't take any sh*t from anybody.)

For those who are of a delicate constitution, I assure that no children were harmed or imprisoned during the making of this song.

I used the style CTRNRGS - Chicken Pickin' Country sans the resonator soloist and added a baritone guitar soloist and a bluegrass acoustic solist.
RealBass 592 Bass, Acoustic
RealDrums-NashTrain
RealPiano 598 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming
RealGuitar 411 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm Train Pickin
RT2501 Guitar, Baritone Electric, Soloist CountryWorkinBrent
RT597 Guitar, Acoustic, Soloist Bluegrass Doc

Lyrics

I’ve binged watched every Netflix show
Gonna give Amazon another look
Clock on the wall moving much too slow
I’ve read seven times ev’ry Harry Potter book

I’m stuck here at home
Endless meetings on the telephone
Don’t think I’ll survive this caper
With two rolls left of one-ply toilet paper

My wife’s hair now has turned to gray
My belly boasts 10 more pounds of lard
I’m worn slap out, can’t last another day
They’re gonna find my children buried in the backyard

Chorus

Zooming with the boss on the internet
It’s 9 a.m. and I don’t care
Wearing a shirt and tie is my best bet
Nothing else on but faded holey underwear.

Chorus

Wylodine,
the gov’ner says we can go out
unlock them kids from their cages
And put on your britches
Gonna grab a root at Cracker Barrel
Who-eee, no more cans of Chef Boyardee

Chorus

Hi Ezekiel,

That was simply inspired!

Well, what more can I say?

Full of social realism and hilarious throughout.

Can't stop singing the chorus after only one listen.
Going back for a second one.

Many thanks for making us laugh in these strange times.

ROG.

Man, this is outstanding, Ezekiel. You speak for all of us. Trains had to blow the whistle through the holler, and, man, that's funny about John Wayne. Never heard that before. Now I gotta go hear this one again. Great lyrics!

Thanks, ROG. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Marty,

Thanks for the listen and comments!

REALLY loved this one Ezekiel, great lyrics.

Scott,
Absolutely amazing write! Shiny gemstone in the swamp of ongoing apathy.
Loved it! Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

Creative and funny. A great combo.

Hey, we get the holler thing...we call the bottom area between two small ridges on our property a holler

We really enjoyed this...the write, your vocals, the RT usage and the mix. Great use of that solo RT too.

J&B

PS At least you're not down to Sears catalogs. If they still exist!

Hi, Scott !


The first item that disappeared
from the stores over here in
Helsinki were toilet paper and
fortunately we had bought a
big bale much earlier so we
were out of the danger zone !
Funny how it was just TOILET PAPER
- made us think have or fellow Finns started
to EAT toilet paper ???

Well anyway, we can relate to your
absolutely superb lyrics and I´m sure
you must have had real fun putting
the tune together !

Hope you and your closest are safe
(and have enough toilet paper nowadays) !:))

Cheers
Dani

"Don’t think I’ll survive this caper
With two rolls left of one-ply toilet paper"

HA!

A clever write. An excellent BAND to back it up. And a good mix.

Fun. Entertaining. Nice to have a little levity regarding the current situation...

fj

Still laughing!

Sent a link to the whole family.

Very Creative and very funny! I got a good laugh and we all can sure use that. Enjoyed very much, Tom

Great fun- an outstanding write with a zinger in every verse.
I`m no expert, but for my dime you nailed the Appalachian references and accent!
Well done.

Robert

I LOL out loud!

This is a very creative write. You nailed that good ol' redneck sound! Loved it!

Great stuff Ezekiel.
Humorous, topical and inspired - a good happiness boost in these challenging times.
Mike

Funny little ditty, you put together.
Ha! a toilet paper song. Who would have thunk this a year ago?
Also, I speak Appalachian as my primary language and I'm still working on this "proper English" thing...
Thanks for posting your song.
Everyone needs a good chuckle now and then.

Funny stuff!! And, MAN, can I relate!! Nice job with the arrangement and the mix!! Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg

Thanks, Graham!

Thank you for your kind assessment!


Sears Catalogs? We're using the neighborhood cats!



Dani, all the toilet paper disappeared off the shelves here and is still difficult to obtain. Why on earth people would think they would need to stock up on toilet paper for a pandemic, I'll never figure that one out.
Thank, ROG, for bringing me more listeners.

Thanks, Robert. I hope nobody takes me to task on the accent. It's probably a combination of different regional accents. :-)



Thanks, Mario. The humor in my song is the same type of stuff that used to get me in trouble in school.


Thanks for giving my song a listen, Mike!

Bawb, I lived in the mountains of southern West Virginia for a brief spell when I was a youngin. Then we moved back to Michigan where I reacquired my Midwestern accent.

Thanks so much, Greg!

Hi Ezekiel I love it this is so funny great job I needed a laugh thanks eric

Howdy!

Ah ... some not-so-good ole memories. I grew up on a farm about 60 miles northwest of St. Louis, near the town of Troy, MO. We had no electricity or running water until I was 8 years old. Always dreaded when Mama Nature called at 2:30 am in January. That wasn't very nice of her!!!

Loved the song, performance and presentation. Really cool, funny stuff that kept me smiling all the way.

One thing I've always wondered ... I'm a little confused about those two, three, or four holers - ain't there some things you like to do with a little privacy? And ya really found it frustrating when the person before you used the last of the last roll and didn't mention it!

T^hanks for the fun. Best to you and be safe ...

Alan

No running water you say???

We had "running water" Run outside and get it!!!

Hey Scott,

This is really fun! A total blast. Made me smile.

Thanks for jumping into the fray!!