YouTube: Your Paradise - Translitic Song Sketch
SoundCloud: Your Paradise - Translitic Song Sketch



July 25 2020 - Your Paradise - Feb 2020 Translitic song sketch

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TITLE: Your Paradise

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TRACK & SONG INFO

Bass - 1122: Bass, Acoustic, CountryWaltz Sw 110
Accordion - 3045: Accordion, Rhythm KlezmerPopWaltz Ev 110
Drums - RealDrums=PopRockWaltzBrushes Ev: a: Brushes b: PopRockWaltz
Guitar - 1181:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking PopWaltz Ev 120

ev8, ¾, Cm, 110

In addition to the BIAB tracks above, I added the following:

Midi drum track in Superior Drummer
Midi bass track in Trilian
Keys (ethereal) track using Ethereal Earth in Kontakt
Keys (carnival) track using Kinetic Toys Carnival in Kontakt
Acoustic gypsy jazz guitar strumming track
Adjustments to the BIAB guitar track (and played over the top of it to make it sound more authentic)

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VIDEO:

Me in my closet with a video overlay of a carousel near the Eiffel Tower.
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LYRICS:

Draft 6

Send me a lover, send her tonight--
restless deeds, candy bowl full of lies
Take my hands, fold them hard so they pray
I won’t go down to a darkened grave

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Grim marginalia--all these letters I write
Shaky time capsules--words frozen in flight
These worn yellow pages with their torn paper smiles
Caramelized wishes and crushed china dolls.

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Lime and gin, now we’re both dining thin,
eat that slaughtered meat of Christ’s broken limbs
See that b*tch of a sun, she’s sliding forward to greet
a new day of sins played out in the street

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Very nice song! The video is a bit quirky, but it fitted with song in a strange and unexpected way.

I love this part of your lyrics:

I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Well written!
Will

Nice atmospheric song, very evocative.

Excellent vocal and mix and video.

Well done all round.

Peter

I'm probably corny, I know but, I did want to hear a little fairground/merry go round twinkling with the melody a little more clearly just here n there.
Part Tom Waites, Part Richard Hawley all very good.
There's the occasional phrasing spot that I'd tweak but that's me.
I'd also like a solo with a little aggression or bite just for a moment so that the ignition and the extinguishing were represented.
VERY cool.

Todd,

Another good one.

Your lyric "process" produces vivid, interesting phrases and lines. I like it.

The music is well put together and nicely balanced. I thought the accordion could have been slightly louder.

Good vocal. Beefy and warm.

As Ray says, there is a (early) Tom Waits-ness to this (a good thing) - though a much better vocal

Cool stuff.

fj

A wonderful song, and so well sung. I like the carousel feel and sound, and agree it could be a bit louder in the mix. Still, subtle works well, too.

Very nice, Todd.
I'm sure the echos of Tom Waits are no accident (love that bit of growl in your vocal) and personally I think the song would be even better with a hint of discord, as per much of his later work. But if smooth is what you were going for, you nailed it. Much enjoyed.
Regards,
Leon

Hi Todd.
Brilliant song , loved it.

I'm a bit worried about you stuck in that closet.

Hey, Will. I'm glad you like those parts of the lyric. Yeah, the video is pretty quirky. I had an hour deadline before my video/song was due for my songwriting group, and this was my quick 30 min attempt at something to turn in. I ended up liking it though in all its weirdness. I imagine if I actually released this song, I'd have a better, more thought-out video. Thanks so much for listening and for your comments.

I really like this. Your vocal was excellent as were your lyrics. I liked the backing tracks and everything was mixed to perfection.

This is a very good song.

Fascinating...

The method of writing And resulting lyric

The arrangement

The Waits like vocal

All the tracks - RT’s and your additions

The closet vid

And to all the fascinating aspects we’ll add kudos for all the creativity!

J&B

That's good. I love the lyrical crafting involved. Those verses.... Wow!

Kinda like a sad gypsy clown melody going on... Reminds me of Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei in a French cafe.

Really interesting song you got there

Good song and performance, with fascinating lyrics. Love the Tom Waits influence.
The best comment so far: "Reminds me of Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei in a French cafe" (from Guitarhacker).
Cheers,
Mike

Thanks, Peter, for your kind and supportive words. I'm really happy you like it. Thanks for giving it a listen. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Ray, for your kind words. I've definitely thought about putting more of the fairground/merry go round music in there. I'll give that a try and see how it turns out.

Tom Waits came to mind when I was writing this--and obviously there is something of him in this particular voice I'm using. I hadn't heard of Richard Hawley though, and I'm thankful for you putting me onto him. I've been listening to him throughout the day and really enjoy his music.

I also felt like some of the phrasing needs to be tweaked. Some places my Tom Waitsy voice breaks into a different voice.

I also like your suggestion of a solo. I'll see what I come up with.

Thanks again for listening and for all your wonderful suggestions.

Cheers!

Hey, FJ. Thanks for giving my song a listen and for your kind words.

Yes, the translitic process can yield some interesting images and phrases. Sometimes they are jarring, but often they are nice and fresh and interesting. The trick is to smooth them out a bit with the revisions while not losing the immediacy and discovery they contribute to the song.

I'll give that a try--making the accordion louder--and see how it sounds. Thanks for that suggestion.

I'm happy you heard an early Tom Waits in my song. I really like him--his early stuff especially.

Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

Thanks, Marty, for your kind words. When I re-record and remix, I'll up the levels on the carousel music and see how that sounds. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Leon. I appreciate it. Yeah, as I put the music together, it reminded me of Tom Waits, so naturally that came out in my voice and words. I'll definitely give Waits's later work a new listen and think about discord and adding some. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

Thank you, Gary! Ha. Yeah, well with COVID and all, not many places to go other than the closet. ;-)

Cheers! Todd

Thanks so much, Mario. I'm happy you like it. Thanks for the kind words. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Janice and Bud. I appreciate your kind comments. I welcome the kudos. Cheers!

Excellent waltz, such a beautiful atmosphere created with vivid story and those simple instruments, circus gypsy feeling. I hear Tom Waits too, but also Chris Rea (with steroids) in your amazing voice and the chord progression, nice European melancholy in the melody.

Janne

Very cool song!! Love the haunting vibe! LOVE the vocal......perfect!! Well done in every way!! Take care. Greg

Todd - This is outstanding. You've really created a unique (and compelling!) atmosphere and sound with this track, and that is no easy task. I agree with the comparisons with Tom Waits - there's definitely some influence there. I've been listening to your songs for a while now, and I must say this is one of your best yet.

As for any critical feedback I think it has all been covered.

Keep up the great work!

Todd ...

What a great song! Your vocal comes across to me as somewhere between Tom Waites and Tom Jones. Love the soundscape very much. The acoustic guitar passes were perfect, in my opinion.

As Floyd mentioned, I would like to have heard the accordion a bit more forward in the mix. It's an unexpected but really nice piece of icing for a great cake.

Totally loved it!

Take care and be safe ...

Alan

Thanks, Herb, for giving my song a listen. I'm happy you liked the lyrics. I enjoy the process of discovering them.

Yes, it definitely has a sad-gypsy-clown vibe to it. :-) I like your description of "Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei".

Thanks again! I appreciate your kind words.

Cheers,
Todd

Thanks so much, Mike. I appreciate you giving my song a listen. And thank you for the kind comments. Yes, I really dig that comment about "Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei". That totally describes the song.

Thanks again!

Cheers,
Todd

Another vote for Herb's "Tom Waits meets Cirque de Soleil." Really enjoyed this, listened several times.

Very well done!! The feel reminds me of Chris Rea, and the vocal too!! Really excellent job with everything!! Take care. Greg

Love it all!
Just quirky enough to grab the imagination.
Well put together.
Great video to.

Hello TexasFrets,

Epicurean and philosopher are words implied in these lyrics. The accordion in the background goes well and gives an unexpected charm to this pleasant composition.

Best regard

Dero13
alias JaniJackFalsh

That is really great, has such a lovely feel.

I'd never heard of translitics before - seems a really interesting way to write, wonderful imagery.

And a great video! All the best, David

Sorry to take so long to respond. Thanks so much for listening and for your kind comments. I hadn't thought about Chris Rea in a long time. I think the last Chris Rea song I listened to before your comment was "Fool If You Think It's Over". But I went to Amazon music and streamed a bunch of his songs, and I really dig them. So thanks for that. And I'm happy you hear Tom Waits too. Thanks again. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Greg. I really appreciate you giving it a listen. Thanks also for the generous comments. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Ed. I'm glad you like this one. I had a lot of fun with it for sure. I'll definitely post a revision when I get time to re-record and re-mix. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

Hey, Alan. Thanks so much for listening. I hadn't thought about Tom Jones, but I can hear it now. I'll go back through his recordings and see if I can borrow something more of his vibe for future songs. I'll definitely give it a go with more accordion and see how that turns out. Thanks again. Hope you and yours are safe and well. Cheers, Todd

Ha. Yeah. I like Herb's description there. :-) Thanks so much for giving it a listen. I appreciate it. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Greg. I've definitely been listening to more Chris Rea as his name has come up several times. I dig his stuff. Thanks so much for your kind comments. Cheers, Todd

Thanks so much, Captain. I had a lot of fun with the quirkiness of it. I really enjoyed putting it together. Cheers! Todd

Thanks, Dero. I appreciate your kind words. I do tend toward the philosophical in a lot of my songs. I'm happy you liked the accordion. I was happily surprised by the carnival feel it gave the song. Thanks so much for listening. Best, Todd

Thanks, David. I appreciate it. Yes, some interesting images and words can come out of the translitic process. I've enjoyed using that process. Thanks again for your kind and encouraging words. Best, Todd