Hi guys,

This song has been difficult in many respects. I still don't have the drums where I want them.

This is a made up story about a guy who makes a lot of bad decisions. What happens to him after this song, was written forty years ago and lost. Perhaps one day I will find it.

This started out life Campfire-Trio Hank Ac Guitars with almost everything changed at some level.

I really need some feedback as where to fix things you hear. I am working on a new drum line.

https://soundcloud.com/planobilly/moony-simi-final

Starts at Bar 11
A G A G A E (Vocal notes)
Am Am
Moony came to town one day
F F
He said he was from Santa Fe
G G Am Am
Married the local bar room queen

Happiness is just a state of mind
The past rushes up from behind
You wonder if it’s really gona last (ends bar 27)
Sixteen bar solo

Starts at Bar 43
You know things didn’t go that well
In fact it was really hell
Screaming and fighting till the break of day

Happiness is just a state of mind
The past rushes up from behind
You wonder if it’s really gona last

One night a shot rang out
Everyone asking what’s it all about
Moony done shot that woman dead

Moony had to make his get away
Nothing left to do or say
Mexico is where all the outlaws seem to go (Ends Bar 75)
Eight Bar solo
Starts at 83
But Moony wasn’t no body’s fool
He knew he had to play it cool
So he headed up north to Ontario

Happiness is just a state of mind
The past rushes up from behind
You wonder if it’s really gona last

Now Moony is really getting old
And Canada well it’s way too cold
You got to suffer to out run the past (ends Bar 107)
Eight Bar Solo
Starts at 115
Happiness is just a state of mind
The past rushes up from behind
You wonder if it’s really gona last (Ends at 123)
Perhaps repeat last eight measures????


Thanks,

Billy

Hi Billy...

I'm no expert on the Americana genre, but I'll give you my impression after 2 listens.

You're opening lines are immediate attention-getters. "Happiness is just a state of mind, The past rushes up from behind"

The backing tracks sound terrific. Your lead guitar work is really good ... perhaps could be a little more forward - they sometimes get lost on the other tracks. But, as I said ... they're very well performed.

Although your voice is much different than his ... I can easily hear a Waylon Jennings influence all over this one. That's a good thing!

Although the lead guitar be a bit louder, the rest of the mix is nice.

I enjoyed my listens a lot. Sounds good in these old ears! best to you, Be safe ...

Alan

Hi Alan,

Thanks for the kind words. I can easily fix the guitar volume issue. I also had a positive feeling about " Happiness is just a state of mind " I should have stated from the start that Blake from Nashville did the vocal. I grew up in Texas but have lost any semblance of the Texas accent.

We may add some vocal harmony and I may try to sing some of that. Waylon, Willie, and the boys...yes just the sort of sound I was going for.

AS I listen to this song, whatever could make it better, it sounds very much to me like what I have heard and played live in north Texas.

Thanks for your feedback.

Billy

Yeah, at the start the drums seem to be pushing the song which is cool in many instances but with the laid back arrangement it seems at odds with the rest of the arrangement.
Vocals could come up a little bit.
The outro solo bit doesn't seem to fit the mood or the feel.
ACE song, lots to really dig.

Hi Racy,

The drums will get redone. You are correct about the last guitar solo. I created another vocal track and moved it forward slightly which causes a reverb/delay effect and makes the vocals sound much larger. All things I am working on.

I was not sure I liked the song well enough to fix everything but now I have decided to go forward with the song.

This idea started out forty years ago when I was hanging out with Eric Taylor and Nanci Griffith.
Eric wrote a song called Mooney or Moony. I don't think it ever got recorded or at least published.

The song was about a guy who hardly ever came out of his run down house. He was the guy all the kids were scared of. The house caught fire and Mooney died or did he?

The hook was "Mooney is at the window, Mooney is at the door, every kid in bed, better cover your head, ask a favor of the lord"

Eric Taylor died in March of this year. Lyle Lovett has recorded a good many of Eric's songs. Perhaps he knows about the song in question.

So...my song tells why Mooney got to be such a hermit.

Enjoyed this song!!! Great work here. Cliff

Thanks Cliff,

I am working on a new drum track tonight. A few more fixes and perhaps this will really sound better.

Billy

Engaging lyrics and interesting melody. So the most important part are there.

The mix is a bit boomy and midrangey to my inexpert ears.

At the instrumental around 0:50, the lead guitar and is a bit too laid back, so it's hard to focus. It feels like it loses some energy at that point. A different mix would probably resolve the issue, but it seems early in the song to bring in a 16 bar solo. I'd cut it much shorter.

There's a certain sameness to the texture with the rhythm guitar - towards the end it's wearing out it's welcome. I'd drop it out for a verse, and then bring it back in again to provide contrast and a lift at the end.

Vocals seem a bit back in the mix.

Harmony would be a great addition; perhaps some "oohs" in the background as well.

Them's my thoughts, and probably worth less than what you paid for 'em.

Hi David,

The song is going through a complete re-work at the moment. I just finished creating 12 new drum tracks. The main vocal is almost finished and harmony vocals will be created.

I am about 26 tracks into the song at the moment with lots of plugins so I need to consolidate some tracks.

If I had it to start from the beginning I agree about the 16 bar solo. I not sure I have the energy to change it at this point.

I will post the new version today or tomorrow.

Thanks for the feedback

Billy

Nice work, and very pleasant listen.
I noticed that your sung lyric had some changes vs. what you posted, and I think you made some real good adjustments.
The only change I'd make is your choice of the word "ontar-i-OH", positioned at the end of the line sounds unnatural.
If you're looking for a bit of a change-up in the drum, you might consider adding something like a tambourine to the basic drums at certain points.
Thanks for posting it!

Hello Billy,

I can think what happened to Moony...
It's a very nice song you made, Billy. You got some good advises on the mixing of your lead and vocals, so I won't repeat that.
I only think you were a bit too modest on the mixing of the whole song. For example, the fiddle could have got more attention (coming upfront) when it's part comes. Also you could let some kicks of the drums accentuate some parts in the song. Combined with a somewhat louder vocal, your nice song will become nicer then. But don't get sad while reading this. Read this line as well: It's a lovely song!

Hans

Hi Tano,

Thanks for the feedback. I am in the middle of a major redo of the song and I think many fo the comments to date will be resolved.

Hi Hans,

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I think the redo will be more or less done by tonight.


Thanks,

Billy

I like this..... reminded me of the tune I wrote a number of years back.... Similar story, but faked a move up north but ended up in Mexico after a bank robbery by a local girl and an unknown male accomplice.


I like this song alot.... cool stuff. Only nit I might not have a long instrumental break between the first and second verse.

Thanks Guitarhacker,

We will see what you think about the redo coming soon. I had some Brent Mason BIAB guitar in this version. I decided to take it out and play myself. Hard to keep up with Brent....lol

We've talked "behind the scenes" a bit about this already. I'm sure we will do some more talking.

At this point I'd like to say...

I really like the song. A good write. The repetition of the short chorus (refrain?) is really effective. Really makes it stick.

And... I REALLY like your vocal. You have a great story-telling-song voice. Pleasant, comfortable. A voice you don't get tired of hearing...

fj

Thank you Floyd for all the kind words. They mean a lot coming from you.

There are days I think I will never make another good song. Having other people telling you straight up what they really think good or not so good helps me to go forward.

I keep saying the re-write is coming soon...it is getting there.

Cheers,

Billy

I read this song is undergoing some revisions, but what I'm hearing in the current version is great. You've really captured the sound. I especially like the swing you gave to it and the guitar solos and violin/fiddle. Super easy listen.

Thanks Ed,

I need all the encouragement I can get...lol I was very unsure if anyone would like this song, including me.

Billy

I haven't a clue which versions I've listened to as I've returned several times for a listen but
it's irrelevant because we like what we hear.

It reminds us a lot of one of our fav American artists Slaid Cleaves. If you stream via any of the
major platforms you might want to give his album Broke Down a listen.

floyd well summed up all the goodness about this project and all we can offer is a big ditto.

So what RT/RD remain in the mix?

Enjoyed the listens!

J&B

Tell us more about the guy who did the singing. Nashville is such a deep pool of talent that it must be hard to throw a dart out the window and find a singer, but this particular guy's voice really fits the mood of the song. Is he a well known name or someone still trying to climb into the spotlight? Does he do much studio work?

Really good voice on this. I didn't hear anything wrong with the song. Are you using anything for mastering? If you're using "lots of plugins" I imagine you are. Of course Ozone is a favorite on the forum for mastering and can make magic easily sometimes. You can also pay a pro to mix it. Listening to it, I get the feeling there is something that can put more life into your mix. I rarely get that feeling but I do in this case. But it is very good as is and it sounds like you are nearing your patience on this one.

This has now become a collaboration between me and several other people. Vocalist, guitar players, drummers, and others on this site and elsewhere. I have backed away from playing on this to just being the songwriter/lyricist/Top line writer/arranger and trying to be the engineer. Not good at the engineering part and others are looking at this to help me with the engineering.

There is still a lot of BIAB in the new version that is coming soon.
Two tracks of acoustic guitars. Two fiddle tracks. One steel track.
Legal contract issues prevent naming everyone who has played on this.

The version posted here has not changed at all yet.

Billy

I am usually reluctant to offer my opinions mix-wise, but since you asked for some specific feedback.... I think that acoustic guitar has too much bottom end or perhaps it's too hot. It could be the bass, not sure, but taming one or the other may help the vocal out too. The vocal is very good, just needs to come up a bit. I feel the same way about the fiddle.

I'm not sure what you don't like about the drums - they sound fine to me.

The song is great - love the melody - it's a fine representation of the genre.

Thanks for the comment on the melody. I wrote it out almost note for note. The opening melody line is very simple and I was not sure if it would work.

Floyd has been giving me some help to understand how to mix this better. He has been very helpful.

Thanks,

Billy

Billy,
A story well told that held my attention and well sung - your voice sounding authentic.
The refrain stuck with me.
Lots of advice already offered; my 2cents- that early 16 bar break seemed to lose the song`s momentum ( fiddle break later on sounded perfect).
Will look out for the new version.



Robert

After a considerable amount of re-thinking everything and listening to what everyone said, this is what I came up with.

Floyd Jane found a BIAB drum line and mixed the vocal and acoustic guitars. I redid the electric guitar part and cut the 16 bar solo to 8 bars.

There were some things I don't know how to fix. The beginning of the vocal is a bit overdriven. That is what happens when a hardware compressor and limiter is not put between the microphone and the board and the vocalist gets a little to loud.

I learned a lot of stuff making this. Thanks Floyd and everyone who commented and helped.

https://soundcloud.com/planobilly/mooney

I like this song. Well written. Well sung. It has sticking power.

I'm always working to improve my mixes. I got much better once I invested in a pair of studio monitors and headphones. Now it's not hit or miss with me anymore.

Pianobilly,

A very nice write and feel to this. A really good vocal but it for me it needs to come forward a bit to really shine. I also think the sixteen bar solo after the first chorus is just a bit too long . . . I’d get into that second verse just a bit quicker. But it’s an artistic choice . . . do what feels right to you. Agree the drums could pop a bit more (drums are my cryptonite—can never get them where I want). Enjoyed the listen!

Best regards,

Deej

An intriguing story, a nice melody, and a good hook!! What else can you ask for? NOTHING! I really like the natural feel of the vocal too! Nice!! Take care. Greg