No work tantrum this time - just a Friday evening and a song that I've just put together whilst the other one "rests" in my mind ... hope you enjoy and, as always, thank you for listening and for any comments!

https://soundcloud.com/jamesdelsono/the-greatest-sonnet-ever-written


THE GREATEST SONNET EVER WRITTEN

[lyrics by William Shakespeare (from "Romeo and Juliet", of course), adapted by me]

If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle pain is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

You tell me I do wrong my hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this,
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
And if they are lips that they must use in prayer,
O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

And if saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake,
Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.


Voice recorded and mixed in Audacity

****** Song Summary *************
Title: The Greatest Sonnet Ever Written - 9 October 2020
File:The Greatest Poem Ever Written - 9 October 2020.SGU
Key=A , Tempo 60, Length (m:s)=4:56
No intro. 70 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 70. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for Volume Changes,
Style is _ZAFFRE.STY (Zaffre Blue 12-8 Jazz Ballad)

RealTracks in style: 533:Bass, Electric, 12-8 Crystal Sw 065
RealTracks in style: ~743:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm Jazz Ballad Sw 060 (A:simple)
RealTracks in style: ~937:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm JazzBalladFreddie Sw 060
RealTracks in style: ~1039:Organ, B3, Rhythm JazzBallad Sw 060
RealDrums [in style:Pop128^4-a:Sidestick Brushes , b:SideStick, HiHat

*******************

This has got to be one of the of the most creative and unique readings of a work by William Shakespeare I've ever listened to, which is saying a lot (for me, at least), because I have not ever been able to appreciate the man's literary output by reading any of it. It's just that I find the language too archaic, practically impenetrable, though I've much enjoyed watching films of his plays simply because of the acting talent and production values exhibited on the big screen.

What makes your production so interesting is the musical style you selected, which sounded like a gospel/blues creation. Imagine that! Shakespeare recited from the pulpit of a house of joyful worship, with the soulful minister delivering the bard's sonnet with the feel and rhythm of a old-time spiritual. If you've ever attended a Black church service, you may know what I mean. A-men and hallelujah, brothers and sisters! Shakespeare's seen the light.

I think you just revealed to me how I could get deeper into Shakespeare's genius through the transforming power of music!

Ardent: thank you so much for your very, very thoughtful comments!

As far as the archaic language is concerned, I would genuinely recommend that you find one of those modern language "translations" of Shakespeare if that's the barrier you have to reading his works. If not, some can be found online - there are many to be found indeed!

I think you picked up of one of my intentions so well: the capability of Shakespeare to be seen as worship text. I believe that every love song has a sacred, worship-like quality to it ... especially if, like me right now, one is single but writing love songs anyway ... one has to imagine an imaginary lover to write them to - and, from there, the worship element is not far away. So yes, the choice of instrumentation in that way was indeed deliberate - thanks so much for noticing! I haven't actually ever attended a black church service, but I have seen many on YouTube, so I think I know what you mean! Shakespeare's text itself, also, has so many worship-linked words: "sin ... saint ... prayer ...", etc., and he directly compares love, kissing, etc., to holy acts of prayer and worship. So ... yes, definitely! - thanks for noticing this!

Again, thank you so much for your kind words. PLEASE try a modern edition of Shakespeare, in this case ... it will really, really, really change your life, I feel - it has immensely changed mine. THANKS again!!! :-)

James,

I applaud your effort here. A clever idea to put a Shakespeare sonnet to music.

I have to say, in this case, the end result was much too "plodding" for me.
It took too long for a thought to be completed. My ear did not stay engage.
Good that others like it. And if you like it that is all that matters, of course.

fj

FJ, thank you for your honest review. I'd hate to receive anything other than honest thoughts, so thanks!

That bothered me too - the fact that the words were spread out over such long "distances", musically speaking ... so many bars. I was hoping it wouldn't "plod", but if it bothered you, then it does warrant - at the very least! - a proper re-listen and a serious thinking session on what I could do about it. I was thinking of doing everything half-speed (twice as fast) - I'll see. But thanks for pointing this out, it worried me too.

Cheers! :-)

William Shakespeare!........I think I've heard of him
Sweet composition.

Great idea! I have thoughts on both ends of the spectrum. Positively, I think it slows down the Bard's words so that our modern ears can digest them more easily. On the other hand, I agree with Floyd--maybe another music approach might reduce the "plodding" character of it.

Question: Are you playing any of this, or is it 100% coming out of BIAB? I ask because some of those nice, choppy piano chords are really attractive--I wonder if you created them or simply "found" them in the RT arrangement.

Good contribution!

Thanks CaptainMoto, thank you Tano Music!

I've written all the chords in BIAB myself (and have disabled "Natural Arrangement", so that BIAB plays exactly the chords I wrote and nothing else), but the playing is very much all of it BIAB :-)

I used to be able to dabble in piano playing a while back, but I injured a finger on my right hand which has kinda stopped that for a while. Hope I can go back to it later, if time heals it more!

Thanks for all your kind comments!

I really like this, and it's a very creative use of Shakespeare. It provides an extra dimension to the sonnet that I've never experienced before.

I do have to agree with Floyd Jane about the pacing. I think it would be more compelling if the words and music were more tightly coupled and denser.

Thanks Ed! Glad you liked it!

There's usually a proverb: if many people tell you you're drunk, then go to sleep. Similarly, many have told me here about the pacing. But: I'm going to mount a defence of it anyway, haha ... on the following grounds:

In the play, when the sonnet takes place, Romeo meets Juliet whilst dancing. So, I thought I would write a jazz in 12/8 (i.e. in 4 units of 3), so as to simulate such a dance. The music is supposed to run in the background, as it were, whilst he dances with her and whispers these words in her ear. If the lyrics and the music went any faster, I fear the "seduction spell" may be broken. I'm not interested in whether the listener actually follows the words here ... I AM interested in "casting an (unbroken) spell". The dance is what matters, not the words - for me at least, here.

So ... I think I'll keep it like this for now, all in all ... and PLEASE feel free to throw virtual tomatoes at me! haha :-) I just fear that speeding it up may ruin the spell, the atmosphere described above, even if the words may become more intelligible and the ear of the listener more engaged. BUT: having said this, again, PLEASE feel free to tell me I'm wrong and what I could do to make things work anyway! I wish I could find a solution that would work in every aspect, so - if you feel you have one, please tell me :-) At the moment, though, I can't think of anything else but to speed it up a little ... and, on its own, I'm not sure it's the right solution. I may be wrong :-)

Great idea and a cool collaboration. This William guy ... you meet him on the net?

I (Bud) have read a ton of English history and lit but have never taken the dive into Shakespeare.

Thanks for enabling me to read/listen to my first sonnet!

J&B

Thank you Janice and Bud! Glad you enjoyed my little effort. I always thought that Shakespeare is actually incredibly accessible - and he has a bit of everything. You want romance? It's there. You want bawdy "pub" jokes? He has them. You want action, tragedy, magic, etc. etc.? Bingo. So, in short, if you feel like it - do take the dive, he's not as "up there, inaccessible" as people make him out to be - in my humble opinion, of course. In any case, thanks again for such kind comments!

P.S. this particular sonnet is, of course, from when Romeo first meets Juliet ... so I always call it "the greatest chat up line of all time" ... wish I could write and chat up a lady half as smoothly as he does, haha ... :-)

Nice take on Bill Wigglestick's words.
You've done a good recording of your voice. It's likely you were a little too close to the mic but the artefacts aren't bad at all.
I think I'd have liked this even more without the drums.
Nice that it was a waltz at a stately tempo.

Hi James,

I'm getting more and more impressed by the creative angle you choose to make your songs!
In this particular song it is a poem of Shakespeare that is the key for the song. Very original!
And I am getting more used to the way you 'sing' in it. This is becomming your personal style. I would recognize it immediately if I heard it unannounced! Not everyone can say that when their (my) songs are played, I bet.

But, I have told you that before and Floyd and others did here too, the words come out too slow. There is a danger that people will lose their attention. Is more intonation possible? Like when reciting poems?
All together I think you did a very good and original job!

Hans

Hi James.

I sincerely love this concept. It is innovative and creative!!!!! The idea of using Shakespeare to create songs is truly inspired thinking! He's written so many wonderful and colourful words that some outstanding lyrics could result. I'm so thankful that you showed me how to do this. Once again you have seriously impressed me.

I was captivated by the journey you took me on.

I'm passing the following on in case it's useful information. I hope that I am not being too critical. The last thing I want to do is to overstep my boundaries.

As I was travelling along with you, I found myself wondering how this would sound if the words were spoken at the speed of normal conversation. What is not clear in these words is that they are a conversation between Romeo and Juliet. At this point in the play, "Love at first sight" is sparkling new for the two of them and, because of this, I hear these words being spoken with a sense of excitement, anticipation and playfulness. And as with playful conversation, the language exchange is lighthearted and spritely paced.

As I'm sitting here pondering, at the moment, I have no idea how to capture the essence of all that using a BIAB backing. None at all. I sincerely admire you for setting out on a journey that is so complex and so challenging, though. Good on you!

You've inspired me to see if I can create something cinematic using BIAB and some Shakespeare. He's a favourite of mine and I've studied a number of his works (including Romeo And Juliet). One thing that I've found is that it's not until one hears experienced actors performing Shakespeare that one truly understands what Shakespeare is saying.

It's 2:43 a.m. here in Melbourne right now and I'm really excited after listening to this. Thank you for opening my eyes. I dare not open BIAB now because I won't get any sleep tonight if I do.

Thank you again!
Noel

Ray: "Bill Wigglestick" ... I like that, haha. Thanks for your very kind comments!

Hans: Thanks! Yes, I think that variation in intonation without changing the tempo might be a good way of going about this. I'm rather fond of this slow tempo, but maybe I can clump words together instead, or - as you suggest - change intonation? I'll experiment! :-)

Noel: wow. As always, wonderful comments from you. Thank you. Don't worry ... there are no boundaries for me as far as music chat is concerned ... we all have to be honest with each other if we want to improve, etc., no? So no worries there! Yes, I 100% agree with you ... at normal speed, the words would have to be much more playful, light, etc. ... and yes, it's a big ask! It's just that I wanted to take the sonnet in a different direction. You're right, it IS (originally) a conversation between Romeo and Juliet, but, since it's just me on this recording, I wanted to make it more of a monologue, a prayer if you like, from the speaker to the mystical "Eternal Beloved" (or someone like that) who is, however, absent here since it's now a monologue. Anyway, for that I felt that the tempo had to come down and, since it had to be a prayer-like monologue now, it could be more stately (as Ray says) and solemn. But that's just me messing about with Shakespeare's original intent! If I had two voices and was using the original text fully, it would of course be a totally different matter! Hmmm ... I hope I've somehow succeeded in my intentions, though, because - if it's still too slow and plodding - that's no good, haha. But I rather like this tempo ... maybe I should change my delivery of the words instead or something (put more words together, then longer breaks, then more words together, etc. - as opposed to the evenly spaced delivery I've got now?)? Again, I will experiment! THANK YOU for such kind words!!!

Interesting idea James.......BIAB and Shakespeare!! Who knows, maybe I'll finally become literate thanks to you and PG Music!! Take care. Greg

Thanks Greg!

On listening to it again ... it DOES plod, doesn't it? Maybe I can enrich the harmonies a little, too ... it's ok for a while, but without much harmonic variation until it modulates into B flat, the second verse (etc.) can sound a little boring and accentuate the plodding. Hmmmm ... SOMETHING needs to be done :-)

Thanks everyone again!

Well, your idea caught my interest, being a big Shakespeare fan (though no scholar). I think in the end, I would have liked to hear you speak in iambic pentameter as an actor would and try to find music that would fit the spoken words, if possible. (It would speed things up.) I give you a lot of credit for a valiant effort. Hope you try some more Shakespeare. He has actual songs, you might give one a try.

I always admire anyone who uses poetry in the public domain and sets it to music. I have done a couple myself, although I did change the lyrics so that it would fit my melodies. Paul Simon did that with his song Richard Corey which was originally written by Edwin Arlington Robinson.

Hello James,

you keep on coming up with remarkable things - good old Willy on the PG Music Forum... what a blast.

Really well done !

Take care,

Stefan

Thanks everyone - you are all ever so kind - too kind :-) The reason I chose to set a Shakespeare sonnet, a section of Romeo and Juliet, to music is simply this: I just think that the words are sublime and I have struggled to find a better "chat up line", a better encapsulating of love at first sight in words anywhere else - that's all. It's simply divine for me, so ... that said, my setting of it deserves polishing - so, first chance I get, I will go back to this for sure and see what I can do to make it flow a little better! I am so grateful that you all took time to help me with this little effort of mine - THANK YOU. I will do my best to do better justice to good old William ;-) Have a wonderful weekend, everyone, and please stay well and safe.

James,
interesting interpretation of W.S. and beautiful musical bed. I agree with some earlier comments on the plosives.
If you had a pop filter on mic when you recorded this, there is a "trick" of making pop filter more resistant to plosives... It is by attaching a facial tissue to double the screen "thickness". You can attach it with rubber band. Thank you for sharing!


Misha.

Thanks Misha! I will definitely try the "trick" with the pop filter that you mentioned! Thanks for such nice comments.

James,

A cool song idea—love the sound you give it, with the organ and general rhythm. For me it does move a little too slowly. I think if you pick up the speed a bit on the melody so that each line is sang more conversationally, with fewer pauses between lines—you’d really help make this pop a bit more. But really creative take on Bill—nice work!

All my best,

Deej

Thanks Deej - and yes, after a few listens once more, I've ended up totally agreeing with the fact that it's going too slowly. I will fix it; just need to find the time for it! Thank you so much for listening!!!