Hello everyone,

=This is an edited version of my original post. I made changes on the lyrics after hearing some comments on lines in which I didn't use the right words. I also changed some lines because I thought I had to, especially at the end I changed the perspective a bit more. Because of this I had to sing the song all over, but I didn't change the melody or band. Maybe a bit less reverb... I want to thank the first four listeners for 'causing' this.=

I had an idea of making a (Rock)song from the perspective of (a) god who had created Earth.
So I did. It is a song with a nice rhythm and nice band. The lyrics deals with that perspective.
You can find it here: https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130/lost

I hope you like it, but let me know what you think could have been better, or was very good ;-)
Hans

The instruments
Style: _SHOCK.STY (Shock Choppy Blues Rock Solist), tempo 98
1417:Bass
3360: Guitar, Elec. Blues Rock 70s
3181: Guitar, Ac Rock
3351: Guitar, Bariton Elec, Swampy Blues Gel 95
Drums: RockHardEven8^1-a:HiHat, b:RideLoop: House-Techno-Trance\Trance - hush_lead_a_137_d.wavLoop: Chillout\Chillout - autumn_82_flute_e_minor .wav
Keyboard: Elec. guitar sunburst (Native Instr.)

The lyrics:
Lost
(c) HWBerkhout, dec 2020

If you’d seen me, I was smiling
I made a world of my own
If you'd heard me, I was calling;
In my paradise you're not alone

In my heart I cared for you all
I loved humanity
But you can't obey so well, as I recall
That still isn't easy for me

Refrain
I thought Earth would be a stunning place
to cherish you all there
And harmony had filled your space
While peace was everywhere

Bridge

Now my heart skips some beats
since nothing went well
All I wanted got misinterpreted
by preachers of heavens and hell

Refrain
I thought Earth would be a stunning place
where no one ever feels lost
And harmony had filled your space
but instead, despair you caused

Refrain 2
I see anger and frustration
got worse over time
And I see wars and starvation
They were no goals of mine

Bridge2
Refrain 2.1
I see pain and disillusions
got worse over time
And I see grief and suppression
They were no goals of mine

Refrain 2.2
I believe you are to hurry
to save your souls
But I see greed and stupidity
And me out of control

So I think you got it
I've lost...
I've lost

Nice song, but pretty depressive at least from the perspective of a God that wanted to do well, but somehow failed. Interesting and thought-provoking idea for a song...

Well done!
Will

I enjoyed the song!

Lyrically, the line:

Not the goals that should

isn't that well formed, but if you want to rhyme to trump content (it often does), that's your artistic decision.



The ending is a bit abrupt, but I won't say I've got any better ideas for an ending.

Hallo Hans.
This is the best that I have heard from you. Your vocals have passion and the stereo spectrum of your mix is excellent . I love that panned pulsing grungy guitar . I would have liked to hear some harmonies on the choruses and a little less reverb on your vox which , imo , takes you too far back in the mix . But this track is stellar , vox , mix . lyrics and production. Enjoyable listen.
vriendelijke groeten
Gary.

STRONG voice, a little too so in a few spots due to the reverb.
The line ending in should doesn't hold clear meaning - it suggests the nest line will explain/expand.

Potential replacements:
Well, given the phrase it sits in that's hard one.

Not the goals I understood.
The goals that withstood
Not my goals: not good

etc. there's limited scope for a rhyme that'll hold context.
VERY cool song and a nice band.

Hi Will, long time hearing from you. It's good you're back!
And yes, you are right. pretty depresive, but when I was thinking about how I would look back on my creation and it was in this shape I could be proud of myself. Of course there are always nice things to point at, but the big picture isn't that nice. But that's my point of view. But still I enjoy life (if you might wonder...)!



Hi David, nice to see you back too and thanks for your comment. And you were not only right on that issue, but I knew it when writing it. I think it was Google telling me my line wasn't wrong and I was in need of a rhyme too. But I was too eager in solving my problems. I changed it and also some more lines and the plot as well! I think it is more coherent now, so thanks!




Hi Gary, very nice of you greeting me in Dutch! and thanks for your comment on the song. I normally use more harmonies, but since nearly all my songs have more vocals in chorusses I thought to skip it this time. And there was only one 'god' involved. I could have used the angels of course, but I choose not to. I did less reverb in my remake and brought myself more upfront. I used two new plugins on the vocals (Fresh air and Trackspace) that might helped causing this issue you mentioned. They are still in, but less dominant now. Hope you will like it more (!)



Hi Ray, thanks for listening and advising on severall issues. And of course i listen to your comments, so I changed the lyrics to get more logic between the things this god noticed and compared with his goals. and because I faced it too that it is difficult to get a proper rhyme on 'good' I changed it, but not with what you proposed. Sorry for that, but I appreciated your effort very much!

Hans

Hans,

First of all I really like the concept of this song, great idea!

And yes, if there is an entity up there looking down it must be shaking its head at the mess we have made of everything.

I didn't hear the original mix, but the vocal sounds great to me.

Track sounds great too.

One of your best I think, I enjoyed it.

A cool rock song Hans!! Great feel to the music, and your vocal is one of your best! Love the sound of the band......parts just fit together really well! Nicely done!! Take care. Greg

Hi Dave and Greg,

Thanks for your nice comments on the song and that Dave considered it to be 'one of my best'. but inspite of this I changed it again...
This morning I listened to it again and I missed something in it. Then I new what it was; it was too gentle.
For a god this might not be a problem, but I missed some kind of conviction in the vocals, or call it 'aggressiveness'.
So that's what I did this morning, including something in the lyrics as well.

I'm not sure this behaviour of changing my songs all the time are becomming a habbit of me, but it happens more than I thought it would.
But for this song it will be my last intervention. And I promise I will not come with another song this year!

So happy new year and let's hope we can leave Covid (and some other things) behind us and that we all come with nice musical creations,
Hans

Hans, this has a great rock sound to it. Your vocal is spot on. Nice keyboard touches. I liked the chord progression and the interesting write. Nicely done,Tom

Hans,

Well done! A very cool BIG sound.

And interesting idea and a good write. Excellent godly vocals

Mix sound good - well balanced. Nice Rocker!

One of your best!

Cool song.

fj

Wow what a cool mixs Hans. Very cool separation love the chunking guitars. Super vocal and lyric. Very creative melody and backtrack. Well done Hans. This is a favorite for sure...

Hello Hans ...

This is your perfect niche! Strong, bold and in-your-face. Your vocal is excellent and the backing tracks are spot on. Loved everything about it. Really nice!!!

Best to you take care and be safe ...

Alan

I like this! Love the harder instrumentation for the chorus to match tone of the lyric. Good vocal performance.

Personally, I like a song that makes you think about something that you hadn't considered. I'm not sure what was all changed but I do like what I just heard. Well done musically, performance and thought provoking.

"I had an idea of making a (Rock)song from the perspective of (a) god who had created Earth." Whoa, what an idea, and you developed it so well, Hans. Love the angry feel (if that makes any sense). Your voice is quite captivating. This was God's perspective after assessing his creation. Perhaps he will learn patience and realize that actually things are a lot better now then ever in human history ---well, that's how statistical humans assess it. Of course, that would mean good for humans and not God's creation. Enough of that... Your creation here is superb and cannot be disputed by anyone's assessment.

Hello Birchwood,

Hello Birchwood,
Very philosophical composition. Why have created a hell when everyone wants love, the happiness of others but the rules are such that to survive, we must transgress our ideal daily. I appreciated your lyrics but also the melody and the arrangement which harmonizes well with your lyrics. Well done.

Kindly regards
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash

Amen bro'!

Always been surprised he/she doesn't just squash us like an unwanted ant hill

Our thoughts are simple Hans ... this is an excellent rock song.

The creative lyric, your strong vocal, the effective arrangement and the cool tracks all work together so well. Love the drums and percussion.

And it all sounds outstanding on our monitors!

J&B

Quite a bold statement made with a big sound.

Vocals really get strong at times.

I like the song structure a lot, makes it interesting as it move along.

moto

Hi Tom, Thanks for your comment. I altered this song two more times after your post. I wasn't so fond of my vocals and the lyrics could do better to! I think it's better now, although you already liked it. Bad habbit of me...



Hi Floyd, no critics on this song? While I thought it had to be. Therefore I altered it two more times. I'm joking a bit. Thanks for your very nice compliments. I showed my sons what you wrote about my 'godly' vocals. Unfortunate they were not impressed by this huge compliment. Nasty guys...



Ray, what a nice compliment from a high Spirit! I hope it will not only be your favorite, but also from some more listeners. I had better times on that. But I'm very happy with the compliments I receive of course.



Hello Alan, what nice words you wrote to me! I am not sure this is my niche (because I never wanted to be boxed), but you made me think of it and I'm still doing that. All you wrote after 'the niche' is what I want to be or do. Writing and singing about issues that matter or make us think. So maybe that is my answer on the first line; it is my niche after all...

I hope you all have a very interesting new years eve and we meet again with new songs in 2021,
Hans

Hello Hans,

well, that's something. A cool idea that works very well as a parabel even for non-religious folks, I think. Very powerfully sung, oh boy. And all thet wrapped in a good rocker brought to life by a very well-chosen band. Hans, hats off!

All the best,

Stefan

PS: Gonna write you an e-mail soon

Well, I loved the lyrics, addressing one of the big questions of existence. Musically, I loved the energy but felt the drums were too loud. Nobody else mentioned that, so it must be just me. Nice work, one of your best IMHO.

Sounds great Hans! You are a rocker man!

Hi Ezekiel, C. Aaron (HearTolearn), Marty, Derochette (JJF), J&B and Captain Moto,

Here you can read my gratitude and other kind of reactions to your so kind words and thoughts to all of you personally;



Hi Ezekiel, that are nice compliments from you. To tell you a story: I had the most difficulty in pronouncing the word 'misinterpreted', as in Dutch the accents in a word are often more at the beginning of words than at the end. After some 20 trials in my recordings I finally succeeded. That is when tone and music matched for me. I still have nightmares on that word...



Mr Aaron, thanks for your words. I had to read them twice, because of a connexion I made with the first and second line. I thought I hade done something wrong, but you were refering to my former versions and of course you hadn't heard them.



Hi Marty, it had come to my mind too what you refered to in your line about God's perspective. 'The world is better than before'. In a way that's true, but then his creation was worse from the start (after the apple). And to wait for more than 10.000 years to get a somewhat better place...? I was a policymaker (once). If I worked like that I think I had worse problems than I already had. And I didn't had that time! But I enjoyed your little discussion on this and your nice compliments!



Hi Derochette, thanks for your philospical contribution to the lyrics. Like that! But to me, hell was a creation of men, not of 'my god'. And thanks for the nice compliments on the song!



What a nice start for a post, Bud (and Janice)! Amen to you too!
And you are so right on that thought about the squashing. That is what we do with our bad songs.
But that is why we aren't 'gods', I think...

As I said some time ago about your 'famous' monitors; "I wished I could have seen that" and that still is the case!
Have you danced or sang along?
And a question that burns too; have you heard a trace of Lennon-vocals in it?
I'm joking of course. Thanks a lot for your nice comment and compliments.



In music one has to make bold statements once in a while, dont you agree Captain?
And yes, maybe in this one I started to high in the hierarchy, but all for the message!
I came to this subject, when I was thinking about the lyrics of course. And then I reminded a scetch from a Dutch comedian where he was a god on earth and was surprised by these huge buildings that barely had sunlight and where there were no children playing. These buildings were called churches. And so on... I liked that and so I builded my story.
I have one question; did you mean my vocals were too loud? Should I have sung more modestly? Tell me.
But thanks for yor comment on this song, Captain.

I wish you all a merry Christmas and may we have a fantastic new year,
Hans

Lord Hans...

I believe you are getting better climbing endless ladder of music tree.
One of your most unusual tunes for sure. Vocals A+. Mix is very good. Liked that flute.
You can make it into series - next tune is from perspective of mosquito... or similar. Could be fun Enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

Interesting concept and a well constructed song to deliver the message, Hans. One of your best vocals, I think. Enjoyed my listen.
Regards,
Leon

Hans

A well constructed rock song that had a big powerful sound.

Enjoyed it.

Peter