'Scuse the potential double post, I could see my original post if I searched for it but not in the forum list . . . anyway . . .
The third of my 'scary songs', Jake The Psychopath

Jake the psychopath says
Keep your hands on your heads
Cos Jake the psychopath knows
Whatever he says goes
Jake the psychopath says
You better say your last prayers
Cos Jake the psychopath knows
All his friends and his foes

Never laugh at your own jokes,
never murder your own folks
Mary Mary killed a canary
Way down in a mine shaft
Slugs & snails & carbine trails
Axes, Knives cut puppy dogs' tails
Life goes easily off the rails
That's what Jake the psychopath says

Never jump in a fair queue
always sleep on a missed clue
Never jack up your own Jack [[[Never take up your own cue]]]
Kojak, Kojak, Kojak
Starling, Starling
you're my darling
Bergerac, Bergerac don't wear an old mac
Wild Bill finds clues everywhere
That's what Jake the psychopath says


Blood on my hands & I don't care
Civilians simply stop & stare
Killer, thriller off the wall
Are the King's horses for a fall?
All the King's horses
All the Kings women
March back round to the beginning
Never laugh at your own jokes, never murder your own folks
That's what Jake the psychopath says

You've a cool voice and the repeated melodies are good too.
Musically this is good though it does fall apart in spots like the transition around 2min and 2.45 where a simple or more cogent idea would've carried it through.
The Fair queue verse doesn't keep the flow and narrative going so well...probably could've excised it.

Thanks for the compliments and constructive suggestions Ray, I really appreciate them. I like the transition bits, though, on reflection agree with you about the "fair queue" verse - I may look at dropping it (although there are always more ideas knocking on the door to be recorded, so they may take precedence ).

Love your Nick Lowe quote. If I see a social media argument going on I often simply post a link to Nick's acoustic version of "P, L & U"

Thanks again!

Killer,

Creative song here . . . fresh and interesting, with some nice production choices to set the mood. To me, it seems like the vocals get lost a little bit in the mix in spots, but the treatment does fit the song well, and it might lose something more out in front . . . so just something to ponder, and see what others think. Nice work!

All my best,

Deej

Thanks Deej. I think I subconsciously put my voice low in the mix cos I lack confidence in my singing.

Thanks again!

A fun quirky little tidbit!

An interesting idea, presented in an interesting way.

moto

Thank you Cap'n! I love your "Boogie Man Blues" - something to strive towards

Excellent tune. Your vocals are excellent as well. No need to pull them back anywhere. Very cool backtrack and mix. Well done

Oh thank you, that's really kind.