Was not too happy with the musical directions my last couple of songs were going in ... so I eventually wrote this one, earlier today. Hope it's a return to the way I'd like to write in, but you be the judge, of course, of whether it's working or not. Thanks for listening and for any and all comments!

Prisoners of the Soul


LYRICS:

Isolated, emancipated from the world, from sun and rain,
Always hated, liberated from our fears, through our pain,
Sitting down in closed rooms, human contact is no more
Internetting, virtual dating ... are we people any more?

Never beaten, always smiling at the world and all it bring,
Not defeated, always thankful; through our tears our voices sing ...
With our joy in our hearts, we will never lose our way,
Knock us down, we rise again, ever more, in every way ...

Did you think you could contain us with your puerile bread and shows?
Did you think you could refrain us from our right to choose our joys?
Did you think you're really smarter than the Force that keeps us strong?
Did you think you're really greater than our Love, which never goes?

***

It's our love that is the secret of our strength, our power, so ...
It's our love that keeps us going for today and ever more ...
It's our love that will still triumph when all else is turned to dust ...
Keep on trying, in the meantime, keep on losing, if you must ...


THE BAND:

****** Song Summary *************
Title: 15 May 2022
File:15 May 2022.SGU
Key=Dm , Tempo 70, Length (m:s)=4:20
No intro. 72 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 72. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for Key Signature,
Style is _SPIT_IT.STY (Spit It Trap Beat with Piano)

RealTracks in style: ~2579:Bass, Synth, RnBModernSub Ev16 065
RealTracks in style: 1542:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm PopBelieve Ev16 065
RealTracks in style: 2308:Synth, Rhythm BubblegumPopPluckySynth Ev 140
Loop in Song: HipHop\Dirty South - grind_work_135_drum_loop_1_d_sharp ev16.wav
RealDrums in style:CloudRap^01-a:snare, HiHat, light perc, b:snare, claps and snaps

*******************

Voice recorded and mixed in Mixcraft Pro Studio 9, with no additional effects.

Odd meter really works here. Great message for these modern times. Just back off the mic a tad and eq out all the boom and the vocals will pop out. Your song is good but the vocal need to be remixed IMHO. 3.7 out of 5.
Rick

There are some nice chord changes in the arrangement. Interesting.

The "talking" vocal works well and gives the listener a clear and sincere message.

However, at some point in the song, preferably in the "Did you think etc." section, one would expect either a "singing" vocal or some kind of (returning) instrumental chorus/theme. Dynamically speaking...

I agree with Rick. 3.7 out of 5.

Rob

Thank you, Rick and Rob. Yes ... on listening back to it, after a few days, I tend to share both of your views on it. Strange, isn't it, how some songs we think are wonderful and eventually are not quite what we thought they'd be, and others that we initially underrate turn out to be gems :-) . I think I need to take a songwriting break (again), to clear my head, haha ... anyway, thanks for listening and for your comments!

James,
I like your spoken voice style and thoughtful lyrics; its good to hear you still finding reasons to write from the heart.
I agree that your vocals sound a little too closely mic`d, but the sincerity comes through.

Robert

James,
your vocal tone is good.
The close mic'ing gives the vocal intimacy.
You've really worked on your recording technique and it shows.
Maybe a low shelf cut of a few dB below 100Hz will clear up the issues others hear. Don't go any higher though, as it'll make your voice sound thin.

Hi James
Well done song
The background track is very good
Your chanting fits well as always
With this song a sung chorus would have been perfect
But even so good work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Robert: thank you, once more, for such thoughtful feedback, as always. It's a pleasure to see you back on the forum - what a musician you are.

Ray: thanks. I'll have a look at implementing your suggestion, as soon as I get a chance to!!!

Andi: thanks. Not my best song by a country mile, I now think, but yes, I may revisit it and see if I can improve it :-) Thanks again for your kind comments!

Ray was very insightful:
"your vocal tone is good.
The close mic'ing gives the vocal intimacy.
You've really worked on your recording technique and it shows."

You really do have a signature sound and this song is no exception.

The mix is good too.

Okay now, we are still eagerly awaiting the happy song.

J&B

James, you do an excellent job with these spoken word songs! The listener could spend a lot of time pondering your lyrics because there is a lot of deeper thought involved in your writing! I also like when you sing! I've always felt you do a good job with those type songs also! Thanks, Torrey

Janice and Bud, thank you so much. Such wonderful words from artists I so admire. I'll see what I can do to keep my promise for a happy song! :-) Thanks again.

Torrey, God bless. It's one of the best compliments I can ever receive, that my song has sufficient depth for it to be noticed as such. Wow. Way too kind, but I'll take it without question, haha :-) Thank you!!!

James,

A good write. Thoughtful. Heady. A bit of angst, a bit of hope.

Well done.

fj