Hello Folks,
I posted a version of this song a few months back...it was while waiting for a chap who wanted to sing it to do so but, after nine months of life getting in the way of that I decided to finish the thing myself. I sent the version you may have heard to my M.E. and he suggested redoing the vocals but to do them very differently.
There are two variations on this final piece - one is longer than the other and that one includes two "dramatic" bits that may be counter productive. The M.E. thinks the shorter one is the way to proceed and I respect his view but I'd also like the opinion of a couple of more sets of ears n eyes that I trust before committing to ONE version.
The song form was decided in BIAB but there's nothing left from that process other than the form.
Drums are care of Drums On Demand
The rest is my fault - sorry.
Vantage Bass -> Behringer BDI21 -> a cross over filter to eliminate some of the low end as the chorus is a droning low E with the riff over it
Squire Bullet Mustang guitar -> Actone amp in a box pedal
Lead parts were the same but with a trem added
Vocals are an AT2020 with manual de-essing and not much else.
I experimented with a plugin/VST called Vola to try to get some consistency of level across the five different vocal tracks but I had to do an huge amount of automation writing as well.

PLEASE, if you have the time & interest listen to the two versions and let me know whether the short or the long is better from a narrative/suspense perspective.
ANY/ALL comments welcome...I did apply comments from the original version to this mix.

SHORT

LONG

This is my favorite PBEx song/production.
Everything about it is WELL done.

LOVE the drums. A great sound.
The James-Bond-ish guitar riff works exceptionally well.
Killer Bass sound (and playing)
The rhythm guitars at 2:11 (ish) are superb.

Vocal is JUST RIGHT. Ominous, but not menacing. No lyric sheet required. PERFECTLY mixed.

The little ping-ponging pause (1:30-ish) is a delight.

Actually, I think EITHER version works.
I wondered how that ending foley would sound/work if it came right on the last (dissonant) guitar note???
But it was effective as is (just wondered)


EXCELLENT work. All around. Heck of a write.

(got a real kick out of the still from Perfect Strangers (TV show))

fj

Hi Ray, I'm not the best to offer an opinion on this genre of music, so I'm sure I'm not one of the voices you'd want to trust. If I had to choose though, I think I'd go with the longer version. I also liked the ping-ponging you did, and the shot at the song was unexpected. I hope it does well for you,

Brad

Starts like a Bond theme played by "The Cure"... I like that. A lot!

Really cool song, and the mix is really good too.

I personally prefer the shorter version, but my "get out of your comfort zone" challenge for this year is "tell it in less than 3 minutes", so take my choice with a grain of salt.

Thanks fj,
I'm pleased you like the bass...it was quite a task getting the tone right against the DOD kick & I wasn't confident I'd managed it.
I actually used this song to experiment with little production tricks like reverse guitar to make swells leading to changes, punching a hole & filling it with delays etc. I was worried I'd over done it with such things & the foley. I did try that where you suggested but again worried about gratuitousness and decided to put it right on the end so I could cut it if/when I decided I'd overdone it.

Hello Brad,
It's fine - I don't look to genre definitions & mandates when writing or in commentary/suggestions. A good set of ears and the vocab to tell me what you hear right n wrong are what counts.

Thanks B.D.,
I was lucky enough to see The Cure on their 1st pub tour of Australia and again for the theater tour of Pornography. The former was exhilarating and the latter a little too oppressive.
A vote for short!

Yes, I think this is one of your best, for me you hit a nice gestalt with this one that worked very well. I really like that ACtone pedal, I know some locals who use one and just plug into the PA instead of lugging around an amp. Your vocals, I'm so glad to hear you finally bringing the levels up. All that automation writing, have you ever considered Waves Vocal Rider? Or Melda Productions MVolume. Might save you a lot of time. I hate writing volume levels, I just won't do it anymore. Some voices don't work well with Vocal Rider, but I think yours would.

As far as choosing a vid, I pick the longer one. I might like to hear the last few guitar notes with some more effects since they're out there naked and on their own. But not critical.

Thank you sir,
My DAW computer is off line and dongle free, plus I'm not a fan of subscription services so I don't use Waves stuff.
There is a process within Reaper to ride levels but it's a little convoluted - additionally there is at least one "rider" plug for Reaper that's been written by a user. I've not taken the time or effort to suss these out properly but will.
Again, thanks.

Hi Ray
That is really cool
Sounds fantastic
Incredibly good Ray
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Thank you Andy,
You are very generous.

I found the short one on YT the other day. Didn't know there was a long one. Just listened again to the short one for a better comparison with the long. Man, I love that bass!!! You did an outstanding job and I appreciate you explaining your process, but I noticed the "long" one was one second shorter than the "short" one. Not sure what M. E. is. Medical Examiner? Nah. Anyway, about the song. Man, I love it, and I really enjoy watching the video. Everything is so creative. You're like a mad scientist, and quite a talented fellow.

Hi rayc,

Personally, I prefer the short version. But the mix of the second has my preference in terms of reverb in particular. Otherwise, it's superb well done and I enjoyed it. Well done.

Kindly regard
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash

Thanks Marty.
The bass took ages as I mentioned and I used an interesting Reaper trick that may work in your DAW if you're looking for trick...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_TshbcD0LI

Thanks JJJ,
A vote for short...

Hi Ray,

Man, what a production! Drums sound great, as does the bass. Read your note to Marty about that yesterday and watched the Kenny video, might experiment with that on our next song

Vocal sounds good to me, often I find your vocals a little low in the mix for my tastes, but I think you have them sitting just right.

Excellent job on the videos too. I watched both, and I'll be the odd man out, I actually like the slightly longer one better, with the gunshot at the end.

Thanks Dave,
It's a decent method and allows for different FX - I've not used it with my new monitors. I've moved from 4 1/2 inch to 7 inch cones so should be better able to hear bottom end and what I've I've been mixing now.

We listened to both several times. BTW, for some reason the link did not log us in as usual so no YT comments.

So we listened and read all the comments. We both feel that floyd nailed our feelings with the exception that we liked the longer version a bit better.

As disturbing as it is the shot at the end was effective.

Your vocals were excellent ... strong and full of the ominous vibe.

Along with that your guitar and bass performances were standout in what you were playing and the tone ... great on the monitors with the 8" woofer.

Both videos well supported the aforementioned vibe.

Well done all around Ray.

J&B

Thank you Merritts both combined and as separate entities.
Glad you survived repeated listens.
I did have the shot lined up for the pause after the intro but it gave the game away.

Ray,

You do this music so well. It's very difficult to capture and nail the vibe in this genre. You always totally succeed.

Loved it!

Bob

Sorry Ray, I don't relate to this at all. Negative killer talk set to music is just not my thing.
(I'm not into horror films either.) I tried but I didn't make it past halfway of the short one - just too far from my taste so I can't help you with any meaningful critique. All I can say is since you use a mastering engineer instead of diy, I don't think overall sound quality is an issue for you so go with your gut. As popular as horror is, I'm sure there's plenty of audience out there.

Josie

Thanks Bob,
I'm not sure what genre it is but it came to me quickly - just took almost a year waiting for a vocalist.
I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

No need to apologise Josie,
I think the label "negative" may mess up the sentence a bit but I get your drift.
The fictional narrative of a member of a demographic, that is becoming more & more abundant in the USA, is more a cautionary tale and, to relieve the tension, the denouement within the last two choruses, had you made it that far, may have alleviated the horror.
The songs are sonically identical but for the emergency call & gun shot in the longer version.
The M.E. preferred the shorter.
Thanks for making the attempt.

Hi Ray ...

I personally enjoyed the shorter version slightly more. Both were excellent, but the mix on the shorter version sounded better in my ear. For me, the most prominent factor in the decision was that the bass line came across more dramatic to to me. It seemed to have had a slight more higher EQ (which I thought nmasde it more robust or definitive) and it was soightly more prominent in the mix.

Now, the 75 year-old ears might niot hear as some of the younger forum members might hear it. Over 50 years of a guitar amp in my ears hasn';t been helpful to my ears in these laster years. Thus, you muight want to take my comments with a grain of salt. But, nonetheless, that how it sounded to me.

Regardless of the version, I think this is the very best of anything you've post in this forum. I was a good listen either way,. Good luck with the project ...

Alan

Thanks Alan,
I still haven't made up my mind about which I prefer.
As far as projects go this song is done and dusted and will sit in a folder until I decide, someday, to do something with the stuff with it.
Again, thanks.

Hi Ray,

We agree with Brian, we like the shorter version a bit more.

That bass/guitar sounds a bit like the Cure's "A Forest".
W definitely like that!

Rob and Anne-Marie

Thanks RnAM,
I was lucky enough to see pre A Forest The Cure...great live pub show.
Another vote for the short...ta!

Very cool song!!! All of the production sounds great to me! Nicely done!! Take care. Greg

Ray,

Listened to the short version first. I like the whispered vocal; I think it works well and augments the sung vocal and makes it pop more. Great mix, well-executed. Nice punky, retro vibe for me. Pretty cool video—well done. Cool tune!

I moved on thereafter to the longer version, and I was reticent about the tune being longer . . . plus, I generally think shorter is better and at 3:36 it sits at a nice length.

Ok, so I’m surprised, I thought it would be longer. The difference is only 9 seconds? Is that right? I wouldn’t sweat that difference—go your gut and the version that works for you. And if I’m to be honest . . . I’m not sure I discerned the differences on my casual listen.

Great song, whichever version! Oh, and like Floyd, I love that "ping-ponging" effect at 1:30 . . . cool, creative touch.

Hope all is good with you,

Deej

Thanks Deej,
Not much longer but the folley additions do make a significant difference to the song - some say spoiling it, some say signalling the surprise ending and some say it's simply unnecessary.

Hi Ray,

It was a very pleasant experience listening/watching your short video. I come back to that in a moment,
The other long video did not work. couldn't figure out what I had to do. It said it didn't work in the simple modus.
I didn't know I was in that modus myself, so.

That makes I can only respond to your short video/song, And my first sentence was how I felt and feel.
I liked everything you did, even the vocals. They were very strong here (although you whispered for sometime...)

I wrote a post to Floyd about his song, saying I was away for some time and that I noticed some things never changed, etc, etc
But I was wrong I see now; you changed! What a good mix and clear vocals/instruments. And yes, like B&J said; the reaction of Floyd nailed it. I think the same.

Nice day,
Hans

Thanks Greg.

Thanks Hans,
I'm pleased you like it.
You can thank the M.E. for the clearer vocal...he insisted it would better suit this song. It was his idea to whisper the 1st verse too.

This is really good. Your vocal has presence, and I don't have to strain to make out the words. LOVE the guitar.

I don't have any preference between the two versions. Both work for me.

Ray, this is hands down my favorite of yours so far! Everything you did here is super good! Love that syncopated stuff going on in the rhythm section! Instruments are mixed in excellent fashion! You really know how to put a song together! Thanks, Torrey