One Time

This song comes from the same two-year-old shelf as "Two Hearts." My wife euphemistically told me then that it was not one of my best. Anyway, I have completely revamped it, trying to put new life into it. I changed all the instrumentation and style, and rerecorded the vocal. There is no chorus, but I tried to make it work.

The Wrecking Crew:
RT372 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank
RT2585 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PunkHeldPlus
RT3269 Cello, Background CelticHornpipeFlowingNatalie
RT3141 Fiddle, 5-string, Background
RT2937 Bass, Fretless Electric Pop8thsRene
Native Instruments Electric Mint
Drums on Demand


One time
I chased the moon
Falling
From the sky too soon
You were waiting
When you caught me
That time

One time
We fought the rain
Falling
Through all the pain
Dark clouds surrounded
whispered to me
Not this time

One time
We shifted sand
Falling
Stars were out of hand
I am pretending
That you’re not gone
This time

One time
I chased the moon
Falling
From the sky too soon

Ezekiel,

Well, I like it a lot, but the pressing question is “What does the wife think of the new version?” (LOL!). The write is solid, well-structured . . . compelling and emotional vocal, full of angst, longing and regret. Nice hold on some of those notes—not vocally easy . . . you do it well. Good stuff—enjoyed my listen!

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej

Scott,

Great, great song. Love your vocal and the mix is outstanding.

Time for an album...

Bob

Nice job. I like it.

The fact of writing is not every song will be your "best" song yet, but the point is, you have to write those anyway to get to the next "best ever" song.

I tend to write a lot of fillers and you never know.... One I recall writing was on the fence.... do I even post this one because I don't really like it...... but that one ended up getting a lot of good reviews from other folks.... so you never know.

Just write.

Hi Ezekiel,

Well, missed your music last months an this one made me realise why.
As Deej wrote, I was wondering too what your wife thought of this remake?

The start of the song with the acoustic guitar is very nice. Sounded promising for...?
If I would stat a song like this, it woud be a mater of time and then there are strings in it.
I thought they would enter haf way in your song, but nope, more or less the guitar.

A very intriguing song, with the very good help of your lyrics and vocals.
I enjoyed it a lot, but that always seems the case with your songs, doesn't it?

Don't come to close to the moon...
Hans

The title lyric served as a very good, two-note hook. I think this models some of the best songs ever done, like Yesterday (a three note hook). And then that one long sustained note is very effective. I think what follows after that could use a little more work to make it catchier or memorable. Production seemed good to me, I found I didn't pay so much attention to it because the song itself kept my attention. Yeoman work and one to revisit yet again some day.

Scott,

A solid write. Interesting throughout. A like it!

Good vocal!!!

Nice tracks. Good mix.

A very good listen.

fj

Scott...great job on the vocals...especially in the lower register...I really like the band especially the cello line...I agree with Deej about the emotion in your vocal...has anyone ever told you you have a Neil Diamond texture in your voice? If not...I'm telling you now...I really enjoyed the song! Best regards...Dan

Your vocals are simply great Scott and I loved that acoustic guitar strum pattern.
Loved the lyrics too. Great all around.

Don't worry, I haven't written a song yet that my wife calls "good"

I think the song works as it is. You create a mood that fits your lyrics perfectly, and your vocals are very good.

As for the structure, the last 3 lines of each verse sound like a pre-chorus to me, so I was actually expecting a chorus, but like I said, it works as it is now.

I did write a song my wife liked - once, then I added lyrics, melody & vocal after which she no longer liked it...after 37 years of marriage I'd have hoped for a better score.
Your voice makes this work...it resonates with the lyrics and swings the hook well.

Deej, I hadn't had time to show her the new version until yesterday. She likes it a lot now. As soon as she heard the opening guitar, she said, "It's better already."



Thanks, Bob. I put out what I call vanity albums that no one listens to.



Herb, Thanks. I also find that my songs that I are my favorite aren't the most well liked by others.



Thanks, Hans. I do have some strings in it. The cello comes in at the start of the second verse and a fiddle comes in on the third.

Scott,

I thought I could sing low, but you really can!
Sounds great!

The song is impressive, it lingers.
Very well done!

Anne-Marie

Scott

Very impressive vocal, excellent work.

Good moody song and a strong production all round.

Peter

Hi Scott ...

Well, my wife liked this one ... as did I! The backing tracks are clean easily distinguishable in their own respective spaces. Your vocal is stronmg! There's a lot to like here. Glad I had the chance to listen. Really nice.

Alan

Very nicely done!!! I like the way you made the "one time" and "Falling" lines repeat each verse to tie it together!! Vocal and mix are just what the song needs!! Everything works! Take care. Greg

Great sound! Wonderful production. Man do I like how you got those guitars working together so well. This song just seems to catch you from the very first note. The bass guitar and the strumming acoustic with the finger picking is excellent, and then as you add the other instruments it just really builds well. I always like your vocals, and you did a great job with them here. Keep cleaning off that shelf man, I like 'em!

Brad

Thanks, Tunemonger. I though about putting in a bridge, but I couldn't think of anything to fit in with the flow of the lyric.



Thanks, Floyd. I'm glad you had a favorable response the song.



Thanks, Dan. One of my coworkers mention the Neil Diamond thing last year.



Thanks BD for the listen and the positive comments.

I liked this song from the first beat, so the instrumentation and the intro really show strong life. Your vocal is very strong keeping the song high on the sky near the moon and never falling. Kind of Johnny Cash meets U2 mood. The chord progression is very nice and keeps the interest without a chorus. The fretless bass works very well and so does the held guitar, I don't like some notes the cello is playing, but otherwise it works as well highlighting the sadness and the rain in the lyrics.

Janne

Great job building the instrumentation and tension in the song!

Ha, that's funny, Ray. My wife likes most of my stuff. Me and the Missus are 35 years together.



Anne-Marie: Thanks so much. I was near the bottom of my range in this one.



Thanks, Peter. I appreciate the feedback.

Scott,

Really super instrumentation here. And what a vocal!!

This reminds me of Neil Diamond.

You have a very Neil Diamond vocal sound going here, your best vocals ever in my opinion.

I think you set yet another bar for yourself here.

Well done, sir.

Excellent tune Scott. Really strong vocal and lyric. Super backtrack. Cool chord progressions. Well done..

Alan, it's good to hear from you again and listening to your work on the forum. Thanks!



Thanks, Greg, for picking out my favorite parts of the lyric.


Brad, thanks for the listen. I took me a while to find the right combination of guitars that I wanted.

Great song!

Your vocal is powerful and the dynamics really make the song breathe.

We’re glad you revived this lyric and would love to have one like it waiting on a shelf.

Great band (cello is super) and mix too.

Enjoyed it!

J&B

Hi, Scott. Technically you can only write your best song once. Also, which one that is is a matter of opinion. Ok, I agree with your wife, but this is still a gem in your crown of plenty. Yep, I like Dan's comparison to Neil Diamond, and also Janne's mention of Cash and Bono. Yet I much prefer hearing you sing it. I like it the way it is without a chorus or bridge. You still make it dynamic and interesting. It has that sound that stays with you long after the music stops.

Janne, Thanks much for your commentary. I'll have a closer listen to the cello.



Thank you, Dewey!

David, thanks so much. That is a fine compliment!



Thanks, Scott. I appreciate that greatly.

J&B, thanks so much!



Marty: Ha! If I only write three songs, and all of them are lousy. One of them will be my best song. :-) Thanks for listening and the kind feedback.

Scott,

Your wife surely likes this one now! This sounds really good Scott! I wouldn't worry much about it not having a "chorus", plenty of great songs didn't have one either...Hey Jude, Thunder Road, Bohemian Rhapsody etc. I thought it was great!

Thanks, Torrey

Excellent song. Shades of Johnny Cash. The repetition of the two note motif makes one remember and listen to what is being sung. And the lyrics are top notch. I particularly like the alternation of "this time" (or "that time") with "not this time" in between verses, and the implication of this alternation missing altogether in the final verse.

In short: I loved it. Well done.

Hi Scott
Great song
Very interesting played
Top sung
Sounds very cool Scott
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

hi Ezekiel's Storm

Nice atmosphere. Your voice lends itself well to your lyrics. The discreet but very present cello reinforces the atmosphere. A refrain would have been superfluous in this composition. Well done

Kindly regard
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash

Torrey, thank you for your kind assessment. Thank means a lot.



James, thanks for looking the analysis of the lyrics. I spent a lot of time revising them.



Thanks so much, Andi!



Derochette, Thank you. I couldn't think of any place where a chorus (or bridge) would fit, so I left it as is.

Hi Scott.

This is a great listen.

Everything about this worked for me. Writing, arrangement, production, all shone as bright as the sun and your vocals were outstanding. Your low notes are extraordinary!

I enjoyed every step of the journey you took me on.

I've never written a song in AAA format because I wasn't sure how best to make it work. You've given me some ideas now, and I really appreciate that.

All the best,
Noel