Hi everyone, I'm back (no, don't all run away at once! haha!). Having a bit of a crazy start to the year, not much time to write, but there we are. Hope everyone is ok? Seems like you've all been so productive ... wow :-)

Anyway, I wrote this one, towards the beginning of the month, and sent it to Deej56, one of my heroes in music ... wondering, very humbly, if he had any suggestions on how to improve it.

He replied within a couple of hours, at most, with three very clear and helpful suggestions on what he thought could be done to improve things. No need to say it, but he was obviously extremely kind and he made it clear that those were only his suggestions.

Having gotten his suggestions, I went away, reflected on them for a good while ... and then promptly decided to discard two of the three, altogether. Poor Deej, after all that kind work. In mitigation, I did write back to him, told him what I did and why I did it.

This was a few days ago. I haven't heard from him yet, but that's fine, of course - we're all at the mercy of life and what it throws at us. I did say that there was no need for a reply, if life got in the way, and that I would post the song on here, in its latest version, if I didn't hear from him, so ... I guess the impatience to hear what you think (so that I may then decide what to keep and what not to keep, I guess, lol ...) has finally gotten the better of me ... argh ...

The one suggestion of his that I did keep was to try to make the voice less boomy-sounding. I don't know if I've succeeded, but I did try :-) See what you think? Thanks!!!

What Do You Do?


What do you do
When you've got no more tears,
What do you do?

What do you do
When they're so true, your fears,
What do you do?

You sit and write a song,
Tell everyone what's wrong,
Someone may listen ...

You sit and write a song,
Someone may hear what's wrong
In the distance.

When melodies won't chime
And lyrics will not rhyme
Any longer ...

Just tell her how you feel,
Make all else disappear,
You'll be stronger.

When everything is lost
And you feel like a ghost,
Just not the same ...

Don't let yourself despair
Sing loud, and, if she dares,
It'll be fine,

Don't let yourself be scared,
Sing loud, and if she cares,
She will be thine ... in time.

What do you do,
When you've got no more tears,
What do you do?

What do you do?
When there've been so many years,
What do you do?

You sit and write a song,
Tell everyone what's wrong,
And hope she'll listen ...

You sit and write a song,
And hope she'll hear what's wrong,
In the distance.

You sit and write a song,
And hope she'll hear what's wrong,
In the distance ...
In the distance.


****** Song Summary *************
Title: What Do You Do - 7 January 2023
File:What Do You Do - 7 January 2023.SGU
Key=A , Tempo 75, Length (m:s)=3:24
2 bar intro, 58 bar chorus, from bar 3 to bar 60. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Style is _ISSUES.STY (Issues Songwriter 16th Strumming)

RealTracks in style: 1759:Bass, Electric, Pop16ths Ev 085
RealTracks in style: 2917:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryFolk8thsMike Ev 085
RealTracks in style: 3912:Guitar, Nylon, Rhythm SongwriterAggressiveDADGAD Ev16 085
RealTracks in style: 1761:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Pop16ths Ev16 085
RealDrums in style:Americana Drums and Shaker [Multi]

*******************

James,
Excellent lyrics, progression and implied melody.
From my perspective I'd get out the audio scissors and removed got from
"What do you do
When you've got no more tears,
What do you do?"
I'd also lop the slight "k" from the end of "song" as well as "wrong".
I suggest those things because your vocals are clear, solid and concise enough for the "k" to be all that needs work.
The "got" is a matter of taste but for me it's redundant in the line and the line looks more like I hear you without it.
Top stuff.

Hi James,

You made a very nice song with sensitive lyrics.
I think you have improved the recording of your vocals. They are much brighter.
And I also think Ray is right. Especially that last part of his post starting with the 'k'.

Nice song,
Hans

James,

An interesting write.
I'm still hearing a slight boominess in the vocal.

fj

It sounds crystal clear on my iPad speakers.
It sounds like you are over emphasising the “g” at the end of words like “song” and “wrong”.
Well done James.

Vic

Well done, James. Excellent choice passing it by Deej --one of MY favorites, too. One thing that always grabs my attention in your compositions is the chord changes --melodic, and so much different that the usual progressions, yet so engaging and easy-flowing. Not sure if it is just the power of suggestion, but your vocal DOES sound less boomy, more energetic. GOod write.

Cool tune James. Excellent lyric. Well done

Hi, James.

A good write, nice backing.

But as the Song Summary section says:

   ****** Song Summary *************
   Title: What Do You Do - 7 January 2023
   File:What Do You Do - 7 January 2023.SGU
   Key=A , Tempo 75, Length (m:s)=3:24
   2 bar intro, 58 bar chorus, from bar 3 to bar 60. Repeat x1 chorus
   No Melody
   No Soloist track.
   Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
   Style is _ISSUES.STY (Issues Songwriter 16th Strumming)

Sorry, I couldn't resist... I'll go stand in the corner now...

Thanks for posting!

I also think you are improving (not only in recording your vocals), I like your song and especially the lyrics, James.

James,

I think this is much improved from the first version you had sent me . . . though you have some good additional feedback on the vocal here, which still needs some tweaking so that it sits a bit better in the music bed. On those slight “k” or hard “g” sounds, I think you can just kill the volume on those—much as one does when de-essing a vocal manually.

As for my other suggestions . . . that’s all they were, for you to use or lose. As you know, there’s no right or wrong when it comes to music . . . so always go with your gut and your own artistic vision.

Lastly, apologies for my non-responsiveness to your second email—just got sidetracked and then it got a little lost . . . though you should know by now I can be somewhat inconsistent in my response times. I should strive to be better, I know, LOL!

All my best to you,

Deej

Ray, Hans, floyd, Vic, Marty, Scott, David Cuny, B. D. Thomas and Deej:

THANK YOU. You cannot imagine how grateful I am for each and every one of your comments. I'm sorry I don't respond to each, separately, right now ... for the next week or so, my schedule is beyond insane. But ... just wanted to pop in and say thanks, from my heart.

Yes, there's still a little boominess, I agree - and those pesky consonants need slicing off, haha. I will have a go at that after the 8th of February, when things will calm down a little, I hope :-) Thanks for helping me along with the song!

Deej, you're way too kind. We're all at the mercy of life, like I said above! so don't worry - we write and reply in our own time. It's the best way to be, right? :-)

THANKS AGAIN, every single one of you!

Nice collab ... well a collab of sorts?

We think your choice of style for this song suits the lyric very well.

The forlorn, and yet hopeful feeling is achieved.

You’ve developed your own genre of blues, Sir.

Well done,

J&B

This is really cool.

You kind of have your own genre, sort of a spoken word to music thing.

But it is very artistic and sets you apart.

I like it.

James

Nice chord progression and lyric. A good evocative sound.

Well done.

Peter

Janice and Bud: that comment about "my own genre of blues" made me grin from ear to ear :-) Thanks for being kind :-)

David Snyder: you may not know this, but I immensely appreciate your comments, as I think you're an incredible artist, so, when you say you like something of mine, it's something that makes me very happy. Thanks!

Peter: thank you so much, I'm really happy you took the time to listen and found such kind comments to give.

James, this is one if not your best to date.
Fantastic chord progression.
I agree with those k and g comments but IMHO they weren't offensive enough to ruin the song.
You are the supreme spoken word set to music champion of these forums.

Great work.

Like Ray said there is an implied melody there so it has more emphasis than just a spoken word. I liked the lyrics and the backing track is good. I enjoyed listening,Tom

Mario and Tom: thank you so much, for the kind words as well as for taking the time to listen and comment.