Just wondering what your favorite and most interesting rhyme is in one of your original writes. I've seen some pretty good ones on the user forum.

My favorite was a song I wrote about 10 years ago. The song was titled "Aunt Edna's Operation" and the rhyme I really enjoyed was "hysterectomy and Schenectady". Here are the lines:

She would need an operation
A hysterectomy
So they sent her to a specialist
Up in Schenectady

Looking forward to reading yours!

Alan

PS: I'D PREFER WE KEEP THIS THREAD IN REFERENCE TO ORIGINAL SONGS THAT "YOU" HAVE WRITTEN. A FEW FOLKS MENTIONED COVER SONGS. THAT'S COOL, TOO. BUT LET'S TRY TO KEEP IT FOCUSED ON YOUR ORIGINALS. THANKS.

Mine is neither a favorite nor interesting rhyme but more of a songwriting technique.

I sing this throw away verse over musical ideas I'm developing. Also, the written words will nearly universally fit into any love song, and have I have used portions or the whole verse in more than one song.

The verse fits in 3/4 or 4/4 time and what I call the cadence of the vocal sounds fits to how I sound words. Using these throw away words allow me to mentally separate music and lyrical ideas when I'm writing.

The verse:

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
It has to be true love
That's all it can be

Charlie

I like the rhymes that work well without being the obvious choice a listener is expecting.

Not one I wrote, but I think one of the most creative uses of rhyme in a song is Steve Miller's "Take The Money and Run".

Bobbie Sue / to do / watch the tube / cut loose

El Paso / big hassle / his castle

Texas / facts is / justice / taxes

slipped away / next day / money, hey / got away / running today

Love that song and it's lyrics. Thanks for sharing John.

Not one that I wrote, but Hal David's lyrics to "Do You Know The Way To San Jose?" always intrigued me. Genius lyric writing:

L.A. is a great big freeway
Put a hundred down and buy a car
In a week, maybe two, they'll make you a star
Weeks turn into years. How quick they pass
And all the stars that never were
Are parking cars and pumping gas

Fame and fortune is a magnet
It can pull you far away from home
With a dream in your heart you're never alone
Dreams turn into dust and blow away
And there you are without a friend
You pack your car and ride away...

Herb,

Nothing to argue with there. I love a great surprise, especially when it involves music! Thanks for chiming in.

John,

Thanks for the reminder on that song - had totally forgotten about it. Appreciate the input.

Hi Trevor,

Yep, that's a cool lyric. That was a popular song when I was in high school. By the way, Hal David & I aren't related. But, I would exchange bank accounts with him! Thanks for dropping in with your input.

A couple of folks offered their favorites by other artists. Here's one of mine ......

It's the first verse of Moe Bandy's song, "Too Old To Die Young":

If life is like a candle bright, death must be the wind
You can close your window tight and it still comes flowing in
So I will climb the highest hill and watch the rising sun
And I pray that I don't feel the chill till I'm too old to die young

You forgot because "time keeps on drifting drifting into the future".

I could pick a number of phrases from Jon's Prine's first album but a couple that caught my attention were from Sam Stone

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios

and from Hello In There

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"

Mario,

Those are excellent! Being that I'm 70 years old, I kinda like that last one best. I'm not one of those people but I know many folks in my age group who are. Thanks for your contribution to the discussion! Best to you,

Alan

I thought this was supposed to be about YOUR lyrics, not cover tunes. Yes?

Alan, I'm 71 and like you I am not one of those people but again alike you I know a few who are like in the song. Hello In There has been one of my favorites since the day it was released.

Yes Herb you are right. I was just following the rest, my bad.

I'd suspect very diverse submissions with this topic.

I wrote a song called "I'm Ready" a few years ago.
Just a song about my take of how one deals with life in general.
Took me a while to get the lyrics to my satisfaction.
I always liked how the following lines came together:

Last two lines verse 1:
Comes a time to decide when to fight or give in.
Be advised, such is life and you sink or you swim.

First two lines verse 2:
Best defense is a mind that's thinkin' ahead.
A wise man said know your enemies better than friends.

Back to it.....

Herb,

You are correct - that was the original intent. I'd prefer to keep it that way but a few folks went the other direction. I think I'll go back to the original post and edit it to make that more emphatic. Thanks!

Alan

Howdy!

Really cool lines! I'm particularly fond of the last couplet. That's some real nice writing! Thanks for joining in!

ALan

That song (I'm Ready) was one of (4) incomplete songs that I was finally able to finish all thanks to BIAB .

If not for taking the BIAB plunge a couple years ago (v2012.5) that muther may still be sitting in my 'incomplete folder' and I'd be cursing at it as to why it hadn't completed itself.
(I'm on v2015 UltraPlusPak now)

That tune is on my s/c page.....thanks for the response and very kind comments.

Back to it.....

Wrote it this morning:

Like the monkey hits the lever for another treat,
Reaching for the snooze so I can get more sleep.

Well.... I'll chime in on this with my favorite lyric.

This is my favorite lyric for a few reasons. Not my favorite song by any means but the way the lyrics seemed to flow...I think I wrote this in a few sessions but each session was smooth. I would write a verse with no effort and in no time at all.

Leave Our Country Alone

It's a political song but regardless of your views, read the lyrics from a writer's POV and listen to the song as well. I had a few people comment on the interesting rhymes and the way the words just seemed to fit together effortlessly.

Anyway, I like the way it turned out. My favorite part is after the solo to the end.

First, you are welcome. As I said, real cool lines!

And I know what you mean about BIAB opening not only new doors, but also new desires to bet back to it and finished what fell by the side earlier. The versatility and relative simplicity of the product make getting back to it easier and a lot more fun. Ah ... the satisfaction of completion!

We started with BAIN 2011 and bought the upgrade eo each new version since, plus all the "atras". What a tool!

Alan

Howdy Herb,

Always a treat when you stop in.

You and I may view politics somewhat differently but that doesn't mean a thing when it comes to evaluating the merits of the musical composition.

I agree with the others who commented on your rhymes. Here's the verse that stuck most in my mind as I considered the lyrical construction:

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop the pipe line, don't pump the oil, be the left wing wacko foil
Build the car that no one wants to buy.
Subsidize your wealthy friends they all go bankrupt in the end
Regulate the rest so that no one tries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You things struck me immediately as I listened and read:

1. I love the internal rhymes. That always a huge plus with me. Good internal rhymes can make all the difference in a song, even beyond the lyric itself. Internal rhymes embellish the quality of the listen and, more importantly, put a punctuation mark on the rhythm and pace of the music. They add to the listeners' ability to sense a "feel" for the song, whether they realize it or not. I analogize to to a military march - "the Hup-two-three-four". The Although less accented, the "two-three-four" keep the "Hup" in time and allow it to establish cadence and impact more dramatically. The internal rhymes of the lyric mimic the job of the "two-three-four" in the cadence call. Love internal rhymes!

2. Your word choices for the rhymes. "Oil" and "foil" is the best example, I think. "Foil" is an unexpected word in most lyrics. Every time I run across a song with an unexpected word, particularly as an internal rhyme, I silently smile and think "Cool! This lyricist knows how to articulately create, not just make/force a rhyme". There is a difference!

The idea of any "message" song, political or otherwise, is to get your message across to the listener. You did a great job of that.

We may disagree with the message, but I cannot disagree with the talent you employed to create the message. And that's what songwriting is about - creating the story you want to tell in a way that it does just that in an inambiguous yet intererstingway. Nicely done, Herb! Thanks for your input!

Alan

I like it! That's about as creative as I've heard in a while. You sold me! Thanks for the rhyme and your contribution to the discussion.

Alan

Hi Freddie,

Thanks for joining in! I like it - that's a real cool bit of a lyric. Thanks for sharing that! Wishing you the best,

Alan

Met a guy hitch-hiking along side the road just outside of El Paso in the late 60s. He was carrying a pack of his trappings and an old guitar slung cross his back. I was fresh out of Vietnam, determined I wasn't going back home until I saw the better part of the country, trying to get the bad taste of war out of my mind. Anyway, he took a liking to me so we bummed around the country together for a while.

I can honestly say I've never heard anyone play the low-down blues like that guy. It would make a bull dog wanna hug a hound. Once he took that first slug of wine he'd break out that old guitar and play the blues til the morning light.

Somehow, we had migrated down to Jacksonville, how we ever got there I'll never know. Anyway we were suppose to meet the next morning to hit the road again, but I got tangled up with a couple of wired-up chicks from Jupiter and maaaan did we fly. Long story short, by the time I woke up and stumbled over to what was suppose to be our meeting/departure location, he had already moved on and I never ever saw him again.

A couple of years later when I finally made it home and collected what was left of my thoughts, I wrote a song about him, 'They Called Him The Blues Man'. I had always hoped to see him again so I could give the song to him, but it never happened..... Anyway here are some of the lyrics...... Oh. sorry about being so voluminous...

THEY CALL HIM THE BLUES MAN....
Not one dime in his pockets
and holes in both his shoes
he was feeling kinda lonely
down with the blues

With everything he owned
wrapped up inside that pack
and he carried an old guitar
kept it slung cross his back

Yeah-e-Yeah
for the price of a good slug of wine
He'd break out that old guitar
and play the blues til the morning light

Troubles seem to find him
no matter which way he'd choose
But with a broken heart and broken dreams
there's not much left to lose

With one hand on the bible
the other on a bottle of booze
he was at the bottom
with nothing left to lose

They called him the blues man
seems like I can still hear him play
But like a desert rose in a sand storm
he just faded away

Yeah E Yeah E Yeah,
aaah for the price of a good slug of wine
He'd break out that old guitar
and play the blues til the morning light

Yeah, they called him the blues man
seems like I can still hear him play
But like a desert rose in a sand storm
He just faded away


The song is to you Boley, my old friend....

Kajun Jeaux

That was fantasic, Herb. Natural talent on display.....

Kajun Jeaux

Hello KJ,

Great song! My favorite part:

Troubles seem to find him
no matter which way he'd choose
But with a broken heart and broken dreams
there's not much left to lose

The entire lyric is terrific but those lines stuck out for me. That's some mighty fine writing.

I got back from Vietnam in August of 1967 (4th Infantry Division). I;m originally from St. Louis, MO. I had a little money in my pocket and was driving down St Charles Rock Road in suburban St. Louis and saw a 1957 Chevy convertible and drove off in it, leaving my 1952 Studebaker with the guy. I gave him $400.00 and the Studebaker. Pretty good deal! Wish I still had the '57. It would be worth well over $75,000.00. It was in perfect condition and had almost every open available. I did a lot of touring, too. Been to all but two states - never made it to Oregon or Hawaii. I figured either on the way to or o0n the way back from Vietnam I'd go through Hawaii. Nope - Alaska both times!

Sounds like you had a good time and wrote some good music. Thanks for checking in anjd letting us see that great lyric. Best to you,

Alan

Thanks for the kind words, Alan....


Kajun Jeaux

Mine is not necessarily my favorite but my friends like it because it sounds weird but make sense. It goes...

"I'm gonna make Him my Lord cause I wanna go on living when I die"

Interesting thread.

Here's mine:

I'll pay my guitar, with tears out of sight
but I'll be playing in the key of, Lonely Tonight

Later,

From "The Lord's Greatest Hour," posted, starting with the line:

"We're standing,
in need of,
God's redeeming pow'r,"

Add syncopation and add interest by revising the tense a little bit, to:

"Never have we stood
(so much in need of)
God's redeeming power, "

Both modifications were after thoughts so that the words could fit the melody iine.

This is an interesting thing, Guitar Hacker. It reminds me of the place conversations tend to wind up, over a few beers -- I mean, the expectations, the Chicago croneyism, your basic throw caution to the wind. The old saying, "Be careful who you walk on, on the way up...you may rue the day you meet them, on the way down."
That, I think is a current theme, unfolding as we see formerly untouchable officials on the carpet now, for things they have done. Not unlkike the recently posted, "My Sad Story," this one is a story of consequences.
It would make a good sound track for a You Tube video.

I enjoyed that very much, Froilan.
Wish I knew how you achieved that driving, congregational, backing feel that goes so well on the contemporary worship scene. There's only one way to find out, then, isn't there? So, I'll get to it.
Seriously, though, that is the backing comp, a variation of it, that has been in my mind often, lately.
A one, and a-two, and a three and four and five and six....

Thanks edshaw. I guess it must be the musical influences I had during my younger years.

https://soundcloud.com/gjohnson-2/master-gregjohnson-right-lane

This is probably my favorite of my own for unusual rhymes. I think my favorite is:

For heaven sake son
Put the brakes on

Rhyming is an interesting thing. Sometimes simple, common rhymes work well, particularly if the "story" feels authentic. Sometimes there's a bit of "rhymitis" that just is kind of a turn off. Fun subject Al! Take care all. Greg

You are welcome. Thanks for participating!

Hi!

That's a good oner! Thanks for contributing!

Alan

Hi Danny,

Oh yeah! That's a winner ... loved it! Thanks for dropping in with that.

Alan

Hi Greg,

Sure do appreciate you bringing some more wisdom and good writing to the forum. And that's a really great couplet!

I'm okay with some of the "near rhymes" as long as they don't dominate the song. As mentioned to someone else earlier, I particularly love internal rhymes. And i agree that the various approaches to rhymes is interesting. When I examine the lyrics to popular songs, I first listen to the beat as I think that's what sells songs and leaves the listener with a memory., Next, I listen for the rhymes - are they appropriate, do they make sense and, most importantly, do they appear to be forced simply for the sake of a rhyme, regardless.

Thanks for the visit. Best to you,

Alan

Hi Alan,

Sorry. I shouldn't have posted my thoughts here. The lyrics I analysed were not original. I've deleted them.

Regards,
Noel

My favorite lyrics are the ones I wrote after reading those John Prine lyrics three seconds ago:


Merry Christmas John Prine
by David Snyder

V1

I lost my teeth and my eyeballs and legs
now I'm lying on my back just smokin' these dregs
I guess messin' in your pants ain't all that bad
and I hope this song doesn't make you sad
yeah daddy got crushed by the midnight train
mama she drowned in a floodin' rain
my arms is pockmarked with fifty years of pain
and my whole stinking life went down the drain

CH:

so Merry Christmas everybody!
and don't you ever call me Wayne
Merry Christmas from Death row baby
in case I never see you again!

from

"Merry Christmas John Prine"
by David Snyder
written 3 seconds ago on the Band in a Box Forum

Ha!

Loved it! That's a great lyric, David! You're one of the most creative folks on the boards. I love songs with a hopeful lyric ... Ha!

Thanks for contributing this gem to the thread!

ALan

I love this thread. I'm not sure if it is still active, but I thought I would put in my two cents worth.
I wrote a song several years ago called "The truck drivers road map". I haven't recorded it as of yet, but occasionally it steals back into my consciousness. I'll just do a couple of verses.

Two miles out of Memphis on a cold dark morning
I flagged a truck driver down
as I climbed up into the cab of his truck
the rain started pouring down
he said, "Where you going on this cold dark morning?
I'm headed out to shaky town."
and the radio was playing Me and Bobby McGee and the rain was just pouring down

The windshield wipers were keeping perfect rythmn
to a song on the radio
and the sound coming out of the steel guitar
was cutting right through to my soul
the driver turned to me
and he looked straight through me
he said "Son where do you want to go
If you don't mind me saying
I can tell by your look
your headed down your last road

Hey Guitar 1,

Thanks for the thread contribution. love the lyric. man, I can think of 4 or 5 different ways to go with this. Would be curious what direction you took it. Again ... nice lyric!

Alan

Wow, this thread is super cool! It's really neat to see what everyone considers their favourite or most interest lyric rhyme. I can't wait for people to add more to this as time goes on!

Hi Ember!

Thanks for dropping in! And yes, I hope more folks come by and leave a comment or two about their favorite original. lyrical rhyme. Best to you,

Alan