Sorry if categorized this wrong, but I didn't really know where to put this request. I'm really angry, sick and tired of cancer and what it has done to people I loved. Would anyone like to collaborate on this song? Any suggestion or additions? I have a slow strumming theme in my head. Any suggestions on which BIAB style?
Any suggestions on lyrics?


Verse
Some are done too soon, Some haven't even started
Let's call it like it is, they're stolen lives
Leaving behind sad, and broken hearted
Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands and wives

Chorus
All this misery and pain
That you've put people through
devil you can go back to hell
And take cancer with you

Verse
Sometimes God gives fighters a reason to be tough
The devil is defeated and he leaves them alone
Sometimes God has just had enough enough
The time has come to take His child home

Chorus
All this misery and pain
That you've put people through
devil you can go back to hell
And take cancer with you

Chorus
All this misery and pain
That you've put people through
devil you can go back to hell
And take cancer with you

this would best be posted in the songwriting forum as you are in fact asking for assistance in the writing of a song.

So... I'll ask about the chorus.

All this misery and pain
That you've put people through
devil you can go back to hell
And take cancer with you

As I read this.... first impression... You're talking to cancer.... I assume. Then you switch and now you're talking to the devil in the very next line and cancer is third person.... You might wish to rework that so you are talking to ONE person in the entire chorus. You might also wish to consider that those 2 lines are just the first half of the chorus. Give us more information and fill in some blanks. Expand on the idea and hit us with a powerful title line which would be the hook of the song lyrically.

Just my opinion.

I did not read it like that at all, and therefore, believe your assumption is incorrect. To me it reads as talking to "devil" the entire time and "cancer" is his "weapon" used to create misery and pain. In which case...no re-work would be required.

Another opinion.


(but I do agree that this should be in the Songwriting section of the forum)

Thanks Floyd. Your observation was correct.
I'm just putting this out there as possibly there are others who feel the same way.
I'm in no way putting any kid of timeline on this or even ownership.
If anyone comes up with a tune for it and wants to sing it, I'd welcome that also.

I'm leaning a bit more toward Herb's interpretation rather than hearing the verse's talking directly to anyone whereas by the end of the chorus, it's clear the speaker is talking to the devil.

For me, the first verse is spoken to the listeners of the song and not to or toward any specific person, particularly the devil. This is easily corrected in one of several ways, begin the song with the Chorus rather than a verse or my personal preference would be for the speaker rephrase the wording and name the devil in the verse such as:

"Devil, you took some too soon, gone before they started
Let's call it like it is, you're stealing lives
Leaving behind sad, and broken-hearted
Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands and wives"

To me it would be more powerful without the word cancer. More global. Covid is giving Cancer a run for it's money. "and take it with you". The title could be the Big C. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

Hi all

Well this is such an emotive subject, it must be a subject that means a lot to you, or you wouldn’t be writing it.
So for what its worth write from your heart not your brain, rules can be broken so don’t try to hard to make it conform to any. Just let it evolve and unfold in a way that expresses your feelings.
Always helped by slipping into a minor now and then, but then, I have not heard your music.
Just my thoughts.

Mike

you know..... reading it again, I do agree. My misunderstanding

I like your chorus where you are implying that the devil can take the big C and shove it ... Attitude plus.
Bawb , this is a subject that I want to hear UP tempo. When the song finishes I want to be PUMPED shouting HELL YEAH , I can CONQUER ANYTHING !!!! (sorry for the shouting)
Why not ditch the band and go acapella . Your amazing voice is destined for this subject.