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Quote:

You are still not alone. Makes me feel better though - you would not want to know what I am going through




there is a tendency to believe that our problems are worse than those of other people... and there *IS* some comfort in seeing that on a MISERY-O-METER scale of 1 to 10, we're more of a 3 than a 10.

Everybody hurts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc&ob=av2n

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you get juice by crushing the orange...

you get light by consuming the candle...

You get a garden by burying the seeds...



do I see a trend here?


The Bible in the book of Romans chapter 5 says (paraphrased)
"Tribulation leads to patience...
patience leads to experience...
and experience leads to hope."

The rest of the chapter says why.

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I feel with you Eddie. Probably what's bugging you the most is your health problems. Look on the bright side, you could be hit by a truck tomorrow so all the worrying would have been in vain. Seriously though, there are a number of types of diabetes, most of which can be positively influenced by diet. I don't know which one you are stuck with, but I know quite few people who have similar problems, and those who follow their diet and avoid alchohol seem to be coping quite well. I guess you have tried just about everthing, but if not, try googling for a diet plan(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/diabetes-diet/DA00027), it doesn't cost anything. Forgive me if I am stating the obvious Eddie, but I don't like to see a good man down. Another help could be the writings of Louise Hay, I've found help there many times.
You have at your disposal however, probably the best medicine anybody can have. Music. Get in your studio and let it rip. Don't try anything new, just roar off some of the old songs you love, give it all you'v'e got until you are exhausted. Repeat that until you wake up with a smile on your face.


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Eddie, please don't think I'm being flippant because Ive been in your moccasins many times. In my present physical state I am seen as a powerful encouragement within my congregation. That brings me great joy to know that others are encouraged by knowing my circumstances, something that I have come to accept without questioning.

There is an old adage that states: "The finest steel must first pass through the fire!" There is so much truth in those words. Surely you will eventually look back in this trying period in your life and realize that you are a better, stronger person for this experience. There truly is good to be gleaned from even the worst of our tribulations.

If we judge a man by the quality and quantity of his friends then you, Sir, are rich beyond measure!

If ever, night or day, you need someone to help carry your burdens then I invite you to PM or email me. That's not just blowing smoke, my friend. I may give you the bible's view but that certainly would be painless.

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Eddie you have a suitcase full of material that Hank Williams would have killed for when his song cup went dry. all kidding aside, most have had a taste or a big gulp from that same cup of life. Get in the car and drive nearby to some place you haven't been for a while or some new place, see something new, take some quiet time to pray,God wants to hear what you have to say.Look at what you see and reflect on your life then get after it, there's still time to share your music with others.
Easy to give advice from this side of the screen, it's harder when you go to "defrag" the hard drive and the cat steps on "delete all" instead.
Gotta train that cat better, Wyndham

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Quote:

I accept the challenge and will start working on lyrics for "Better Days Will Come" today.




Eddie, I'm really glad you've taken it up. You never know, it might turn out to be some of your best work yet! If you get it done and it's good and it's not too intensely personal, perhaps you could post it as an inspiration to all of us.

BTW, I'm working on one called "Better Up-dates Will Come". We live in hope. LOL

ROG.

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Eddie, you've got a fine bunch of supporters here. I've followed you through your trials and tribulations with your MOTU equipment as well as listening to your tunes. You don't strike me as the kind of person who will give up or can give up. I believe you're up in the Cleveland area, I'm from there too. Head up to the lake, take a look at the old freighters and tugs...there's a song waiting for you there.


Win11, Intel i7 7700K 4.2Ghz, 32Gb RAM, 2x1Tb HD, 500Gb NVMe, BIAB/RB 2024, MOTU 828MK3 audio, MOTU Midi Express, Yamaha Montage 7, DX7II, TX802, Motif XS Rack, Roland Fantom XR Rack, Oberheim Matrix 1000, VoiceLive3 Extreme, Kontakt 6, SampleTank 4.3
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Hi Eddie
I think all of us with a creative spirit have felt what you feel at one time or another.
The causes may be different but the feeling is the same.
The fact that we are offering what advice we can is proof that the feeling can be beaten and the sun will shine again.
I'm sure the answer for you is here somewhere.

It's been proven that just the physical act of smiling regardless of how we feel will generate endorphins which after about a minute will make us feel better.
I've done it and it actually works!
Something to try.

If you can't find a solution that works for you in this forum it always helps to focus on someone who had it worse than you...Rodney Dangerfield

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/rodney_dangerfield.html

Always works for me.
Best wishes,
Carkins

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Quote:

...Rodney Dangerfield




A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.


That old one really got me laughting. Thanks - it does make you feel better when you smile and laugh.

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Eddie I have no financial problems. No lottery is needed.

I can see the end of the tunnel, not just the light there.

Every day I hope that it will be a musical day.

Some days not even that works, I cannot get the tempo, there is no music in me. That is the worst. Then I realise I cannot even get up the ambition to embellish a simple chord, nor to run some simple arpeggios. It seems the only solution is to waste another day sleeping on the couch, unable to hear the TV.

This week there is another meeting at the clinic, and a shot at changing up the meds.

Make a journal of how things are. Write it for a week and take it to the doctor.

Hang tough.

Yesterday I spent over an hour with a Fever. The one with Am F and E7. Not 98.6.

Some cool licks on the keyboard-organ. (Korg ps60)

Not today. I tore down and set up for something to do.

OOOooo... diminuendo


John Conley
Musica est vita
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John you have to be phycic! I was thinking of you today and how I haven't seen anything of your posting in quite awhile.My mind was of course jumping to the conclusion that you may have taken a turn in the wrong direction. I was even going to post asking but didn't. And here you are.


John
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You guys are just THE best ever!!

I have always been the type who will refuse to believe what believe to not be true, despite evidence supporting the opposing point of view. Been that way my entire life, from the moment the doctor slapped my butt and I turned around and slapped him back...

I have a very dear friend in Oklahoma. She and I were on the phone the other day, and she had me on speaker. Her husband was home and involved in the conversation and from his spot on the couch in front of the gaming console I heard him offer "Have you ever talked to a counselor about PTSD? It sounds like that might be a part of it." That got me started on research about the condition. Most web pages list 14 chronic symptoms. I seem to fit 11 or 12 of them. My tendency to always be "on guard", my inability to let people get close to me (as 3 ex wives will attest to), being emotionally numb, inability to enjoy things that used to provide pleasure... I could keep going but there is no need. I just need to admit that PTSD is an option I should look at, and at my doctor visit next week I will bring it up and see about some sessions at the VA. There was no "thing", no one specific event, in Vietnam that I could point to and say "THAT was it!", nothing that I have recurring nightmares about, anything like that. Just the cumulative of having been there, being diabetic as a result of the Agent Orange exposure.... much goes into the profile.

Mountainside, you are correct. I am not a quitter. I once boxed a 4 round preliminary against an opponent who was the last cut from the Olympic team in 1972. I ended up with a broken jaw, a broken nose, and 3 broken ribs, but I lasted the whole 4 rounds. (I never said I was SMART!) I will come out of this tailspin.


I smashed the hell out of my car today. When the cops came I told him "Officer, that guy was BOTH texting and drinking a beer." The cop said "Sir, he has every right to do that. I mean, it's HIS living room..."
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Eddie,

A good friend of mine "by chance" happened to send this link to me.

Thought you and the rest of the gang would enjoy it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=-RaFApVP0zU&vq=large

Dont think the EPA would ever allow this in California.

At the end quite a few more came up.
Just more fun.

Last edited by seeker; 04/29/12 09:37 PM.
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Eddie, PTSD has subtypes I and II. Type I stems from a singular major traumatic event such as war, natural disaster, or other catastrophe. Type II stems from ongoing repetitive trauma such as various types of abuse, bullying, harassment, etc. It can, of course, include physical trauma and repeated exposure to those things which can cause Type I. Some people have a higher threshold.

Like you, I checked out a book on PTSD out of curiosity. Shortly thereafter I was saying, "Hey, they're describing me." It explained a great deal in my past and present. I have been in counseling for over 40 years dealing with the aftermath. (Interestingly, in one counseling session we identified the exact moment when my major clinical depression started. It was an event in the fifth grade which precipitated much later emotional abuse connected with school.)

Yet another counselor spoke to me of "illuminating the interior landscape." The phrase itself was helpful in grasping what we are doing in recovery. Just being able to put a name to the condition is a start. Now the real work begins, at least if you choose to confront it--which I recommend.

Therapy is good, but for PTSD there are groups, usually free or for a nominal charge. The best groups are moderated by a professional caregiver, but the point is that every participant has, like you, been there. No theory here. You will get solid practical support from others who know exactly what you have gone and are going through.

Know that depression can still be a component which should be addressed on its own. It's the same principle as treating pain for a physical injury. Healing is faster and more complete without it. You don't even have to see a shrink for it any more. Regular MDs can diagnose and prescribe for depression these days. Again, take one of the online inventories and see if it fits, then take appropriate action.

If you would like to continue this discussion outside of the public forum, feel free to contact me at sonic hyphen sorcerer at hotmail dot com. (Typed so as to confound those pesky bots.)

Richard


"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."
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Nice video Seeker


Chris
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Eddie, lots of good advice here. For me even if I don't feel like doing anything specific like turning on all my stuff, removing the beach towel I use as a dust cover and actually playing I find myself going online and watching any one of about 50 youtube vids I have bookmarked. They're almost all commercial performances of my favorite people but some are instructional too. An example is a 35 minute B & W vid of Jimmy Smith. The picture and sound quality are really good. The title says it's from 1964 but not which show. The camera angles are really good too I can see everything he's doing.

Just kicking back in my papasan chair I have set up in front of my 32" monitor is very relaxing and I get ideas for stuff to try when I do feel like it. Watch some of your favorite horn players, I guarantee you'll get a lift out of it even if you don't feel like doing anything yourself at that time.

Youtube btw is an example of how us old folks are the last to board the high tech train. It has been around how long now? I didn't get into it until early last year and absolutely love it. I'm also a big sci-fi movie fan and spent about 45 minutes yesterday watching all the trailers for Battleship, The Avengers and others. Great mindless time waster and sometimes we all need that. The past, present or future Earth has been on the verge of being destroyed and all of us killed or enslaved so many times over the last 10 years I've lost count. Great fun in a completely warped, juvenile twisted way of course.

Bob


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Great idea, Bob!

You reminded me of the Library Of Congress (LOC) archives which can entertain Eddie for a few years just listening to the old 78s (even wax cylinders) back through musical history.

http://www.loc.gov/jukebox/

Enjoy.

Warning: The sound quality may be lacking, clicks and pops, worn disks, etc. But a music education nonetheless.

Last edited by Don Gaynor; 04/30/12 02:24 PM.
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I try to get out, sometimes have to force myself to get out and go hear some live music. I do this at local places, coffee houses, flea markets, anywhere that has a live performance happening.

It's hard to do sometimes, but if I don't get back in the vibe I just sink deeper and deeper into the sofa. Seeing others performing and enjoying it makes me jealous enough to get back to work.

Rob

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another way to get the juice back is...

pay the electric bill




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Ok, Eddie - how's this for comparison:

  • I have not managed to generate ANY income since 28/11/11 (five months).
  • I have been evicted from my flat and have to find a new one before 14/08/12.
  • I have NO capital resources left - all my investments turned sour in the end and now I have nothing. All thanks to the world economic crisis (heck, there are whole countries, even in Europe, that are effectively bankrupt - I am just one man). I know I am not alone in this. Thank God I have no dependents.
  • I can't find work of ANY description (I have 19 qualifications and a whole load of experience in a number of different fields, including education and training).
  • I have had 2 major surgical operations in the last 6 years - I am STILL recovering from the former of these, which was a gut operation to remove about two feet of my large intestine to remove a benign tumor (I have damned annoying side effects that persist including flatulence and erectile disfunction and tissue desensitization), and am looking at a repeat of the latter, an operation on my spine to relieve tension caused by scoliosis, since birth, that has led to ossification of the neural apertures resulting in atrophy of muscles in the limb extremities (hands and feet) plus recurrent muscle cramps and desensitization of the skin. I am in constant pain - but at least constant pain is constant and I can block it out on the whole
  • I have COPD and am on 10 meds a day for all my health problems. That fact alone is totally depressing.
  • The employment office tells me they consider me to be unfit for work on health grounds and that I should go into early retirement - but I do not qualify for this because I do not have enough national insurance contributions, having always been entrepreneurial and struggling to set up my own businesses and find freelance opportunities
  • I live in a climate that is not good for my health - I cannot take too much heat because of a collapsed thyroid.
  • The love of my life left in 2008 and since 2009 I have been involved, against my better judgement, with a deranged she-devil whose ultimate aim is to bully me into submission and subjugation with a constant tirade of insults and derogatory remarks.
  • My dog, my faithful adorable hound and constant companion, died of either a burst tumor or poisoning on March 6th 2011, aged 11. Since then I am constantly alone.
  • My father is a millionnaire and has absolutely NO interest in helping me whatsoever. No, I have done NOTHING wrong and I am NOT a black sheep. HE is a miser.
  • My social life is effectively non-existent as I can no longer afford to go out.
  • I am slowly being driven insane by all that is happening to and around me.
  • I can't sleep anymore


To put all this into perspective: I am by nature a high achiever; I have a family pedigree stretching back many many generations of high achievers and history makers (bankers, politicians, generals, merchants, financiers, cattle barons, etc); I was educated, as a scholar, at the same schools as Sir Winston Churchill; I have 3 university degrees; I have competed in sports for my country (equestrian and rowing); I speak 5 languages; and I will never back down from a challenge or say no

I was in rehab for the last 10.5 weeks (officially to give up alcohol, although I am not actually an alcoholic, but that was a very small price to pay for a much-needed 'cure') and loved every minute of it - fed three regular meals a day, constant medical supervision, constant company, constant availability for and of creativity and the arts. I started up a regular karaoke night that was a roaring success with all (and made me EXTREMELY popular in the process), I was involved in a music recording project, sang and played guitar in every free moment and I finally got back to my musical creativity with BIAB&RB 2012. BUT I could only bury my head in the sand for so long. I had to eventually return to reality.

I have been back in my flat since Saturday afternoon and I have managed to keep myself very busy until today with catching up on things but now I face the bleak realities of life.

To reiterate:
  • I am broke and getting increasingly into debt
  • I will be homeless on 14/08/12 unless I can find a solution (which I can't afford at the moment)
  • A new rental contract requires 3 months deposit and 3 months 'intro' money before I start paying rent
  • I am physically incapable of moving my furniture by myself and where to? I will need professional movers to deal with it - I can't afford them
  • I am totally incapable of physical work and there are no opportunities for using my brain out there
  • My isolation and loneliness is close to intolerable for me - I love being with people and I am in my element when in company
  • There is precious little hope and even less promise for the future


As an aside, and for my benefit as much as his, my best friend is currently a permanent guest on my sofa as he has nowhere else to stay and can't find regular work plus he is effectively bankrupt. At least I m doing my best to help someone else in his hour of need.

I don't want to bang on about it any more and I certainly won't go into further detail here but I hope it helps you to realise that things COULD be worse for you

Although I was born into and raised in the 1%, I AM now the 99% and maybe even more so than most

So... I hope it helps to make you feel at least a little better. I know it won't but what can we do, eh? Friends try to lighten my load by telling me that things could be worse (starving homeless etc) so I know it doesn't help - they are not you. They are not me either. AND they were born into it so that is all they know...

Cheer up!

Smell the flowers - its Spring!


Follow That Dream

Sam
Karaoke King

--------------------

Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what
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